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“Eliot Collins! Fuckin’ wannabe asshole!”
Keefe winced as Kelvin tore through the house, slamming down his phone, keys, and wallet onto the kitchen counter before face-planting into the couch.
Over muffled yells and expletives, Keefe shuffled closer and sat gently on the edge of the armrest, staring at the back of his head.
“Pay him no mind, Brother Kelvin. He was tryin’ to ruffle your feathers and—”
“And it worked!” Kelvin growled, pulling himself up into a sitting position, blinking furiously, his eyes shining bright in the low light of the living room.
His dark hair was sticking up at all angles, making him look like an angry alpaca.
Keefe sank down next to him and reached out to fix it but stopped himself at the last second, letting his hand fall back down into his lap.
Eliot Collins was a new rival of sorts. An up-and-coming youth minister with an impressive success rate and fancy website and everything. He was also happily married to a beautiful woman and had a two-year-old son. All at the tender age of 25.
He had been cruel in his jabs about Kelvin’s lack of all those things at the youth pastor conference this afternoon.
Keefe’s stomach twisted in sympathy as he watched his friend keep his head lowered, hands running through his hair, mumbling almost to himself.
“Just…just because I haven’t…haven’t…deflowered someone, does not make me less of a man.”
“Of course not.”
“Having intercourse does not automatically make someone adult and mature.”
“Very true.”
“And just…just because I haven’t…done any of that does not mean that I’m a–I’m a ‘frigid virgin manchild’ or ‘past my expiration date.’”
“No, it does not.”
He picked up the remote and flicked on the TV, scouring through the options on GODD, eyes darting over the many happy couples embracing against titles like ‘Oh, Good Lord,’ ‘A Christmas Carole,’ and ‘For the Love of God.’
“I’m not—not totally inexperienced! I’ve kissed people! Girls. A-A while back. But you know, I took a vow of celibacy…” he trailed off, waving a hand and glaring at the TV.
“Admirable,” Keefe added quietly, their shoulders brushing slightly.
“Thank you,” he nodded, staring down at the remote, eyes drawn away from all the smiling, loved-up people. “I just think I should continue to uphold my celibacy promise until I find the perfect person for me and we get married and have lots of babies.”
Something sank like a boulder in Keefe’s chest.
“I–I want that for you, friend,” he mumbled, staring at the ‘For the Love of God’ couple and lingering on their interlocked hands, their silver wedding bands front and center. “You deserve to find your…person.”
Kelvin cleared his throat, sniffing a little.
“Thank you, Keefe. You do too, you know.”
Keefe frowned. Kelvin turned his head.
Their eyes locked.
“Your perfect person,” Kelvin murmured, gaze steady. “You deserve that too.”
Keefe glanced down at his hands.
“Oh, I’m not sure people like me get that. But it’s a nice thought.”
“People like you?” Kelvin echoed, bumping their shoulders together. “You mean someone who overcame hardship and pain, fought off his demons, both physical and mental, and now walks the path of God, helping save America’s youth? You really don’t think you deserve to find happiness with someone?”
Keefe’s cheeks heated up.
“Well, maybe.”
Kelvin grinned at him, rolling his eyes and poking him in the arm. “Uh-huh, try definitely. Trust me, if Judy and her weird-ass can find someone, even if that someone is BJ, then there is hope for us.”
Keefe’s heart skipped a beat.
“You think so?”
Kelvin nodded, a gleam of determination in his carob eyes.
“I know so. The Lord won’t see us go lonely.”
Keefe took a breath, the truth escaping his lips before he could stop it.
“I’m never lonely with you, Kelvin.”
Kelvin blinked, teeth gnawing his bottom lip.
“Me neither…” he whispered, clearing his throat, “too with you…as well, Keefe.”
A silence hung between them before Kelvin leaned forward a little, eyes searching Keefe’s face as he continued in a hushed whisper.
“Daddy he…he tried to set me up with a local girl, a few years back. Said it was time for me to find a wife, settle down, have kids but…I didn’t want to. And Mama, she always told me that I—that I was enough. That I didn’t need to follow in Jesse’s footsteps and marry young, not if I didn’t want to. She said that love finds us all, in one way or another, and I don’t need to force it. That she found Daddy when she wasn’t even lookin’ and I could be the same. That love would find me, just maybe in a different way. And even if it took a long, long time, in the meanwhile, I had the love of my family, would always have the love of my family. Friends. Congregation. So, I don’t—I don’t need all that. I don’t need a wife or children or…or s-sex to feel complete.”
Keefe’s eyes searched his face, taking in the sadness and grief wafting from him with a heavy heart.
“Your Mama was a smart woman. And you’re both right,” he murmured, forcing himself to keep eye contact. “Love is…love is many things. It’s not all about sex and courtin’, at least I don’t think it is for everybody. I can’t speak for havin’ a wife or child but…I have had many sexual encounters with many sexual partners, sometimes all at once, and while I can say it has made me come to completion, it has never made me feel…complete.”
Kelvin’s jaw slackened.
The heat in Keefe’s cheeks blazed.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to make you uncomfort—”
“You don’t,” Kelvin cut across him, hand reaching up and clasping his shoulder, squeezing gently. “You never make me feel uncomfortable, Keefe. And you’re…you’re always allowed to talk about your past with me. Whenever you want to.”
“Okay, I will. Thank you,” he smiled gently. “And you can talk to me too. About—about anything.”
“Thanks,” Kelvin smiled back, his thumb brushing Keefe’s collarbone.
Another beat of silence passed between them.
“Daddy’s been talkin’ about introducing me to some niece of Dale Nancy’s.”
Keefe froze. Kelvin’s thumb pressed lightly into his skin.
“I told him no, though,” he mumbled, eyes trained on where his thumb lay. “I already have everythin’ I need. Right here.”
He punctuated that with another tiny press of his thumb before he let his hand drop, turning back to the TV.
Keefe tried and failed not to mourn the loss of his touch.
“Well, I’m thinkin’ ‘For the Love of God.’ You in?”
He stared at the side of Kelvin’s face for a moment, drinking in his ruddy cheeks and labored breath.
“Yeah. I’m in.”
Kelvin hit play on the remote and sunk back into the couch cushions, his shoulder pressed firmly against Keefe’s, much closer than before, his warmth enveloping him.
As the title card rolled, Keefe couldn’t help but reflect on what Kelvin had said. How they both deserved to find love, settle down, and be happy. And maybe Kelvin would someday. Maybe, sometime in the not-too-distant future, he would find his perfect person, get married and have lots of babies. But for Keefe? He knew he had already found his perfect person, his love.
And while he couldn’t ever act on that love, he would, Lord help him, take what he could get. Whatever Kelvin Gemstone could offer him, and what he could offer in return, even if it was nothing more than two friends watching good Christian movies together on a Saturday night.
Because, yeah. It was like Kelvin said. While it may not be forever; for now, they had all they needed. Right here.