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"It's heavy." Sanji opened up to him one night, cigarette between chapped lips and quivering teeth, fingers desperately fiddling away at the lighter on hand as he tries to light the cigarette. Usopp knows it's damp, and he knows that Sanji knows, so he only nodded before looking at the sky from where they were bunkered in.
The night was cold, like any other night they had in the rubble of what once was Chopper's home and the symbol of Dr. Hiruluk's defiance against the tyranny that was Wapol's rule. Oh, how simple was life back then. How simple was it that they fought kingdoms under the oppressive regime of whatever ass of a king had governed over them. How simple was it that they fought tooth and nail to give back the people's freedom. How simple was it that they have to defeat a powerful, yet single opposing force to free those that they love. How simple was life back then.
Now, they have the whole world to worry about.
A cough removed him from his musings as an unforgiving breeze chilled his body from head to toe - the blankets doing a poor job at keeping him warm. He looked at Sanji, a man normally so composed and unfallible, reduced to nothing but a shivering mess with eyes boring into the ring he wore on his hand.
"You know... he told me he'd be kicking ass 'till we're old and gray- well, in his case, slicing asses 'till he's old and gray and wrinkly because I'd be the one doing the kicking. " There was mirth in Sanji's voice, yet the wistfulness that was laced underneath had been far heavier, and it showed in his smile - tired, weary and maybe a little bit lost. It felt wrong on the other's face - on Sanji who had always been headstrong and unshakeable and so utterly chivalrous that he wondered if the man has a death wish or not. It had felt wrong because Usopp knows that Sanji doesn't want anyone to see him like this, much less a nakama, but Usopp knows and understands, so he just nodded before leaning in closer. There was warmth, and warmth, and hopefully Sanji understands.
He gave Sanji's bicep a light squeeze before the other man continued, "He told me that he'd be staying in the All Blue with me when the Baratie opened. Of course, I knew that already, but... seeing it happen is just. Different, I guess. It makes it more real. Makes us more real." At that, Sanji took a glance at the ring on his finger, eyes soft yet distant. Usopp just nodded.
"Of course, just because we're together that doesn't mean he has the right to just be a free-loader in my restaurant. Bastard knows I'd kick his ass multiple islands over if he just laid there doing nothing. So, what he did was..." There was a rolling of eyes, and Usopp could guess what happened after. He's pretty sure Nami told him about the story before, and he couldn't help the chuckle that left his lips. Still, he prompted, "What then?"
Sanji just looked at him, yet not truly as he could see the memories fleeting beneath those eyes. It was after a minute that Sanji looked away and let his head rest on the wall behind them, a smile on his lips.
"Bastard really can't do anything in the kitchen. Well, except for prepping the vegetables and cutting up some of the meat. The only thing he's good for, really," Sanji said with a scoff, yet there's a fondness there, and Usopp couldn't help but stare at the emerald sitting on the crown of Sanji's ring. He let himself smile.
"Well, he tried. But he's just as bad as Luffy when it comes to doing chores and whatnot. Still can't believe that he survived this long when- get this-" Sanji sat up a bit straighter before angling himself towards Usopp, and there's a light in his eyes that Usopp hasn't seen in months, maybe even years. There was a start of a fire in his chest, and it's a warmth that he hasn't felt in months - years - and he knows Sanji did as well.
"I told him to take orders since we're short on hands. It's still the first month of the Baratie's opening so we weren't exactly right on track- but anyways I told the mossbrain to take orders. He's just a few ways off from the kitchen, so nothing could've gone wrong, right? Well, no. I guess it was my fault as well since I should've known better.
"Apparently, he had circled the entire dining area five times before walking out, coming back again, coming right back out and walking upstairs, then down, then out the restaurant and to the docks before circling the restaurant twice but not before nearly capsizing two ships because he thinks climbing the mast would be a good idea then jumping back down like the brute that he is! You thought that was bad, but then he decided to, I don't know, I'm not an ape, but he busted thru the roof because he couldn't find the kitchen entrance that's like... two feet away from where he decided to crash!"
All the while, Usopp watched as the light in Sanji's eyes grow wider and brighter as he retold the story of how their resident swordsman was banned from the kitchen. Of course, it didn't work due to the man's non-existent inner compass, and he and Sanji shared a laugh all the more when Usopp recalled the story of how their swordsman got lost on a completely different island from where the Sunny had been docked at.
Just like that, they had passed the time as they shared laughter and memories from years gone-by, and the cold licking his skin seemed to cease as the familiar warmth of home filled his chest and his lungs. Tears pricked at the corner of his eyes at the warmth - something that has always been too familiar, yet never enough of. Not ever, and not much these days. Specially these days.
He didn't know how much time has passed, nor would he even bother to know, but memories like theirs fluctuate with the needs and wants of the world, and he and Sanji soon found themselves huddled once again, shoulder to shoulder as their boisterous conversation has been replaced by somber whispers. Usopp glanced at his nakama, eyes still blue, yet the light started to fade. He looked away.
Wailing winds ate the silence between them, and the warmth that settled over his skin and the inside of his body has been overtaken by sheer cold, yet he stayed. He listened to Sanji's breathing - an assurance that at least one of his nakama is still alive- "Alive, but not living," his mind helpfully supplied, and he couldn't help the frown that marred his features at the thought.
He closed his eyes, yet he knows Sanji's about to say something, and so he listened - to his breathing, to his heartbeat. Much more pleasant than the unforgiving breeze.
It was silent, almost drowned out by the winds travelling between the rubble and the remaining castle walls, yet he heard it all the same.
"Sometimes, I wonder whether the mossbrain is more of an animal than Chopper. He brought in this Unicorn Rainbow Trout once. He knows that I haven't cooked any dish for that yet, so he brought it in, complete with capsizing two of our supply ships because apparently the musclebrain just flipped it over the railing, and it's twice- well, nearly thrice as long as our ships. Kicked him over the goddamn ocean, but it didn't stop him from laughing like a dumbass though, that idiot," Sanji regaled as his lips blossomed into a smile - eyes crinkling at the corners as his look softened. It made the age beneath his eyes a lot younger and the creases between his brow disappear. Usopp couldn't help the chuckle that left his lips, and for a little while, the warmth was back, but it wasn't as bright earlier nor was it as wide. Still, it was pleasant.
They stayed like that for a while - Sanji resting his head on Usopp's shoulder, and Usopp letting him because the man truly needs his rest. They stared off into the ruins of the fort, bundled up in whatever blankets they could find as the stars tried their best to provide light despite the vast expanse of cloud covering the winter island, iluminating thru the gaping hole in whatever remains of the castle's ceiling. There was a sniff, and soon, something warm and wet was running down from his shoulder. Usopp let it.
Minutes passed by as Usopp wrapped his shoulder around the other man, pulling him closer. Tremors racked Sanji's body as the tears, hot and heavy, fell from his face. Sounds of silent agony fell from the other's lips as Usopp tried his best to comfort one of the few remaining nakama wrapped in his arms. A hand went up to the once-golden but now-dishiveled locks as Usopp raked his hand in, hopefully, a comforting gesture.
He could feel the dampness at the corner of his eyes, but Usopp pushed it down. Sanji had always been strong, but now that he isn't... It's Usopp's job to be one.
"I'll do what you can't do, and you do what I can't do."
Sanji can't always be strong, but that's why Usopp is here. They can't always be at their strongest, but that's fine because they're nakama. They're nakama, and they're still here.
They're still here.
His grimace slowly faded as he closed his eyes - Sanji still shivering in his arms as the wind danced between the fortress' ruins and unto the thick yet scruffy blankets entombing their bodies. This isn't ideal, but it's fine. Nothing has been ideal for the years they have been on the run after all, but they have each other.
They still have each other.
A shiver racked his body as the moonlight ate away all the warmth from one of the only sanctuaries that he and his nakama could step on, and Usopp wondered briefly if a campfire would do them good before shaking his head. Even if he had built them one, the winds would undoubtedly carry the warmth away, leaving them cold and barren yet again. Most of the rubble were composed of stone or cement, hardly anything flammable, yet even the wood that's visible to Usopp's eye had been a subject to the constant snow and damp winds of the island.
With a sigh, he closed his eyes. It wouldn't take long for the word to spread that they've been here - a week or so, Usopp had guessed, maybe even five days or less if they're unlucky - so it wouldn't be much of a trouble to just endure the harsh weather. After all, they've been to worse places and endured far more.
He's not entirely sure if he should be happy with that thought or not.
Usopp just nudged Sanji closer as he bundled up the blankets tighter around themselves.
They stayed like that for however long it took for Sanji to stop the tears from his eyes. There was a shiver and a deep breath, but Sanji stayed. Usopp watched as Sanji's fingers, long and calloused, played with the jewelry placed on the ring finger of his left hand - it was a simple band of silver, but there was a single emerald sitting on the small crown.
"Ad astra per aspera," he had overheard Zoro tell Nami when she asked about the engraving on the ring.
"Through adversity to the stars. The cook picked it. Might as well since he's such a romantic," Zoro replied with a scoff and a rolling of eyes when Nami asked what it meant, and yet the fondness and smile in his tone didn't escape Usopp's notice back then.
Now, all he can think about is a broken vow and promises unkept.
Usopp felt a frown coming on before shaking his head to clear his mind. Now's not the time to think about decisions made and the bleak future ahead. Sanji needed him, and he needs to be there for his nakama, so he forced himself to think of the present.
Within the ruins and the constant coverage of clouds beneath the sky, Usopp's only concept of time was the slow yet noticeable creeping of warmth between the cracks and holes that littered the ruins. There was a sigh and Usopp could feel Sanji finally relaxing in his arms.
"I-" Sanji started, but stopped abruptly. Usopp could hear Sanji turning over the words in his head as he tried to put his emotions into words. Usopp understands. Words fail them more often than not these days.
It was a minute or two before Sanji spoke again, clearer than he has ever been in the year they've traveled together, yet there was an unspoken tiredness and want to his tone. Usopp weighed the words:
"I miss them."
Usopp knows that it was about Zoro, but it's also about Luffy and Franky and Jinbei and everyone they have lost. He understands what was left unsaid, what was left beneath the words and everything else it entails. Usopp could only nod before answering:
"Yeah, I do too."
It was months later when the Marines, as well as their extremely fragile past, had caught up to them - caught up to Usopp. It had been months later when he was found, and he didn't even need to see Sanji in order to know that he was blaming himself. The quiver in his voice was all it took.
"I'll do what you can't do, and you do what I can't do."
So Sanji became his eyes.
The next few weeks were hellish, yet manageable. There was little to no doubt that they were still being chased, and so it was only a matter of time.
Tears were streaming down his face as he stared at what seemed to be the horizon from where he could feel the presence of multiple naval ships with hundreds of bodies on board. Usopp knows it's futile, and he knows that Sanji knows. He couldn't see Sanji fiddling with the lighter between his hands, yet he hears it anyways. There was a clinking of metal and the familiar stench of Sanji's preferred cigarette brand as he lit the end. Usopp, lips chapped and quivering, could only close his tear-filled eyes when Sanji finally said:
"Brook's waiting south from here. I'll be fine."