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Harry gets Decent Parental Figures™ in two chaotic lesbians who are willing to fight God and Albus Dumbledore

Summary:

Does what it says on the tin. A one shot about Dorcas and Marlene yelling at Dumbledore and the Dursleys respectively, then stealing Harry and running off.

Notes:

I wrote this in like five mins at one am because I was bored. It's not very good, but here it is.

Work Text:

On the night of Halloween, 1981, James and Lily Potter were betrayed by a friend. On the night of Halloween, Harry Potter became an orphan. On the night of Halloween, toasts were made everywhere to ‘the-boy-who-lived’.

 

On the morning after, Albus Dumbledore was engaged in a screaming match with one Marlene McKinnon. It was a rather one-sided screaming match, seeing as Marlene was the only one doing any actual yelling and the Headmaster of Hogwarts was simply watching her with a twinkle in his eye.

 

“My nephew is not growing up with those - those Muggles!” She slammed one hand down on the desk, nearly spilling a bowl of lemon-sherberts (or as Albus Dumbledore liked to call them, sherbert-lemons). “I saw how they treated Lily at the wedding, Harry is not growing up with them.”

 

“My dear girl-” Marlene scoffed “-the fact remains that Harry is safer with his family. The blood wards-”



“To hell with the blood wards!” Marlene yelled, this time actually knocking over the bowl of sweets. The twinkle in the Professor’s eye seemed to dim a little. “We are his family! Me and Dorcas and Remus and Andromeda! For Merlin’s sake bloody Moody would be better than those people. I don't care if I have to move to Antarctica or change my name to Janet or go and live with the bloody goblins, I am going to have my nephew. And if that means taking you before the Wizengamot for him, then I’ll do that.” She smirked at him triumphantly.

 

You see, the horrible night where her entire family was killed and - in another life - Marlene was murdered along with them went a bit differently. For the day before, encouraged by Lily, given a ‘you are awesome and perfect and if we weren’t both gay I’d totally date you’ talk by Remus and told to ‘stop moping around and get on with it’ in no uncertain terms by Sirius, Marlene had finally plucked up the courage to ask her long-time crush Dorcas Meadowes on a date. And she had accepted.

 

They had gone out to a Muggle pub. They had gotten drunk and kissed under the streetlamps and later Marlene had sobbed in Dorcas’s arms as she identified the bodies of her parents and two little brothers.

 

After that, Marlene had become fiercely protective of Dorcas. She had made her a dozen ‘just-in-case’ portkeys that lay around her flat, plied her with every protective amulet or charm she could think of and called in her second cousin (a professional warder) to set up wards around her home.

 

And so the night that Dorcas would have been murdered by Rodulphus Lestrange and Severus Snape, she instead simply touched a hideous cat ornament on her mantlepiece, whispered a word, and was whisked away to the safety of Marlene McKinnon and her fussing, hot chocolate and panicked questions.

 

So when little Harry Potter became an orphan, both of the women who considered themselves to be his Aunts were doing everything possible to keep him from the likes of the Dursleys. And if that included telling off Albus Dumbledore himself, then that was what they’d do. And that wasn't all they were limited to.

 

******

 

For the exact moment Marlene was giving Dumbledore a piece of her mind, Dorcas Meadowes was staking out number four, Privet Drive. She had watched Vernon Dursley, the man who had called Lily a ‘freak’ at her wedding, leave the house with barely a mumbled goodbye. She had seen a moving van trundling down the street, and an old lady with glasses that kept slipping down her nose and what looked like twenty cats dodder out.

 

She had not seen any sign of Harry Potter.

 

She had met Petunia Dursley (though she was Evans at the time) three times. Once when she had visited Lily’s house during the summer holidays before fourth year. They had painted each other's nails and giggled about Lily’s crush on the Hufflepuff Keeper. Dorcas had offered a chocolate frog to Petunia, who had recoiled like she had presented her with a squirming newt, eyeing her disdainfully. Lily had just sighed and closed the door, apologising to Dorcas.

 

The second time was in their final year at Hogwarts, for Lily’s parents funeral. She had asked Dorcas to come along as moral support, which she had. Petunia had sneered at them with watery eyes, then blamed Lily for their parents death. Dorcas had comforted her sobbing friend as she shot a venomous glare at Petunia. The last time was at Lily and James’ wedding. Petunia and Vernon Dursley had attended seemingly just for the purpose of calling everyone there freaks, insulting the intelligence of all the attendees and loudly calling the wedding dress tacky. Dorcas, Lily and the Longbottoms had to talk down the Marauders from hexing them.

 

The Marauders who were now broken, shattered. Two dead, one a traitor and one deep in his depression.

 

Dorcas realised that her eyes were wet and swiftly wiped the tears away. The sound of a door opening and a child’s wailing made her head jerk up. Petunia was trying to force her squalling son - Dudley, was it? - into a pram. He was throwing a fit about it, kicking out his chubby legs and screaming, ‘No!’ over and over again. He finally settled down after his mother promised him a lollipop and Petunia pushed him down the street. There was no sign of Harry. Dorcas realised in horror what that meant. Her one-year old nephew was in the house alone. To hell with surveillance. She was getting him out of that house. Now.

 

To her surprise, there were no wards set up on the house. She was half expecting a squad of aurors to leap out when she pushed the door open after a quick unlocking spell. But there was nothing. No protections at all. Anybody could have just walked in. Bloody Death Eaters could have wandered in and killed her nephew and nothing could have stopped them.

“Harry?” She called out, her voice only trembling slightly. A slight whimper came from next to her. Her head snapped around, only for her eyes to lie on the cupboard under the stairs.

The cupboard under the stairs

 

She flung open the door to see a small boy cowering in fright on a dirty mattress. He was clinging onto a small stuffed dog. Padfoot, she thought and her heart gave a pang. She crouched down so she was at eye-level with Harry and tried to mask the fury in her eyes.

 

“Hey, Harry.” She started off, her voice coaxing and gentle, “You probably don't remember me, but I'm a friend of your Mum and Dad.” Harry looked up at her, his eyes more curious than scared.

 

“Mama come now?” She swallowed the lump in her throat, hating that she couldn't tell him that any minute a red-haired woman with emerald eyes was going to swoop in and take him home.

 

“No Harry. Your parents are… they're not coming back. They wanted to, they loved you more than anything. But they're gone now.” Harry's eyes watered and he clutched onto his dog even harder.

 

“Pa’foot?” He then asked. Dorcas yet again had to hold back a sob.

 

“He’s gone too. My name’s Dorcas. Me and another friend of your Mum want to look after you. Would that be okay?” Harry considered this for a second, then nodded and held out his arms to be lifted up. Dorcas complied, hugging him close to her. She scooped up the blanket lying on the floor of the cupboard. It was the one that she had helped Lily embroider when she was pregnant with Harry. Little snitches and dragons danced across the fabric. She was surprised that the Dursley’s hadn't thrown it out.

 

A sudden scream made Harry whimper and bury his head in her shoulder. She stroked his hair, then turned around to see Petunia Dursley at the door.

 

“You.” Petunia obviously recognised her, “Get out. We don't want your kind in this house.” Dorcas was unsure whether the woman was referring to her magic or her race. Probably both knowing her. Shifting Harry so that he couldn't see Petunia, a savage smirk spread across her face.

 

“You've been keeping my nephew in a cupboard.” She said in an ice-cold voice that Marlene referred to as her ‘I would murder you but don't want to mess up my nails’ voice. Petunia paled.

 

“Well we didn't ask for him. Did we? And his crying was bothering my Dudderkins.” To her credit, her voice only shook a little. Dorcas stalked forwards, shifting Harry’s weight to her other arm as she slipped her wand from the holster into her hand. Petunia took a step back, standing protectively in front of her son. Which was totally unnecessary. Dorcas didn't hurt children, even if they were spoiled little brats.

 

“I'm taking Harry. You will not follow us. And you will never try to contact him again. Am I understood?” Petunia gave a quick nod and scurried out of the way as Dorcas walked out of the door. “Oh, and one last thing.” Dorcas quickly shot off a spell that made blood-red letters start appearing on the cupboard door. They read ‘ We kept our one-year-old nephew in here. We are child-abusing pieces of shit.’ Petunia yelped and slammed the door in their faces as Dorcas smiled vindictively.

 

“Come on Harry. Let’s get you home.”

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