Work Text:
I don’t normally do this.
The screen of Mo Ran’s phone alights from where it’s sitting on his stomach. He shifts, picking it up as the television blares in the background. He grins at the message, texting back a but is it as fun as I said it would be? before turning his attention back to the show. In a rare move, he’s decided to spend this Friday night at home with his TV, too drained from work. Not that he minds; he’s vicariously living through a friend who he’s pretty sure is going to a bar for the first time in his life.
No. The reply is quick and comes with a picture of an electric green drink sitting on the counter of a dimly lit bar. Mo Ran snorts and responds with a sticker of a laughing cartoon husky.
Baby steps, Mo Ran types then tacks on for good measure, You’re doing great.
His phone is silent for thirty seconds, so he assumes his friend has gone back to attempt socializing at whatever bar he’s in. Mo Ran’s tempted to ask the name, but anonymity is one of the main tenets of this friendship, so he doesn’t push.
Mo Ran had met this friend on a niche web-novel forum six months ago; Mo Ran had just been looking for spoilers on a plot point for one of his guilty pleasure reads at three in the morning, as one does, when he stumbled across a hilarious argument on a thread.
He had decided to log in as a troll and promptly got banned before signing up again, choosing to behave the second time around. Mo Ran had taken the side of one beidou_immortal, seemingly the only person who actually read the novel. Despite the fact that they were both drowned in a sea of rage comments afterwards, Mo Ran had gotten a private message from the user he’d backed up and from there, they managed to strike up conversation.
At first, they only talked about the novel. Mo Ran’s not inclined to share his more nerdier tendencies with the people he knows in real life, so it was nice to have someone to geek out with over something that he enjoys. They didn’t exchange numbers, but they did shift their conversation into another messaging app where they still preserved their anonymity. Mo Ran calls himself Weiyu, while he doubts the other man’s name is actually Xia Sini. Yet somehow along the way, despite these drawn boundaries, their conversation started to bleed into other topics too.
First it was funny things they saw online, then through the course of their day. Mo Ran had asked Xia Sini’s opinion on a book, then Xia Sini had asked him if he had been too harsh in rejecting an armorous advance from a girl at his work. Mo Ran’s not quite sure when the line got blurred and they started to talk to each other about their day to day lives, but he doesn’t mind. Xia Sini has a dry and cutting sense of humor that Mo Ran enjoys immensely, yet gives him the faint impression of someone who’s reserved in real life. Xia Sini himself has told him that he was raised extremely sheltered which has led him to being closed-off as an adult, and that he’s not as social as he wants to be.
None of that comes through when Mo Ran talks to Xia Sini, but he knows that how one person is online can completely belie how that person is in real life. Xia Sini admits that he tries to be nice, but his face is naturally stern in an ugly type of way, and he can’t help that people are scared of him before he even approaches them. Mo Ran supposes that’s why he enjoys the cloak of anonymity that comes with being online.
He doesn’t know what the other person looks like, but Mo Ran imagines someone lean and austere and somewhat like his extremely rigid and uptight manager at work. However, said manager at work has a face that has been clearly blessed by his ancestors, and haunts Mo Ran’s dreams at night despite Mo Ran’s best attempts. Mo Ran does his best not to transpose that face onto the character he’s built for Xia Sini, mostly because Xia Sini kind of already reminds him of his manager.
A manager that Mo Ran, for the better part of the past year, has had a huge crush on.
This too he’s told Xia Sini— the crush part, not the fact that the manager and Xia Sini seem to share a natural standoffish nature. Xia Sini is the only one who Mo Ran’s ever told; no one else would believe him, given how often he seems to butt heads with his manager.
He doesn’t tell Xia Sini that it’s his manager, he just infers that the person has a position of authority in Mo Ran’s life that he constantly challenges, that person doesn’t hide how he doesn’t like Mo Ran, and that person looks incredibly hot in his aggressive whites and neutrals in his clothing. Mo Ran’s pretty sure Xia Sini thinks he’s got a crush on his teacher, which Mo Ran is fine with.
Xia Sini in turn tells Mo Ran that he likes someone too. Someone out of his league who also hates him, he claims. It’s another one of the things they bond over; being hopelessly infatuated with someone who shows no indication of liking them, even in a platonic or general way. The guy is a colleague of his that won’t look his way once, let a lone twice, and they also regularly argue. But he’s tall and well built and has a smile that Xia Sini has called nice, which is the equivalent of an entire soliloquy from the reticent man.
Mo Ran’s tried to visualize this person but comes up short each time, so he resorts to suggesting one shameless line to Xia Sini after another. Xia Sini rejects each one of them tersely, sometimes calling Mo Ran shameless, something that Mo Ran definitely hears in his manager’s voice.
Xia Sini does, however, seem to listen to Mo Ran’s suggestions on how to improve his social life. Or at least he appears to. For example, right now— Xia Sini, at Mo Ran’s encouragement, had finally said yes to hanging out with his coworkers after work. He’s at a bar, he’s told Mo Ran, and though he can drink everyone under the table, the experience is not as fun as he thought it’d be.
Mo Ran’s phone buzzes again, breaking his focus from the game show he’s been watching. The message is from Xia Sini, saying, I think someone just tried to hit on me . Mo Ran snorts and replies with a you think? and the response is instant.
I didn’t realize it till they started to walk away.
From Mo Ran, You should go get them.
I’d rather not. They asked me if their shirt would look better on them or on my floor and I told them I didn’t like the style of it so I wouldn’t ever take it.
Mo Ran barks out a laugh at this. The image he has in his head of Xia Sini starts to morph, drifting from looking like his manager to looking like the extremely proper and elderly Liu Gong who mans the front desk of Sisheng.
Before he turns his attention back to the television, he texts a, hey at least you made it out.
✉
The other thing Mo Ran likes about their friendship is the sense of satisfaction he gets from hearing Xia Sini claim to apply his advice.
Mo Ran’s well loved by most of the people around him, save for the aforementioned manager. He’s got his two closest friends working alongside with him, and he’s popular both at work and at whatever bar he goes to afterwards— though with the latter, it fluctuates based on whether he brings Xue Meng and Shi Mei, or the Mei brothers with him. Anyways, he’s got a wealth of advice to dispense, and it pleases him to see someone actually take it.
Well, as far as he knows. Xia Sini could also just be someone dicking around with him, but Mo Ran chooses to believe in the good. Part of it may or may not be because his friendship with Xia Sini feels like an echo of what a friendship with Chu Wanning could have been like, if Chu Wanning’s default tone wasn’t aloof and derisive and Mo Ran didn’t automatically resort to thinly veiled insults.
It’s not that Mo Ran had ever set out to antagonize Chu Wanning when he started at Sisheng. It was just that Mo Ran has an outgoing and stubborn personality, while Chu Wanning is equally stubborn but introverted. They clashed regularly and still do, though Mo Ran has defanged the words he throws Chu Wanning’s way. He knows that while Chu Wanning’s default settings seem to be either stoic or acerbic, the man does work hard and despite all the admonishments he so readily delivers, he always has his team’s back.
Mo Ran hadn’t always seen it that way, but two years ago, Chu Wanning had readily taken the fall for something that Xue Meng, Shi Mei and Mo Ran had messed up at work. No one lost their job, but Chu Wanning had to be reprimanded in front of the board, something that was no doubt a great blow to the prideful man. He had kept the trio’s names out of it completely and since then, Mo Ran had finally seen Chu Wanning in a new light. Admittedly, he’s had this crush on and off since he was a wide-eyed intern and had first laid eyes on the cold and elegant man. Even at his most pissed, he’s still wanted to at least get Chu Wanning in his bed and teach him a lesson.
But now that he’s able to talk to someone who’s so similar to Chu Wanning, Mo Ran feels like the understanding he has of his manager has grown even deeper and it tangles in with his crush. Mo Ran’s already been working on his patience, but it jumps tenfold now and when Chu Wanning snaps at him at work, he not as quick to immediately bite back. Not that Chu Wanning does that often anymore. He’s recently started to soften, probably worn down by the weight of the whip he wields over the small department he manages.
Either that or Xue Meng is right about Chu Wanning having always been nice and Mo Ran being too thick to notice it.
It doesn’t matter though. At work, Mo Ran is now kinder towards the man he likes, despite knowing there’s no chance in hell Chu Wanning will ever like him back. And online, he’s able to coax another person out of their shell, the same way that he sometimes wishes he could do to Chu Wanning.
Xia Sini listens to him well. Even if he were lying, it would be quite an invested lie, because he likes to send Mo Ran proof. Of the drink he gets at a bar when he finally agrees to a night out, of the new restaurants he tries, ticket stubs for movies he finally goes to see, even if he’s going alone, all to prove to Mo Ran that he’s listening to his advice. It feels like a mutually beneficial relationship, and it feels nice to have a friend that seems to understand you beyond just a surface level.
✉
One evening, a few weeks after Xia Sini finally goes to a bar with his co-workers, Xia Sini sends Mo Ran a picture of a takeout container from a restaurant that he said before he’s always wanted to try, but has been too crowded for him to want to venture in. The logo is comedically unfortunate, and looks rather familiar. Mo Ran zooms in to the tiny address stamped at the bottom.
It’s strange, realizing the person who you’ve been texting for months now lives in the same city as you. Even if said city is large and densely populated— that restaurant is within the area where Mo Ran lives and works. Xia Sini being so close to him feels like kismet, so much so that Mo Ran temporarily forgets about their unspoken pact of anonymity.
Hey, Mo Ran texts impulsively. Have you ever thought about meeting up ? I think we’re in the same city.
He doesn’t expect a reply— after all, they’ve not even shared pictures of themselves with each other. Meeting each other in person would be a huge step, specifically for someone like Xia Sini. But the thought that they might be nearby starts to stir some restlessness in Mo Ran. Mo Ran doesn’t lack friends, but he feels like he’s grown uniquely close to Xia Sini over the past couple of months, and wants to finally put a face to the formless person he’s been chatting with. Undoubtedly there would be some initial awkwardness, but Mo Ran has faith in his interpersonal skills.
...That is, if Xia Sini even agrees. He could flat out reject Mo Ran, or worse, completely ghost him and stop replying. Maybe Mo Ran has crossed a line, and Xia Sini will decide to cut and run. Before Mo Ran can start to worry over that train of thought though, his phone buzzes with a new message.
It’s a succinct sure, but it still has Mo Ran breaking out into a grin.
✉
The cafe they’ve picked is not too far from Mo Ran’s house. They’ve agreed to wear pins to identify themselves; Xia Sini has already sent a picture of his own golden haitang pin to Mo Ran, and last night Mo Ran had sent a picture of his own red pin, shaped like a small dog’s paw, something he scrounged up from his junk drawer.
The excitement grows during the fifteen minute walk to the cafe. The entire week leading up, he’s been imagining how it will be like meeting Xia Sini. He wonders if he will be as funny in person, or if he’ll be more reserved and introverted. Xia Sini has already told him not to expect much, but Mo Ran can’t help but build eager anticipation. He runs a hand through his hair and checks his reflection in storefronts that he passes by; it’s not a date, but Xia Sini is still someone he wants to impress.
However, there is one thing that he doesn’t anticipate as he goes up the stairs and enters through the cafe doors and that is seeing an unassuming and familiar face tucked away in the corner of the cafe. Mo Ran blinks as he sees Chu Wanning sitting with a book at a tiny table, a plate of half-eaten dessert behind him. He’s wearing a crisp white dress shirt and a tie, like he’s come straight from work.
It isn’t till Mo Ran catches the glint of something against Chu Wanning’s shirt pocket, that his brain quickly adds together what he sees with the fact that Xia Sini had texted him telling him he’d get a table at the exact same place that Chu Wanning’s sitting. Mo Ran squints and— though it’s from a distance, that golden pin is undoubtedly familiar.
Mo Ran immediately turns on his heel and exits the cafe.
As he descends back down the steps, Mo Ran feels his higher brain functions shutting down. Of all the people Xia Sini could be, did it really have to be Chu Wanning ? Mo Ran’s brain is still trying to compute the fact as it simultaneously understands that Chu Wanning would not take Mo Ran being WeiYu well.
If Mo Ran goes back in, he most likely risks losing both a friend in Xia Sini and whatever little goodwill he’s scraped together with Chu Wanning. The temptation to run is strong, but Mo Ran just leans back against the brick wall and quickly yanks off the red pin he had stuck to his shirt. His phone buzzes and sure enough, there’s a message from Xia Sini. Chu Wanning.
Shit.
Are you close by?
Mo Ran’s tempted to reply with cancelling the whole thing before running away. His brain however is stuck on the image of Chu Wanning sitting alone in a cafe, waiting for someone who won’t show. He remembers what Chu Wanning had told him as Xia Sini about how people just don’t seem to want to be around him, and Mo Ran feels a twinge in his heart.
Then there’s also the fact Mo Ran doesn’t think he can actually tear himself away from Chu Wanning, not at a time like this. The thought of spending time with Chu Wanning is too alluring, beckoning Mo Ran over his cowardice.
Mo Ran drags a hand over his face, unsure what to do as on the side, his brain combs through every interaction he has ever had with Xia Sini. No wonder Xia Sini had reminded him so much of Chu Wanning— it had been Chu Wanning that Mo Ran had been gently coaxing out of his shell all these months. Hadn’t Chu Wanning become nicer at work recently? Was that all Mo Ran’s doing?
Chu Wanning’s face flits across Mo Ran’s mind again, and his legs make the decision before his brain can catch up.
This time when Mo Ran walks in to the cafe, he pointedly does not look in the direction where Chu Wanning is sitting. He stares at the menu instead, squinting like he’s going to get anything, and tries to naturally drift his gaze around the shop. He catches Chu Wanning staring at him. Swallowing down his nerves, Mo Ran raises a hand and waves. Chu Wanning just stares in return.
Mo Ran doesn’t rush over immediately; he buys a coffee and a small cardboard box of mini lotus pastries first, before ambling over to Chu Wanning’s table.
“Hey!” he calls out, and Chu Wanning is clearly pretending he hasn’t heard, staring at something very intently out of the window. Maybe he’s looking for Weiyu, and guilt tinges Mo Ran’s conscience. “Hey, Senior Chu!”
He’s loud enough that Chu Wanning has no choice but to look up as Mo Ran approaches, something like trepidation on his face. Ignoring the way his stomach feels like it’s filled with butterflies, Mo Ran puts on an amicable face.
“Is this seat taken?” Mo Ran asks, and doesn’t wait for a response before he tugs out the chair and sits down. Before Chu Wanning can reply, Mo Ran pushes the box of mini-pastries towards him. “Here, take one.”
Chu Wanning silently stares down at the delicate pink pastries. By the pink crumbs on his empty plate, Mo Ran doesn’t doubt that he’s already tried them; they’re some of Chu Wanning’s favourite desserts.
“What are you doing here?” Mo Ran asks as Chu Wanning finally pinches a small pastry out of the box. Chu Wanning pauses and narrows his eyes at him, and Mo Ran tries to not let his nerves show. He can see the gears turning in Chu Wanning’s head, probably as he thinks of a polite way to fob off Mo Ran.
“I like their pastries here,” Chu Wanning replies a moment later, and Mo Ran hums in response. “What are you doing here?”
“Hanging out with you,” Mo Ran quips, and Chu Wanning gives him a flat look. “What, you don’t think I make good company?”
Chu Wanning with a hmph, and Mo Ran tentatively tries a, “I was just visiting a friend in the area.”
Now would be a good time to tell the truth, maybe bring out the pin, just so that the two of them can have their moment of embarrassment then put it behind them. Yet, the words refuse to come out of his mouth.
“Did you need something?” Chu Wanning asks pointedly after thirty seconds of silence pass, and Mo Ran shrugs.
“Can’t I just run into my favourite manager when I’m out and about?” Mo Ran replies, and that gets an eye roll out of Chu Wanning. It also gets the corners of his lips to twitch lightly before they settle back in his standard scowl, and the action does not escape Mo Ran’s notice.
God, he can’t believe it had been Chu Wanning that he had been talking to this whole time— that must have been why Chu Wanning had been so much nicer at work. Mo Ran had been encouraging him. Mo Ran doesn’t know whether to laugh or cry.
“How has your weekend been?” Chu Wanning stiffly asks, the atmosphere awkward.
“Well,” Mo Ran starts vaguely, unsure of where to go with this. “Just the same old.” You should tell him . “How about you?”
Chu Wanning surreptitiously glances at his phone that has remained silent the entire time. Mo Ran attempts to look innocent. Chu Wanning turns back to Mo Ran with a fleeting look of disappointment before clearing his throat. “Just enjoying the good weather. I was debating watching a movie.”
“Yeah? Which one?”
Chu Wanning looks like he’s mulling this over for a moment, before he parrots back the same movie Weiyu’s been telling Xia Sini he’s looking forward to. Mo Ran wills down a twitch in the corner of his eye, and instead gives Chu Wanning his best dimpled smile.
Tell him.
“Do you want to go see it now?” he blurts out instead, and Chu Wanning blinks.
“What?”
“I don’t think the theatre is too far from here,” Mo Ran leans back in his chair and gives a half yawn. “I want to check it out too, but I hate going to the movies alone. If you’re free, then why not?”
Something complicated crosses Chu Wanning’s face and for a moment Mo Ran gets worried that he’s slipped up. Then Chu Wanning gives a stilted nod, and Mo Ran has to force himself to not grin stupidly at the fact that he’ll get to hang out with Chu Wanning.
It’s sobered only by the fact that Mo Ran, at one point today, should probably come clean.
✉
Yet for unknown reasons, Mo Ran doesn’t tell Chu Wanning the truth.
Perhaps he didn’t want to see Chu Wanning disappointed in the fact that Mo Ran and Weiyu are the same man. While Mo Ran has more charm and appeal in person, he doesn’t know if Chu Wanning would like learning that his friend is also someone he butts heads with regularly.
Maybe it’s the aftershocks of his higher brain functions shutting down at the sight of Chu Wanning in the cafe. It could also be because at one point Mo Ran had realized that as Weiyu, he had admitted to Xia Sini that he had a crush on a colleague and had that describe his crush and their interactions in enough detail that Chu Wanning would figure out immediately who he was talking about, if he knew who Weiyu really was. Mo Ran is faintly glad that at least he hadn’t been more cavalier with the details on his life, such as giving the name of where he worked.
Or perhaps Mo Ran didn’t admit the truth because the time he spent with Chu Wanning had been rather enjoyable. The walk to the theatre had been first filled with awkward silence, before Mo Ran sacrificed his cousin and told Chu Wanning about Xue Meng accidentally falling off the treadmill while trying to impress someone at the gym. It got half a smile out of Chu Wanning, and they were able to start a conversation from there.
Mo Ran covertly bought the tickets online while they walked; the surprised indignant look on Chu Wanning’s face when he found out has been committed to memory. The movie had been some sort of action thriller that Mo Ran has been eager to watch all year. He doesn’t remember a single moment fo rit, having been too busy sneaking glances at Chu Wanning, who was doing a bad job of sharing the large bag of candy Mo Ran had bought them.
Chu Wanning had asked many questions throughout the movie, and not one fleck of annoyance sparked within Mo Ran. He then had been so incredibly immersed in the final action scene that he didn’t even notice Mo Ran openly staring at him like a creep. thankfully.
They had gotten dinner after at a small roadside restaurant, and Chu Wanning proved he could eat twice his weight in fish stir-fry as he listened to Mo Ran talk idly about work, gym, and cat-sitting for the Xue family. The conversation itself wasn’t remarkable, but Chu Wanning had looked rather invested in what Mo Ran was saying regardless. Mo Ran for his part had to take his time, absorbing each moment that he got to spend with Chu Wanning. Chu Wanning had even given him a passing compliment about his performance at work lately, something that had momentarily stunned Mo Ran.
Mo Ran had offered to walk him home after; Chu Wanning’s place was only twenty minutes away. Mo Ran filled the walk with inane chatter while Chu Wanning would occasionally cut in with some of the same dry humor that Mo Ran had seen with Xia Sini, but had never noticed in Chu Wanning. Each time, Mo Ran’s chest would do something funny.
Mo Ran had been on pins the entire time they had been out, but Chu Wanning had not caught on at all. Mo Ran is not sure what combination of bravery and idiocy compelled him to suggest they hang out but he’s glad that he did, because he doubts he’d have otherwise ever been given the chance. It’s not that Mo Ran doesn’t think Chu Wanning had the capacity to be polite, if not kind— it was just novel having experienced that side of Chu Wanning without anyone else around them.
Mo Ran knows he’s in deep trouble. His heart feels extremely light at the thought that he had something that could feel like a date without much stretch of his imagination, but there’s a small voice in the corner of his mind asking him when he plans to tell Chu Wanning. The longer he goes hiding the truth, the more likely it will be that Chu Wanning will be genuinely angry. Yet, all Mo Ran can think about is the way Chu Wanning’s face had gone pink with the evening wind by the time they reached his apartment block.
Now he’s lying on his couch, staring at the ceiling as a strange mix of giddiness and guilt swirls within him.
It really did feel like a date. Mo Ran wishes with all his heart that it was, and he feels more infatuated than ever. He’s surprised that Chu Wanning not only tolerated his presence for so long, but actually seemed like he didn’t mind it. Had he wished it, Chu Wanning could have simply walked away from Mo Ran.
But he stayed.
And if Chu Wanning finds out that Mo Ran is also Weiyu and that Mo Ran hid it from him, he will be absolutely enraged. Maybe even embarrassed— hell, Mo Ran feels embarassed himself. But he also feels like he’s stumbled across something precious and entirely out of his league.
Just his luck. A close friend he made under a cloak of anonymity in the vast web of the internet just happens to be both his manager and his longtime crush. If any idiot would be blessed and cursed with this level of connection, it would be him.
His phone buzzes, and Mo Ran aimlessly picks it up as he wonders what to do. It’s Chu Wanning— Xia Sini, texting him and asking him where he was. Mo Ran stares at the message for a moment, his brain buffering as the same voice from before tells him now’s your chance to come clean.
Mo Ran sends off a long, winding apology telling Xia Sini that he had fallen ill with a fever and had to go to his doctor’s and that the medicines knocked him out. He tells him when he woke up, he barely knew what day it was and that he’s both very sorry and willing to make it up to him.
(He’s not quite sure how he’ll make it up to Chu Wanning, but Mo Ran’s impulsive words have never been the best).
Mo Ran gets a simple ‘oh’ in return, followed be a ‘feel better’. He instantly regrets building on the lie and lets the phone drop on his face as he groans, bemoaning the fact that he’s a complete idiot.
✉
He gets an opportunity to come clean a few days later, when he finds himself having to put in overtime, having to go through a backlog of work with Chu Wanning. It’s admittedly his fault —he missed filing a report a month ago, and it’s just piled up since then— but surprisingly, instead of chewing off his head, Chu Wanning stays back to help Mo Ran.
Mo Ran wonders how much of it is because Chu Wanning wants to, and how much of it is because before their meeting, Weiyu had been gently encouraging Xia Sini to let some of the kindness he kept inside make itself known. Mo Ran has to shake his head and refocus on his work; they’re both sharing a table in one of the tiny meeting rooms, and Chu Wanning has been working diligently. Mo Ran can’t afford to slack, not when they’re here because of him anyways.
Yet he can’t stop thinking about how much he enjoyed talking to Xia Sini precisely because the other reminded him of Chu Wanning, except friendlier and more willing to listen to Mo Ran. Through his friendship with Xia Sini, he felt like what a friendship with Chu Wanning could be like.
The joy he got from helping Xia Sini come out of his shell worked in lieu of what he wished he could coax out of Chu Wanning. But it turns out the two people in his life were tied together after all.
Chu Wanning notices him staring.
“Is everything okay?” He asks, frowning in Mo Ran’s direction. Mo Ran knows that he should tell the truth now, cut it off at its roots before the lie spreads any further. He opens his mouth, and says, “I missed lunch, so I’m hungry. I was thinking about getting some food.”
Chu Wanning looks at him funny, like he doesn’t quite believe Mo Ran. Thankfully, Mo Ran actually did miss lunch, and his stomach gurgles loud enough in the silence that Chu Wanning sighs and shuts down his laptop.
“Where do you want to go?” he asks, and they both belatedly realize that Mo Ran hadn’t actually issued an invitation. Mo Ran quickly corrects course though, asking Chu Wanning what he’s in the mood for.
So instead of telling Chu Wanning the truth, Mo Ran takes him to a bustling market a few blocks away from their building, where they both get roast duck and share a paper cone full of fried shrimp. The area is congested and a few people bump into them, so Mo Ran ends up shielding Chu Wanning from the crowd as they eat, utterly entranced by the way Chu Wanning’s ears have gone pink again with the cold.
He should tell Chu Wanning the truth. But then Chu Wanning looks up at Mo Ran as he plucks a piece of shrimp from the cone Mo Ran holds and pops it in his mouth, slender fingers pressing against lips that Mo Ran is dying to taste, and all coherent thought vanishes from Mo Ran’s head.
There’s always the next time , he faintly thinks to himself.
✉
Except he doesn’t tell him next time. Or the time after that.
It’s strange that he gets more than one opportunity yet Mo Ran never managed to seize it. Instead he revels in the new pastime he’s been allowed: spending time with Chu Wanning.
They share a lunch under the guise of work; the next day, Mo Ran doesn’t even bother, just asks Chu Wanning where he’d like to eat. Chu Wanning also seems to go easier on him during work; once, he gives a vague approximation of a smile at the trio and tells them good work, leaving the three of them in a state of disbelief. Shared lunches become a regular thing, and once or twice Chu Wanning will even join him after work at the local bar, drinking agreeably while Mo Ran talks.
They’re becoming friends quick, and it seems like Chu Wanning is able to tolerate Mo Ran more and more. This would be encouraging, if it weren’t for the fact that Xia Sini is still talking about his crush to Weiyu.
Mo Ran tries to be clever in asking but Chu Wanning pointedly clams up every time Mo Ran teases him about possibly having a crush on someone. However, Xia Sini is significantly more forthcoming with things like—
I don’t think the person I like hates me anymore. How can I tell?
I got to spend more time with the person I like this week. I wonder if they still think I’m cold.
I think the person I like is noticing me. How do I tell?
They’re vague enough that Mo Ran can’t tell who Chu Wanning’s talking about, because Mo Ran doesn’t have constant access to Chu Wanning’s schedule to know who else he’s been hanging out with. He thinks briefly for a moment that it might be himself, but the thought of the cold Venerable Chu reciprocating Mo Ran’s feelings is laughable. Just because he tolerates Mo Ran now doesn’t mean anything— Chu Wanning has also started to defrost to many others that approach him, even towards Xie Fengya from the Tanglang division who, from what Mo Ran has overheard, even managed to drag Chu Wanning out for drinks with the rest of the managers.
…was that why Chu Wanning was nicer to him? If things were going well with his crush, then maybe the joy of that leaked out into his other interactions. The thought of that leaves a bitter taste in Mo Ran’s mouth and stymies the joy that he gets from spending time with Chu Wanning.
But if Mo Ran tells him, Chu Wanning may not only be angry, but he may also connect the dots as to who Mo Ran likes— and if Chu Wanning already has a crush on someone else, it would just be another thing on the list of reasons for him to be upset at Mo Ran, and possibly never talk to him again.
So Mo Ran keeps his mouth shut.
✉
It’s a shame that he does because inevitably, it allows disaster to strike.
It happens in a small conference room when the whole team is working overtime. Shi Mei, Xue Meng and Mo Ran are sitting in a pile of papers while Chu Wanning’s directly across from them, tapping away at his computer. He doesn’t need to be there, but he’s stayed back just in case they need help, despite them telling him to go home.
The deadline is urgent but the work is mind-numbingly boring, and Mo Ran feels his attention flag and drift towards Chu Wanning constantly. He thinks about him, thinks about Xia Sini, thinks about Weiyu has been texting Xia Sini like nothing’s different. He hasn’t suggested they meet up again, and he wonders if Chu Wanning is thinking about bringing it up before dismissing it as a silly idea. He doubts that Chu Wanning gives their anonymous friendship as much thought as Mo Ran does; after all, he doesn’t know they’re tied in more ways than one.
Mo Ran bets that if he replied to Xia Sini right now, Chu Wanning would carry on like nothing would happen. He is so incredibly bored, that Mo Ran decides to try. He pulls out his phone and while no one is looking, texts a quick hey, look at this video and sends a picture of something stupid Mei Hanxue had sent him, before putting his phone on silent and placing it face down on the table.
He watches as Chu Wanning gives a glance at his buzzing phone beside him, pressing his lips together before he turns his attention back to his laptop. Mo Ran tries not to feel the sting of being ignored— a few moments later, Chu Wanning’s gaze snaps back to his phone, and he picks it up. His mouth doesn’t move but Mo Ran watches in fascination of Chu Wanning’s eyes briefly curve up. He types something out before putting his phone back down, and Mo Ran sees the glow of his own screen from the sides as it lights up with a message.
Mo Ran wishes he could check but he doesn’t, nervous about giving himself away. Unfortunately, the decision gets taken out of his hands.
“I’m going to get more coffee,” Xue Meng yawns and stretches, getting up. “Does anyone want any?”
“I’m good,” Mo Ran waves him off, and Shi Mei and Chu Wanning grunt in agreement. Xue Meng sweeps his phone and wallet off the table, and makes a strange sound.
“Who the hell is Xia Sini?” Xue Meng mutters, and it takes a moment for Mo Ran to register the words. By then it’s too late. Chu Wanning already throws a sharp look at Xue Meng, while Shi Mei continues to work, oblivious. Mo Ran prays to any higher power willing to listen that Xue Meng’s next words aren’t—
“Oh, this is your phone,” Xue Meng puts down Mo Ran’s phone and moves some papers, finding his own. “You sure you don’t want anything?”
He gets silence in return. Oblivious to the layer of frost that’s suddenly appeared, Xue Meng takes his leave. Mo Ran dares to look at Chu Wanning, and sees the man looking back directly at him, his eyes boring a hole into Mo Ran.
Chu Wanning does not look happy. Mo Ran knows that his own face is doing very little to belie his guilt. The atmosphere in the room is tense, and five excruciatingly long minutes pass before Chu Wanning can clearly no longer take it.
He doesn’t even announce his departure; Chu Wanning simply starts throwing his things into his bag, his face tinged pink. Shi Mei looks up at him in question, and Chu Wanning says a strangled, “I’m leaving. I’m not feeling well.”
“I’ll see you out,” Mo Ran says, standing up immediately and Chu Wanning doesn’t look at him.
“Don’t bother,” comes the curt reply, but panic has been welling in Mo Ran for the past five minutes and as soon as Chu Wanning storms out of the room, Mo Ran is on his heels.
“Wanning—!” Mo Ran calls out, and Chu Wanning starts to walk faster. There’s an elevator opening as someone steps out, and Chu Wanning immediately gets in, undoubtedly hitting the button to close the door as fast as he can. Mo Ran breaks out into a run, sliding in just before the doors can close.
He’s met with a Chu Wanning that’s so angry that his face is red, and his knuckles white from how hard he clenches his hands in fists. Mo Ran does a double take just as the doors shut behind him, and Chu Wanning beats him to the punch.
“Whatever joke you’re playing on me ends here,” Chu Wanning says, voice strange and Mo Ran’s eyes go wide.
“Joke—?”
“You probably had a good laugh over what an idiot I was, right?” Chu Wanning presses on, and Mo Ran realizes his voice is peculiar because it’s trembling. “I— I told you so much — ”
“No one was laughing at you,” Mo Ran starts, but Chu Wanning clearly isn’t in the mood to listen. He glares at Mo Ran, his eyes bright under the light of the elevator.
“You knew,” Chu Wanning’s voice shakes the more worked up he gets, and dread builds in Mo Ran. “You knew who I was and you still let me tell you all my secrets! You still let me — I can’t believe you — and I told you! I told you about you— ”
“What are you talking about?” Mo Ran reaches for Chu Wanning’s arm, trying to get him to speak properly but Chu Wanning shakes his head. “Told me what?”
“I feel so stupid,” Chu Wanning says, the rims of his eyes turning red. Mo Ran’s at an utter loss; he expected Chu Wanning to get livid, but he didn’t expect him to look this crushed.
The elevator dings behind them as they reach the ground floor, and Chu Wanning chokes off his own sentence, quickly wiping at his eyes with his free hand. He closes up all emotion on his face as the doors slide open, and gives Mo Ran a cold look.
“I didn’t think you hated me this much, Mo Ran,” Chu Wanning says, yanking his elbow out of Mo Ran’s grip. He thunders out without a look over his shoulder and Mo Ran remains in the elevator, his brain finally catching up to what happened.
It’s only when the dust is settling in that Mo Ran realizes what Chu Wanning was talking about.
✉
All of Mo Ran’s messages to Chu Wanning get ignored. And he sends many— he sends one heartfelt sorry after another with no reply. Mo Ran tells him that he wasn’t making fun of him, that Mo Ran wasn’t playing a prank on him, that he genuinely saw them as friends.
Mo Ran feels like a massive asshole. He should have told Chu Wanning from the get-go when he saw him in the cafe; at least then they could play it off for a laugh, and Mo Ran could have used that experience to convince Chu Wanning to hang out with him regularly. There's a hundred things he could have done that didn’t include inadvertently stringing Chu Wanning along; he was just too blinded by the fact that he got to spend time with his crush to use any of his common sense.
I talked to you about you. The words ring in Mo Ran’s head like a turbulent bell, and he constantly rereads their message history together, heart sinking at the revelation when he rereads all the times Xia Sini had talked about his crush
Chu Wanning had been talking about Mo Ran the whole time he had been talking about the person that he liked. Mo Ran was too much of an idiot to twig on to the fact until after Chu Wanning had stormed off; it feels significantly worse than losing a winning lottery ticket. Mo Ran can’t believe that Chu Wanning likes — had liked— him and he blew it.
Chu Wanning blocks Weiyu on their messaging app so Mo Ran switches to texting Chu Wanning’s regular number, desperate to apologize. He texts an ‘I’m sorry, I wasn’t playing a prank on you. Please let’s talk so that I can apologize properly, I was wrong’. That message gets read, but he gets no reply.
Mo Ran has never felt more stupid in his life.
✉
Chu Wanning not only continues to ignore Mo Ran’s messages, but he stops showing up to work. Mo Ran tries to not let it get to him; he lasts all of two days before accosting Xue Meng in his office and asking him where their manager has gone.
“Oh,” Xue Meng replies, something funny flitting across his face. “He’s taking some vacation.”
“Why are you saying it like that?” Mo Ran frowns, and Xue Meng tries to act ignorant.
“Like what?” he replies but Mo Ran takes the file he’s holding and thwacks him on the head. “Ow— okay, fine, he actually tried to quit.”
“What?”
“He wouldn’t say why,” Xue Meng grimaces. “The old man convinced him to take some vacation instead, but he’s worried he’ll leave instead of coming back. Why are you making that face?”
Mo Ran ignores Xue Meng, turning on his heel instead, guilt already churning within him like a storm at the thought of being the reason that Chu Wanning no longer wanted to show his face.
A few more days pass with Chu Wanning ignoring both Mo Ran’s calls and texts. Mo Ran’s stomach feels like lead the entire time, and he goes through the motions of his day in a haze, trying to work out how he’s going to get Chu Wanning to at least listen to him. He’s down bad for the man, and his inner voice keeps berating himself regularly for it.
✉
Then one day he’s in a private meeting with Xue Zhengyong, one that is really just an excuse for Xue Zhengyong to harangue Mo Ran about his personal life, completely oblivious to Mo Ran’s plight. In the midst of Xue Zhengyong’s heavy handed hints that Mo Ran is due for a proper family dinner at the Xue household again, Mo Ran somehow manages to casually ask about where Chu Wanning’s gone.
Xue Zhengyong pauses and gives Mo Ran a funny look, and Mo Ran supposes he wasn’t as casual as he could be.
“He’s taken some time off,” Xue Zhengyong says. Then, more to himself, “That reminds me, I have to make sure that the reservation on Friday is booked at the right place. Where’s that airheaded secretary of mine…”
“Are you going somewhere?” Mo Ran asks politely, and Xue Zhengyong waves him off.
“It’s for Wanning,” Xue Zhengyong says, then clicks his teeth. “The place is French, but the man he’s meeting with is so picky. You young people nowadays have very expensive taste, do you know that?”
Mo Ran blinks. Xue Zhengyong says mindlessly, “It’ll be a good way for him to get out. He likes to coop himself up for too long.”
Xue Zhengyong’s started to speak in half sentences, the way he does when his mind’s already drifted to his next ten tasks. But the fact, as far as Mo Ran can see it, is this: Xue Zhengyong, perennial matchmaker that leaves no stone unturned, has set a reservation for Chu Wanning at the same restaurant Xue Meng’s had to meet many a daughter of a family friend at. Mo Ran may admittedly have some clouded judgement in regards to this matter, but he ignores that for now.
A plan starts to formulate rapidly in his head, one that Mo Ran knows he will not bother going over again before executing it. He might even end up looking like a total idiot.
Whatever. Anything for love— specifically, anything for Chu Wanning.
✉
One day and one careful extraction of information from an enthusiastic uncle later, Mo Ran charms his way past the hostess and into the sleek French restaurant where Chu Wanning is supposed to be. He makes sure for the umpteenth time that his tie is set properly and his suit is flawless; despite committing the rather rash act of crashing a date, this is a fancy restaurant, and Mo Ran doesn’t want to embarrass Chu Wanning. Any more than he’s already going to.
Clarity only dawned on him when he was stepping out of his cab but by then, it had been too late. Mo Ran spots the table where Chu Wanning has been tucked away; predictable, Chu Wanning has shown up early, and is alone. Thankfully, because Mo Ran doesn’t know what he would do if the date was already here.
Chu Wanning’s studying the wine menu when Mo Ran approaches, and notices belatedly that he’s got company. So slowly that it seems deliberate, Chu Wanning drags his eyes from the cardstock to Mo Ran in question. The act alone has Mo Ran’s breath catching in his throat.
“...Mo Ran?” Chu Wanning’s gaze instantly sharpens and before he can say anything, Mo Ran takes the seat beside him.
“Wanning,” Mo Ran says, and Chu Wanning balks, probably at the overly familiar address. Knowing he needs to be economical with time, Mo Ran immediately begins before Chu Wanning can shoo him away. “Look, I’m really sorry for crashing your date, but I have something really important to say and you keep ignoring me.”
Chu Wanning stares at Mo Ran like Mo Ran’s a complete idiot, which is fair. He says nothing so Mo Ran takes it as a cue to go on— but then Chu Wanning’s gaze drifts over his shoulder and he raises his hand. Mo Ran follows the direction of his wave and does a double take when he sees his cousin amble into the restaurant.
“What’s Xue Meng doing here?” Mo Ran says faintly, and Chu Wanning simply replies with a terse glance before raising his hand higher. It’s then that Mo Ran realizes that the table they’re at is rather large, with three other chairs.
“...Wanning, what are you doing here?” Mo Ran asks quietly, as his cousin gives him a confused look. Suddenly, Mo Ran feels like there is a huge amount of awkwardness hovering above him like a cartoon anvil. Chu Wanning helpfully cuts the rope and sends it crashing down on Mo Ran’s head with his reply.
“Having dinner with one of the directors at Rufeng,” Chu Wanning responds icily, and Mo Ran looks momentarily stunned. He wipes the expression off quickly as Xue Meng reaches their table.
“Oh, I didn’t know you were going to be here,” Xue Meng says, raising an eyebrow at Mo Ran as he takes a seat. “Nangong Si is five minutes out.”
“Your dad thought he should send someone competent to babysit,” Mo Ran says, the cadence of his voice belying the fact that he’s started to sweat literal bullets. Given the calibre of the place, Xue Meng simply rolls his eyes at Mo Ran instead of the usual rude gesture. Xue Meng’s about to say something to Mo Ran when his phone rings, Nangong Si’s name flashing on the screen when he pulls it out. Mo Ran quickly takes advantage of the distraction, turning to Chu Wanning as Xue Meng picks up the call.
“This is not a date?” Mo Ran hisses as Xue Meng starts to rattle off directions to Nangong Si’s driver, and Chu Wanning simply glares at him in return. Mo Ran curses internally, while keeping a smile plastered to his face. It may look a little manic.
Mo Ran may have misstepped a little.
✉
To his credit, Mo Ran does a fantastic job pretending that he had meant to be at the business dinner the whole time; Nangong Si and his date are none the wiser as the five of them sit around a table and chat. Mo Ran manages to reign in his freneticness long enough to turn on the charm despite the fact that by the end of the dinner, Chu Wanning is holding his dessert fork like a weapon and glaring daggers, while Mo Ran’s back is covered in cold sweat.
Xue Meng is none the wiser, happily agreeing when Mo Ran suggests that he sees Nangong Si and his date to their car while he settles up the bill. Chu Wanning is about to leave too but Mo Ran places a hand on his back, on the nape of his neck— overly familiar, but that desperation that Mo Ran has been trying to tamp down on all night is slowly bubbling to the surface.
“Will Senior Chu be kind enough to wait for me?” Mo Ran asks, stiff and overly formal, and Chu Wanning gives him a look that is very much an emphatic no .
Yet when Xue Meng shepherds their guests out the door first, Chu Wanning lingers back. He doesn’t quite meet Mo Ran’s eyes when Mo Ran settles the bill, nor when Mo Ran quietly guides them out of the restaurant. Xue Meng is chatting with Nangong Si animatedly, both of them standing with their chests puffed out as a cab pulls up beside them, and Mo Ran figures he can steal Chu Wanning away for a little longer. He grabs Chu Wanning by the wrist and tugs him into a tiny alleyway beside the restaurant; it surprises him how easy it is. Chu Wanning answers the question before Mo Ran even asks.
“I just want to get this over with,” Chu Wanning says gloomily as they step into the partial shadow, as if he read Mo Ran’s mind. Mo Ran tries to not make it visible when he swallows down his dread.
“Did you…” Mo Ran bites his lower lip, scratching the back of his neck, hiding the way his pants are sweating. “Did you read my texts?”
“...” Chu Wanning ducks his gaze and it takes everything in Mo Ran for him to not grab his chin and pull Chu Wanning back. He’s been mulling over his words all evening long to no avail so as soon as he sees that Chu Wanning’s about to walk away, Mo Ran grabs his elbow.
“I was sincere, you know,” Mo Ran blurts out. “I am sincere. I didn’t— I wasn’t playing a joke on you.”
The silent look Chu Wanning gives him tells him that he doesn’t believe him, so Mo Ran tries again. “I swear, none of this was a joke. I genuinely liked our friendship.”
“Our friendship,” Chu Wanning says, narrowing his eyes. “Why didn’t you tell me earlier? I felt— I feel stupid.”
“I’m sorry,” Mo Ran says immediately, and Chu Wanning tugs his arm out of Mo Ran’s grasp. Mo Ran doesn’t let him go yet though, his fingers sliding down Chu Wanning’s forearm and circling around his thin wrist. Chu Wanning stares at the point of contact, before looking up at Mo Ran. Mo Ran swallows, trying to gather his wits as he’s faced with the full onslaught of Chu Wanning’s gaze.
“When I found out it was you, I didn’t know how to act because I…” I was worried you would realize I’m not worth your friendship after I figured out who I was. “Wanning, realizing you were the person who I was talking to this whole time made me… it made me really happy.”
Chu Wanning doesn’t respond, but even in the low light of the alley, Mo Ran can see the way a light flush suddenly dusts against his high cheekbones. His eyes have gone slightly wide, like he’s not quite sure if Mo Ran’s lying to him or not.
“Still, you let me— you let me tell you that,” Chu Wanning says, the words stilted but indignant and Mo Ran cuts him off.
“I didn’t know you were talking about me until after last week,” Mo Ran says, and Chu Wanning truly looks surprised, followed by a look of something that’s either rage or embarrassment. Quite potentially both. Mo Ran squeezes his wrist again, just in case Chu Wanning tries to bolt again. “Hey, I didn’t say it was a bad thing.”
Chu Wanning’s entire body freezes at the words, like he’s been turned into stone. He opens his mouth, but doesn’t say anything— Mo Ran’s pretty sure the look on his own face right now screams desperation.
Finally, Chu Wanning speaks.
“You said you liked someone,” Chu Wanning says, voice hoarse, raw and underneath it all, quite clearly nervous. Mo Ran blinks and before he can stop himself he replies with a blunt, “Yeah, you.”
The words are so straightforward that they make Mo Ran wince, but they seem to have an effect on Chu Wanning. Chu Wanning’s narrow shoulders slump as he still looks at Mo Ran with disbelief; despite Mo Ran already knowing otherwise, he feels his own self confidence waver, wondering if Chu Wanning will think he made a mistake.
“I’ve liked you for a while now, Wanning,” Mo Ran says honestly. “Even when we fought, I liked you. I was drawn to Xia Sini because he— because you reminded me of you.”
Chu Wanning bites his lip, and Mo Ran’s gaze immediately drops to the action. Chu Wanning turns back, just enough to slump back against the brick wall in the alley. Chu Wanning is too reticent to ever issue anything that would look like an invitation, but this comes close enough. Mo Ran takes a tentative step into his space, just as Chu Wanning speaks.
“What does this mean?” Chu Wanning’s words are quiet, barely audible, but Mo Ran picks it up regardless.
“Um,” Mo Ran says, giving a sheepish look. “It probably means you can’t get rid of me?”
Chu Wanning manages to level him with a dry look, despite the fact that he’s still blushing furiously. He presses his lips together, so Mo Ran continues.
“I’ll kneel for you,” he says, making one last plea. “Just forgive me.”
Chu Wanning’s face is partially obscured by the shadow, partially illuminated by the soft streetlight washing into the alleyway. Still, the way he looks at Mo Ran feels as clear as day. Mo Ran’s heart beats in his throat as they stare at each other for a moment and unable to take it any longer, Mo Ran seizes his chance and leans in.
He feels a gasp of surprise against his lips, and Chu Wanning is so rigid for a moment that Mo Ran almost pulls back. But the moment is fleeting; Chu Wanning starts to go limp and when Mo Ran wraps an arm around Chu Wanning’s waist to keep him steady, he finds that it is very pliant. Mo Ran has to tether his mind to his body, lest it drift away, utterly entranced by the feeling of Chu Wanning’s soft mouth against his.
The taste of wine still lingers and Mo Ran angles himself, trying to drink in the richness. Astoundingly enough, Chu Wanning lets him. Mo Ran cups Chu Wanning’s jaw and tentatively, Chu Wanning starts to kiss back, meeting Mo Ran’s tongue when it licks his bottom lip—
A piercing sound of a phone ringing cuts through the moment, causing Chu Wanning to jump and almost headbutt Mo Ran. Before Mo Ran can convince him to ignore it, Chu Wanning is already picking it up.
“Hello?” Chu Wanning says, and Mo Ran gets a little bit of pleasure from how his voice cracks.
“Senior Chu!” Xue Meng’s dulcet voice comes through the phone and right. Mo Ran had forgotten about him completely. “Have you left already?”
Chu Wanning looks at Mo Ran in question, and Mo Ran quickly weighs the benefits of giving either a helpless smile or a more seductive look, wondering which one would convince Chu Wanning to hang up on his cousin and pay attention to him again. It turns out that he needs neither.
“I went home,” Chu Wanning says blandly. “Sorry, I should have mentioned earlier. I wasn’t feeling well.”
“Are you okay?! Should I come by? ” Xue Meng starts, and Chu Wanning clamps a hand over Mo Ran’s opening mouth.
“Don’t worry,” Chu Wanning says. “Get home safe. You did well today.”
The compliment is enough to get Xue Meng crowing as Chu Wanning hangs up. Dryly, Mo Ran notes that Xue Meng hasn’t bothered to contact him to see where he is. The thought immediately vanishes as Chu Wanning rests a tentative hand against his chest, bringing Mo Ran’s attention back to more important things.
“Do you mean it?” Chu Wanning says, so seriously that it almost makes Mo Ran laugh. It definitely does make him break out into a dimpled smile and instead of replying, Mo Ran simply leans in for another sweet and longing kiss.