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After receiving that first initial phone call, standing in the living room of their life, for TK it felt like time stood still. It felt like he couldn’t breathe, that the world he was finally starting to know again had once more gone numb. His mom, the one who had worked so hard to save his own life just a few years ago, and yet he couldn’t do anything to save her.
Hidden in the logic of it all, there was apart from him that knew it was a silly feeling. Knowing there had been little he could have done to save her. Especially with her all the way back in New York and him in Austin, but it still didn’t help to ease the pain. The hurt overtook the logic at that moment.
“It’s my mom. She’s… she’s dead.” The words echoed through Carlo’s mind, the sound of TK’s voice at that moment never leaving his mind. After the first phone call, Carlos had as politely as possible asked everyone from the 126 to give them some space, promising to send them all a message later with updates.
He knew TK loved his family and how strongly they all loved him, but at that moment he had a feeling his boyfriend wouldn’t want everyone around. That TK wouldn’t want to see him break down in the way Carlos knew was inevitably coming.
Once the loft was quiet, Carlos helped get TK into their bedroom, his boyfriend not having said a word since he’d first found out about his mom. He moved them into their bed, resting out against the headboard without saying much until he heard the first sounds of quiet sniffles. Pulling TK closer to him, holding him tight. He knew there wasn’t anything he could say in that moment to ease how he was feeling so he just helped him, whispering comforting words into his ear.
TK eventually fell into an unpeaceful sleep, lulled by the sound of Carlo’s voice and steady heartbeat through the shirt he was wearing, reminding him that he was always there for him. That as long as he could help it, he’d never leave.
For the next few days after that, Carlos could tell TK was pretending. Pretending to feel okay, pretending that he wasn’t hurting, pretending that everything was fine. However, he knew he could only pretend for a short time before he broke. Before he just couldn’t pretend any longer.
“Why don’t we get ready for bed baby?” Carlos suggested gently, running a hand through TK’s hair in comfort. They’d been laying together on their couch, some show playing in the background that neither of them had been paying any attention to when he’d noticed his boyfriend's eyes starting to doze off, head resting on his chest. He looked the most relaxed he’d seen him in days but he didn’t want them to fall asleep on the couch, no matter how comfortable it might have been.
TK nodded, letting out a small yawn. “That.. that sounds good. I’ll go get ready.” He agreed, stretching his limbs as he moved from where he’d been resting, sitting up on the couch.
Carlos gave him a small smile, pressing a kiss to his forehead. “I’ll go make sure all the doors are locked and join you up there.”
TK made his way into their bedroom, stopping at his closet to pull out a pair of pyjamas before instead finding a small box that he’d put there shortly after moving into his life. Once he’d recovered from the hypothermia after the ice storm. Inside the box was nothing more than a few photos, only one in particular on the top in an actual frame.
The photo was of him and his parents. He was younger, maybe eight at the most and the thing that hurt the most was how happy all of them locked together.
They were all smiles as if nothing would ever ruin the bond between all of them. Little did TK know just how untrue that would eventually become. That for years after that photo, his “perfect” little family wouldn’t be so perfect anymore. Grabbing the box, TK took a seat on the edge of their bed just looking through the different photos before he felt a few tears slip down and a strong overwhelming feeling bubbling underneath him.
His breathing started to pick up as he looked at the framed photo, letting one of his fingers run over the image of his mom’s face. An overwhelming feeling soon took over.
“Baby, are you - TK…” Carlos said quietly as he walked into the bedroom, immediately noticing the few tears on his boyfriend's face, concern talking over.
He walked over to his boyfriend, assessing how quick his breathing was, gently putting a hand on his boyfriend's shoulder before TK quickly stood up. The tears were streaming down his face before the framed photo he’d been holding went flying into their bedroom wall, the glass shattered upon contract and TK finally broke down at the sight.
Carlos swallowed lightly at the noise before immediately rushing over to his boyfriend, pulling in for a tight hug. Giving TK a space to just cry.
“Hey... it’s okay baby. You’re safe, everything is okay.” He murmured quickly, repeating it over into TK’s ear, trying to eventually get the sobs to stop.
TK melted into his hold, the tears eventually subsiding as the sniffled stayed. His breathing slowly evened out as he refocused on the room around him. “It’s... it’s not fair.” He said quietly, his voice quiet as he kept his face hidden in Carlo’s shirt. The sound is barely loud enough for Carlos to have heard.
“It’s just fair. She was taken so young and she had so much time left.” TK told him, letting out a few more sniffles as he slowly opened up to Carlos. It wasn’t easy for him to open at all but if he was going to do with anybody, he wanted it to be Carlos.
“She.. she’s not going to be here to see Jonah grown up, or to be here with Enzo and.. she’s not going to be here for our wedding. Or to hold her future grandkids and... It’s not fair.” TK told him, his voice like it was a matter of fact rather than a concept that could happen sometime down the future.
He spoke so surely of their future and maybe after everything that should have scared him, terrified him even. And maybe a few years ago it would have, especially after what happened to him in New York. But for some reason now, it was the easiest thing. Knowing that Carlos would always be there for him, no matter what happened. Carlos was in it for the long haul, whatever their future held, it held them strong and together.
“And it feels like I can’t breathe like I can’t breath knowing she’s not here anymore and I know I have to because she’s not coming back. It just hurts Los, everything feels like it hurts.” TK told him honestly, feeling the anger and hurt start to make its way back into his heart, his heart heavy with this big loss he was experiencing.
In that moment, Carlos didn’t know what he could say. Knowing nothing could take away the hurt he was feeling, that nothing he could say would bring Gwyn back to life and give him more time. So instead, he just held him again. Letting him know that he’d always be there to help him learn how to breathe again.
“I know baby. I wish she was here for all that too, for everything. And I know nothing we say can change how you’re feeling, but you’re always going to have me here. You’re always going to have your dad, Jonah and everyone at the station. You’re not going to be alone through this and we’re all going to stay right here to support you.” Carlos started, mindlessly running a hand through TK’s hair again to calm him.
“You’re allowed to take as much time to grieve as you need, there’s not a timeline on this. No date you have to feel better by. She was your mom TK. She loved you and you loved her.” Carlos said quietly, running his other hand up and down his arm, trying to bring him comfort.
TK could just find the energy to muster up a nod, keeping his face hidden in Carlo’s shirt. Letting himself take a few deep breaths. “I love you.” He told him honestly, just wanting Carlos to hear it again even if he knew Carlos already knew.
Carlos gave him a small smile, tightening his grip around him. “I love you too.”
After their conversation, TK started dozing off, the exhaustion from earlier once again catching him up with. He’d been truly worn out from the last few days and felt the tiredness running deep like he just needed a chance to catch up on his sleep. He fell asleep quickly, letting out soft snores as his head returned to its rightful spot on Carlo’s chest, his favourite pillow.
Carlos however didn’t fall asleep as quickly, instead choosing to stay awake to hold him. Enjoying the few minutes of peace that were now settled on TK’s face. If he couldn’t have those moments when he was awake, Carlos wanted him to have them at least when he was sleeping.
Maybe his mom wouldn’t always be around, and maybe it felt like he couldn’t breathe at that moment but Carlos knew he’d be around for as long as TK let him. And based on his earlier confession, Carlos could only hope that truly meant the promise of forever.