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“Oh no, this is bad. This is so so SO bad,” Tsukasa mumbled to himself. Currently he was wrapped around his pillow trying to go to sleep. He’s never had such a bad case of insomnia before and he had one person to thank for it. A star should never stay up into the wee hours of the night fantasizing about his director, and yet he couldn’t stop thinking about Rui.
There was nothing to prompt such thoughts except the fact that he had nothing to occupy his head otherwise. Between big productions with the troupe there was downtime to sit and stew about the performance before another one needed writing and practicing. However, Tsukasa didn’t have many thoughts on the previous play at all, a strange occurrence for someone so devoted to each show. This becomes even more peculiar considering he was one of the leads. The other lead though, was Rui. A rare occasion that the stage director becomes a lead actor. That’s why the show blended with all of Tsukasa’s other memories at the moment. The only clear remembrances of it were of Rui’s sparkling eyes, witty one-liners, and singing voice. There was no doubt about it, Tenma Tsukasa was a lovesick fool.
There is a saying that fools do not sleep, but fortunately there is little truth to that myth. Despite how restless he is, Tsukasa’s consciousness fades and another morning will dawn before long.
~~~
“…kasa-kun…”
Huh? Who’s that?
“…Tsukasa-kun…”
They have a nice voice… feels familiar.
“Tsukasa-kun! Wake up!”
Ah… that’s why.
Hovering above him was the one who plagued his thoughts, Kamishiro Rui. Tsukasa found himself thinking that Rui’s last name began to make a lot of sense. “Kami”, “God”. He really was godlike, or maybe angelic was a better analogy.
“Silly Tsukasa-kun, falling asleep here all by yourself. I thought I was the one who naps during rehearsal. Switching the roles today, are we?”
Tsukasa sat up from the bench where he was lying. “Sorry, I guess I didn’t sleep much last night.”
Rui’s sly smile turned into a pouting expression, “So much for taking care of yourself. You always get on my case for pulling all-nighters yet look at you! If I wasn’t so worried I would continue to call you a hypocrite.”
He’s worried about me… that’s sweet of him.
“No need to worry, it was only one night. Plus I was trying to sleep unlike you,” Tsukasa looked around his surroundings. Seems like only him and Rui were there, “Anyways where’s Emu and Nene?”
“Oh they left not too long ago. They didn’t want to disturb you. I didn’t either to be honest, but I couldn’t just leave you on your own. Night’s approaching after all.”
He was right, the sun was already setting. The glow of orange made Rui stand out against the sky. Rui always stood out so beautifully. There was no doubt in his mind that this Rui would be the next thing that he would lose sleep to.
“Looks like I’m staying up again tonight,” Tsukasa sighed.
“What was that?”
Rui faced him expectantly. Rui always wanted confirmation for everything. Whether it was that Tsukasa liked an idea for a show he had or if he heard something correctly or not. Tsukasa knew that at this point. He couldn’t lie to him.
“I… I can’t escape my thoughts. At night, it’s just me so they invade every corner of my mind. It’s complicated.”
Rui put his hand on his chin. Whenever he was interested in something he would do this gesture. Tsukasa always saw this as incredibly adorable, which wasn’t helping him with the current situation. Once again the line between one thought and another merged.
“You’re cute.”
Rui’s eyes widened at the sudden compliment. “I b-beg your pardon?”
Tsukasa took a step forward. Then another. Then another. Soon Rui took up more space in his view than the background did. He’s already come this far, no point in stopping now.
“It’s things like that, the thoughts like “Rui’s cute” or “He’s so pretty and talented” that I can’t get out of my head. There’s no getting around it,” Tsukasa took a deep breath, “You’re the one keeping me up at night. I know what that means and I’m sure you do too. Rui I lov-“
Rui put his pointer finger to Tsukasa’s lips, “Tsukasa-kun, save it. You’re starting to think of these things in your dreams too.”
“Oh…”
He should have known that this wasn’t reality. Tsukasa may act confident, but he didn’t always feel that way. There was no way that he would be able to ask Rui out. Let alone in such an embarrassing way. Part of him was glad this wasn’t real, yet he also longed for a life where Rui was his. As he looked to the floor of the dreamscape he heard the imaginary Rui giggle.
“What is it? Laughing at how pathetic I am for literally dreaming about you?”
“No, I think you should tell the real me. You want to, maybe this is your psyche telling you that. I believe in you Tsukasa-kun.”
Tsukasa looked up at him again. It was hard to believe this Rui wasn’t real. He was just as charming and kind as the original. Perhaps that was proof of how much Tsukasa knew about Rui at this point. Maybe it also showed how much Tsukasa admired him.
“I… don’t think I can do that. I love him for sure, but he’s also a friend. One of the best ones I’ve ever had. He’s the one person I feel like I can relax around. For Saki, Toya, and everyone else I feel like I have to be the Tenma Tsukasa who’s a star. With Rui though, I feel like I can show my vulnerable side. He’s the only shoulder I can freely cry on. If I lose that because of these stupid feelings I don’t know what I’d do. I don’t…”
Even in a phantasmagorical environment such as this, crying still felt real, it still felt awful. But Rui was there, in one way or another. Whenever Rui was there, it’s okay. That’s because he always knows how to comfort Tsukasa.
Tsukasa was blinded by his abstract tears, so he didn’t notice how Rui drew himself closer. Tsukasa expected the dream to fall apart, he expected to be awake by now. So, it’s even more surprising when Rui wraps his arms around him. Tsukasa flinched, he thought that this Rui would simply phase through him. Somehow this feels authentic, like the actual Rui.
“Tsukasa-kun, I’m not going to leave you, “Rui knitted his hand through Tsukasa’s hair, “I mean do you really think I could with how afraid I am of being left alone? Why would I betray you like that?”
“I-I don’t know… I don’t want to risk it so…”
“If I’ve noticed anything about you, it’s that you’re exceptionally good at taking risks and coming out on the other end perfectly fine.”
“Even so, I can’t bring myself to say how I feel. I’ve never been in love before now. I don’t know how romantic relationships work in the slightest. Why would I even have a motive to tell him now?”
“A motive for telling me? What a nonsensical thing to have in the first place, but if it’s that important to you…”
He stepped back from Tsukasa. Rui’s hand moved from the other’s peach-blonde hair to tenderly hold his cheek. Then, he retraced those few steps from before and pressed his lips to those belonging to the smaller boy. Rui lingered, waiting for the right moment to back away again. However, the time didn’t come for a while as Tsukasa had eagerly kissed him back. Eventually the two parted. To Tsukasa, it didn’t matter if this was a creation of his lovelorn consciousness anymore.
“So, how’s that for motivation,” Rui breathed out, “you want the real thing? Then I suggest you tell me when we’re out of here.”
“Okay… wait, “we”? Why would it be “we” when you’re just a part of my imagination?”
Before Tsukasa got his answer he woke once more in his bed. Sure that was a crazy experience, but it still was a school day. No changing that. Trying to ignore his confusion, he got ready and headed out of the house.
~~~
Another day of school means another day spending lunch on the rooftop with Rui. It was awkward right now, what with his subconscious screaming at him to confess his love last night. Rui picked up on the dissonance.
“Is something the matter, Tsukasa-kun? You seem a little listless.”
Tsukasa swallowed his bite of hamburg steak and turned to face Rui, “I’m fine, I just couldn’t sleep last night.”
“I see. That’s strange, the one time I seem to get a good night’s rest you end up not getting any.”
“It’s not as if I got none, just not a lot. There has been a lot on my mind lately so I guess it’s been affecting my sleep schedule.”
Rui looked up towards the sky and crossed his arms, “Speaking of sleep, I had the weirdest dream last night. It felt so real and I remember all of it. I never remember my dreams.”
“Huh… when I did get to bed that’s kinda what happened to me too,” Tsukasa nudged Rui’s arm, “Well don’t be shy, what was it about?”
Rui blushed and pulled his knees to his chest. “I don’t think I should say, it’s a bit embarrassing.”
Ignoring how seeing Rui acting shy for once made his heart pound, Tsukasa decided to continue asking. “You don’t have to tell me everything if you don’t want to. Just the basic gist of it, dreams can mean a lot you know. It’s good to analyze them once in a while.”
Rui nodded, “I suppose you’re right. The beginning is hazy. I think I was at the Wonder Stage with everyone, but you had fallen asleep. I saw Nene and Emu-kun off and went to wake you up. We talked a bit. You were worrying about… something. I wanted to help you so I tried to comfort you. I skipped some parts but-“
“W-W-WAIT A MINUTE!”
Rui recoiled from Tsukasa’s sudden screaming.
“What’s wrong?”
It was obvious what was wrong. They had the same dream. The same extremely embarrassing and emotionally heavy dream. The same dream in which Tsukasa exclaimed his love for Rui. The same dream which had the two passionately kiss before waking up. There’s no logical explanation for this and even if there was, that didn’t fix that Rui experienced it.
“Rui… would you believe me if I said I had the same dream as you…?”
Now it was Rui’s turn to scream.
“WHAT? NO! That’s impossible! People don’t just have the same exact dream! I did think it was a bit strange that I had “imagined” you saying that stuff to me. I mean it was so specific! Still if that’s the case then that means you dreamt that we…!”
“That means when you responded to me, that was really you. Not some illusion, it was you.”
The two of them stared at each other, dumbfounded by the ridiculous truth they had discovered.
“It was you,” Tsukasa mumbled, “heh… hahaha… HAHAHAHA!!”
“Tsukasa-kun?!”
It was all too much. So bizarre, so impossible. Tsukasa couldn’t help but laugh. It wasn’t his usual exaggerated, hearty laugh. It was a laugh that embodied every emotion, it was hysterical but warm. Tsukasa put his arm around Rui’s shoulders and pulled him towards his side.
In between laughing fits he managed to get a few words out. “I just…can’t believe it. You heard all that cheesy crap. God that’s so funny…”
“I don’t think it was cheesy, it was heartfelt,” Rui responded despite being thoroughly flustered, “Having to see you cry wasn’t funny either.”
“Hey Rui, remember what you said near the end? After that, well you know…”
If it wasn’t already, Rui’s face glowed another shade of scarlet. “A-are you implying-“
“I want the real thing, like you promised”
Rui gave an awkward laugh and a dreamy sigh.
“You know I didn’t say it outright, but I fancy you Tsukasa-kun,” Rui said while moving to sit in Tsukasa’s lap, “Especially when you say smooth lines like that.”
A smug grin made its way onto Tsukasa’s face. “Please, you were the one who said that line originally.”
“It was a great adaptation,” Rui said while inching closer to Tsukasa’s face, “I’d give it an 11/10.”
“Then let me give you another performance to remember.”
Oh and what a performance it was! Though a dream may illustrate the most alluring and intriguing scenes, the real thing often proves to be more enchanting. As the two breathed in each other’s life they found this to be true. No miraculous dream could ever compare to the warmth of another.