Chapter Text
A lot of things had changed in just the past two months.
While at first she hadn’t been sure about going through with it, she had moved in with Lysett. And after an initial clean-up action in the apartment and getting some nice furniture and decorations, the place was actually starting to look rather homey.
Unlike what was expected, Baba yaga hadn’t been as upset about Freya moving in with Lysett, as long as Freya would still come to work Mondays to Fridays, and would occasionally visit outside of work. Freya knew that it was hard for Baba to let her go, especially since the two of them had been together for a long time now. Freya had been working and living in that library ever since she came to Chester several years ago to start a new life.
Baba yaga had given her that chance for a fresh start that she had needed so desperately, so the two were like… Freya almost dared call it Family.
That was something she hasn’t had in a long time now.
Morrigan, Nelly, Florencio, Seif and Lysett too. Carla as well. They had all become so very important to her, and a part of her was still terrified that all of this would be gone one day, and she’d be all alone, broken and scared, yet again.
Shaking her head furiously to wipe those thoughts from her mind, Freya finally managed to pull her star-themed pajama shirt over her head, if Lysett were home, he’d probably think something had happened to her, that’s how long she was taking!
Regardless of that scolding thought in her mind, she ended up staring into the mirror.
Her platinum blonde, almost white, hair was still rather long, albeit recently she had gone to the hairdressers and let a whole chunk of it be cut off, so it only reached down to her hips. Right now the long strands were weaved into a braid for the night, to avoid getting it all tangled and then having to deal with it in the morning. Her eyes are still the same baby blue as always, pale and yet despite the cold coloration, her eyes are warm and gentle.
Gently dabbing the makeup cloth across her face, she reveals those red tribal marks she’s had since shortly after her birth. Briefly, she thinks about how they look like her mothers, but she shakes the thought before it can make her sad. Admittedly, they’re rather noticeable, especially since her skin is probably as pale as the light of the moon, a silvery porcelain tone.
For an amusing moment, she thinks of the times she had tried tanning, only for her skin to become as red as a crab, and then return to it’s silvery pale coloration. No tanning for her apparently!
A small giggle escapes her at the thought.
Her whole appearance is finished off with the space themed pajama she was wearing. Morrigan and Nelly had gotten it for her, when she first moved in with Lysett. It was surprisingly thoughtful, and she treasured the clothing items quite a lot.
Freya was about to turn around and head for the bedroom, when she noticed the bags underneath her eyes. They weren’t as bad as they used to be, she hasn’t had as many bad ‘dreams’ ever since she started living with Lysett.
A small smile tugged on her lips. The simple thought of that stupid, stupid janitor boy, that she couldn’t help but admire and love despite her best attempts not to, bringing a sort of giddy feeling to her stomach.
She hadn’t felt that in a long time.
Her daydreaming was cut short, as thunder suddenly echoed around the room, causing the already fragile seeming elf to flinch, hands gripping the sides of the bathroom sink, as her momentarily panicked gaze trails to the window.
As it was usual, it was hard to see the stars in cities at night. It sometimes made Freya feel lonely.
However, considering how badly covered the sky was with heavy and dark storm clouds, she doubted she would’ve been able to see the stars regardless of where she was.
The initial panic settled slowly but surely, Freya moved her hands away from the sink, slightly rubbing her left arm with her right hand, before moving to close the curtains in the bathroom, shutting out the lightning that was flashing outside, before stepping back.
“Geez… Ominous much?” She mumbled to no one particular, considering that she was the only one home today.
Lysett was more often than not at work late, and while Freya usually tried staying up until Lysett came home to welcome him back, it was getting pretty late.
Freya exited the bathroom and let her gaze sweep the living room until her eyes met with the digital clock set up on the wall unit.
01:44 AM
She probably should head to bed.
Sure, she didn’t quite need as much sleep as humans, if she slept at all, considering that trancing was always an option too, but ever since she had moved in with Lysett, she had gotten used to it.
Shaking her head ever so lightly, and ignoring the rolling thunder in the background, Freya turned off the lights in the bathroom, followed by turning it off in the living room.
The living space was now entirely hulled into darkness, however as someone who could fortunately see in the dark, she didn’t really have any trouble adjusting and finding her way back to the bedroom, entering the rather comfy and safe space, before closing the door behind her.
A small sigh escaped her lips, as she walked over to the bed, reaching over to turn on the fairy lights that hung over it.
Freya was… still a little unsure about sleeping in complete darkness, it was an irrational fear, she knew, but that didn’t keep her from being absolutely scared out of her mind.
She was kind of glad that Lysett didn’t mind her bringing along her own ideas into HIS apartment. Or was it their apartment?
That... actually had a nice ring to it. Their apartment.
And with that thought, she crawled into the bed, making sure that her blanket enveloped her almost fully up to her chin, settling in a comfortable enough position and allowing her eyes to slowly drift shut.
By that time, it had started outright storming, the rain hitting against the window in a ferocious pitter-patter and thunder echoing outside every few moments as the wind howled along the already quite noisy symphony that the rain and thunder were composing.
It took some twisting and turning, but eventually Freya had started dozing off, only to be stirred awake once again, when she heard a knock on the bedroom door. It didn’t open though, so as sleepy as she was, she called out a soft, “come in…”
No sooner had she spoken, the door opened and promptly shut again. Her eyes were still closed, so she listened to the steps approaching the bed.
Rolling onto her back, Freya slowly sat up, letting her eyes flutter open slowly but surely only to be greeted by absolute darkness.
The fairy lights weren’t working, and the instant wave of anxiety she feels upon that realization is almost enough to send her into a state of panic. Luckily, she does notice the rather familiar warm, if absolutely exhausted, eyes she finds herself staring into, a sense of calm washing over her almost immediately.
Freya isn’t quite sure for how long she ends up staring into the others eyes, finding herself not actually wanting to look away actually. Even when the initial panic of being in the dark faded, she still didn’t even attempt to look elsewhere. Something… seemed off, but she wasn’t quite sure if she could grasp what it was just yet.
Shifting ever so slightly and finally averting her eyes (for just a tiny moment), Freya decided to speak up, “Lysett-”
She was however cut off as thunder echoed from the outside, and watched in slight surprise as Lysett actually flinched. It is then that Freya momentarily catches something resembling vulnerability within the others' eyes. It's gone, however as soon as she saw it. Thankfully, she was well aware that it had been there though.
“Electricity went out, I thought you would be scared, so I came here.” Lysett spoke quietly, his voice somewhat shaky (no matter how hard he was trying to hide it!) and barely above a whisper, it caused Freya to muster the other for a moment or two.
Of course, the blonde wasn’t sure if Lysett would admit that he was scared, and she wasn’t about to push him into saying it. She could accept that he couldn’t admit it right now.
“… yea… uhm, that was a good idea.” Freya started off awkwardly, feeling a blush slowly forming on her cheeks. She was insanely grateful to know that Lysett didn’t have dark vision and therefore couldn’t actually make out that very traitorous blush on her cheeks. “Uhm!... Would you… would you mind… staying here tonight?”
While it hadn’t been her intention, she did notice the ravenette’s shoulders sag a little with relief at being asked that question, and she momentarily wondered if that had been why Lysett had ACTUALLY shown up in ‘her’ room at this time of night.
Another short moment passed, in which Freya listened to the sound of the rain hitting against the window pane and the thunder rumbling loudly. Eventually however, Lysett nodded.
There was no other reply, except for a tiny, very shaky smile on the human’s face, probably meant to reassure her.
Was this the first time they were going to share a bed? No, it definitely wasn’t. There had been that time in the hotel, where he had come over and she somehow ended up in his dreams? Back then she had promised that she’d stay.
And she meant it.
She wasn’t going to ever leave his side, unless he wanted her to leave, because as much as she tried denying it, she was absolutely, and unconditionally, in love with this workaholic and mess of a man.
Scooting over to make some space for Lysett, Freya’s blue gaze watched closely as her friend™ crawled into the bed beside her, quick to lay down with his back to her. She watched silently, before slowly laying back down as well.
Freya’s gaze wandered up to the ceiling, as she listened to Lysett’s shaky breathing, which would hitch every so often whenever thunder echoed out.
Honestly, it was kind of painful to experience the other so scared of something. She knew that more often than not, Lysett would put on an act and pretend he wasn’t scared, whether for her sake, or simply to not show any vulnerability, so she felt relieved that he trusted her enough to show her this part of himself.
But she wanted to help him feel better.
So, after another moment of hesitation, Freya slowly rolled onto her side, yet again hesitating, before scooting closer until her chest was against Lysett’s back and slowly but surely proceeding to wrap her arms around the others waist. Once settled, she shifted closer again, until she was able to hide her nose against the base of Lysett’s neck, and then remained very still.
A familiar tingling appeared in her hands, working its way up into every fiber of her being, followed by an almost burning pain. Freya’s breathing turned shakier and for a few moments her heartbeat sped up. Yet, she ignored the symptoms of what she knew all too well as a panic attack caused by physical contact, due to her fear of being touched.
Right now, this wasn’t about her, so with every last bit of willpower she possessed, she reassured herself that this was fine. After all, this was Lysett, and if she was alright with touching anyone, it would be him. In the end, he made her feel safe and cared for, and for the first time in a long time, she wasn’t absolutely terrified of the thought of being near someone physically.
Not like she ever told anyone she had this absolutely unreasonable (maybe not :) ) fear of being near people and having physical contact!
However, the longer she stayed like this, the calmer she became. This was Lysett, and… suddenly she didn’t mind the prospect as much anymore.
Freya closed her eyes, exhaling shakily as she gradually calmed down. Sometimes, with Lysett and the steps they took, she wanted to start running, and sometimes she Couldn’t, despite wanting to. It was like there was a wall holding her back from taking off at a sprint, but alongside Lysett trying was suddenly not as scary anymore.
“... You don’t have to do this, Freya.” Lysett spoke up softly, but suddenly seemed a lot calmer than he’d been just prior to being given that back-hug, which - to Freya’s embarrassing realization - now had them spooning. “... I kinda do. You’re… not ok right now, Ly. And I… I hate seeing you like that, I want to help in whatever tiny way there is.” She admitted quietly against the others' back.
The small laugh that escaped Lysett at her honest admission had her heart fluttering. And it was not because she was scared, because right now, she was anything but!
“Hey, uh… can I turn around?” Lysett hummed quietly, the thunderstorm long forgotten by the both of them. In reply, the elf loosened her hold on her friend™’s waist, pulling back slightly and watching as Lysett shifted to face her.
They were no longer touching at this very moment, yet Freya’s heart continued skipping small beats out of it’s usual slow rhythm, and yet again she found herself slowly getting lost in the depths of the others' brown eyes. It seemed like Lysett too was having some problems pulling his focus away from Freya’s blue ones, only just about managing to do so, when she scooted a little closer again.
“... what are you doing?” Lysett asked in that usual childlike innocence of his. Sometimes it got really embarrassing having to explain the small things to him, but right now- Oh man, who was she kidding, this was embarrassing enough to turn her face into a tomato, yet again!
That’s when Freya noticed the smile on Lysett’s face, and realization dawned on her that he was actually teasing her. Lysett Seh, of all people, teasing her. She hadn’t thought it possible, but here they were.
And the thought that this moment was entirely between them, something that no one could ever take from them, had caused Freya’s stomach to erupt in not-at-all-unwanted butterflies tingling inside them. “... cuddling.” She mumbled quietly, surprisingly easily tucking her face underneath the others chin and against his chest, her arms reluctantly wrapping around him, before grasping the back of Lysett’s shirt in her hands upon noticing that he wasn’t backing away or having violent reactions towards her small show of physical affection.
At first, Lysett seemed tense, and Freya understood that it was probably because the human boy wasn’t entirely sure what he was supposed to do in this situation. Because, no matter how much Lysett might tease her, she was painfully aware that he didn’t understand most human interactions - mostly the positive ones. Freya would’ve explained it, however she got distracted by the fact that this wasn’t uncomfortable. That physical contact didn’t make her panic like earlier. Things like these always happened with him, where she was able to move past fears and issues, but only with him, and honestly, considering how persistent her fear of touch was, she found herself marveling at how easy Lysett made it seem.
He was breath-takingly amazing.
And sometimes these feelings scared her. Sometimes, she was scared that they were too intense, that she was moving too fast, that he’d eventually get tired of her and leave her behind.
Her quickly malicious turning thoughts got cut off, when Lysett’s arms - slow and hesitant - wrapped around her. Almost as if he wasn’t sure if what he was doing was right, however when Freya didn’t push him away immediately, he finished his hug, to Freya’s surprise even pulling her a little closer.
Seems that Freya didn’t have to explain what to do, after all.
That’s how the two of them stayed for a while, a comfortable silence enveloping them as they remained in each others arms, each others’ worries seemingly eased for the night simply thanks to having each other nearby.
“I uh, I kinda like this.” Freya slowly attempted saying, her words quiet and unsure, pulling away the smallest bit from the other, so she could lock eyes. “.... Me too.” Lysett offered after a short moment. The admission caused Freya’s lips to tug into a smile, and if she weren’t so sure that Ly couldn’t see in the dark, she would’ve sworn that his gaze had flicked to her lips and lingered for a moment, before snapping back up.
Silence once again spread between them, their gazes locked for the longest time, before Freya averted her eyes, cuddling close again and effectively hiding her face from view, before speaking her next words, “.... you could always sleep here.”
It was a simple offer, but it had Freya’s face burning like there was no tomorrow. Minutes ticked by and at first the elven girl was sure she wouldn’t get a reply, until eventually, Lysett’s voice - obviously half-asleep - reached her ear, “... I’d … like that….”
Her heart fluttered for the upteenth time that night, her mind and heart racing at what that simple reply meant truly.
The hug felt warm and safe, and being close to Lysett like this felt comfortable and right.
Freya had never been able to explain it, and she possibly never would be able to.
She felt hopeless, in a sense, because how was she going to stop loving someone if it felt as natural to her as breathing did?
She wasn’t blind to her own emotions as much as she liked to pretend she was. She knew she was in love with Lysett, that she’d been for a long time, and that she likely wasn’t going to fall out of it anytime soon.
It was different than it had been with Blizzard though, from what little she knew of what was happening to her. With the snow haired half-elf it had been extremes and comfort-breaking and it had been crushing. Blizzard had crushed her in a way that terrified her of ever feeling anything akin to what they had before.
So, then she thought, maybe Blizzard didn’t love her.
Maybe he just didn’t want to be alone. Or maybe she had just been good for his ego? Perhaps she had made him feel better about his miserable life? God, she didn’t know, but if she knew one thing, he didn’t love her. Because nobody destroys someone they love.
And the most painful thing had been, that she had lost herself in the process of loving Blizzard too much. After all, loving Blizzard had been the most exquisite form of self-destruction. And if destroying her had been his goal, then she was glad to inform him that she was absolutely broken to a point of no return.
And now that she had found Lysett, she was scared to love him the way she used to love Blizzard. Scared to love Lysett unconditionally, without expecting anything in return, like she so desperately wanted to. She was scared that she’d be too much for him, scared that he’d walk away from her. Scared to give him her all, because she might get left and broken again.
She was scared that she might be happy again, because happiness could be taken from her.
Freya’s breath shuddered, her emotions overwhelming her momentarily, but she forced herself to stay quiet, because she could hear Lysett’s even and relaxed breathing. He was asleep, and she’d hate to wake him. Especially, because she knew about his fear of sleeping.
Squeezing her eyes shut to stop the tears from falling from her eyes, a small hollow and quiet laugh escaped her lips.
“I love you.”
And that terrified her.
But she was much more terrified of the thought of losing him, than loving him.
“I love you so much.” She mumbled again, her voice but a whisper upon the wind, barely caught by even the most rapt of listeners. Her voice shaky as tears trailed from her eyes and she desperately tried to keep quiet.
“... don’t… cry.” Lysett’s voice startled her, though she could tell that he was half-asleep and likely hadn’t heard her quiet outburst just seconds prior. He probably wasn’t even conscious enough to remember that she had cried in the morning.
Regardless, he still ended up pulling her a little closer still, and reassuringly stroking her hair.
And she did feel reassured by that.
Felt like she wasn’t broken beyond repair, and like maybe it’d be okay to try and love again. Like maybe she didn’t need fixing after all, and that she might be loveable despite her issues.
It made her feel like Lysett wouldn’t ever think to hurt her.
And with that comfort settled in her heart, Freya’s fears were eased for maybe just one night, her eyes finally fluttering shut with the exhaustion of someone who overthought way too much.
Maybe, it’d be ok.