Work Text:
"Captain?"
It came to Chris as a whisper rather than a calling.
You're lost to what he was thinking when he only sat on his desk chair, staring at the paperwork due in god-knows-when. This doesn't happen a lot, but when it does, you know just what to do.
Sounds of your combat boot heels echoed in the spacious office room of your captain. Still, he did not stir away from the drowning thoughts.
As if he was the soft mattress in your bedroom, you threw yourself at him as if you were a gun thrown at him to be caught. And he did flinch, though only a little, and smiled at your surprise, smiled at the smallest actions, the way you know when to distract him and sometimes how. He could never thank you enough.
But sometimes the whispers of his terrible thoughts were louder, more ubiquitous than these actions, and though you could easily distract him, his worries and fear are tainted in his subconscious. You could try everything with all your might, but it's moments like this that his battle is at its peak. Continuous and unstoppable. Persistent and insufferable. To stop the war means to knock him out instead, and that's something you hadn't learned.
His cold blue eyes stared at you in contrast to the warm smile, and his arms weakly tightened around you— a constant unconscious battle. “Should he hold you still or let you go?” … when neither do you want to leave his side.
But how could he have you? Vulnerable, just as much as everyone else, to the evils of this world, yet so courageous to continue fighting off these evils? How could he have you when he can’t save anyone—not his friends, not even himself? He knows despite these doubts, you would refute him and stay for as long as you can— hopefully forever.
It is heavenly, he admits, to have you and distract the darkest corners of his mind, to be helped and saved innumerable times. Still, has he really done anything to deserve this?
He has been deaf to your hums, so lost and drowned in his thoughts that your hums were muffled into breathings— yours and his— and his beating heart, but in your eyes, he found his way.
“Caaaptain?” You hum once more melodiously while you gaze back at his frozen stare. Your hands have reached his bearded jaws, fingers swayed back and forth on his cheek to wipe away the drops of his unsaid feelings.
Would it be too much to distract him with what he expects the least?
But maybe… just maybe this once… fuck measurements.
Your lips pressed on the space of his eyebrows, thumb still caressing the wrinkles on his eyes, and when you felt his eyes close, you kiss them softly, one by one.
“Have I been out for long?” There was a crack in his voice that he tried to hide with his murmur.
“I almost thought you’d fallen asleep with your eyes open.” Slowly, you pulled away to see his reaction, and just as slow, his eyes fluttered open.
“I should get back to work, shouldn’t I?”
But you held his face longer and heaved a sigh, head waving ‘no’ at his suggestion.
“Come.” You held your hand out once you stood on your ground.
“But the paperwork-“ Not minding his point, you quickly clutched his palm, and onto the couch, you went. You took the blanket that lay messily on the ground and sat on the couch.
“Sit” You ordered and blushed lightly when you realized it felt like treating him like a dog, but like a dog, he followed anyways, even tensing up from the boldness of your tone. Your hand had found the farther side of his head, and softly, you pull his head to your lap. It was uncomfortable at first since he remained tensed, uncertain of what he should do. This… this kindness you have, these little things you offer, does he deserve this? But you tapped his shoulder and pushed his shoulder down so he could turn and look at you. All because you love his ice-blue eyes, all because those eyes of him scream his exhaustion— a weakness he hates showing, and all because you know how much he needed a distraction— for his eyes tell it all.
“Why are you so good to me?” Words slipped out of his tongue in hesitation.
“Because I care for you.” Words escaped yours— proudly this time. “You’re our captain— Leader, Boss, Alpha. Name it all you want.”
“Why do you care so much when all I do is let you down?”
“Who you let down is you and only you.”
His lips open slightly to rebel but closed at the request of your raised eyebrow.
“Come rest your eyes. You’re tired.”
The man nods at that and does what he’s told, and you caressed him— on his cheeks and on his hair, really lightly to let sleep haul him to unconsciousness, and little by little, the tenses in his muscles are released. And you waited, and waited, and waited until you hear the soft snores vibrate from his nostrils.
And as you watch him rest, a throb in your heart ached heavily. A burden struggles to be out, and you bit your lip to keep it in, to fight it back because this isn’t the right moment to let it be said… but this throb, so insisting, had pushed the words further to your throat that your sealed lips had failed you for once.
“I love you, Captain.” You murmur loud enough to be heard… “That’s why I care for you.” but soft enough not to wake.
But so sudden it is that his eyes shot open, the once-cold stare melting to the gaze you hold. You were left speechless and baffled and struggling to keep the blushing away.
And he took your hand away from his cheeks and held it near to his heart, all the while he turned to face your abdomen and buried his face there. His cheeks had gone red.
“Thank you” Now, his hand let you go as unsatisfying as it is to the touch. But limbs wrap around your torso, and muscles were once again tensing and relaxing. You didn’t mind because the very act itself suffices the answer you need. “…for caring as much as this.”
“I can’t thank you more… enough.” His last words were, until he closed his eyes back and drifted off to sleep, and in his subconscious, he whispers back. "I love you too."