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and in dreams you will lose your heartaches
is that why he dreamed of her almost every night? a girl he’d never seen with auburn hair and a smile brighter than fresh snow. her eyes, a gorgeous green. was she a lady from a neighboring castle, or perhaps another country entirely?
a childhood in svart meant mo yi had the misfortune of meeting, greeting, and mingling with the various royals and high houses of the kingdom. and yet, he could not recall ever seeing her.
the dream was always the same. mo yi would find himself in the middle of another ball, walking through throngs of nobility until he reached the middle of the ballroom. and there she stood, her back to him, a vision in shades of purple. all movement around them would blur and come to a standstill as if she had frozen time itself. and then, as if suddenly noticing his lingering stare, she would give him a glance before turning completely to face him.
would you care to dance, my grace? mo yi would accept her hand wordlessly, as they fell into time with each other almost immediately. as if they had danced a million times before in another lifetime.
she never gave her name nor where she came from, the only time she would just smile in response to one of mo yi’s questions. and every night, she would drag mo yi to a secluded balcony, her hand and fingers entwined with his. and just when she would reach up to kiss his lips, she would vanish, dissipating along with the rest of the dream.
even as he found himself on dates with the daughters of nobles and lords in waiting, the vision of that elusive girl never left him. it was no small wonder as to why so many attempted engagements often fell apart before they could even begin. his painful days were only tolerable knowing that his nights would give way to her smile.
until his eventual departure from svart for stellis, mo yi never managed to learn more about her. and for some time, her vision followed him as well, seeming to age along with him. gone was her girlish grin, replaced instead by a more elegant smile. her hair longer, her figure taller, her laughter deeper.
now, she would no longer wait for him at the center of the ballroom. rather, she would beckon him to the palace garden, where they would dance and dance and dance until their surroundings blurred together and she was the only thing mo yi could sense.
a welcome reprieve from the realities of his waking hours, much like his youth in svart, mo yi spent many nights trying to hold on to those dreams. no longer did he see her every fortnight, as the dreams became more sporadic. this only deepened his desperation to see her. perhaps, if he tried hard enough, he could stay in them forever, with her.
the dreams eventually ceased as he got older, without seemingly any explanation. for almost two years, he never saw her again. no amount of lucid dreaming and hypnosis helped him find her in that busy ballroom again as if she had never been there. and then suddenly, there she was. outside his door, a small envelope in hand. the teacup in his hand fell and broke apart into countless jagged pieces, almost as if giving mo yi a warning.
why was she here? all of a sudden? who was she? and why was artem so wistful when talking about her? wait … why did artem know her? how did he…. and why were mo yi’s hands suddenly perspiring?
always rational, mo yi could not even begin to comprehend the yearning suddenly swirling in his heart. he might never realize it, but mo yi had started the fall for the girl in his dreams since some time ago. even then, he certainly didn’t believe in love at first sight. what is love, even?
his hand hesitated for a moment before pressing a button on the screen, opening the door.
that night, he dreamed of her again. but this time, he knew her name. he let her whisk her away, as always. just as they found their usual spot among the roses and under the moonlight, mo yi called out to her. her eyes widened for a moment, not expecting him to know her name. this time, she hesitated slightly, something almost akin to fear in her eyes. certainly not a fear of him, but of what was to come next.
she didn’t move to remove herself from his grasp. and now that he had her finally within arms reach, he wouldn’t allow her to slip away again. now, mo yi led their waltz, guiding her every step until they ended their dance pressed to each other, just inches apart.
no matter how your heart is grieving
if you keep on believing
the dream that you wish will come true
mo yi did not believe in things as childish as fairytales, fairy godmothers, or magic that vanished at the strike of 12. but a small part of him had in fact kept a wish to encounter someone who would cherish him for him. someone who would not tell him what he could and could not do. someone who would help his escape the restraints of a life that he did not choose. that hope was one of the things that had allowed him to endure those grueling years in svart. that hope, it appears, had manifested itself as the girl with emerald eyes that visited him almost every night in his dreams in svart. and now, his dream had come true. mo yi was almost inclined to call it fate.
that was the last night he dreamed of her, or to be exact, the elusive version of rosa miraculously waiting for him in svart. now, mo yi’s every waking moment and night was spent conjuring up new dreams, dreams he intended to turn into memories eventually. and every day, mo yi led her in a careful and calculated dance. a weekend trip to the countryside here and a few dinner dates after work there. slowly, he ensnared her in a web of sweet words, whispers, and a few glasses of wine.
all those years ago, she had been the one to enthrall him. to lead him away from the life that he thought he would be trapped in forever. rosa would never know it, and she might not even believe him if he told her, but she had saved him from a terrible ending. now, he would return the favour.