Work Text:
“Destiny” would be the perfect word to describe the fact that they were born in the same year. Or at least, so thought Tim. He knew very well that he liked Oskar. They even shared a team in this foreign land of Spain, which only added to the dramaturgy. Not that Tim particularly liked the dramaturgy of it, but there was something inherently dramatic in having to choose your own soulmate at the age of 21. Some people didn’t, but since you fell in love forever with the first person you saw after your birthday, those were the people that decided to stay in darkness possibly forever. Tim was lucky to have found the light.
Those thoughts didn't come to Tim out of nowhere. After all, Oskar was right there, snuggling in his lap like a golden retriever craving for attention despite his owner being busy.
Busy Tim was, winning an afternoon game of League of Legends. Having Oskar close to him was nice, but not nice enough to discourage him from climbing the mountain. Still, with every move on the top of his lap more and more skillshots missed their targets. If it were the fault of anybody else, be it his parents or brother or even the coach, Tim would become a mad lion on the spot. With Oskar though, he felt more like a glad tabby.
***
“Oskar. Stop trying to burger flip the game,” Tim said to the microphone. He was playing duoq with his now Fnatic teammate and longtime sweetheart, Selfmade. They were sitting in the office, next to each other, staring at their screens, showing champion selection.
“Shut up! You've been going on about it like crazy. Just lemme be a sinner or whateva,” Oskar mocked, though the irritated undertone wouldn't miss Tim's ears.
“You don't understand...”
“I do! You're not even listening to me! LS is delusional and I'm not into this bullshit, that's all. Just shut up, we don't need to talk about it again.”
Tim shut up and dodged the game in a sudden burst of pettiness. He would've dodged this draft if it were a soloq game. Duo was no different. “Okay. Let's... talk about something else.” he turned towards Oskar with a serious expression, searching for his partner's eyes. “My... birthday is tomorrow. I...” he hesitated.
Even if Oskar already realised the serious implications, he didn't budge, staring at a dodge timer.
It sting. Tim didn't want to have this conversation either, not now, preferably never, but they had to talk about it at some point.
“I can't play without... looking,” his eyes pierced the side of Oskar's head. “I don't know, I think I might be-” Scared. He was scared, but didn't dare to finish the thought out loud as if the fear would eat him alive if he even uttered its name. “I don't know.”
Tim was drilling Oskar's head for so long that he soon would have to come out on the other side. Maybe the other side, the one that wasn't acting like a spoiled child, would take him more seriously.
“Just look at me,” Oskar finally said, slowly turning towards Tim. The gesture was deliberate, as if the older boy's troubles could all be solved with one glance.
As soon as Oskar's eyes finally caught his, Nemesis lowered his gaze. He wasn't sure if the trembling he was feeling was visible outside, but if the seesaw in his stomach didn't stop, he was going to puke. On one hand, he was glad that he got to continue his career. On the other, dedicating his entire life to the person who clearly was so different to him seemed like jumping into an ocean without knowing how to swim.
At this rate, this day might've been his last breath.
***
“Oskar, I don't think it's the fault of either of us,” Tim tried to reason after another lost game.
Fnatic was on the verge of breaking down like a house of cards on a windy day. Oskar didn't listen. He screamed at Tim that if only he weren't so passive, they would've had a chance in the first place and dashed off.
Tim was hurt. It hurt double, no, triple. After all, he loved this person. He wouldn't stop loving him no matter what happened now. On the day of his 21 st birthday, he let Oskar in his room and took off the scarf covering his eyes. His lover seemed like the most beautiful person on earth on that day. His smile, his rough but gentle hands holding him close, but still not close enough, his smell, his lips, his... Every centimeter of him. That very night he explored them all and there wasn't a part of Oskar he wasn't in love with.
The feeling was beautiful but fleeting. At least on Oskar's side – even when Tim cried, face in hands, when he got consoled by Rekkles and hugged closer than Oskar ever would out of his own will, when his throat hurt from screaming into the void and even when he got a fever and Oskar didn't come visit him once, he still loved him.
He conditioned himself to do so. It was constant pain he would have to live with if Oskar didn't love him back. At this point the only way they were communicating was comms. Both of them were prideful and passive aggressive to a fault. Or maybe it was only Tim, and Oskar was done.
Tim only wanted to be held in those arms he knew so well and be told that everything is alright and that he'll never be left, no matter how hard they fought. But as Fnatic was losing, the rift only seemed to widen.
***
They lost. Not only Fnatic lost at Worlds, the two players who were so sickeningly lovey dovey years before it came to actually falling in love, lost what kept them together.
Tim could've begged for Oskar to give him a chance, but if he wasn't his best fit, what was the point? Even after everything that happened between them, he still wished for all the best for him.
When Oskar called Tim into his room on his 21 st birthday, Tim's heart skipped a beat. Maybe he was planning on looking at him out of pity, maybe he wanted to tell him that he couldn't. No matter what the reason was and no matter how much he wanted Oskar to see him first on this day, he swore he would set him free instead.
It was hard to keep his conviction when he walked into the room. There was Oskar, the most beautiful, smart, gentle and kind person Tim knew, just standing with his awkward grace in the middle of his room. The room even smelled like him, and even though it wasn't a thing anybody would notice, Tim did.
Oskar's eyes were covered with a scarf. It was this piece of clothing that bound them forever on Tim's side, and now it was here as a symbol of what could've been. Oskar walked towards the older boy, perfectly knowing where he was even without looking. As Oskar's body heat grew closer to Tim, tears started to form in corners of his eyes. He wanted to jump into his arms and snuggle in their tight embrace. He wanted to tell him so much about himself, about his feelings. He wanted to stay like this for the rest of their lives.
Oskar touched Tim's hand and brought him to reality. His hands were guided towards the scarf. So Oskar was feeling pity after all.
"I'm not going to force you to look at me if you don't want me to," Tim whispered, his trembling hands letting go of the scarf covering Oskar's eyes. "I can't do this to you," he said and turned his head away from the other, searching the floor in desperate hope of finding the courage to leave. Tears slowly burning through his cheeks and voice so defeated Oskar probably couldn't even hear him, he added: "because I love you."
Ah, now he knew, it was a shame he got fooled like this. If only he realised faster how fickle the thing called love was, maybe this wouldn't have happened. But here he was, the ultimate loser. Not only Worlds; not only his career. Now also his beloved partner.
He turned around towards the door finally determined to seal the fate, but it was still hard to pass this line that felt like the ultimate ending. They both must've been aware that it was the final breakup, so why did Oskar still try to talk?
"Neme," he said, his voice quiet. "Come back here, please."
Why did he have to be like this? Why did he have to play with Tim's heart till the very end? He knew he was his entire world and yet kept doing this, knowing full well he had way more control of the situation. Tim had to resist. What he couldn't resist though was a last, final glance.
Their eyes met.
***
“Which gateway is yours?” Oskar asked, head craned to look at the flying screens. They had just finished registering Tim’s luggages and now that he wasn’t surrounded by Tim’s stuff anymore, the space around Oskar felt empty enough to give his partner the urge to jump into his arms.
“I can handle it from here.” Tim answered plainly and confusion painted itself all over Oskar’s face. The emotion turned softer when his eyes fell on Tim and something in his gaze shifted from the previous focus to something more raw and human.
They had reached the crossroad at which their ways would split again. It was inevitable, after the bumpy year they had just had. Their time together in Fnatic was over and finding another team which could take the two of them as a package deal wouldn’t do in the business. They had been apart already after their Mad Lion’s time and they eventually found their way back to each other. Tim had no doubt that they would know how to do it again. They promised each other they would.
Parting ways was easier said than done, especially when Oskar’s arms wrapped him in a tight hug, holding him with all the same desperation that Tim felt. He had craved so many times for these same arms to hold him close and yet he was giving up on them, for an undetermined period of time.
Things changed, that day where Oskar looked into his eyes, willingly choosing him as his partner for life. Tim still didn’t know if the bond on his side had made Oskar softer, or if the realization of how Tim must have felt had made him self conscious. Maybe the shift happened simply in Tim’s mind, at the understanding that Oskar had wanted to choose him all along and that he was ready to take him as a whole.
“I’ll miss you”, Oskar claimed and slowly let go. Tim couldn’t help but feel like it was too soon. His throat was tight and he was pretty sure that his eyes were glossy as he grabbed the strap of his backpack, holding onto it for dear life.
“Me too” he answered with a small voice and Oskar smiled through his pained expression, lifting one of his hands to touch Tim’s cheek.
“You’re going to do great.” He stated with such confidence that it baffled Tim, because how could he be so sure? But yet, Oskar always seemed to see things in Tim that Tim couldn’t seem to see in himself. He was the one who encouraged him to take that offer to go to Korea, despite all the risks and sacrifices that it implied. For him. For them.
“Don’t ditch me for LS.” It made Tim chuckle weakly. Oskar’s jealousy annoyed him at times, but that day it felt like a reminder of how much his boyfriend cared about him.
“I love you,” Tim whispered, because his voice couldn’t afford a higher volume. Oskar smiled again and Tim tried to engrave this smile into his memories, and his eyes, two striking blue eyes that sealed their destiny together, for the better.
He looked at it until a pair of lips met his, kissing him goodbye.
“I love you too,” Oskar breathed before backing off.
When he turned around to leave, Tim knew that the salt he could taste on his lips wasn’t only coming from his own tears.