Chapter Text
It was warm. He could feel the sunlight touching his skin. It made him feel drowsy and safe. It was a familiar feeling, one that he had experienced before. His eyes opened to a bedroom that gave him a sense of deja vu. He stared around the room, eyes tracing over what appeared to be a hotel bedroom, one that he had definitely seen before. But where? And when? He chewed his lip before his gaze finally landed on the other side of the bed. His breath caught in his throat and his chest felt tight.
Now it all made sense. The hotel, the bedroom, the sense of deja vu. He was in Tokyo...with Jungkook. But that made no sense, the last he remembered he was in the hospital with Jin and then he had returned home to live out his last couple of days...so how was he here, back in this moment when he and Jungkook were still happy? Had he...been given a second chance? It was still hard to breathe. Was this truly real? Was it even possible? He didn't even deserve it but if it really were true, he had to try and fix it, fix them. But could he really do it? What if he had to watch the same fate repeat all over again? No, he would fix everything. He had to. He still had time. Jungkook was still at the same college, Taehyung hadn't introduced him to anyone, and he hadn't broken up with Jungkook yet. He could do it, he could fix it because he already knew how everything ended if he didn't change anything.
He stared at Jungkook, watching him sleep so peacefully, unaware of what was happening around him. Jimin would make things right this time around, he wouldn't let Jungkook die in such a painful and lonely way. He would right his wrongs because he had done Jungkook so, so dirty and he needed to fix that. Jungkook had deserved so much better, Jimin had hoped that he truly had found someone better...but he'd been a fool to believe that Jungkook's words had indeed been true. There had never been any other person except Jimin in his life, but Jimin couldn't have said the same.
Jimin sat up slowly, the sheets moving with him, causing Jungkook to let out a small sound of protest. Jimin's heart clenched. How long had it been since he'd been this close to Jungkook? Everything after their Japan trip seemed to go down hill so quickly now that he was looking back at it in hindsight. They'd both been so happy on this trip, so in love, but fate had refused to let it be. Both Chun-Hwa and Taehyung had worked to break them apart, to have their relationship slowly collapse in on itself until the day Jimin broke up with Jungkook, convinced he couldn't date him anymore when he was in love with someone else. But really was he? Had he ever truly loved his second boyfriend? Jimin didn't want to dwell on it, nor did he have the time to as he watched Jungkook slowly wake up next to him. Jimin wasn't sure what sort of face he was making or how he would react when faced with the person he had killed last time around. He was still consumed with guilt, and he knew he hadn't deserved this second chance. He knew this second chance wasn't actually for him, it was for Jungkook, because Jungkook loved him and he deserved happiness this time around. Jimin almost wished that happiness wasn't him. It was selfish of him to think that, but he couldn't help it. He still believed Jungkook deserved better than him. The last lifetime was so instilled in his mind that he felt undeserving of Jungkook, and now he believed he always had been. He was broken out of his thoughts by a soft and oh so painfully familiar voice.
"Morning, Jimin." Jungkook said sleepily, smiling up at his boyfriend. Jimin's eyes immediately snapped down to look at Jungkook, and he almost couldn't handle it. He forced himself to relax, giving Jungkook a smile back. None of those terrible things had happened yet, he hadn't broken Jungkook's heart, he hadn't had a falling out with Yoongi, he hadn't gotten angry at Taehyung, Jungkook hadn't died yet, hadn't been killed yet...by Jimin.
"Morning, Jungkook." He managed to reply back in a soft, raspy whisper.
While Jungkook continued waking up, Jimin couldn't help but wonder what day it was. Were they returning to Busan today? Tomorrow? The next day? It wasn't like checking the date would help...no, wait, he did know those dates, but that didn't mean they were the same. He felt on the verge of breaking-- would he really be able to handle being with Jungkook again after knowing what happened last time? But, well, he supposed that didn't really matter. He needed to handle everything for Jungkook's sake, or this second chance would have all been for nothing.
He wanted to ask Jungkook what day it was, but his mouth felt so dry and he could barely even look over in Jungkook's direction. He had to pull himself together, he couldn't worry Jungkook-- oh. The realization that his thoughts probably matched the thoughts Jungkook had had prior to his death hit him like a physical blow across the face. He felt as if all the air had been knocked out of him. Maybe...Maybe he wasn't here to make Jungkook happy, maybe he was here to suffer in the same way he had, to share in that pain and experience it all for himself. Jimin felt like he could hardly breathe, every breath like a sharp knife in his lungs, sharp, short, and quick. He quickly got out of bed, stumbling away from it towards the bathroom. He needed to calm down before Jungkook noticed something was wrong. He couldn't have Jungkook misunderstanding. This had nothing to do with him and everything to do with himself and just how much he had messed up. Now he had to own up to it, what his carelessness had caused.
He took some deep breaths in the bathroom, somehow managing to appease the pain for the moment. With his breathing evened out, he could think a little clearer again. Once he knew what day it was, he could mentally prepare for what was to come. After all, if today was the day they went back to Korea, he'd have to think up a way to prevent Jungkook's aunt from forcing her nephew to transfer schools and change majors. If it was the day Jungkook had surprised him with a trip to Tokyo Disney, he'd have to feign surprise well enough to fool his boyfriend or Jungkook might think he was disappointed. That definitely hadn't been the case the first time...Jimin had been so delighted by the surprise and he'd never felt more in love with Jungkook than that time. In fact, he'd wished he could experience those feelings again...those magical feelings that had seemed to have vanished after their trip. Where had everything gone so wrong? He needed to make sure that didn't happen again. He wasn't letting go of Jungkook again, he couldn't. He wouldn't let Chun-Hwa ruin Jungkook's life, driving him to his death.
Jungkook deserved and needed to be happy this time around or it would have all been for nothing.
***
The scene was all too familiar. Jimin didn't know how he was going to get through this. Jungkook had stopped him on their way out of the hotel and said five words Jimin had been dreading to hear, "Okay, close your eyes, Jimin." His heart had sank immediately. Why did it have to be today of all days that he came back to?
Jimin forced all those complicated and hurtful emotions down, trying to live in the moment so that he could give Jungkook the same happy memory as last time. He did his best to be surprised that they were going to Tokyo Disney, covering up some of it with enthusiasm. Jungkook seemed convinced enough so that was good enough for Jimin. It was only once they arrived and got out of the taxi and just like before, Jungkook held out his hand to Jimin that he couldn't take it anymore. Against his will, tears started pouring out of his eyes before he even realized and Jungkook's expression instantly became one of concern.
"Hey, Jimin, what's wrong?" His voice was soft and warm as he spoke and Jimin felt a stab in his heart. He'd have to lie. He'd lie for Jungkook's sake. He had to make up for it. "No, I'm just so happy that we got to go on this trip and even come here. It's all thanks to you that I'll have these memories to cherish forever." He wiped at the tears with his fingers and did his best to give Jungkook a smile. Jungkook relaxed immediately, smiling back at him and taking one of Jimin's hands in his own. "Alright, alright, enough of being sentimental, let's go have the time of our lives." Jimin didn't trust himself to speak so he merely nodded.
That night still felt as magical and sweet as the first time, but for Jimin, those feelings were overshadowed by pain and regret. How had he ever been so foolish as to let go of Jungkook, to drift away from him to the point that they broke up. It really fucked him up inside but he couldn't show it. It's not like he could explain any of this to Jungkook without lying and he didn't want to lie to him any more than he had to. He'd already been lied to enough by his aunt...and by Jimin. He just hoped Jungkook wouldn't notice too much, wouldn't ask too much. He didn't want to burden Jungkook with this, especially when he just wanted to make sure Jungkook was happy this time around. He deserved it, unlike Jimin.
They were both quiet when they got back to the hotel, Jungkook probably basking in the happiness of spending such a wonderful time with the man he truly loved. But it was a bit different for Jimin, the memories of his past life made things complicated. He didn't want to forget what would happen if he made the same mistakes, he didn't want to hurt Jungkook like he had before. He was happy to be back with Jungkook, sure, but all the negative emotions that had festered towards the end of his life last time around stuck to him, clouding his world and dulling any happiness he felt. To be honest, he wasn't sure if he'd be able to handle all of those bundled up emotions dragging him down, but he had to try, for Jungkook if not himself (because truly a part of himself felt he completely deserved to be suffering from this pain as recompense for what he put Jungkook through).
He didn't know how he could have ever doubted Jungkook but it had just been so difficult for him during their long distance relationship. But that wasn't an excuse, he should have tried harder and properly communicated with Jungkook. Instead, he had let Tae get into his head, filling it with nonsense and lies that made him doubt Jungkook and the love he had for him. He had failed Jungkook, he had let him down...but he wouldn't do it again. He would be the best boyfriend for Jungkook, or else this second chance would be worthless.
"We should get some sleep, Jimin" Jungkook's voice was soft, sweet. "We have more things to do tomorrow after all."
Jimin smiled, as genuine a smile as he could muster.
"You're right," he moved towards Jungkook. He placed a light kiss to Jungkook's cheek. "Let's get ready for bed then." Jungkook giggled, a sound that made Jimin's heart flutter nervously. How long had it been since he had heard Jungkook laugh? Especially like this?
After a while, they both climbed into the bed, Jungkook pulling Jimin close to him, wrapping him up in his arms.
"I love you," he whispered, a smile on his face. "Goodnight, Jimin."
"Love you, too," Jimin replied, but didn't look at Jungkook's face as he spoke. "Goodnight, Jungkook."