Chapter Text
Regulus had done it, he was finally where he had worked so very hard to be. Finally, the years of practice had paid off. He had given up practically his whole life for where he is now. He was in the light but felt as if he were surrounded by darkness. He could feel the way it picked at him, tore him down piece by piece. And that was okay, Regulus was okay with that. He was fine if it broke him down, because he had finally fucking made it. Regulus almost felt like taking the biggest breath of relief, so many hours, so many late nights, so many auditions, and here he was.
His parents were proud, but for how long? How long until they decide he was no longer up to their expectations? How long until he falls? They were all questions he asked himself. It was one of his flaws, not being able to enjoy the little moments.
He was surrounded, captured by this dark smoke all around him and he could see the light. He could taste it yet still, Regulus couldn’t reach it. Fuck, was it exhausting to constantly be pulling himself up.
Flashing white lights is what crowds his vision as walks down the bright red carpet, smiling at people even though he can barely see their faces. People he has never seen in his life screaming his name like they know him. He doesn't like it, it makes him feel claustrophobic and trapped in his own body. But Regulus knows better than to mention that to his parents.
He's on the red carpet for the premiere of his newest movie. He wants to be proud of himself but it isn't easy when his Mother has already gone through everything he has done wrong. She did it every time, maybe he should be used to it by now, but it never really gets easier.
"Regulus! Can we have a quick moment?" A camera is pushed into his face making him step backwards but how can he blame the interviewers, they're only doing their jobs. Regulus thinks back to when he was but a child, watching up at the television at all the celebrities walking on a red carpet, just like he is now.
“Hello." He puts on a fake smile which has been mastered over his whole life, very few people can tell the difference between his smiles. Sometimes even Regulus forgets the difference.
"Regulus! Hello, can you tell us a bit about the movie?" He has these answers glued in his brain; they just come natural to him now. He knows what to say and what not to say so he doesn’t fuck everything up.
"Well, it was an honour to work with everyone and make new friends. But I guess you will all just have to find out soon." He smiles up at the group of girls behind the camera. He can't even see their faces because of their phones in front of them.
"Did you enjoy working with everyone during the shooting process?" The interviewer asks again.
"Of course I did. How could I not?" He sees his mother out the corner of his eye gesturing for him to quicken his pace.
"Last question Regulus, can you tell us a bit about what you're wearing?" He's wearing a deep red flowy suit, it's one of his favourite red carpet outfits.
"Oh yeah, my best friend Pandora makes all my red carpet outfits. I love her so check her out, she's based in New York." He smiles, taking a quick few pictures with some of the people behind the safety bars.
He often thinks just how weird it is that people leave their house just so they can see him, that they take time out of their day so they can watch his movies or talk to him. How times have changed.
He's upset Pandora couldn't make it to the carpet but she had promised to be there after the premiere. His mother and father don't say anything as he approaches them making their way into the theater.
This is his movie, he's the main character and so he has to make a big entrance. It makes him feel like a big egotistical prat but it isn't as if he has a choice. Regulus was always a side character, the person that no one recognises until you tell them. But not now, not anymore. He was more than that now.
His Mother gives him a quick look up and down and the faintest of smiles spread across her face, he is always shocked by just how beautiful she really is when she smiles, which is hardly ever. "Well done Regulus." He nods and she goes to move to her seat and he knows he has to talk to a bunch of strangers about his experience filming this movie. It’s rare that Walburga is happy with him, very rare. He cherishes those moments because it’s the only time he feels even a little bit of pride in himself, when his mother is happy with him.
As he walks out there are screams and claps all around him, his chest swells with pride, he had done that. "Um hi! Wow I don't really know where to start but I guess just thank you! This is absolutely insane how far I've come and it's bloody crazy how many people have shown up just to see me tonight." And for once, he isn't lying.
"I just want to thank my parents for supporting me and my best friend Pandora, I wish she were here right now. I really hope you all enjoy this as much as I did shooting it and of course I couldn't have done it without all of the other cast!" He gestures to the front row and everyone claps. "Alright that's enough from me. Enjoy guys." He smiles handing the microphone to security.
It’s weird to see himself on the screen, it’s even more weird as he hears quiet whispers of the crowd discussing their opinions on every scene. Most of them are mice critiques that will end up writing reviews on his film, they’re pretentious and judgemental, Regulus was told. He watches himself appear on screen, he hears himself speak. He watches himself hug someone, thinking back to how difficult that was for him. Regulus sees himself kiss someone, which makes him look away. That’s the thing they don’t tell you about acting, the things you’re forced to do, even if they tell you aren’t, Regulus knows he has to.
~
The movie ends and he can hear people chatting about as they exit, it always makes him nervous to know how the public think but when he sees Pandora rushing over to him with her arms wide open he suspects he did well. "Shit Pandora! When did you get here?" She crashes Regulus into a hug.
"Well I got her about 15 minutes into the movie but the stupid security wouldn't let me go down to you." She mumbles against his neck and then pulls back, hands on both his shoulders looking down at his suit. "I did well with this didn't I?"
Regulus laughs, "Of course you did. So what did you think then?"
"Oh Reg! It was so bloody good and you looked hot on screen too. My favourite one you've done."
"You say that every time."
"Because it's true! I honestly didn't think this could top your last but once again I'm proven wrong." She beams at him and he knows she's telling the truth. He envelopes her in another quick hug before following the security out to the red carpet once again.
It's pitch black outside and he sees his mother with an interviewer and to his surprise all of the girls that were there 2 hours ago are still here, with even more energy and he decides to move towards the group of them. "Regulus! Can you sign this?" A blonde girl, who looks about 14 hands him a notepad and he signs it.
"Regulus, will you go to prom with me?" A brunette girl shouts over the noise and he snorts, she looks about 10 years younger than himself.
"I'm sorry you look about 12." He shouts and he hears the group laugh.
"Will you say hi to my friend Anna?" A boy shoves his phone into his face and he sees it is recording. He asks the boy if he can hold the phone and he says he can.
He likes making little videos for other people's friends, "Hi Anna! You're friend tells me to say hi to you so that's what I'm doing, you've got a very good friend! Bye now I have to go back home cause I'm tired." He hands the phone back to the boy and someone grabs his hand. He hates when people do that and luckily he can get it out.
~
Pandora and him celebrate almost all night, like they do every time either one of them achieve something. They're back at Pandora's apartment because he doesn't want to see his parents for the rest of the night. His manager, Mary McDonald texts him to post some of the pictures from the premiere onto his Instagram story.
Pandora's in the bathroom and because he's nosy he checks who has viewed his Instagram and he really shouldn't be surprised because it has been like this for years but one of the first views is Sirius. It always is.
He isn't sure if he should be mad or sad that Sirius still checks on him, but he leans towards miserable because he misses him, anyone would it's just instinct to miss a sibling. But he can't feel anything towards Sirius because it's not right, he doesn't have the right.
Pandora renters and stops in front of him frowning and he just shoves his phone into her hand. She frowns too because she knows how he feels, she's the only one to know. She wraps her arms around his shoulders and rests her head on one of them.
Pandora is the person he tells everything to and when he means everything he means everything, things he would never tell another soul. She was the first and only person he had come out to. It was the hardest thing he had ever had to do because he himself had not come to terms with it yet but Pandora had helped, she always did.
There was a time a few years back when Regulus had denied his feelings in a very unhealthy way, he slept with a different every other night, he drank alcohol like it was water. He wasn't putting any effort into his career and quite honestly he was losing hope in his life. But then Pandora Lestrange was there to patch him up.
"I shouldn't miss him, I let him go." He whispers. He feels Pandora shake her head against his shoulders.
"You did what was best for you Reg, he gave you an ultimatum that wasn't fair." She argues and it's true, Regulus knows that but why can't he believe it?
"Yeah, but I said some fucked up shit to him Pandora."
"And he said some back." He didn't talk back after that because he didn't want to think about it, that night where Regulus lost him.
They sat for a few minutes before Pandora lifted herself from his shoulders, "So what do you have on tomorrow?" He groaned, falling onto his back.
"God, I'm going to be so hungover tomorrow and I have so many interviews. Do you think they'll notice?"
"Nah, they never do. Plus I'll do your makeup." She grins. "Oh and don't forget we have the meeting about your Met Gala outfit."
He nods, "Can't believe I was invited to that, sounds like a bloody dream." It really does, he had grown up watching real celebrities attend the Met and it's hard to believe he was invited.
"Well I can, Reg you're extremely popular these days, everyone's talking about you!" She smiles down at him and genuine, sweet smile.
"Yeah I guess, it's just so weird you know?"
"I don't actually."
He snorts, "You will though, you design all my red carpet outfits and I tell everyone about you too so they'll know you."
"I hope so... oh! I'm having some help with the Met Gala outfit." Regulus furrows his brows.
"Help?"
"Yeah! I mean this is the fucking Met Gala Reg, I can't do it alone. So I hired some help and this guy is so nice and bloody hilarious too."
"Who is he?"
"Names, James. He's from England too and flew here for the job. He said he had heard of me in England and when he saw I was hiring immediately took the job."
"Do I get to meet him?"
"Of course you do, he'll be here in the meeting on Thursday."
"What's he look like?"
"Well he's got a really good style, well of course he does. He sort of dresses like you with all the blouses but really colourful unlike you with all black. He's also got these cute glasses, I think you'll like him." She finishes and looks back to Regulus smiling.
"Well, doesn't he sound like a charmer?" Regulus smirks at her and she punches him lightly on his arm.
"Oh shut up, I've already got Xeno, who I love dearly." She says smugly and Regulus laughs.
"Is he hot?" Regulus asks casually and Pandora raises a brow, "What? It's a natural question." He defends before she can say anything.
"Um well, yeah he is quite good looking but you'll just have to see on Thursday won't you."
Regulus hums, "Yeah, I guess so. Does he know he's designing for me?"
"Oh I'm not sure, I haven't mentioned you but your name is on all the design papers."
"Great, so he doesn't even know it's for me." Regulus rolls his eyes playfully.
"Fuck off, you need to go to sleep Reg. Big tomorrow."
Pandora was right, his morning was busy and he was incredibly hungover. Pandora had woken him up at 9am to get ready for his 9:30 interview with BuzzFeed celeb. A private car had been waiting for him outside Pandora's apartment.
He had taken a few pictures with a few people on the way to his interview and his Mother had messaged him saying she wouldn't be with him all day and Regulus was relieved. He had gotten lunch delivered to him in his far too large apartment in New York.
And that's where Regulus was now, eating sushi on his couch watching Netflix, he had another interview at 4 but it was only 2. His phone rang and he groaned dramatically before reaching for his phone, his mouth still full of sushi as he mumbles "Who is it?"
"Great Regulus, glad I could reach you." Mary's voice filled the room and he perked up a bit. Mary had been his manager for 5 years and she was only a few years older than him, he liked her a lot, she was stern and knew how to get the things she wanted.
"Mary." He acknowledged.
"Are you eating?" She asked, sounding appalled.
"Yeah." He said simply and she sighed, as if she were used to it, which she must be.
"Alright, whatever. Minerva Mcgonagall wants to meet with you to see if you would be the best fit for her film. He raked his brain for a Minerva when it suddenly clicked.
"Right. Yeah sure, when?"
"Well Minerva would like at around 3? It will only be quick. You know how Netflix can be." He wanted to say no because he had really wanted a peaceful 2 hours before his next interview but he couldn't say no to things like that.
"Alright, sure."
"Great! The car is already outside, leave at 2:30 alright."
"Okay thanks Mary."
"No problem and well done last night, everyone loves the movie and you of course."
"Of course." He rolls his eyes at himself.
Mary hangs up and he discards his Sushi before getting changed into the outfit Pandora had styled for him for his interview and now casting role.
~
Minerva looked him up and down, he felt very small when looked like that. "Hm, a bit skinny but yes. Are you sure you want this role?" It was his first time working with Netflix, and the role he is taking is for a period type movie, something that he has wanted to do for a long time.
"Yes Ma'am." He nods and she studies him for a bit longer and then breaks into a smile, a bit of a character change. "Well, then Mr. Black you are officially working with me." He had gotten the role long before meeting with Minerva, but she had requested to meet him in person.
"Looking forward to it." They wouldn't be filming for at least a few months.
"Alright, now I believe you have an interview to get to?" He nods and smiles at her one last time before walking back to the car which is still waiting for him.
The interview is with W Magazine and all he has to do is talk about his acting life, he loves these types of interviews where he leads them.
It was a relaxed interview, only a few questions about his childhood and his acting life. Pandora texted saying she was at his apartment waiting for him with Italian and Regulus was reminded why he loves her so much.
He opens his door to his apartment, the smell of his favourite Italian restaurant from New York fills his nose and sighs in happiness because the day is over and he gets to spend the rest of the night with his best friend eating pasta.
"You bloody saint, Pandora." A box of his pasta is on the coffee table next to the couch where Pandora is sitting with a blanket draped over her legs and her very own pasta container open.
"Glad you like it, how'd it go?"
"Oh it was good actually, I also met with Minerva who works for Netflix."
"Oh?"
"Yeah I got the role, which I already had but she finalised it I guess."
She smiled brightly at him, "Well good on you!"
"Thanks, so what are we watching then?"
"Well, it was your pick last time so I get to pick now and I pick Tangled." She grinned at him while turning on Tangled, which he is sure they have watched a thousand times together but Regulus can't even complain right now.
The next morning Regulus was left alone in his apartment, Pandora had left a note saying she had to go into her building to finish designs for his meeting with her tomorrow. He had nothing to do today and most people would find that relieving but not for him, he found that the more free time he had the more he thought and the more he thought the more he would hate everything around him.
Regulus stalls his thoughts by keeping himself busy and if he isn't busy than he can't stall them any longer most likely ending in a breakdown. He sat on the couch staring right ahead, wishing he could just fall back asleep again. Because if he were asleep then he wouldn't have the think.
He so badly wished he could just shut off his brain, all the thoughts and emotions, then he would be happy.
His phone chimes and he is broken out of his silent trance, it's a text from his mother. An article is attached and he should have seen it coming, it happens every time. The article reads,
Everything Wrong with Regulus Blacks acting in new movie 'The stars'.
He shouldn't read it, Pandora would kill him if he did but she wasn't here right now so he does, he clicks on the article and he reads every word. They talk about his weight to his appearance. They criticize his acting calling him an 'awful' actor and talk about how his movie is the worst of 2021. And he shouldn't believe it but just like every time, he does he believes every word.
He sets his phone down, and he's embarrassed, embarrassed of how he looks and acts and his whole career. They talked about if he wasn't slightly good looking everyone would hate him because he's a bad actor. How he's only famous because he's a Black and well it's true isn't it?
If he wasn't a Black he wouldn't be where he is now, he knows doesn't deserve it. Everyone knows that Regulus doesn't deserve the fame he receive. If he wasn't a Black then maybe he would have his brother back. If only he wasn't a Black.
But there's no going back once your a Black.