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He hears her shift and feels her peek an eye open to glance at him. He doesn’t move, keeps his own eyes closed, and begins to count.
Silence, and then, “Master?”
Thirty-three seconds. Anakin thought to himself. Well, at least she’s learning patience.
“Meditation is meant to be silent, Ahsoka.”
She scoffs. “Yeah right,” she muttered. “I’ve heard stories about when you were a padawan meditating. You were worse than I am.”
Anakin opens his eyes and ignores the comment. “What did you need?” he asks.
She shifted. “Sith are Jedi who gave into their anger and hate,” she began. “Correct?”
“Not all of them,” Anakin replied. “But enough that that’s what the word Sith has come to mean. Why?”
Ahsoka was quiet for a long time. “Are you ever afraid?” Her voice is soft, weak, a vulnerable expression on her face.
“Of?”
“Becoming a Sith? Losing control to your anger and hate? Because sometimes…” she shifted, unable to meet his gaze as she continued. “Sometimes you get angrier than I think a Jedi should be.” She peers up at him and he’s careful to keep his expression neutral. “Are you ever afraid of becoming a Sith?”
Anakin’s immediate response is ‘no’, but he knows she’ll see through it, so he thinks on it for a few moments.
“Sometimes, maybe,” he replied. “Sometimes when I do things for the mission, afterwards I’ll feel…wrong.”
“What helps?”
“Meditation, which we’re supposed to be doing.” He says it in a teasing tone, but Ahsoka doesn’t laugh. Knowing that she’s still feeling uneasy, he asks, “Are you ever afraid?”
“Yes.”
“If it makes you feel better, Snips, you’re the perfect example of a Jedi. I don’t think there’s even a chance you could become-”
“Not for myself.” Anakin shut his mouth as she lifted her gaze to him again. “For you.”
He doesn’t know what to say to that. The first thing he feels is irritation that his own padawan doesn’t trust him, but it fades immediately into guilt at the thought that his learner is terrified of losing him.
“I won’t become a Sith.”
“You don’t know that,” Ahsoka said softly. “You can’t guarantee that.”
Anakin pressed his lips together, thinking. “Then it’s a good thing I have you,” he finally settled on. “Sith are Jedi lost and drowning in their anger and hate. They don’t have someone they can trust or rely on.” He smiled. “But I have you. Yes, I get angrier than I should, but having you at my side, needing me, is something that will keep me on the light side.”
She still looks uneasy, but he can tell his words have at least had a little bit of an impact.
“Thank you, Master.”
“Trust in the force, Ahsoka,” Anakin said. “For it is by its will that I am at your side and you and mine.”
“I know,” Ahsoka assured him. “Thank you, Master.”
“Of course. Now, I think I said something about meditating?”
Ahsoka rolled her eyes but shifted back into position and closed her eyes. Anakin waited to make sure she wasn’t going to start talking again before he closed his eyes as well.
………………
“Anakin Skywalker meditating without needing to be bribed. This is certainly a sight.”
The first thing Ankin does upon opening his eyes is roll them where he absolutely knows Obi-Wan can see.
“I meditate,” he objected as Ahsoka also opened her eyes and looked up at the Jedi Master.
“Not when you’re told to,” Obi-Wan reminded him.
Anakin rolled his eyes again while Ahsoka laughed quietly. “Shouldn’t you just be thankful I meditate at all?” Anakin asked.
“I suppose so,” Obi-Wan agreed as he settled into a matching position near the two of them. “May I join you?”
“Sure,” Ahsoka replied before Anakin got a chance.
“Though I suppose I should ask first.” Obi-Wan turns his gaze to Anakin. There’s a teasingly chastising tone in his next words. “Anakin? Do you think you can stay quiet enough for us to have at least one successful meditation session?”
Ahsoka doesn’t stop the laugh that punches out of her at the sight of the hurt expression on Anakin’s face.
“I’m not a youngling,” he muttered.
“As I recall, you still couldn’t stay quiet for our meditation sessions as recently as last week.” Anakin huffs and starts to get to his feet but Obi-Wan, still laughing, reaches out and takes hold of his wrist. “Come now, Anakin, I’m only teasing.”
Anakin scowls but there’s a light in his eyes that says he’s not entirely hurt as he takes his seat again.
“I don’t know, master,” he teases. “You’re talking an awful lot for someone who wants to meditate. And need I remind you that you’re the one who interrupted us ?”
Ahsoka chimes in then to remark, “He has a point, master Kenobi.”
Obi-Wan just rolls his eyes and the three of them finally begin to meditate.
……………………..
The next time Ahsoka saw Anakin angry enough that she feared the thought of him becoming a Sith again, three days later, she walked up and placed her hand on his arm. When he looked at her, probably to tell her to go away, she softly said,
“It is by the will of the force that I am at your side, master.”
He hesitated but she watched as he softened, the anger fading out of him as he nodded and turned back to the diplomats they spoke with, still irritated by not so frighteningly angry.
They never discussed it again, but all she had to say was those words to remind Anakin of who he was, to pull him away from the brink she was terrified he was approaching at a dead sprint, and bring him back to the ways of the Jedi.