Chapter Text
Dynamight: Oi dumbasses
Shitty Hair: What is it my main man? Nice of you to find the time to actually talk in the group chat lol
Dynamight: go fys
Shitty Hair: Now now, that's no way to talk. What's up?
Dunce Face: Baku broooo did you miss us? You love us admit it!
>>You removed Dunce Face from the group "idiots"
>>Dunce Face has been added back to the group "idiots" by Shitty Hair
Dunce Face: sobbing rn
Dynamight: ANYWAY
Dynamight: I was watching this documentary last night
Soy Sauce Face: *cough* nerd alert *cough*
Dynamight: FUCK YOU
Dynamight: AND this scientist said that people in a relationship:a) live longer b) have lower stress levels c) Heal from injury faster
Pinky: OMG! Baku do you have a crush on someone???
Dynamight: WTF? ofc not
Dynamight: you know I don't get into that shit
Pinky: lol yeah but it sounds like --
Shitty Hair: our bro wants to be in a relationship? OMG who is the lucky gal? Or guy? Who even knows? He feels! He feels!
Dynamight: Tch. Fucking forget it
Dunce Face: Baku
Soy Sauce Face: Bakuuu
Shitty Hair: B A K U B R O
Pinky: you ok hon?
Shitty Hair: Bro! Speak to us!
Dynamight: FFS
Dynamight: No I don't "like" someone dumbasses I want to be in a relationship for the health benefits. And to be the best hero
Shitty Hair: uhhh --
Pinky: how can we help Baku? OMG I know the perfect --
Dynamight: fuck no. I'm making a questionnaire.
Dunce Face: --
Dynamight: I don't want to waste my time. I'm making a survey with 200 questions and this way know who is good enough to spend time with me
Dunce Face: --
Soy Sauce Face: *wheezing*
Shitty Hair: shut up you two! How can we help, bro?
Dynamight: You can give out the survey to any hero that's single you can think of
Shitty Hair: hero? it has to be a hero?
Dynamight: duh. who else could handle this lifestyle? only another hero could deal
Dunce Face: You got it bro! We will make sure it gets out to any eligible hero!
Dynamight: Good
Pinky: so exciting! our baku is looking for looove!
Dynamight: no. it's a business transaction
Pinky: lol ok
Dunce Face: who said romance is dead
***
Shitty Hair: got your email bro! wow you sure came up with those questions fast!
Dynamight: It was easy
Shitty Hair: right! I'm sure it was easy! For you, cause my bro is the smartest!
Dunce Face: hey! actually, nm, he is
Dynamight: Damn right
Pinky: Can we talk about some of these questions? As the only one of the five of us who has even gone on an actual date --
Shitty Hair: um
Dunce Face: hey! actually nm, she's right
Soy Sauce Face: hey! yeah, no me too
Dynamight: fucking get on with it! what's wrong with my questions, stinky?
Pinky: um, fuck you very much?
Dynamight: fucking fine!!! sorry!
Pinky: That's better. as i was saying, speaking as the only one who has ever gone on a date, these questions are uh -- a little intimidating?
Dynamight: and? I don't want to waste my time on some wimp
Pinky: right. Why do you want to know what they can bench? This is for a relationship right?
Dynamight: So they can spot me at the gym.
Shitty Hair: But I always spot you *sobs*
Dynamight: fuck off, what else is a problem Pinky
Pinky: "How often do you cry? Daily, weekly -" What is this? You sound like a sociopath.
Dynamight: WTF! I don't want some crybaby. I hate when people cry around me. It reminds me of a damn nerd I grew up with. that dweeb cried every damn day. Then one day he was gone.
Dunce Face: did we just unlock a tragic back story?
Soy Sauce Face: "Congratulations warrior! you have unlocked the quest: Katsuki Bakugou's childhood trauma!"
Shitty Hair: guys! smh
Bakugou: fuck off, he moved away
Pinky: Enough side chatter! Next weird question: "what do you think about All Might?"
Soy Sauce Face: 💀
Dunce Face: that's kinda gay, b
Dynamight: fuck u all
Dynamight: they cannot be obsessed with all might
Shitty Hair: But aren’t you ob— nevermind
Dunce Face: and again I say " -- "
Pinky: Baku what?
Dynamight: same damn nerd was obsessed with All Might. Drove me nuts.
Pinky: methinks someone protests too much about a "damn nerd" they haven't seen in years. who even is this person?
Dynamight: this chat is over!
>>You have locked everyone out of the group chat "idiots". Chat is locked for ten hours.