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The setting summer sun cast shadows in funny shapes along the playground, Atsushi thought. After a long day of playing with the neighborhood kids, he was on his way home. While doing so, he spotted a child sitting alone on one of the many benches that were dispersed around there. The boy, who was reading a book, had a look of pure fascination that made Atsushi curious about what could be so interesting that it was better than playing in the park. Silently, he walked in that kid's direction.
"Hello! What are you reading?" Atsushi asked, peeking at the book. The boy looked at Atsushi with wide-open eyes in return, clearly startled. "Sorry, I didn't mean to scare you!" Atsushi said, apologetically
Now that he was close, Atsushi could take a better look at the spooked boy. He probably was around his age, six or seven, Atsushi thought, even if he was much skinnier than him. And he had really, really dark hair, which reminded him of the color of the sky at night when there was no moon or stars to light it up. Along with gray eyes that were still looking at him with alarm.
"Uh, this is an adventure novel." He said, changing his gaze from Atsushi's face to a nearby tree.
"Is it cool?" Atsushi asked, voice full of enthusiasm.
The boy, noticing that Atsushi was actually interested in his book, got more relaxed. "Yeah, this book is part of a series, and they are all really good."
"Woah, an entire series! You must read a lot."
"I do. Reading helps me pass the time. And it's really fun, too." The boy said, heartfelt.
"I see, and do you write too?"
"Uh? I don't."
"Why not?" Atsushi asked, puzzled.
"Only adults write books. And it must be difficult." The boy answered as if what he had said was common knowledge, and Atsushi was dumb for even considering otherwise.
"It can't be that hard." Atsushi says, and one second later, as if he had an epiphany, he said "Oh, I know! Why don't we write a book?"
"I don't think we can do that." The boy replied with a perplexed expression.
"Well, I think that we can." Atsushi said, heated. It wasn't like he knew anything about books, unlike the boy sitting on the bench, but it couldn't be that hard, right? And how could that boy just destroy his newfound dream like it was nothing?
"And I think that we can't." He said, furrowing his thin, practically nonexistent, eyebrows, obviously not fond of being contraried.
"Why not?"
"Because no."
"Ugh, has someone ever told you that you are annoying?" Atsushi whined.
The boy looked offended at Atsushi's words, which made him almost regret what he said, but it wasn't like he didn't deserve them. And it wasn't like he actually thought of him as annoying, just that he had made him annoyed at that moment.
"I'm leaving."
"Wait!" Atsushi said, and the boy looked at him. "Uh, sorry? For calling you annoying," He rubbed his neck. "But I still think you're wrong."
"You're the one in the wrong here, but fine. What do you want?" He said, sighing.
"Tell me more about the book you were reading."
–
Atsushi's first weeks of high school were going great. Initially, he had been nervous - as anyone would, - but as he started talking with people from his class, he realized there was no reason to be concerned. He would say that he was adjusting pretty well to his new routine. He had made friends, and, for now, he was understanding his lessons. Now, all that he needed to do was to join a club activity. That wouldn't be a difficult task, because Atsushi knew which one he wanted to join; the literature club.
Since the day he had met a strange kid in the park, when he was still a child, he had picked up an interest in reading and writing stories. He vaguely remembers the details of that time, considering how young he was, but he's thankful that he had gone and talked with that boy. Because it introduced him to a new world that he didn't know existed, where he could be anything he wanted. Sometimes he wonders what happened to him; looking back, he recalls going to that same bench every day for a few weeks, waiting for the boy, but he never showed up.
Atsushi's thoughts got interrupted by the bell that indicated the end of classes for the day. He said his goodbyes to his classmates and started getting ready to go check out the literature club. It was a short walk to the club room, and in no time he arrived at his destination. Standing in front of the door, Atsushi dwelled over if he should just barge into the room or knock at the door.
But before he could arrive at an answer to his question, the door was abruptly opened by another student. The boy looks startled by seeing him there, but the surprise only lasted for a second before his face twisted into a scowl.
"There are more appropriate places to hang around than in front of a classroom door." He said in an irritated tone. "Now, if you would mind, move out of the way."
"Ah, sorry. I'm here because I want to join the literature club." Atsushi said.
The student in front of him sighed. "Well, then, enter." He said, leaving to do what he was going to do before Atsushi interrupted him.
Atsushi's gaze lingers a little more on him; for some reason, he seems really familiar, but Atsushi can't pinpoint from where he knows him. Like when you can only remember the melody of a song, but not its name.
He went into the small room; there was only a table in the middle, a few bookshelves, a closet, and a whiteboard. Along with one girl, seated on one of the chairs placed around the table. She somehow looked even less approachable than the guy he had just met; her glare seemed sharp enough to kill someone. He said his greetings to her, to which the girl only nodded her head in return, before also sitting. Atsushi knew that literature wasn't exactly something popular among most students, but he never thought that there would be just two club members - and grumpy ones, too. Maybe there's more, and they just aren't here today, he thought. Hopefully.
A few minutes after, Atsushi heard the door open again, and the same black-haired guy came through it, followed by another person. A tall boy that curiously had bandages wrapped around his neck and arms.
"You must be our new member! I'm Dazai and the president." The bandaged man, Dazai, spoke cheerfully. "I'm sorry that your first impression of the club came from them," He said, pointing to the other two. "But this is definitely a fun place! You should join us."
Atsushi was taken aback by how upbeat he was, a funny contrast to the other members.
"The only reason you're saying that is because if he doesn't, the club will be disbanded. Leading to you having to join a club that actually has activities. Otherwise, you wouldn't care." The boy said.
"You see what I'm talking about? Akutagawa-kun is always ruining the mood." Akutagawa only reinforced his scowl at that, and Atsushi noticed that the girl's glare got more intense.
Atsushi let out an awkward laugh, not really knowing how to act after hearing all that. "Ah, it's fine, I was planning on joining the literature club anyway."
"Oh, that's great then! But why is that, hm… I forgot to ask your name."
"It's Nakajima Atsushi, but you can call me just Atsushi, I don't mind," He said. "And I like books, so I'm not exactly interested in other clubs."
"Ahh, look, Akutagawa-kun, we have another book-crazy here! Maybe you two could be friends," Dazai said, clapping his hands together. Akutagawa didn't bother to answer, and Atsushi only laughed awkwardly again, rubbing his neck. "Well, I have to hand in some forms to the student council now, so have fun with your books and what else!"
After the club president left, Atsushi heard Akutagawa sigh. He saw his expression soften a little for the first time since they met not long ago. Like he had been holding in a breath all this time and only now got to let it out. "I'm sorry about him. Dazai-san rarely comes here anyway, so it's not like it matters."
"I didn't mind, he seemed… eccentric."
The corners of Akutagawa's lips lifted a little, imperceptible to those who weren't paying attention. "That's one way of describing him. Nakahara-kun, right? It's not my objective to discourage you from joining, but we don't do much here. It's just me and Gin-chan. So if you are looking for a 'fun club' like Dazai-san said, this isn't the best place for you."
"But if I don't, aren't you guys going to have to disband? Besides, as I said, I like literature." Atsushi said earnestly. "And just Atsushi is fine." He added.
"Very well, Nakajima-kun." He says, with an emphasis on his name. Atsushi didn't know if he should find that annoying or cute. "Would you like tea?" He asked, taking a tea set from the closet, alongside what he needed to make it.
"Yes, please." Atsushi said, thinking that maybe this could be fun after all.
Atsushi watched as Akutagawa prepared three teacups with an incredible focus that would probably put surgeons to shame. His default expression seemed to be one of a grimace, Atsushi noticed, considering how, even now that what he was doing was supposed to be relaxing, it didn't go away. However, he found that he didn't actually mind it; there was an odd aura about Akutagawa that made Atsushi feel welcome, despite his sulky temperament.
He's brought back from his thoughts by the sound of silverware being placed in front of him by Akutagawa. He also sets one for Gin, who had been silently reading a novel since Dazai went away, before also setting himself on one of the chairs.
"Thanks," Atsushi said. "Can I ask you something, Akutagawa-san?"
He gave him a side-eye before saying: "Go ahead."
"Do you and Dazai don't get along? Sorry if this is something personal. I was just curious." Akutagawa looked like he was already expecting that, and started talking.
"It's not that we don't get along. Dazai-san is just… Eccentric as you said, and sometimes that can be too much. Also, it may not appear, but he's really smart when he wants to be. And this club only exists because of him." Akutagawa spoke with what seemed like respect.
"I see." Dazai was definitely too much, Atsushi thought.
"Since you asked me a question, I feel like it would only be fair for me to also ask you one."
"Sure, you can ask whatever you want." Atsushi answered, giving a small smile to Akutagawa.
"Why do you like literature so much?"
"A-ha, the motive is a little embarrassing." He said in an awkward tone. "But to put it short, I have been reading since I was a child. At first, I didn't really care about books, but one day I met a boy in the park and he spoke about the stories he read with such enthusiasm that I had to give it a try..."
For the first time that day, Atsushi saw a feeling different from boredom or annoyance on Akutagawa's face. He saw his dull silver eyes shine in awe and disbelief.
"That was you?" He asked, his tone filled with shock, and one or two decibels higher. It was so unlike him that even Gin looked away from her book to see what the commotion was about.
"Huh?" Atsushi spoke, but soon after caught on to what he was referring to. "Wait, you were the boy reading the book!?" He asked with the same tone as Akutagawa. Suddenly, a lot of things start making sense to him.
"Yes, that would have been me. And you were the obnoxious child." He said after regaining his composure.
"Hey! I wasn't obnoxious!" Akutagawa gave him a look as if to say, are you sure? "And I just said how much you impacted my life, and this is what you call me? I'm hurt," Atsushi said while fake crying. "But this isn't what's important right now! I can't believe that you are here, that I'm talking with you." Atsushi says, smiling fondly.
"The same goes for me."
"I never thought that we were going to meet again, much less in a place like a school. Especially because I thought you lived someplace far away from here." Atsushi said, looking back to his childhood days and how sad he had been every time Akutagawa didn't show up to the park. However, he didn't linger much longer on those memories. Akutagawa was now not even one foot away from him, and he would make sure that things stayed like that.
"That's indeed true. That day I was only visiting my uncle who lives here, and last year I moved to live with him for high school. But how did you know? I don't recall telling you this." He asked, baffled.
"Oh, I just assumed that, since I never saw you around again, and nobody knew who you were too." Atsushi explained himself.
"You asked people about me?" Akutagawa looked surprised.
"Yeah, I wanted to be your friend." A faint blush made its way onto Akutagawa's cheeks, and Atsushi grinned tenderly.
From the other side of the room, Gin smiled at them, knowingly.
–
Months passed during what felt like days, and soon enough summer break was already knocking at the door. Atsushi and Akutagawa (Gin had gone home earlier) were organizing and cleaning the club room. That had gotten rather messy over the semester for a place that was only used for drinking tea and reading. As Atsushi put things back into place, he was unable to not think about all the memories that he had made there. Which resulted in him smiling like a creep to the bookshelves and receiving a questioning look from Akutagawa.
For example, by looking at the tea utensils, his mind went back to the day that Akutagawa had tried to teach him how to make tea, back in his first week at the club. That ended up being a terrible idea because Atsushi didn't have half of Akutagawa's elegance or concentration, which resulted in a drenched pile of books and a broken mug. Now, Atsushi supposed he could laugh at it, but at the time Akutagawa had gotten really angry, looking almost scary. Nonetheless, he tried teaching him again and again, until Atsushi was able to make acceptable tea, by Akutagawa standards. However, that was a lot, coming from him.
Or of all the times that he and Akutagawa discussed books together the entire afternoon, with Gin sometimes also sharing her opinion. Atsushi was always mesmerized by Akutagawa's way of explaining his considerations - which were equally captivating. He could tell by the way he talked, his words, and by the way his eyes gleamed - the same gleam that made Atsushi want to speak with him all those years ago - that he was truly passionate about literature. That gleam also made Atsushi feel warm inside, dreaming about a day that Akutagawa's eyes would have the same glow while looking at him.
Atsushi was hit by the realization that what he felt for Akutagawa was definitely more than what a friend should feel for another when Dazai, on one of his rare visits to the club that he was president of, commented that they looked so cute together, that they should date. Of course, the only reason he said that was to mess with Akutagawa - which worked because he almost choked on his tea and went on a full cough fit. But, Atsushi found himself actually liking the idea; he enjoyed spending time together with Akutagawa, although he had never thought of them in that light before. And when he did, he understood that what he wanted was way more than just his friendship.
But he was too much of a coward to do something about it; so he contented himself with what he had.
"I think we are done here." Akutagawa said, looking around the place to make sure everything was where it should be.
"Yeah, it's clean enough," Atsushi said. "Do you want to read one last book here before we head home?" Truthfully, he would be fine with anything as long as he got to stay with Akutagawa a little more.
"Uh, actually, I have something I want to show you." Akutagawa took a notebook out of his school bag.
"What is it?"
"One of my poems." Akutagawa handed him the notebook without meeting his eyes.
"Are you sure? You never let me read what you write." Atsushi knew that Akutagawa would write poems from time to time. However, he doesn't know what inspired Akutagawa's change of heart - because every time that Atsushi even asked what he was writing about, he would instinctively hide it - but it must have been something important.
"Yes, now just read it before I change my mind." Akutagawa sounded somewhat nervous.
Atsushi reads the words with attentiveness and care since Akutagawa had written them. He was happy that he trusted him enough for this because not even Gin had ever seen one of his works. It was a short poem about violet and golden-colored sunset. With each line seeming less and less about sunsets and more like something else with that same color palette. Atsushi's heart was beating fast, fast enough to be considered dangerous for his health. However, when he read what was written at the end of the page, Atsushi could swear it stopped beating at all.
p.s: want to go on a date with me, atsushi?
"So?" Akutagawa asked, and Atsushi could hear the nervousness in his voice.
Atsushi reread the sentence, again and again, it was too good to be real. He had accepted that his feelings weren't, aren't, and wouldn't be mutual, but just those few words were all that it took to shatter all his convictions like glass falling to the floor. Even though they were written, Atsushi could hear them in Akutagawa's voice, and it sounded like the most beautiful song he had ever listened to. Especially his name, Akutagawa was still dead set on calling him Nakajima, and this was the first time he used his first name. Atsushi could die right there and he would feel like his purpose in life was fulfilled.
"It's fine if you don't want… I just thought that-"
Atsushi got so caught up in his daydreams that he forgot the most important thing, which was to give him an answer.
"No, no! I mean, yes! I want to go out with you." He said hurriedly, not wanting to make Akutagawa feel like he was going to be rejected or something.
All the tension on Akutagawa's body seemed to melt off at the presence of Atsushi's reply, and the uneasiness in his gaze got replaced by that same adoring gleam that Atsushi liked so much.