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Love is such a weird concept, especially for Usopp. Yes, he's experienced it before, he's experienced love from his family and crew mates, he's experienced love from Kaya and the villagers at his home island. But that's only the platonic side of the spectrum. What about romantically? He's never experienced that form of love. Something as simple as a crush is foreign to him. And as some would say the stuff he felt with Kaya would be considered a crush. But he always looked at her as more of a little sister rather than a romantic partner.
He's never felt the pining for another, or the endless thoughts of them running through his head, or the constant want to hold them, kiss them, love them. Well, not until he met Sanji. Sanji and his golden blonde hair that seemed to glow in the sun. Sanji and his blue eyes that you could drown in. Sanji and his stupid curly eyebrows and his stupid sense of fashion. Usopp's stupid small crush on the cook that seemed to grow over time. He would always seem to come across the same question running through his brain at midnight when he couldn't sleep and all he had was his thoughts.
Why?
Why the stupid cook who falls head over heels after just looking at a woman. Why the cook who seemed to be straighter than a ruler. Why the cook with his stupid eyebrows, and his stupid legs, and his stupid face.
Just...Why?
Usopp knew he didn't stand a chance, he knew that sanji wouldn't like him like that. I mean, just look at him. He's scrawny and thin, he has a stupid long nose, his lips are to big, he's a liar, a coward even. You'd have to be stupid to even have the slightest romantic interest in him. That's what he always told himself, he thought that maybe if he kept telling himself that he didn't have a chance, these feelings would go away.
But they didn't, in fact, they just kept growing. Maybe it was the tiny little sliver of hope that maybe Sanji could like him that way. That maybe, just maybe he had a chance. That was until he saw the cook with another guy.
Usopp's world crashed. That tiny sliver of hope was gone. He felt stupid, he wanted to scream, cry, run, hide. All these emotions where welling up in him and he just wanted to disappear cause maybe he wouldn't feel the hurt he was feeling right now.
If it was some other guy that Usopp had caught Sanji with, then maybe it would've been different. Maybe he would have felt something completely different. Joy? Excitement?....Hope? Maybe because it would have been some random guy on the island that they most likely would never see again. Some guy that the cook is having a one time thing with.
But it wasn't just some guy. It wasn't someone they wouldn't see again, it wasn't someone that you could just forget. In fact it was a guy that Usopp looked up to in a way. It was a guy that was like an older brother to the long nose. It was a guy that you'd least expect to see with Sanji. It was the crews very own god damn swordsman. It was Zoro.
It was Zoro holding Sanji.
It was Zoro kissing Sanji.
It was Zoro loving Sanji.
The betrayal, the anger, the sadness, the regret, the hate. All these feelings that Usopp had rushing through him was all because of Zoro. Usopp was hoping that he could just walk away and forget what he just saw. Forget the hurt he's feeling, the sadness. Maybe if he forgot, he could have that small sliver of hope still? Right? Is what he thought.
But no, he couldn't forget.
Mainly because the pair saw him, and asked him not to tell anyone. They begged him. Sanji begged him. He promised he wouldn't. It was for Sanji. He wanted the cook to be happy, and so he didn't tell a soul about what he saw that day or the pair's relationship. But it hurt him, a lot.
To see Zoro and Sanji, together like that. It hurt. It was worse than any wound he's ever received. It was worse then the feeling of every bone in your body being broken. And although some might say he's exaggerating, he didn't think that. To him, he had never felt something more painful then the ache in his heart. He didn't want to eat, or see anyone. He just wanted to sleep this pain away. But he couldn't, cause he knew the crew would notice.
He would just have to fake it until this is all over. Fake it until his feelings are gone, fake it till this ache in his heart dies off. It wouldn't be that hard, right? All he had to do was smile and be his goofy self that he's always been. Right?
Oh how he wished it was that easy. Everytime he even saw the swordsman or the cook, he just wanted to hide. And he would do just that. He didn't care if anyone saw his odd behavior at this point. As long as he could keep it a secret from those two, from Sanji. The only times he ever saw them now was when they ate. Otherwise he would hide away somewhere like the coward he was.
Over time he did stop hiding, but his feelings were still as strong as ever. They wouldn't go away, no matter how hard he wanted them to. So, he kept them to himself, hidden under the thick layers of lies so they wouldn't burst through. He hoped they wouldn't burst through. But they always do. Slipping through the cracks in his lies. The slight red on his cheeks when he's near sanji, or even just talking to the blonde. But that was it, nothing more.
Usopp wanted to tell Sanji his feelings, he wanted to get them out there so he didn't have to deal with them anymore. But he was scared. What if Sanji responded in disgust? Or teased him? Or made fun of him? What if he told everyone on the crew and he got kicked off? All these what ifs ran through Usopp's head. So he didn't say a word.
Maybe one day, he'll have the courage to tell the blonde.
But until then, these feelings will remain locked away. And until death decides to take grasp of him, he plans to keep it that way.