Work Text:
- That sounds sad.
Cya jumped slightly at the foreign voice, letting out a sigh when Dongju sat next to him.
- What did he do this time? — The younger twin asked softly, hand running through the bassist's purple died hair.
- Nothing new. I really don't want to talk about it.
Dongju nodded, laying his head on the maknae's shoulder, listening to the song, until he heard a sigh.
- He fucked someone on my bed. — Kiwook's voice was heard followed by silence, as Dongju hugged him and let him cry on his shoulder.
Since they were young, Kiwook had been best friends with the twins, and people always made jokes about how he and Dongmyeong would make a cute couple, so much so that, ever since he started feeling romantic attraction, it was towards Dongmyeong. He had fallen for his best friend.
At first he lived in a dream, where his feeling would be reciprocated, where all the signs he saw meant he would be marrying Dongmyeong one day. Until he woke up from that dream as if a bucket of icy water was thrown down his back. But really, it was just Dongmyeong's words:
- I do feel strongly for you Wookie, but... I'm not ready for a commitment, I don't want to settle down, my life barely started.
- I will wait for you. — Kiwook would soon find out how much he would regret that promise.
It started when they, as a band, went to The Unit, where Dongmyeong first met and consequently had sex with Jun, one of the many guys who fell for Dongmyeong's charms. Cya still remembered when he walked in on the two going at it against the mirror in the practice room.
Kiwook really did consider giving up at the time, but when he was supposed to talk to Dongmyeong about it, the older managed to change his mind.
- I'm just getting ready for you. One day we will happen, I promise. — These words were accompanied by a kiss, Kiwook's first kiss, with his first and only love.
But the promise never became true, three more years had passed, and Dongmyeong still managed to keep the youngest of the group wrapped around his finger. Preventing him from giving up or finding someone else, while having fun with whoever he wanted.
So that day, it shouldn't have been something new to get home from an all-nighter at the studio to find Dongmyeong moaning out profanities whilst ridding some dude's dick, even though it still hurt, but it was new to find him doing that on his bed.
The way Cya yelled, understandibly pissed off, made the two men on his bed stop, the unknown guy gathering his clothes and leaving. Only Dongmyeong left in the room with him, covering himself with the bed sheet.
- Why on my bed? Jesus Dongmyeong, what's that obssession you have with getting inside my head? Hurting me?
- We didn't mean it, it was just closer to the door.
- I'm so fucking done with this... When will you be ready for me?
- Are you pressuring me?
- No! Not at all, I didn't mean to...
- That's what it came across like. I promised you I'd be ready one day, and you promised to wait for me, why all this fuss now? You think I won't keep my promise? Or that you won't keep yours?
- No, that's not it. I'm sorry Dongmyeong. Let's just forget about this okay? Forgive me?
- Okay, I'll forgive you.
Dongmyeong didn't forget to peck Kiwook's lips before leaving. How every conversation turned out like this, was beyond the youngest's comprehension. But he didn't want to dwell on it, that's why he went straight back to the studio and here he was, crying on Dongju's shoulder.
Dongju hated to be a bystander. No matter how much he loved his brother and how good of a brother and friend he is, Dongju would never condone the way he treated Kiwook. Dongju lost count of the times him and Dongmyeong fought over the same matter, the same issue: Dongmyeong manipulating Kiwook.
It was hard to see the man you love loving someone else, your brother of all people and who treats him in such an abusive way. But Dongju would remain by Kiwook's side no matter what. Always ready to cheer him up.
- Did I do something wrong? Why is he like this? I thought he felt strongly for me. — The bassist managed to choke out those words.
- You did nothing wrong, little Kiwi. Nothing. Come on, I have time before practice starts, and you've spent too much time here anyways. We're going to the cinema, I heard there are sessions for old Disney classics. — Dongju pulled Kiwook up with him. — Which princess do you want to see?
Kiwook laughed, only Dongju would risk being late to his practice just to cheer him up.
- How about Beauty and The Beast?
So they went to the movies, spending their time together as always. Dongju would smile softly at how Kiwook was trying to act normal, as if his heart wasn't ripped apart, but he still felt thankfull for the bassist's genuine smiles and small gestures. Even when they were returning to the company, when Kiwook held Dongju's hand, giving it a light squeeze.
- Thank you. For always picking up the pieces. — The bassist said almost in a whisper.
- And I always will. I will always be here for you. — Dongju spoke sincerely, stopping Kiwook only to hug him.
Kiwook ended up arriving late to the band practice. The leader didn't seem to mind, though. But Dongmyeong however...
- Where were you? You're late. And you weren't in your studio.
- Me and Dongju went to the movies. We saw Beauty and the Beast. — Kiwook said dismissively, trying not to look at the keyboardist as he tuned his bass.
Dongmyeong frowned at this information, as well as Kiwook's attitude, before approaching the youngest, putting his arms around Cya's neck.
- You know I love you right? I'm sorry for what happened this morning. — Dongmyeong whispered, kissing Kiwook's soft lips.
- I love you too Dongmyeong. — The youngest whispered in response.
- I promise I'll make up for everything tonight. — Dongmyeong smirked leaving another lingering kiss on the other's lips.
Hyungu cleared his troat, making the two pull away, Dongmyeong going back to his piano and Kiwook keeping on tuning his bass carefully. And Dongmyeong kept that promise, that might've been a first, ever since Kiwook confessed to him.
Dongmyeong pulled Kiwook with him to their shared room, closing the door and kissing the bassist wildly before pushing him down on the bed. In a matter of seconds the keyboardist was on the other's lap, a make out session errupting between the two, until Dongmyeong's hands found their way to Kiwook's jeans, unbottoning them.
- I will make you feel like my man, Wookie, okay? — Dongmyeong whispered in the other's ear.
The next day, when Dongju entered the studio, he was almost scared at Kiwook's bright smile.
- You look happy. — Dongju sat down next to the man he loved so dearly.
- I think me and Dongmyeong just took a step forward. — Kiwook said with a smile as he explained further what had happened. — Am I seeing things? Am I right? You're his brother, does this mean something?
- He sucked you off, you made out and then slept together while cuddling? — Dongju revised all this information. When he looked back at the bassist, he felt bad having to let his best friend know about the bad news. — I... I don't know Kiwook. Please don't cling too much on that. Dongmyeong is so uncertain. You know that, probably better than me.
Kiwook didn't understand why the answer wasn't what he was expecting, but soon understood Dongju just wanted him to be aware of all possibilities so, despite hurt by the lack of hope from his friend, Kiwook smilled and nodded, thanking the younger twin for his support.
And he would need it, when late at night, already on his bed and waiting for Dongmyeong, he arrived... as he lead some man inside the room, falling onto his bed as they made out.
Kiwook kept silent, pretending to be asleep as he sat through all the rounds Dongmyeong endured with that strange man. But as soon as the couple fell asleep, Kiwook left the room and the apartment, calling Dongju as he left the building.
- Where do I meet you? — Was the first thing Dongju said as soon as he picked up.
- I'm downstairs.
Not even 5 minutes later, Kiwook found himself in Dongju's arms, once again crying on his friend's shoulder. For Kiwook, there was not enough he could do to thank Dongju for everything he did for him.
- Let's go for a walk. And when we go for the company, you will stay with me the whole time. I don't want you alone with him. I need to protect my little Kiwi. — Dongju pouted making Cya smile for the first time.
- You always know how to make your little Kiwi smile. — Kiwook spoke softly holding Dongju's hands as he started walking.
They spent the rest of the night together near the river, talking and joking around. Unfortunately the sun came up, replacing the moon in the sky as they made their way back to their dorms to get dressed before heading to the company.
As Dongju didn't want to leave Kiwook alone, both went to Oneus' dorm before heading to Onewe's. When they closed the door, there were already four people looking at them.
- Lee Kiwook, where were you? — Harin asked worriedly.
- He was with me, we went for a walk. We're fine, don't worry. I'm sorry we didn't tell you. — Dongju spoke squeezing the bassist's hand.
- I'll go dress up, be right back yeah? — Kiwook kissed Dongju's forehead before going to his room.
And Dongmyeong tried to go after him but was stopped by his twin.
- We have to talk. — Dongju spoke seriously, dragging Dongmyeong to the kitchen so the two had some type of privacy. — What's your problem?
- What? — Dongmyeong was confused.
- You know what I'm talking about. He thought you two were finally taking a step only for you to take someone home and fuck them with Kiwook right next you. What's your problem? Kiwook gives you everything, sees you as perfection, as all he wants and needs, would do anything for you, and you insist on breaking him every time! — Dongju was beyond mad. — If I was as lucky as you are to have him love me like he loves you, I would be married to him by now.
- You know, Dongju, I always thought you were just jealous that I have someone and you don't. But that's not the case. It's not because someone loves me, it's because it's Kiwook isn't it? You have feelings for my Wookie. — Dongmyeong stared intently at his twin.
- So what if I do? Ain't like you're planning on being with him anytime soon. Listen Dongmyeong...
- No, you listen Dongju. You are my brother, and you know I love you. But Kiwook is mine. Don't you even dare try anything with him.
- Do you even hear yourself? Damn it Dongmyeong, Kiwook is not yours. You do nothing except hurt him. If you saw the way he was smiling for you, thinking you two were getting somewhere because you decieved him. If you saw the way he cried wishing nothing but your heart. But maybe you've seen it. You're not dumb, you know the things you do. So why? Why do you keep hurting an innocent soul like him?
- Why don't you just leave the two of us? I believe my Wookie wants nothing more than a mere friendship with you, you should give up Ju. — Dongmyeong stepped closer to his brother in hopes of intimidating him.
- Why don't you give up hurting my Kiwi, instead? — Dongju stepped closer too, now face to face with his twin.
- Your kiwi? — The older scoffed.
- He likes it when I call him that. — Dongju pouted in a provoking manner, knowing he had this over Dongmyeong.
- Honestly fuck off Dongju. Don't you get it? He doesn't care about you. He just enjoys the attention you give him when I give him none. But as soon as I snap my fingers, he will kiss my feet and forget all about you. He doesn't want you around Ju, face it. — Dongmyeong smirked as he saw the hurt in his brother's eyes, knowing that would be enough to make him step back.
- I think that's a decision that only I can make. — The two twins looked at the door to see Kiwook. — I honestly never thought you could stoop so low, Dongmyeong, that's your brother you're hurting. Are you proud of that?
Kiwook approached the two, pulling Dongju into his arms.
- Let's go? I already told the others I would spend the day at the studio. — Kiwook kissed Dongju's forehead, taking his hand before leaving the dorm, heading to the company.
- What Dongmyeong said... was that true? Do you only like the attention I give you when he doesn't give you his attention? — Dongju asked hesitantly.
- No Ju, that's not true. And to prove it... I'm here, with you. — Kiwook intertwined their fingers, swinging their held hands back and forth. — Right now, Dongmyeong is so pissed off and so jealous he would give me everything to have me on my knees for him again. And I'm here, with you. Because you are the most important person for me. You are my best friend Doongdoongie, nothing will change that.
Dongju was thankfull for those words, pulling the bassist in for a hug, this time he was the one crying on the younger's shoulder.
They spent the day together, either in Kiwook's studio or at Oneus' practice room. Even when they went back to the dorms, Dongju insisted for Kiwook to stay with him. And Kiwook just couldn't resist his friend's puppy dog eyes and cute pout. That's how they ended up cuddling in Dongju's bed.
- Kiwi... promise me you won't fall for Dongmyeong's schemes again. I don't want you hurt beyond repair. — Dongju whispered against the bassist's chest.
- I promise, love. It's just you and me from now on. — Kiwook whispered back, fingers running through his friend's hair.
This was their new routine, spend as much time as they could together, and at night they would cuddle to sleep. This was the best for both.
But Kiwook started noticing a change. Not physical. After all they were the same, their mannerisms with each other were the same. But for Kiwook, something was different. Maybe it was the way Dongju's laugh became Kiwook's favorite sound, or how his sparkly eyes became the best view, or maybe how their bodies presses up against eachother on that twin size bed as they cuddled became the best feeling.
Maybe it was how he slowly but surely fell for his best friend. Again. And that scared Kiwook. But being without Dongju scared him more. So Kiwook endured it silently.
He often daydreamed about little scenarios. He knows he shouldn't, that's what got him in the mess that was his and Dongmyeong's relationship. But he couldn't stop himself from thinking how it would be to call Dongju his, to kiss him, to be with him in a way no one was before. And those were the thoughts that were interrupted by a knock, as he was in the studio writting.
- Yeah? — Kiwook called out not deviating his attention from the paper in front of him.
- Is this how you receive my brother? — Dongmyeong's voice was heard.
- Your brother doesn't knock, so I was sure it wasn't him. — Kiwook shrugged.
The two of them hadn't talked in a while, keeping their interactions to a minimum, only what was strictly needed. At first Kiwook was surprised by the way he could act so unfazed by his ex crush, but then again, far from sight, far from the heart.
- I have been thinking... — Dongmyeong started, hand resting on Kiwook's knee. — Maybe it's time to settle down.. you know what that means, right?
- How should I know? — Kiwook mumbled.
- I'm yours Wookie, now you can have me all for yourself. — Dongmyeong's hand made it's way up Kiwook's thigh, being slapped away as it reached the goal.
- It's too late now. Whatever I wanted to have with you, I don't want it anymore. — Kiwook said assertively.
- What do you mean? I thought you would keep your promise.
- Are you trying to guilt trip me for doing something for myself? For getting away from you and your manipulative ways? — Kiwook looked at the other for the first time.
Dongmyeong's face was a lot closer than he expected, but before he could back away, lips were pressed against his as soon as the door to the studio opened once again. Kiwook was quick to push Dongmyeong away.
- What the hell? Can't you take a no as an answer? I don't want you anymore. If I could I would cut you off my life completely, but we're still in a band together. Now, get out before I make you. — Kiwook stood up, creating distance between the two.
- You'll regret this Wookie..
- Stop calling me that!
Dongmyeong left the room, stomping his way until he found his brother crying and then he understood. Dongju was the one who went in when him and Kiwook kissed.
- Ju, are you okay? — Dongmyeong approached his brother.
- Why did you two kiss?
- I decided it was time to settle down and be with Kiwook. I told you Ju, a snap of my fingers and he would be by my feet.
- No, he promised me he wouldn't fall for your shit again. He wouldn't break the promise.
- Believe what you want. I'll give you time to think it over. I'll be in the band's room. — Dongmyeong ruffled Dongju's hair before leaving.
Dongju thought long and hard, and ended up going to the studio again, all him and Kiwook had gone through couldn't be for nothing. So he barged in the studio, turned Kiwook's chair to him, and sat right in front of him.
- Dongju, what happened, why are you crying? — Kiwook asked worried.
- It's a lie, right? You didn't accept to be with him, right? — Dongju asked disregarding Kiwook's question.
- Of course I didn't. He said he wanted to settle down and I told him no. — Kiwook explained.
- Why did you two kiss then? — Dongju's tears were back as he thought back to the image that couldn't leave his head.
- He kissed me, I pushed him away and told him to fuck off. That's it. He left after that. I wouldn't break our promise. — Kiwook pulled Dongju to his arms.
- But you love him...
- I did. Not anymore. I found someone else. — Kiwook whispered.
Dongju's small hopes were close to shattered as he looked at the bassist. Who would be that misterious person that held his heart now? Dongju didn't expect a kiss to be pressed on his lips. Not that he was complaining, this was all he wanted.
- Me?
- I'm sorry I didn't see it sooner. — Kiwook smiled, kissing Dongju once again.
That was the start of something beautiful. A relationship they held dear to their hearts. It was a secret, their secret. And that was okay, the only people that needed to know was them.
But Kiwook noticed. He noticed the fear in Dongju's eyes when Kiwook spent time with Dongmyeong, the forced smiles when people talked about getting him a boyfriend. He knew Dongju was insecure, scared of Kiwook having second thoughts. But Dongju, one step ahead, already had an idea to make their bound even stronger.
So, once again, like every day, he barged into Kiwook's studio to find it empty. Dongju sat down, concluding it wouldn't take long for the bassist to come back.
He looked around, noticing some changes to the decore, namingly some of the photos he used to have on the shelves were changed for photos of the two. And then he noticed a paper on top of the desk. Weird, Kiwook always writes lyrics on his computer.
Curiosity took the best of Dongju, making him pick up the paper to read what was on it.
- After all there was I didn't know what else it could be. One second my heart was aching and the next you're right next to me. When my heart broke i didn't have a reason to make it out of bed. Thankfully you make me feel like myself again. When I was drowning in a sea of lies. You made me float in the galaxy inside your eyes. "I love you" had no meaning until it was said by you. And now I can't stop saying how I love you too. — Dongju read, feeling a warmth inside his heart.
- Ju? What are you doing here? — Kiwook looked at the paper in his boyfriend's hands. — Yah! Ju, that's not finished, you weren't supposed to read that yet.
- You never minded me reading unfinished lyrics. — Dongju pouted.
- Well... — Kiwook paused as he kissed Dongju's pout. — I never wrote a song about you before.
- So it is about me?
- Yeah... I know you've been having your insecurities and I didn't know how to say it so I wrote it all down and it became lyrics. — Kiwook admitted grabbing the paper to keep writting on it.
- Is it a song that was written easily as you thought about me? — Dongju admired his boyfriend, running his fingers through his purple hair.
- Yes. Yes it is. — Kiwook answered showing what else he had written.
"You made me smile once again. Made me feel like i could fly once again. Made my heart beat once again. Listen to love songs on repeat once again. You made me whole once again. Please don't break me apart.
Once again."
Dongju was overwhelmed. After all both of them have been through, Kiwook still wanted to love, wanted to be loved, and he granted that honor to Dongju. And Dongju would not waste it.
- Let's tell the others about us. — Dongju held his lover's hand smilling brightly when Kiwook nodded his head. — Gosh, I love you so much Kiwi. You make me so happy.
- I love you too Doondoongie, with everything I have and I don't.
The news were well received by the majority of people. Even Mamamoo members stopped by Kiwook's studio at some point to congratulate him and Dongju. Everything seemed fine. Until..
- Dongmyeong, what happened? Why did you wanted to talk to me? — Dongju sat next to his twin worried.
- We have to talk about... Wookie.
- What about him?
- I understand you two are in love, I know you two are in a relationship but...
- If I were you, Son Dongmyeong, I would measure my next words really carefully. — Dongju spoke lowly.
- Don't you think is a bit messed up? We argued so much over him and still we're letting him push us away. I was with him... — Dongmyeong was interrupted again.
- Debatable.
- Whatever. Me and Kiwook had something, as messed up as it was, and I recognize that now. And now here he is, with my twin brother. I don't know how far you two have gone...
- We've gone all the way..
- See, me and Kiwook weren't far from it either. I just... don't want us to part because of some boy. It's so wrong for twins to share someone.
Those words shouldn't have stuck with Dongju. But they did. Was it wrong to love Kiwook? Was his relationship really driving him and Dongmyeong away from eachother? Probably he thought too much about it. Because... it was starting to make sense.
- Hey baby. — Kiwook was about to peck Dongju's lips when he was stopped. — Is something wrong?
- Kiwi... I'm sorry, I don't know how to say this but...
- Why are you breaking up with me? — Kiwook took a step back.
- I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I just... I talked to Dongmyeong and... he said some things that were right. I love you Kiwi, but... I love my brother more. We can't be together anymore. Never again, I think..
Kiwook didn't answer, just ran away, ran for his life until his feet hurt. He had given his heart away to have it broken once again.
That night, Dongju woke up with his brother banging on his door. And when he opened up a piece of paper was almost rubbed in his face.
"I'm sorry. Be successfull without me, okay? I'll always support you. Onewe, fighting."
- What is this? — Dongju was confused.
- Kiwook left the band. His things are gone, his part of the room is empty, he already handed his resignation letter.
Dongju's heart broke even more at that. Had he lost his Kiwi forever?
Months went by, only Yonghoon, Hyungu and Harin knew of where Kiwook was, what he was doing and how he was doing. Dongju could barely sleep, had no apetite, if he managed to fall asleep he would constantly mumble about his little Kiwi. He was, overall a mess. He just wanted to know if his lover was okay. But one day, he got his answer, when his phone rang.
- I'm outside.
That was all he needed to get up and put on a jacket before meeting with Kiwook outside. First thing he did was hug him, hold him for dear life.
- How are you? Where have you been? What are you doing here? — Dongju asked in one go.
- Calm down, one thing at a time. — Kiwook laughed half-heartedly. — I'm good, i guess. I went back home. And I'm here to see you. And I know what you said, don't worry, I won't bother you again, I just wanted to ask you something.
- What are you doing here in town then? And what do you wanna ask?
- Oh hum... just came for a job offering, nothing much. — Kiwook looked down at his feet, pondering how to say the next words. — Will you marry me?
- What?
- Will you marry me? — Kiwook repeated.
- Kiwook...
- I know, but... look at everhthing we had Dongju. I know we can't be together, I know you don't want us anymore. But... this is the last thing I'll ask. Plea-... — Kiwook didn't finish as Dongju kissed him passionately.
- I'll marry you. Yes. Oh my god, you have no idea how much I dreamt of this.
That was their last night together. Signed the papers to become legaly married, bought matching rings with eachother's names, ate ice cream, even went to the company one last time, to visit the room that used to be Kiwook's, where they made love to eachother. And as Kiwook was dropping Dongju off, he placed a paper inside the older's pocket.
- Read this tomorrow. And only tomorrow.
- Okay.
- Promise? — Kiwook showed his pinky finger.
- Promise. — Dongju entertwined his pinky with Kiwook's, their thumbs touching as to seal the promise before a last kiss was shared between the two. — I love you Kiwi. — Dongju spoke lowly.
- I love you, Son Dongju, forever and always. — Kiwook showed one last smile.
Dongju was able to sleep well for the first time in too long. But he wasn't ready for the news that woke him up the next day, when he saw all his hyungs around him, all of them with red teary eyes.
- What's going on? — Dongju asked worriedly.
- Dongju... — Hyungu started his voice breaking as his eyes teared up once again. — We got a call from Kiwook's parents... He jumped off a building... Kiwook is dead.
His body reacted faster than his mind processed those words. He could barely see with all the tears, as he went to his jacket retreiving the paper Kiwook had given him. "I love you, forever and always" was written at the top of that paper that Dongju had seen before. It was the song Kiwook had wrote for him, now finished.
After all there was I didn't know what else it could be
One second my heart was aching and the next you're right next to me
When my heart broke i didn't have a reason to make it out of bed
Thankfully you make me feel like myself again
You made me smile once again
Made me feel like i could fly once again
Made my heart beat once again
Listen to love songs on repeat once again
You made me whole once again
Please don't break me apart.
Once again.
When I was drowning in a sea of lies
You made me float in the galaxy inside your eyes
"I love you" had no meaning until it was said by you
And now I can't stop saying how I love you too
All those insincere touches I've felt
When only yours can make me melt
Even if I felt like his for a night
I'm hoping to be yours for a life time
You made me smile once again
Made me feel like i could fly once again
Made my heart beat once again
Listen to love songs on repeat once again
You made me whole once again
Please don't break me apart.
Once again.
But nothing is perfect, things fall apart.
Maybe there was not enough space for me in your heart.
And now that I'm broken once again,
I can't stop the voices in my head.
You made me smile once again
Made me feel like i could fly once again
Made my heart beat once again
Listen to love songs on repeat once again
You made me whole once again
And now you broke me apart.
Once again.