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It is finally December and December means that the festive season has reached the corridors and corners of all of Shiratorizawa. That maroon color of the volleyball jerseys and uniforms along with the complementary white, contrasted with the new green and reddish tones of the decorations.
Each student felt the Christmas spirit and the doors of both bedrooms had mistletoes hanging from their frames, false mistletoe, of course, the students wanted to kiss but not to prick themselves with the leaves. Garlands hung from the ceilings and your roommate was the true holiday spirit. The epitome of Christmas if you have to be honest with yourself. It was the first of December and you already had a pompous and quirky little tree in your bedroom and sticky snowflakes decorating the windows and walls.
"Some hot chocolate for breakfast?" Your friend woke you up every morning. "This is a bit excessive," you thought to yourself, while you sipped your hot chocolate comfortably sitting on your bed full of blankets and other accessories that help to lessen the polar wave that entered through the poorly closed window. Four blankets are not enough to stop that wave so sleeping in leggings, wool socks and winter pajamas with fleece inside was almost an activity.
Although you have to admit that the way you dress at night is almost as exaggerated as the early decoration since it was still fall and winter would not arrive for 21 days. But you were comfortable with layers of coats, sweaters and T-shirts as if you were a walking onion. Similarly, it must be agreed that when the December championships begin in Shiratorizawa you will only come out with a men's volleyball team shirt and jeans. There is no jacket or coat you feel like wearing to obstruct how proud you wear Shiratorizawa's jersey every game.
You always go to cheer on your brother, Satori, even though your eyesight is reflected on another player, much bigger and stronger. With the soul of an ace, as you would say.
Ushijima is a great player and a great person. That cannot be denied by anyone. Although he has a slightly stoic aura and does not know very well how to communicate with other people, you always had your way with him. At the end of the day, you were the sister of his best friend and that meant that since Satori became his friend, you immediately became one too, even though that was not what you wanted.
You see, Ushijima was much more than what people used to say. He was a totally passionate person in what he did and despite the fact that he is always in search of his own improvement, and that of others, he does not do it with ill will. He wants the best in others and his way of addressing people is a bit debatable, but it's nothing that can't be improved or shaped. It must be borne in mind that these are years of neglect towards what he liked by his mother and abandonment by his father so sadly, despite the good moments that perhaps he lived full of love, the trauma was more long-lasting and contrasting at the end of the day. Nothing that bothers you, since you know the real ushijima and that's what mattered at the end of the day
That being said, you always felt a certain lightness on your chest whenever he rejected a suitor who confessed her genuine and undying love towards third year number one. There was something in that rejection that made you happy, even though the girls feel devastated, you had a little hope, a Christmas miracle, so to speak, that you are the person to whom he reciprocates his feelings.
"Are you going to watch the game today? It's very cold, I'm staying here ”, your friend told you. It is true, it was still autumn but sleet decorated the cement parks of Shiratorizawa and the wind that once entered through the window now enters under the door, showing you that it is blowing more aggressively than before, but the rain never prevented you from going. to a meatch, why would a little bit of snow make you cancel an event that, maybe changes things a bit? After all, it's the opening of the Shiratorizawa friendly match season and you wanted to be there for Ushijima. Also for Tendo, but mostly for Ushijima.
You wore a school-colored Montgomery over your uniform and went to the gym to help Tendo and the others with match preparations.
The gym was unrecognizable. Upon entering, not only did the door get slammed shut by the wind, but did you notice that all the team members were decorating the gym? That image left you a bit perplexed not to say completely dumbfounded but the air of familiarity with coziness that you felt at the time was too much to be able to process the image in a more normal way.
A kind touch on the shoulder takes you out of the trance you were in and when you turn around you saw Ushijima in all his splendor, ready to play against a less talented and reputable school, as he would very cordially indicate.
"Did you come to cheer for Tendo?" he asked you honestly. You gave him a light laugh and decided to play around a bit by telling him that you were here to support him and not Tendo, a response that made Ushijima blush a bit, an action that neither of you saw coming. You don't know how to respond or what comment to add to make the situation less tense, even though from the outside it looked like two young people completely devoted to each other, happily chatting and wishing him luck. Or that's how Tendo saw it at least.
"I'm glad you're coming for me, Y/N" Ushijima replied, still slightly flushed, walking away to meet his team before the match started. You went to sit in one of the stands to see how everyone was preparing and you immersed yourself in your thoughts, trying to analyze if that skin reaction on the part of Ushijima was true or, an optical illusion that your brain in love played.
“So Y/N huh? tell me" Tendo began to fill his best friend with questions about what his relationship really was with you. If it was simply a friendship between him and his sister or if the ace of Shiratorizawa wanted to have something more to do with you, an option that, if it were true, Tendo would be more than happy to know. He knows that the two of you could cultivate something good within everything you went through together. After all, you have known each other for a while and the connection was instantaneous. Your personality contrasts with Ushijima in a way that works, not anticlimactic.
Toshi decided to tell his friend the basics, nothing too detailed. It was not that he did not trust Tendo, in fact, Tendo was the person he trusted the most but he was not yet ready to pour out his feelings towards you with him. Ushijima feels that he should first talk to you about what he feels and then deliberate with Tendo.
Although he has to first deliberate with himself what he really feels for you. That goes back to Shiratorizawa's first year and his childhood even before he met you. You, together with Tendo, were the first people to accept him as he is. With flaws and everything. You, however, helped him to understand himself even more. Ushijima was always denied by those who most had to love him at the time and always tried to aspire to success, no matter how he feels, but you made him see that he does matter. That he is not a perfect machine with 100% oiled gears. He can fail and he can be wrong. That is why he appreciates you so much. You made him see that making mistakes is okay and that one can learn from them. Falling down and taking time to get up is also fine. Being of a closed personality is more than fine. He doesn't have to be a social butterfly or an extrovert who loves life. He can be short and precise, even though other people may not like him. You helped him to love himself and understand each other a little more and he helped you with other things.
SHIRATORIZAWA. - KUKUGAWA
22 - 18
The second set was about to end and Shiratorizawa had the advantage in every way. The other team was exhausted and without more energy reserves, in addition to the fact that Ushijima's team was able to read all their movements. It was Ushijima's turn to serve. His serves were almost deadly and infallible. Very few times they were left out or did not pass the net, but today that scenario is non-existent. A few steps back and Ushijima was preparing to serve.
"Yes Ushijima !!" you encouraged him. He stared at you for a few milliseconds before returning his gaze to the game, but the small shy smile that adorned his face was not unnoticed by you. How could such a minimal action make you feel so many things? You have never seen Ushijima so demonstrative before and so far this day he has already dedicated two actions to you that felt destabilizing. First the little blush before starting and now the minimal smile. You didn't want to raise your expectations, but Ushijima made it very difficult.
Ushijima was always there for you since Tendo entered Shiratorizawa. When he became a friend of your brother, you always filled him with questions and other curiosities that you had at the time, since you still had a year to go to enter Shiratorizawa and you wanted to know about the life of a "private and privileged school ”. At first, Ushijima's contrasting attitude and personality bothered you, but he later explained why he is like that, after an episode that left you crying quite hard and fiercely hurt. It was there, at that precise moment, when Ushijima was so vulnerable and sincere with you, that you knew you had fallen for the ace.
As time passed, you realized that he was more than a cold and distant personality, as everyone else said and continues to say. Ushijima needs to trust a person in order to let go and be who he is. His heart and trust have been corrupted twice in the past, and both people who did it were the people he loved and trusted the most. It was obvious that he needed time to heal and that the walls built around him were high, but it was his job to create a friendly environment and let slowly lower his defenses and show himself as he is.
Yes, he is still a bit cold and distant in some things, like the way he responds to you when you have a problem or a question. He responds with pure sincerity and the absolute truth, which must bother many, but not you. That shows you that Ushijima wants you to live in reality and in the moment. He doesn't want to create the wrong and sugar coated image.
Physical affection took longer to arrive, but after a year and a half of knowing each other, Ushijima lowered his barriers much more and when he saw you sad, he would put his hand on your shoulder or give you a hug from the side, quite uncomfortable in the beginning, but later it became customary. He always wanted the best for you and you always want the best for him.
SHIRATORIZAWA. - KAKUGAWA
30 - 28
End of the second set and end of the match. The teams greeted each other, the Shiratorizawa crowd shouted and celebrated in the gym and the orchestra began to play that melody that you knew by heart, accompanied by the cheers of students to the beat of SHI-RATORI-ZAWA and the five continuous applause . You couldn't help but cheer and shout along with the fans. After the game, as always, you came down from the stands.
As time passed and the boys went to change, the gym emptied until you were alone on the main court, admiring the decoration the boys had worked so hard on.
Metallic garlands with the colors of Shiratorizawa adorned the bars of the stands and a large flag, the school one, hung from the main balcony, set with more garlands and occasionally some snowflakes attached to the bars with plastic thread.
"What did you think of the game?" a voice behind you exalted you. When you turned around you saw that it was Ushijima, returned and changed into a school uniform with Shitarotizawa's jacket on one arm and her bag hanging on the other.
"You were, I mean, the team were great"
"Thank you"
"Ehm Tendo. Is he going to take me to my bedroom or- "
"He's busy with Semi, let me take you." Ushijima volunteered. Without thinking twice, you accepted his offer and walked together until you left the gym.
When leaving, Shiratorizawa's setting was different from when you entered the gym an hour and a half ago. The streets of the school were covered with snow, the wind was blowing stronger and the temperature dropped considerably. You started to shake. The hairs on your skin stood on end and the skin on your lip turned a purple hue from low circulation.
Ushijima did not let that scene pass in front of him unnoticed. You were cold and he had to protect you or provide you with some sustenance against the adversity of the weather. It is not going to be that because of his little predisposition and friendliness you end up in bed with the flu or worse and then miss all the other games of the season. It's a bit selfish from Ushijima's point of view but he has to have you there, in the stands rooting for him. He needs your sustenance.
"Here, so you don't get cold," he told you before giving you his jacket and placing it over your shoulders, as if it were a cape. You didn't want to wear the jacket, you repeated over and over again that you were fine.
"Are you not cold? I don't need it. "
“Your lips are purple and trembling. Clearly you are colder than me ”he replied seriously.
Was he really looking at your lips all this time? God, you felt like a silly preteen thinking of Ushijima like that. You say, well, it's not that he can't look at you like that, or more accurately, that way.
His build was much bigger than yours and seeing how his eyes softened and showed a bit of human decency, checking that you are well more than anything and putting his health at risk so that you are better. You felt butterflies in your stomach, or rather a stampede but the phrase butterflies in your stomach was more elegant to say.
With an arm around your shoulder, you walked slowly to your bedroom door and talked about little and everything. How did he feel after the victory of the game, that he was fascinating out there on the court showing all his innate talent, of-
"Wakatoshi, are you going to spend the holidays here?"
Ushijima was left in doubt. Was he going to spend the holidays here in Shiratorizawa? He sure wanted that but surely his mother makes him come home so that she doesn't feel alone during the holidays. In the same way, it's not that she is alone, Ushijima thinks, she has her mother and another family of hers there to celebrate. She doesn't need him, if at the end of the day all she does is repeat that he reminds her of his father, a person who left a long time ago and left a void in him.
If Ushijima Wakatoshi has to be honest with himself, the holidays are a depressing thing from other people's point of view. He never receives gifts and if he does, they are things that he will never be able to use. He several times has returned to give the things that they gave him, mainly to you. His mother gave him a calligraphy set so that he can learn to write with his right hand and abandon his left? Guess what you get as a New Year's gift. Exactly, the same calligraphy game.
"I don't know. Are you and Tendo going to stay here? "
Your face turned a bit sad and down at the memory that, all the festivities, Tendo and you stay in Shiratorizawa to celebrate the two of you together. It is not that your parents or another family does not want you in their home, it is simply a mishap. Your family works all year and very rarely do they all get together. You usually meet for New Years or some birthdays so, during the holidays, it's just you and Tendo.
Being honest with yourself, and with Tendo clearly, you would like someone else to join in your celebration as it gets a bit grim to be one of the few people who stay in the building to celebrate. You usually order fast food and watch a movie. There are no gifts or greetings. Just some non-alcoholic punch and fast food to celebrate another year spent alone.
"Yes, we spent another year here" you replied with a melancholic tone to which Ushijima reacted with a frown and a cleft in his heart. Tendo and you are great people, and he appreciates you like nothing in the world so it is normal for him to feel bad seeing that you always have to be there for each other and subsist like this during events that are supposed to be family.
Arriving at the bedrooms, Ushijima noticed that you tensed a bit but maybe it was because of the cold or something else. He did not realize that a mistletoe branch with fruit hung from the front door of the women's dormitory, demonstrating one of the many traditions that Japan inherited from the West.
"What is hanging on the bedroom door?" Ushijima asks you once he realised the branch that was hanging. Looking at your face to know what it was, he noticed that you became even more tense, if that was possible, and that you started to sweat a little despite the low temperature outside. Did he say something he shouldn't? Did he hurted your feelings? What happened that you reacted in such a way?
“Th-it's a, uh, it's a mi-mistletoe. It is assumed that, when passing under the threshold of a door where there is a hanging one, or when passing under a bouquet of mistletoes, people have to kiss each other" you commented. How could you spit out the second part of the sentence? God only knows why even you were surprised to maintain the posture.
Ushijima began to think to himself. What he wanted for you and for himself. Did he want to kiss you? Of course yes. You are the person he wants the most in the whole world and even he may think that he loves you. Because that's the way it is. He loves you. Remembering all the moments where you were for him and he can't help but smile from ear to ear and repeat himself over and over again how much he appreciates you and wants to make you happy.
Slowly, Ushijima took out the hand that was so comfortably resting on your shoulder and positioned himself in front of you. You didn't know what was happening or what Ushijima had planned, you only knew that your hands were completely sweaty and you might pass out at any moment. You felt like the sweat was going to almost turn to ice.
Ushijima was towering you and you probably weren't expecting what was about to happen.
With the greatest delicacy in the world, Ushijima grabbed you by the cheeks, with his large and masculine hands, warming your cold cheeks and sending an electric signal to your stomach where the stampede was revolutionizing and you felt like you were going to vomit at any given moment.
With your gaze fixed on each other, he began to bring his face closer to yours, the sequence was slow, as if it were a French movie and there was no sound that interrupted what was happening, except for his inspirations and exhales with cold smoke. He positioned his forehead against yours and closed his eyes for a moment, as if he had to play the most difficult chess move in the world. He had to move his pieces well to avoid getting hurt. That was what he wanted the least
He opened his eyes again and pursued your gaze, as if he was asking permission to continue with what he wanted. Your eyes shone in the moonlight and the headlights that adorned the entrance to the bedrooms. Eyes as bright as two stars that illuminate his path. He wants to keep the light of those eyes that he admires so much and that always shine for him.
Seeing that you silently accepted his proposal, Ushijima joined his lips with yours in a soft but emotional kiss. A kiss full of ‘good luck Wakatoshi’ before every game or academic exam. A kiss full of ‘thank you Y/N’ after you congratulate him on the slightest thing he has done or when you bring some food to his bedroom for a sleepover between the three of you. A kiss full of ‘please don't leave’ a silent phrase that shows how much one needs the other. Ushijima needs you to feel satisfied and see that what he does is not in vain, he needs you to feel fulfilled. You need words of support and reassurance from him to make you realize that you are much more than you think. You need his honesty and his constant dedication to you.
You started crying in the kiss, you felt too many things at the same time and you felt overwhelmed but at the same time you took a huge weight off of yourself knowing that your feelings were reciprocated.
Ushijima for the first time in a long time felt and understood the meaning of happiness. He understood why you get so emotional in the kiss scenes in the movies and you cry when the characters fought and broke up. You understood what it was not to have someone to be with. You understood what it was like to depend on someone but that no one depends emotionally on you.
Ushijima was the first to break away and quickly wiped your tears away with his thumbs. He knew that those tears were worthy of movies like The Notebook and that they do not have any negative connotations. In the same way he wiped away those tears that highlight your gaze so much to return to the position of before; hands cupping your face and his forehead against yours, absorbing all your beauty.
"I know where to spend Christmas"
"Where, toshi?"
"Here, with you. At the end of the day, you are all I want for Christmas "