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All the legends sat uncomfortably in the backyard of the Apex Complex, it was unfathomably cold and all the trees and bushes had died and shriveled up. Yet- they all sat there some petrified and others looked bored as the two sims stood at the front. 90% of them weren’t convinced this was real as watching this felt like being high and sleepy at the same time, like some kind of weird fever dream and yet Revenant stood across from Ash holding a tiny microphone.
He tapped the thing and the feedback just about killed Crypto who was still trying to set the damn speaker up.
Ash held a bundle of dead weeping roses and she looked about as bored as Octane. Revenant had… attempted to look decent but his shoulder spikes pierced through his suit jacket and pants were ripped into shorts. He looked about as good as he felt. Which wasn’t great. A few of the audience members glanced suspiciously at the marriage officiant who Revenant booked off the black market for a very cheap price.
Revenant scanned the audience with a silent threat that if any of them even thought about leaving they would end up as a jar of human organs for a late wedding gift. Not that he hadn’t already gotten Ash some- His gaze fell to the rat sitting in the front row seat, wearing a little pink-bow tie. He tried to put on a blue one because the pink made him physically hurt but every attempt at trying to get the little shit to put on would end with another bite.
As Crypto finally sat down Revenant tapped the mic as a low synthesizer played in the background as music. The tiny microphone was static and the feedback subtly blew-out a few of the legends eardrums.
Revenant raised the mic to his mouth and deadpanned into it.
“Why do you love me?”
Ash just stared in confusion at him and even her rat made a silent squeak in curiosity at Revenant’s bland attempt.
“Why do you need me?”
A few of the legends awkwardly chuckled as Revenant ‘sang’ which was the kindest way to say he spoke in a more degrading voice that sounded like a cat getting skinned alive.
“Always and forever… and I mean forever” He could hear mirage in the back chuckle nervously.
“We met when you decapitated me.” He heard a few more legends clear their throats as his grating voice continued to butcher the “song.”
“Now our love can fully bloom.”
“Sure murdering is great…” Ash glanced at the rows on her side and noticed most of them had looks of pain and embarrassment. Caustic had his head in his hands as he tried to hide his face in embarrassment. Fuse looked ready to cry. Octane was about to jump outta his chair with Lifeline holding him down, and Mirage was panicking as he realized there was a charge on his card for a 40 thousand dollar cake. He glanced suspiciously at the ginormous wedding cake that Revenant had insisted on getting even though both sims couldn’t eat it. Rev also refused to allow anyone to have a piece as the bride and groom haven’t had a slice yet… and they never will.
“But you, you make me ‘salvivate’.” Ash tilted her head in confusion but Revenant just kept going despite the protest from the entire crowd.
“Yes I love killing things.” By now Lifeline was holding down Octane in fear that if he moved she’d find his remains in one of Revenant’s wedding gifts. The others were questioning what the fuck was even going on and how was Ash just letting Revenant keep going.
“But not as much as you, you see…” Ash turned her head up in hope that maybe, maybe- there was a possibility Revenant would stop being a petty price of shit- but she was immediately shut down again.
“But I still love killing more. Always and forever.” Revenant was about to keep droning on with the song but was interrupted by the sound of a prowler. He glanced around suspiciously and was about to speak again but he heard the noise a second time and turned around.
Bloodhound came riding up to the sad little ceremony wrangling a prowler, they hopped over the fence with it and landed next to Rev and Ash.
“Sorry I’m late, I just got done taming a wild honeymoon Prowler for you guys.”
“That doesn’t look very tame to me-”
“Silence skin-suit.” Revenant proceeded to throw a silence orb at Mirage which made the poor legend scream bloody murder the noise of the attack set the prowler off. The wild animal ran around knocking over the cheap wedding decorations, he fully ate the suspicious priest that smelled like weed, and ate the cake as a dessert. Revenant and Ash watched as the prowler started chasing Octane around and Lifeline ran after both of them trying to get Octane back in one piece.
“HAHA!! FINALLY SOMETHING INTERESTING!!”
“OCTAVIO SILVA STOP ENCOURAGING THE PROWLER!”
Ash looked around at the entire scene and sighed wondering why she even thought this was a good idea to begin with. The moment she said yes to the damn sim was the moment she signed her fate. The wedding was barely holding on by a string but it wasn’t just snipped- it was completely set on fire when the prowler went after the rat. The prowler stopped chasing Octane and Revenant watched as his unofficial but technically wife chased after the whimpering prowler. Maybe they should’ve eloped-
Several minutes later Ash came back to stand next to Revenant, her dress was ripped and had blood splattered across it, the rat was drenched in saliva and sitting dazed on her shoulder. The entire area was catching fire as half the legends had left as soon as the prowler was introduced and the others were recovering on the ground. Revenant summoned a shadow prowler like he should’ve to begin with and offered a hand to Ash. The rat squealed in response but she calmed it and accepted the offer sitting in front of Revenant who had to hold onto the rear of the animal in order to not fall off.
Bloodhound who had been standing there through the chaos watched as the simulacrum couple mounted the shadow prowler.
“I hope your guy’s experiences are unforgettable.”
Revenant waved at Bloodhound with a silent thumbs up to the destruction the previous prowler had caused. Ash took in the horrific scene one last time and quickly steered the prowler away- best to forget that ever happened.