Work Text:
It was not often that the BAU team got a break. Usually, they were working on a case every waking hour. The past week, however, was slow. It consisted only of paperwork. There were no new cases coming in. Almost as if serial killers were taking a break.
Without the constant workflow to occupy them, [Name] was spiralling. Their brain was swirling with the thoughts they worked constantly to block out. The familiar numbness was the centre of attention. They did not know how to cope in a healthy way, and it would not be long before the team noticed.
After clocking out for the day, [Name] did not go home. They just drove. Eventually, they did bring their car home, but they never went inside. A walk would surely help, they thought. It was dark, stars gracing the night sky. [Name] wandered the streets aimlessly, mind overrun with harmful thoughts. Anxieties gnawed away at them, eating away any positivity that may have remained.
Eventually, they found themself wandering to a pedestrian bridge. They just sat there, on the edge, staring out to the water below as their thoughts consumed them.
Why were they so useless?
The team must hate them.
They aren’t built for this job.
Life isn’t worth living.
[Name] was familiar with the evil of the world, and they did not always consider that they might be part of the problem. But what other explanation was there? Their body count was almost as high, if not higher, than some of the UnSubs they hunted. Did that not just make them just as bad? Was the murder they committed considered an execution just because of what side of the law they were on? Were they the only one, out of the entire BAU team, that thought this way?
Maybe they were too young to understand. They were only around Spencer’s age, after all. Maybe that made them naïve.
Frustrated with themself, [Name] ran a hand down their face, only now noticing the tears streaming down their cheeks.
They wanted to jump. They did not necessarily want to die, but it was better than living with all this pain, the burden of knowing that so many people across the country were in pain. Maybe it was selfish of them. People had it worse. But fuck, they just wanted this pain to end. Simply turning the mental pain in physical pain was not enough anymore. The scars were fading - they hated that - but still they needed more. Was that so wrong? They closed their eyes and took a breath.
“Hey, kid,” came a voice from a little ways away, near the end of the bridge. “I thought you were going home.”
[Name] flinched. How David Rossi found them, they did not know. It probably had something to do with Penelope Garcia tracking their phone. They should have left it in their car, at home. [Name] realized only when Rossi’s footsteps approached that they had not answered. They were not sure they could formulate words without sobbing at this point. There was no reason for it. There was no reason they felt this way. It only served in making them feel stupid, selfish.
“You’re close to the edge,” Rossi noted, his usually gruff voice soft.
[Name] did not reply. They did not even look his way. What was the point? It would only fuel their guilt. It made them think. Maybe they should have written a note, explain something. They owed that to the team, didn’t they?
“Talk to me, kid,” Rossi said, his eyes scanning his coworker’s tear-stained face. It did not take a genius to know they had not been themself recently. This was only further confirmation.
“And say what?” [Name] asked. Their voice broke, a dead tone to it.
“Anything,” Rossi said. He leaned against the edge which [Name] was sitting on. “Look, kid, I’m not gonna push you, but obviously you’re not okay. And judging by where you are, you weren’t just looking at the stars.”
[Name] scoffed. “Just got home, David.”
Rossi shook his head. [Name] never called him by his first name. Alarms were going off in his head. He knew he could not leave. If he did, he would go to work tomorrow with guilt when he heard the news. “Get off the ledge, [Name],” he ordered.
[Name], despite themself, complied, albeit hesitantly. David Rossi was stubborn, and [Name] would just feel guilty taking up his time. That would just be selfish of them.
Rossi nodded approvingly. “Good, now, let’s head to my place. I’ll make you some dinner, and you’ll tell me what’s on your mind. Deal?”
[Name] slowly nodded. They might not be okay, but maybe talking about it would help.