Work Text:
it's disgusting how sluggish the realization dawned on sakusa. his brain has always been wired differently, and honestly, it's one of the reasons why excelled in a sport that involves stratagem while making sure that your body keeps up with the speed of your thinking. however, as much as he doesn't want to admit defeat that he too has a weak point, he's surprisingly obtuse about certain complexities that are brought along by emotions and feelings. maybe he was just not used to realizing how time suspends, his heart even skipping a beat over someone. it's something so scientifically unexplainable that doesn't involve him fainting or being rushed to the hospital; and yet, he knew how to explain how he felt as his eyes followed a particular orange-head leap high, an arm extended above the net, successfully spiking a ball to the other side of the court. it's just that, he doesn't really know how to respond to it.
the sound of its impact resounded throughout the whole gym, and the hollers loudly followed. blinking as his trance dissipated to thin air, sakusa turned around and stalked off to the benches, heart beating rather too fast even when he didn't particularly move too much as the set ended. maybe he needs to wash his face. he really wasn't sure what to do about it. but one thing's for sure, he needs to get his shit together.
frantically searching for his mask from the rather small pouch he carries with him during practice, he was about to turn and head towards the shower room before anyone else. as much as sakusa's mind is misty from the thoughts that he's trying to figure out at the moment, his constant need to put cleanliness and orderliness came first. however, two steps into walking away, he hears his name being called out. and he hates how his body reacted to it right away as if it's a reflex embedded in his brain's database.
"omi-san!"
sweat made his skin glint under the lights of the gymnasium, and his megawatt smile paired with the bright color of his hair effectively lit up the space. it was enough to put sakusa back into the trance he was trapped in just a few minutes ago; though this time, he was able to react, his mind in double time to process what the other male was saying while taking in every single detail that unfolded in front of his eyes.
"i know it's your turn to cook dinner tonight, but i'd rather do it for you tonight if you're feeling beat." the younger male that has eyes searching his own to gauge if he was feeling too tired.
that's one thing he knew like the back of his hand about hinata. hinata uses his eyes well; all too well for sakusa's liking sometimes. whenever he looks into hinata's eyes it feels like all of his walls are falling apart, and completely obliterated - leaving himself and his mind bare for hinata's eyes to pierce through. still, it made him completely helpless because hinata has found the perfect understanding of sakusa's eyes before he even figured out what the other male was doing. in simple terms, sakusa's whole being is in the palm of hinata's hand. and he wasn't sure if he liked it or not.
"i'm not too tired, though." he finally responded, shrugging as he tried his best not to sound too awkward. he willed himself to turn his back to him but, "no, i'll do the cooking tonight. so hurry up and shower before everyone bathes with you. we know you'd rather die than do that." hinata stalks off, waving an enthusiastic hand to him.
it may sound really uncanny why sakusa is acting like this towards his own roommate. yes, sakusa and hinata have been roommates ever since hinata joined the Black Jackals. maybe it's because the most recent addition to the team before hinata was him, and he had no one to share his apartment with unlike the rest of the other members. one would think that during the time he's shared a place with the boy, he'll get used to his presence and won't end up having these uneasy feelings towards someone he share most of his days with. however, that's exactly why it's a lot more conflicting to sakusa what he had realized a few days ago.
if anything, he seriously can pinpoint who among his team is the real root cause of all this trouble he's having.
as someone who has a mild mysophobia and a general dislike for crowded enclosures, he wasn't sure as to why he let his team drag him to the miya twin's birthday party. if anything, he wasn't really thankful that atsumu was born in this world. he's just a big pain in the ass as much as he's good at what he does as a player. sakusa wanted to be at home, drinking a warm cup of tea and existing in his bed while reading a book to relax his mind. and yet, he didn't get to say no when hinata insisted on coming with him.
speaking of hinata, sakusa's eyes began searching for the orange-haired guy in the crowd. he's the one who dragged him here, the least he could do is maybe entertain sakusa. "tch," he mumbles under his breath as he finds the boy in the middle of the crowd, chatting merrily, with a red cup in his hand.
of course, hinata's going to be surrounded by a ton of people. he's always been like a people magnet. people gravitate towards him like magic. even him, sakusa, can attest to that. at first, he thought it was because of his game play as the social circle he had were all volleyball players back when they were in high school. though as time goes by, he realizes that it wasn't really the case. hinata has a beam-like personality that you couldn't help but be drawn to. he's difficult to hate. hinata shoyo is not twisted in any form. that explains how someone like him, who doesn't really take friendships easily, got to be this comfortable with sharing a space with a boy as rowdy and energetic as hinata.
he must've been staring too intensely because all of a sudden, from afar, hinata meets his gaze. the younger male breaks into a face-splitting grin and waves a hand to him. taken aback, he unconsciously returned the wave. shaking his head, he averted his gaze and took his neglected can of beer, pulled down his mask, and took a brief swig before putting it back to where it was. sakusa leans back into the couch, grunting. just how long is this party going to last?
the party was in full swing, multiple heavy-duty amplifiers and speakers were blasting loud music and most of the invited guests were on hype to dance with the energetic tunes being played. brows furrowed, sakusa is still planted in his space on the couch. conversing with some familiar faces from time to time but not really interested in dancing. he looks at the space that became a dance floor with disgust. how could these people endure being this close to so many people in such close proximity? he couldn't understand these freaks.
"dance with me!" suddenly a loud voice from behind him caught his attention. a pair of arms hugging his shoulders from the back and he got a waft of the smell of alcohol mixed with the familiar scent. he knew it was hinata immediately, and he didn't even mind that he was putting his hands on him even though he was just dancing with strangers.
he turns his head, brows furrowed, "no, you know i don't dance. i don't do people." he says pointing his finger at the dance floor, with a disgusted tone. hinata moves around and sits beside sakusa, his face a very visible hue of pink.
damn, hinata's drunk.
"please? just this once." hinata says in a high-pitched voice, clutching both of his hands together. "omi-saaan. don't worry, i'll tell them to give us some space! i just really want to dance with you!" he continued urging the older male. to be honest, sakusa's taken aback. hinata has never been this pushy with him before. not to mention that he's speaking in an incredibly cutesy way. he should be disgusted but, in all honesty, he wasn't. not at all. "shoyo, don't be stupid. there's a ton of people out there, how can you ask them to make way-"
"please?! i'll make it happen!" hinata knelt onto the couch, leaning his face close to sakusa's. astonished at the close proximity, sakusa's eyes just zoned into hinata's pink face. it was like time halted and he could see the small details on the other male's face. the very light freckles under the drunk blush on his cheeks, his eyes that are slightly woozy from all the drinks he had, his lips- "omi-san, i promise it's just this once!" hinata interrupted his train of thoughts and before he could realize what he responded with, he was being pulled into the dance floor. a faint 'okay' echoing inside his head.
did he really just say okay?
"MAKE WAY, I'M GOING TO DANCE WITH OMI-SAN, JUST GIVE US A BIT OF SPACE! THANK YOU!" hinata screamed at the top of his lungs, and everyone seemed to be amused that the resident anti-social member of the Black Jackals was dragged into the dance floor. they obliged and maintained a distance as hinata breaks into a happy dance, holding his hand and lifting it while he ushers the older male to dance with him.
yeah, he must be drunk.
there's no way he would have agreed to this if he was sober.
but from afar, sakusa could still see the couch and the table right in front of it where he was seated; there sat one empty can of beer.
fuck he's not drunk.
so what is he doing here?
standing rigidly, sakusa looks around, conscious of everyone around him. however, one warm touch on his cheek and the thoughts dematerialized. hinata grinned at him, "don't mind them! they're nowhere near you. just have fun!" he says as he twirls, and starts dancing crazily, eventually dropping sakusa's hand, yet keeping his attention on him. a laugh bubbled from deep within sakusa's chest. it might be a laugh because of how ridiculous this situation is, but what matters is, he felt better. he began slightly swaying to the song, obliging to hinata's movements from time to time. he thanks god that he's wearing a mask, or else everybody would see the goofy grin on his lips. how very unlike the sakusa they knew.
they spent a few more minutes on the dance floor until hinata began getting tired and thirsty. naturally, he helps hinata over to the table to grab some more alcohol. hinata was way out of it, sakusa suggested taking a break but the younger male insisted on grabbing another cup, complaining how thirsty he is from exerting so much energy dancing. sakusa's already expecting a disaster when they get home, but, if he was being truthful, he doesn't seem to mind the idea. maybe because he's feeling a little giddy from his drinks. yes, he convinced himself.
pulling his mask down and taking a sip of the beer he just opened, sakusa takes his eyes off of the drunk boy beside him for a second. "oh fuck," hinata curses, spilling his drink. instinctively, he turned to grab tissues from the table and helped hinata wipe his chin, "you seriously cause trouble in the one second i'm not looking at you." he says as he looked at hinata's chin, not realizing how close their faces were.
"what are you 16-"
in a normal world and in a proper headspace, there are only two options how sakusa would react to such a surprise. one, he'd push the person away and spit profanities. and two, he'd throw a punch as a reflex. but, a few seconds pass; the soft lips that were on his tasted like alcohol, and sakusa's body is frozen in its place. his eyes were wide open while hinata's were closed and peaceful, and he also felt how surprisingly smooth the younger male's lips were than his.
from what felt like minutes, hinata pulls away and strikes a smile, his eyes looking into sakusa's. the warm feeling on sakusa's stomach was indescribable. "omi-san," the boy whispered before his eyes fluttered close and fell forward into sakusa's arms which were more than ready to catch him.
what the fuck just happened?
it has been exactly four days since that night and it's been five nights since sakusa had a good enough sleep. the rumble in his heart and head were relentless. the realizations were cruel and overwhelming. he couldn't help but replay the scene in his mind almost a hundred times before he desperately prayed to knock himself out to sleep. however, it's also how he came into terms with his actual feelings for his roommate.
his fixation on catching the boy's habits, his continuous want to take care of him, the nagging he unconsciously does more when it comes to him - everything made a lot more sense when he admitted to himself that he liked hinata shoyo; more than just a friend or a colleague. but that's where the problem specifically lies. now that he's acknowledged it to himself, how is he going to treat hinata the same way?
"are you okay, omi-san?" hinata's question broke his reverie once again. they're walking back to their apartment and usually, they'd share a conversation to fill in the silence but ever since that night, sakusa just couldn't find the cool within himself to be the same as before with hinata. he turns and nods quietly, "i'm okay, i'm just thinking." he mumbles as he keeps his head down. as he kept his eyes away from the shorter male, he didn't see the worried look hinata has been giving him since they walked out of the gym.
after what seemed like forever, the 15-minute walk to their apartment finally ended and sakusa let out a sigh of relief at the familiar scent of their shared space. it smells like his cologne mixed with hinata's. it gave him some kind of calmness, yet he hurriedly headed to the bathroom as he usually would do. they established the rule of showering again once they reached home, again due to sakusa's request. however, he stopped in his tracks when hinata called out his name once again.
"omi-san," hinata says, and sakusa turns to look at the boy who stood rather awkwardly in the middle of their living room. "why are you avoiding me?" hinata's question pierced through his heart like an arrow. "and please don't deny it. we've shared a house for over six months and this is the first time you've acted this way towards me. i'd understand and apologize if i did something wrong but i have to know what it is." hinata looks up to face him, a sad expression darkening his face.
overdrive.
that's exactly what happened to sakusa kiyoomi's brain. with the memories of the kiss, the feelings he harbored for the boy, the guilt he's carrying as he watched in agony as hinata stood there, a sad expression on his beautiful face; sakusa kiyoomi deserves to go to hell.
unable to form coherent words that would answer hinata's questions, sakusa did what he could do at the moment; he turned away and went straight into the shower. maybe he could take a moment to form a strategy, or a plan while the harsh flow of the water from the shower massaged his brain and got it to work again.
the heat of the water was enough to spark sakusa's mind to functionality. what the fuck did he just do? he just walked out on hinata when the boy gathered the courage to ask him what's wrong. he's a plain fucking asshole. he places both of his hands on his hair and pulls, punishing himself for his own stupidity. but how is he going to even begin explaining to hinata why he's acting this way towards him? it's not like he can just tell him that he's in a gay panic because he realized he wants to date his roommate instead of just being friends. his heart and mind remained in turmoil, and no matter how long he spends under the shower, he just couldn't find the right words to say.
deciding to just face the situation head-on without any concrete plan, much to his dismay, he walks out in his robe from the shower and finds hinata staring blankly at the pot on the burner. "shoyo, i-"
"AH!"
"shoyo!" sakusa wasted no time to be right at the other boy's side the moment hinata whipped his left hand away from the pot. while the shorter male groaned in pain, he looked at hinata's left and snickers at the reddened parts of his palm. "what were you thinking?" he hissed as he pushed hinata's hand to the sink and turned the water on, letting it pour over the burned part. "you should pay attention when you're in the kitchen." sakusa says in a quiet voice, his heart pounding against his chest, worried about the pain for the younger male. "you know how precious your hands are." he adds.
just as he reaches for a towel to dry hinata's hand, and helps him wrap it in a bandage, hinata interrupts him. "it was the kiss, wasn't it?" the younger male asked. startled, he turns and meets the boy's eyes.
he wasn't sure if hinata remembered. if anything, he thought he didn't. because hinata never mentioned it the day after, or the day after that either. he thought it was just a spur of the moment for the drunk hinata, something that'll be buried as an embarrassing drunk memory that only sakusa will be able to remember. or maybe he didn't want to remember it at all.
"you were drunk," sakusa answers pathetically. he didn't know why it was the first thing that he blurted out. it wasn't what he wanted to say. he wanted to ask why he kissed him. he wanted to say that kiss was what ignited his realizations for his feelings. he wanted to tell him that he's been avoiding him because his feelings started getting too serious for him to handle without wanting more.
however, hinata tugs his hand away and nods silently. "the soup is done, i'll go shower." he mutters and stalks off before sakusa could even interject another word. the click of the bathroom door echoed and sakusa could feel the strength from his legs give away. he let himself wallow in his predicament, sitting on the floor, rubbing his palms to his face as he turned to look at the bathroom door and exhale an exasperated sigh.
no.
he's not going to mope around and just let hinata think he's one big asshole.
even if it's too late, even if he doesn't feel the same, hinata deserves to know that sakusa is a better person than this. he doesn't want to let their relationship be affected by words he didn't convey well. he knew that the risk of telling hinata about his feelings are riskier but if he lets this slide and lets hinata think that he's avoiding him because of the kiss, it'll just make him feel unwanted when all sakusa wants to do is to show him how much he wants to hold him and shower him with the love he deserves. sakusa kiyoomi is a lot of things but he's not a coward. if hinata tells him he doesn't feel the same, that's okay. all he wants to do is to show hinata how special he is to him.
standing in front of hinata's door, he gives it a light knock to make his presence known. a moment or two passes, and sakusa begins to feel jittery. what if hinata doesn't want to talk to him anymore? however, that was all set aside when hinata opened the door, almost hiding behind it; eyes wary and his hair still dripping from the shower. "can we talk for a bit?" sakusa mumbles, only enough for hinata to hear. the younger male pulls the door open wider and the first thing sakusa sees on hinata's bed is the unplugged hairdryer. he looks up and sees how hinata still hasn't dried his hair, probably struggling to use both of his hands.
sighing, he sits on the edge of the orange-haired boy's bed and says, "sit on the floor. i'll dry your hair." he saw hesitance pass through hinata's features and honestly, he would've too. the situation between them was far too tense for words are still left unsaid. but, he was able to breathe a sigh of relief when hinata trudges to sit on the floor, in between his legs, back against the bed. sighing, sakusa takes the towel from the bedside table and reaches to plug in the hairdryer.
the whirring of the dryer filled the quiet inside hinata's room. for a few minutes, they sat there wordless. unable to gauge who would open their mouths first to address anything or maybe just to start a conversation and move forward from the incident earlier. however, the longer sakusa touched hinata's hair, the more he imagined himself waking up to it in the morning. he wanted to touch hinata's locks of hair and smile as he watched the younger boy sleep soundly beside him. the moment flashed right in front of his eyes, and then, he decided to take his chance and run away with it; despite the high chance that hinata doesn't feel the same.
"i liked it." it was the first few words out of sakusa's mouth for the last few minutes. trying to calm his own heart that was pounding heavily against his chest, he took a few more seconds before he followed up on his words. "i liked it so much that i couldn't sleep since." he pauses as he turns off the dryer. "that kiss meant so much more to me than what it was for you as so i cowardly tried to avoid you because i didn't know how to treat you the same way when i have realized my feelings were much stronger than i ever knew."
he marvels at how well he can speak, given the circumstances.
"i knew you were drunk. and yet it didn't stop me from beginning to want more." sakusa says as he places a hand on hinata's shoulder. a gesture to tell hinata not to turn around and see the tension on sakusa's face and body language. "i don't hate you. nor am i mad at you." he breathes, and he lets out a snicker. "i actually realized how much i liked you instead." exhaling harshly, he dropped the towel and dryer to the bedside table and hid his face with both of his hands. "fuck, i didn't realize talking about this would suck all the life out of me." he mumbles as he hides his face with his large hands, blushing profusely and his chest thrumming nervously as hinata didn't show any sign of response.
with every passing second, sakusa felt like he was being tortured at the lack of response or even noise from hinata. at the same time, he's scared to look at him, afraid that he made him feel more uncomfortable with his confession. that's not his intention. already beginning to panic, he peeks through his fingers and realizes that hinata has been looking at him, an unreadable expression on his face. confused, he lowered his hands slowly.
"omi-san." hinata says, and sakusa blinks. "yeah?"
and words didn't follow after his response. their lips are too preoccupied with each other's to even get a word out. leaning closer, hinata has one knee on the bed, kissing sakusa's lips as his life depended on it. a smile visible even as he ushered the older male to return his kisses. and after a moment, sakusa lifts a hand to touch hinata's cheek, finally responding with the same gusto and need to feel more of the younger male's lips on his. one arm slips around hinata's waist, pulling him closer to straddle his lap and have a better angle to kiss hinata's breath away.
kissing hinata was the opposite of how kissing is usually described. people said that when you kiss someone, it's like restricting your own breathing to touch and feel the other person's lips on yours. but for sakusa, he questions why he felt like he can breathed better now that hinata is in his arms, his lips on his, not letting any second slip to show him how he truly feels about him in his kiss?
too soon for sakusa's liking, hinata pulls away with both hands cupping both sides of sakusa's face. the panting was equal for the both of them and yet, they didn't rush anything. they just let themselves stare at each other's eyes for a moment, catching their breaths, and catching up on the lost time to look at each other from the last few days sakusa avoided the younger. "i too have something to say," hinata starts, as he tries to suppress a smile. "i drank that much that night to use drunken courage."
furrowing his brows, sakusa has questions. "what? what drunken courage? what for?" he asks, his voice quiet, waiting for more details. hinata eases up the space between sakusa's eyebrows and chuckles, "stop frowning, you'd get wrinkles fast, omi-san." he nags before continuing, "i wanted to tell you how i felt about you, and my plan was to tell you when we head home. but i couldn't find enough courage to do so," he pauses, scrunching his nose at the embarrassing reason he was going to say next. "but atsumu-san said that if everything else fails, i can drink a little bit so i can gain courage from the alcohol. but that backfired because i ended up drinking too much."
what?
"i remembered kissing you when i woke up," hinata says, scratching the back of his neck, a blush blooming on his cheeks. "but seeing how you started getting awkward around me, i thought you didn't want to talk about it. i thought you'd shrug it off as my drunken mistake but i got worried because days passed and you still didn't wanna talk to me." he rubs his thumb over sakusa's cheek. "i thought i fucked up my chance before i got to tell you that i like you. i like you so much that i was and am positive i wanted more."
when he decided to tell hinata how he felt, he knew the risks that came along with it. he has acknowledged the possibility of hinata shying away from him and even imagining how he'd feel if hinata gets too uncomfortable and moves out. but, what he didn't really think over is when hinata returns his feelings. the laughter that came from his chest, and the warmth that spread all over his body were enough to send him over the moon. is this what they call the hinata effect? is this how warm he makes everybody feel?
a laugh then bubbles from his chest and sakusa leans his forehead against hinata. "i like you, shoyo. i like you a lot," he pauses, laughing as he gazes into hinata's eyes. "it's crazy how we almost missed our chance like this."
"i know, right?" the orange-haired boy replies, breathless after he presses another kiss on sakusa's lips. hinata erupts into a wide grin, "now that we've kissed and we've said the things we should've said before anything the first place," he chuckles, "i'm your responsibility now." and the older male returns his smile, "as if you weren't already."
"i'm on a different level now, i've leveled up to boyfriend status, omi-san." hinata says with a wink that was responded to by a kiss from the other male.
after a moment has passed and sakusa and shoyo were both lying down on hinata's bed, talking about sweet nothings, dreaming about what they'd do with their future together, sakusa remembers something. "if you'd think about it, everything that happened, us going to that party, you getting drunk and kissing me." he pauses, "and sending me into overdrive, it's all atsumu's fault."
the boisterous laughter of hinata that filled the room made their realization a lot funnier than it already is.
"ACHOO!"
the sniffles that followed didn't go unnoticed by inunaki. he peeks from the entrance of atsumu's room and knocks lightly against the wooden door. "yo, miya, are you sick?" blinking, and lifting his head from where he's seated on his bed, atsumu shakes his head and says, "no, not really."