Chapter Text
Disclaimer: I don't now, nor have I ever, owned Night at the Museum.
~
"... Looking for a Native American, a Pharaoh, Attila the Hun..."
"I can't believe I forgot to send them back." Ahkmenrah groaned, his head in his hands. He could feel his face turning a deep shade of red.
It was McPhee who had shown the Pharaoh the news report. He had delighted in taking the night to see the exhibits in action and couldn't resist getting to know the Egyptian.
It was going well so far.
"Also what, does... does Larry just get away with it?"
"I don't think 'night guard' is a typical wild stag do look."
"And 'scout' is? Is that how people make themselves look more rebellious? Also, if we were the last people seen around the lions, doesn't that mean someone else must have been there to see us?"
"Maybe you should wear normal clothes when going out." McPhee suggested, switching off the suspended TV in his office.
"Maybe we would have, if we were planning to go out. You can't ship a mummy to a museum wearing modern clothes." Ahkmenrah replied as he and McPhee left the office.
"I doubt anyone would check."
"Of course they'd check. You could be shipping out a bomb or something."
"A bomb? In a sarcophagus?"
"Yes! Once, there was a sarcophagus on a train, but the mummy was actually a kidnapped child. They knew because the demon could tell the mummy didn't look like the Pharaoh."
"You almost had me there. That didn't really happen, did it?"
"It happened... in an anime."
"Oh, oh, you like anime!"
"I don't like anime." Ahkmenrah insisted. "I... like... looking up Egyptian references on TV. I like seeing if I'm mentioned."
"Are you?"
Ahkmenrah contemplated responding, but decided it was beneath him and continued walking in silence, picking up the pace a little.
~
"Not much is known about me, not much is known about most Pharaohs." Ahkmenrah justified, mainly for himself. "It's perfectly okay."
"If you say so." McPhee shrugged.
"But why is it a Native American, a Pharaoh and Attila the Hun? People should look at him and think 'viking' not 'Attila the Hun'. My clothing is significant. My clothing was on How I Met Your Mother. That's right, I found it. Barney Stinson dressed in this clothing when he and Robin were told not to touch anything."
"How do you find the time to do this?"
"Nobody parties for 12 hours straight. Actually it was Jed and Octavius who introduced me to it... speaking of which."
He spotted the two miniatures in the remote control car - he never did figure out how that worked. He doubted a child's toy would have actual working breaks and... other things a car had. Did the tablet make that real too? How far did that work, exactly? Paintings became real, he knew that, but why did it not do the same for drawings?
He wondered if it would work on origami.
He vowed to try it.
"Jed, Octavius! It's so good to see you."
Ahkmenrah offered a hand for the miniatures, which they thankfully accepted. They could just about forgive the Pharaoh for manhandling them, knowing he didn't like to look down on anyone - surprising for a royal, but still.
"Expect an earthquake," Octavius cautioned him, "in three... two... one."
"Rexy!" The Pharaoh smiled as the t-rex came pouncing towards him. "And... Dex?"
The monkey was riding the dinosaur.
"That is not something I ever expected to see."
~
Night 2
"Tilly, hi." Nick said with a wave.
"Hey Nicky. How's life treating you?"
The young boy shrugged. "Good enough. I think I've become nocturnal, though. Oh, and I got my history A level!"
"Good for you."
"Are you sure that's your best subject?" A sweet, recognisable voice asked behind him. Nick span around quickly to find his best friend and honorary big brother, the Pharaoh Ahkmenrah.
"Ahk! Good to see you."
"You too! It's been, oh how long? Twelve hours? Twelve whole hours. Seven hundred and twenty minutes. Forty-three thousand and two hundred seconds. Shall I continue?"
"I'm not really sure you can."
"Forty-three million, two hundred thousand milliseconds."
"You're mad."
Ahkmenrah smiled at what he was taking as a compliment. "How have you been for the 4.32 times 10 to the power 13 nanoseconds I haven't seen you?"
"Asleep and how do you do that?"
"Nick, Nick, we built the pyramids. We can do basic maths."
Nick shook his head. "That, that was not basic maths."
"Were you not taught the process of adding zeroes to numbers? Honestly though, history?"
"Yeah, yeah, I went for Egyptology."
"Really? That dull subject? They were all mad. You know some Pharaohs buried their servants? Though they did invent pies. Not the Pharaohs. They had better things to do."
Nick smiled and stepped forward for a hug.
Night 3
The previous two nights had been hectic, Ahkmenrah decided he wanted a little quiet by the time it reached the third night. Not for the whole twelve hours. Just for a short while.
He'd taken a book to the Egyptian wing of the museum.
It didn't last long.
"Ah, Ahk." The significantly loud knight exclaimed. "I wondered where you'd wandered off to."
"Wandered? Wandered off to? This was... never mind."
"What are you doing?"
Ahkmenrah looked to his book, then back to Lancelot. "It's a book. I know this new world must seem strange to you-"
"I understand that. What are you reading?"
"Words."
Lancelot rolled his eyes and, realising he would get no answers by simply asking, tore the book from the Pharaoh's hands.
"The Sacred Magic of Ancient Egypt." Lancelot read. "Do you actually like anything else?"
"I have plenty of interests, Lance, none of which I am discussing with you."
"Oh, why not?"
Much to Ahkmenrah's displeasure, Lancelot sat beside him on the floor against the wall.
Ahkmenrah sighed. "You won't leave until we talk, will you?" The knight shook his head. "Fine. Well, a few years ago there was this TV series called Merlin."
"Really." Lancelot replied, with more than a hint of sarcasm in his voice.
"Actually, the person who played you also played a Musketeer... anyway, it ended on Christmas eve. Made all its fans utterly depressed on Christmas."
"Why?"
"Arthur died. He found out Merlin had magic, then he died."
~
The conversation lasted longer than either party thought it would. By the time Larry found them, they were discussing whether or not it was 'weird' that people are digging up tombs and placing dead people on display.
"A former king of England was found in a car park. Besides, I don't think it's weird. People today would barely know anything about us if they didn't."