Chapter Text
“If happiness had a form, what would it look like to you?”
Cale found himself sitting inside a room that looked so similar to a classroom. He had no idea why he was there and how he ended up in that location. Gazing downwards, he noticed that he was wearing a black gakuran.
He scanned around searching for signs of familiarity. All he ended up with, however, was a vague recognition of window structure and unorderly row of gingko trees outside which was akin to the layout of his highschool. There were no blackboards, columns of chairs and tables, just a bunch of motivational posters randomly stuck onto the walls, all saying ‘don’t give up’ or ‘pursue your dreams.’
Upon close examination, he began to realize that the place he was in looked almost identical to the guidance counseling office he used to go to when he was still a student.
His sight, then, landed on the figure in front of him. It was all blurry that he could barely make out who that person was.
“Cale there are different forms of happiness”
A gentle voice that he was familiar with started to speak.
“and they come in unexpected ways…”
He felt his mouth opening — giving out the needed answer. And at that moment, it felt like the whole place lost its sound. He was unable to hear what he just said.
Cale was left sitting there having absolutely no idea what he had answered.
In a moment’s flash, the scenery changed. The room where he was in went into a complete pitch black. The female voice that kept on talking to him faded away, no longer distinct in his ears. Slowly, it was now being replaced by the chirping of several birds and a gradual growing volume of a high-pitched voice that sounded as if he was being called out.
“Papa!”
“Papa!”
Cale felt a small hand hitting his forehead repeatedly, causing his eyebrows to twitch in response. The voice continued to speak loudly, rippling through his ears with no intention of stopping.
“Papa!”
“Wake up! I’m hungry!”
He fluttered his eyes open and what laid upon him were big blue eyes staring directly at him, eyes that showed alight and excitement. He blinked once and twice.
But before he could even react to what he had seen, the little kid jumped up to the bed and landed directly on his abdomen. Cale winced at the sudden impact.
“Aww… Raon…”
Raon simply giggled in reply. Having no signs of remorse for what he did earlier, he rolled his way close to Cale’s face. Full of glee, he greeted him, “Morning Papa!”
Sometimes trying to be adorable does not prove to be effective especially when it involves Cale. He has a lot to say against the kid. First and foremost to never do that again. Second, for a child so small, why did his tackle give so much pain. Third, why must he be so energetic so early in the morning.
Cale placed his hands over Raon’s cheeks and smirked.
The small child thinking that his Papa had good intentions smiled widely. Unfortunately, Cale had other ideas. He immediately pinched the right cheek of Raon.
“I feel like I’m getting much older when you wake me up like that.”
“Ouch!”, a loud cry was heard from Raon
Raon quickly apologized to his Papa. Though, for Cale the apology that Raon had given was somewhat insincere as the kid continued to snicker, unaffected by Cale’s scolding. He had the urge to berate him for the second time; however, he had long accepted that that’s what kids normally do. Cale forgave Raon this time… again…
Cale released his grip on Raon’s cheeks to which the latter ‘yay’-ed in joy. He, then, tilted his head towards the lights peeking out of the window.
This is his present. He’s no longer a highschool student; he’s now a full-fledged adult with a full time career, capable of doing more things than before. An adult who unexpectedly took in a little rascal and raised him as his own.
As he continued to gaze out of the window and pondered where life had taken him, he failed to notice that Raon had already bounced off the bed and grabbed his wrist. The sudden drag on his arms forced him to get out of his thoughts and face the other side.
Cale looked down and saw how Raon was so desperate to get his Papa out of the bed by pulling him several times. He chuckled at the sight.
Raon kept on tugging his hand. He was persistent in using his little strength to help Cale get up of the bed. But, the difference in size and weight proved how difficult the task was. What could a little child even do?
Pity finally took over and Cale pulled himself out of the bed while going along with Raon’s role playing by thanking him for helping him in waking him up out of his slumber. A small blush bloomed on the boy’s face and his smile widened even more.
Raon, then, quickly proclaimed that he’ll be the one to wake Cale up everytime his laziness takes over him — which is, to be honest, everyday.
Cale laughed and patted his head. It won’t be bad to have a little cute person act as an alarm clock, once-in-a-while.
As he was woken up in a flash, he remained still on top of his bed for a while and waited for his grogginess to dissipate. Nevertheless, Cale managed to scan the room, looking for signs of any mess that Raon might have made when he entered the room earlier. It has always been a thing for Raon to break some things along the way whenever he comes to Cale’s room. One time it was the alarm clock, the other time it was his bookends and so on and so forth.
Noticing that everything was in place, he breathed a sigh of relief.
His eyes, then, landed on the small clock beside his bed. He scooted close to it and examined the time.
Seven
Quite early in his standards.
He stared at it for another second.
Hmm… Seven am
Seven
“Ah.”
That’s when it dawned on him the actual importance of that seven AM.
He, immediately, turned to Raon, who had been gearing to go to the kitchen and have his breakfast. But, before Raon could even concern himself with that, Cale realized that the both of them were forgetting something important.
“Hey, Raon… It’s Monday today and you know what that means…”
Raon blinked rapidly, having no clue on what his Papa was talking about.
“Remember how I told you about going somewhere and making more friends…”
And Raon froze as if surprised at Cale’s words. His delighted face went into a complete 180 degree turn. It’s so similar to that time when Cale mentioned how his favorite cartoon show got canceled.
“Listen to me, today’s your first day of school and we don’t want to be late for that. So… go help Papa out by fixing your things.”
Raon quickly shook his head. He puffed out his cheeks and began stomping his feet. Loudly, he blurted out, “Noooooo!”
“Raon…”, Cale gently called out his name.
He had already expected this reaction coming from Raon after that long talk they had last week about the very same topic. Same as today, the child completely rejected the idea to the point where he stormed out of their house — a memory that Cale wanted to forget because he searched for him all day only to find him at the park, alone, playing with stray cats.
Raon shook his head, once again, and this time, he rushed out of Cale’s room. Afraid of repeating the events that happened last week, Cale quickly stood up and followed Raon. He saw him enter his bedroom and slam the door shut.
Cale flinched at the loud sound the door made.
He, then, sighed. “What should I do with him…”
It’s not like he could change the mind of the child in just an hour. He did try his best to increase Raon’s enthusiasm of going to school by making him watch cartoons that were set in nursery and kindergarten. The only thing he gained from there was Raon retaining those good greeting manners and practicing it to their neighbors but his primary objective of making him enthusiastic about going to school was never achieved.
Believing that Raon will give up in the end, Cale decided to let the matter be for now and have himself prepare their breakfast and Raon’s bento. After all, breakfast is his favorite meal time.
He walked straight to the kitchen and found his apron that was haphazardly covered with thin streaks of blue, red and yellow paint which was largely done by Raon, lying down on the tiled floor. Cale bent down and sighed heavily, aware of who exactly made a mess out of the kitchen.
As he tied up the apron, he couldn't help but laugh at himself.
It was kind of funny how different his life at the present was compared to what he had imagined back then. If he were to travel back in time, he’s pretty sure he’ll be berated by his younger self.
Getting the box of pancake mix on the countertop, Cale began preparing for Raon’s favorite breakfast meal. He hoped that just by the sight of pancakes, Raon's tantrums would at least lessen down.
Simultaneously, he started doing Raon’s bento which he had studied up all night by watching several youtube videos. Cale’s pretty much aware that he lacks proper training as a parent and he could not fill in the role of an expert housewife. The kind of housewife who could make those gorgeous bentos out of scratch. He might not achieve that level of expertise and gorgeousness in design but at least he tried, both for his ego and for Raon’s.
It would be a big downer if Raon would come home one day and proudly tell him all the octopus hotdog or bunny onigiris present in the bentos of his soon-to-be friends while his was just a pack of ham and cheese sandwich that was sloppily done.
After minutes of preparation, he found himself portioning up the last pieces of hotdog that he carefully sliced up. Even the pancakes were already done and placed beside the prepared milk for Raon. All Cale needed to do was to bring Raon to the kitchen — the hardest task this morning.
Cale tried calling him from his position.
“Raon!”
He waited for several seconds; however, he was only met with silence.
“This kid is just a handful… I wonder where he learned it…”, he mumbled under his breath.
With no other choice, he finally made his way to Raon’s bedroom. Cale began to knock at the door, hoping to at least hear any kind of noise, which he already considered as a favorable response from Raon.
Yet, no matter how much Cale had waited, there was no answer.
He sneakily made his way in and to his surprise, Cale found Raon sitting at the middle of the room absorbed in reading those sticker books that Hans had gifted to him not too long ago.
The way Raon was acting right now almost made his head ache. Cale rested his head in his hands and began to rub his temples. He sighed heavily.
Cale began to approach Raon. The heavy footsteps that Cale’s slippers made caused Raon to perk up and lose his focus on the stickers that he had been peeling off from the book.
He slowly turned around and saw his Papa with an indescribable face. That’s the moment Raon realized that he was doomed. Terrified, he cowered back nervously. Raon glanced at his bed, thinking that it was the safest place to hide from his Papa. With the stickers still on his hands, he ran in full speed back inside his yellow blanket. He wrapped himself tightly inside of it, thinking by doing so he won’t be spotted by his Papa.
Cale could only watch in both amazement and bit of annoyance.
What kind of wild animal is he trying to imitate?
He felt that this was going nowhere. Thus, Cale decided to grab the burrito-looking bundle of blanket Raon was in, lifted it up from the bed and started acting like he was marching out of the bedroom.
Cale teasingly remarked, “I forgot I needed to put this in the washing machine.”
Right after saying that, he could hear some faint sobbing. Cale continued to stomp his feet as if he was moving when in fact, his position remained stationary.
It did not take long before a face popped out of the bed sheet.
“Papa! No! I’m here!”, Raon shouted out loud.
Another sigh escaped Cale’s lips.
“Of course, I know you’re in there.” and Cale placed Raon back to his bed.
Tears started welling up in Raon’s eyes just by remembering where he’ll go later. With nowhere to run, he needed to face reality. He tried his best to hold back the impending tears threatening to fall down.
Raon’s grip clenched hard on the blanket that was still enveloped around him and in between his sniffing, he managed to say out loud, “Papa… I don’t want…”
He paused and wiped his nose on the sheet before continuing, “Will you be there?”
“Of course not! Your Papa’s a big guy now.”, Cale immediately responded.
He sat down beside the big burrito blanket and laid his head atop of it. His hand moved towards the side where Raon was situated and gently patted on it.
“You’ll have more friends… you don’t want that?”
Raon huffed loudly. “I want to be with Papa!”
“Papa will still be here and I’ll come and get you immediately after class.”
“…don’t want to…”, Raon remained unfazed even with the thousands of excuses that Cale had given him.
Cale could no longer count how much he sighed this morning. Yet, he did not give up. He has a secret weapon he has yet to tell Raon.
“If you won’t come out, I’ll finish all your pancakes.”
And Raon reacted immediately to it. His head tried to move its way around in an attempt to look at his Papa; however, he was not successful with it. All he could do was to squirm around inside.
Cale laughed at how desperate Raon was. With him as an added weight, Raon could barely move inside of his blanket.
“Want to stay as a burrito forever?” Cale began to joke around.
“No!” and coincidentally, Raon’s stomach rumbled loudly. This caused Cale to burst into laughter. He loosened his hold on the roll of blanket and peeked over at the now tomato-looking Raon.
“Let’s eat breakfast.”, he said while pressing both of Raon’s cheeks with his two hands.
There was still hesitation on Raon's part but being bribed with food — that’s something he could not say no to. He squirmed his way out of his blankets and tugged Cale’s hand.
Cale smiled and he held Raon’s hand as they made their way into the kitchen
————
Raon found himself looking at a large pancake that Cale meticulously shaped into a fish. He was in awe that it took him a long time before he got to start eating. Beside his plate was a bowl containing a variety of fruits like blueberries, strawberries and kiwis and with no moment’s notice, Raon just dumped all of it atop his pancake.
Cale witnessed all of that and another headache was impending to appear once again. He resolved to teach Raon proper eating manners next time.
Surprisingly, Raon’s appetite did not lessen even if the “school” problem this morning was still on-going. He munched at the large pancake in full speed as if he was partaking in some kind of fast-eating contest. Cale told him to pace down a little or else he’ll choke. Raon did not answer back and simply went to drink the milk beside him.
Cale was halfway through his pancake when he realized that Raon already finished his. He could not fathom where his large appetite came from.
Raon was attempting to go back to his bedroom when Cale stopped him and showed him another of his “card” — the bento.
“Look Raon” and Cale stretched his arms out for Raon to have a better view of the bento he had prepared.
Raon gazed up at Cale curiously and gradually, his sight went down to what his Papa was holding. His blue eyes widened after seeing the octopus hotdog, flower-shaped carrots, panda-faced tamagoyaki and so much more. For Raon, the presentation and design in his bento looked like it came out of the books that he had been reading. He was ecstatic at the sight of it and quickly rushed over to Cale’s side, hoping to grab any piece of food in it.
However, before Raon’s hand could even touch any parts of the bento, Cale quickly moved his hands holding the bento at a higher elevation, far from the reach of his son.
He began to instruct Raon, “If you go to school, I’ll give you this.”
Cale was aware that it’s wrong to tempt the kid with something that he loves just to get what he wants. Yet, he had no other choice.
As Cale had expected, it was working. Raon was torn on what to do. Thank the heavens for his son’s love of food because just for a LITTLE BIT, Cale managed to get his attention and got him to pack up his backpack.
—————
Still, it did not take long for Raon to go into another round of tantrum. Just as they were on the doorsteps of their house, Raon started sobbing. The problem at hand now was he won’t step foot outside. He remained still on the entrance resulting in Cale having to continuously coax him.
It seemed that bribery through food was only effective on Raon for just a short amount of time.
Cale allowed Raon to bring his favorite stuffed toy as a compromise. As soon as he placed Raon’s stuffed dragon in his arms, Raon, who had been sobbing for several long minutes, began sniffling back his tears. It’s a feat in itself that he managed to dress up Raon in his school uniform and make him come up to their doorstep.
“Come on Raon, I’ll get you back in the afternoon. You’ll not notice the time at all if you’re there. It will all just pass by quickly.”
Cale, then continued. “At school you’ll have lots of fun, you can draw, you can sing, you can play outside with your friends.”
Raon puffed his cheeks out. “I wanna stay with Papa”
Cale reached out, placed his hand over Raon’s head and gently ruffled his hair.
“Didn’t you say before that you wanted to be like Papa. Going to kindergarten will help you become a big boy like me and if you don’t want to go, you’ll remain a baby your whole life. You don’t want to be like Papa anymore?”
Raon sniffled. “I want to be like Papa.”
Cale gently smiled. “Good” and he ruffled his hair again.
“Stop crying now…”
Cale leaned further down to take him in his arms. Raon dried his tears and hugged Cale back.
Cale offered his hand to Raon. “Let’s go”
But before Raon’s tiny hands found its way onto Cale’s, he, first, used it to hit his Papa’s forehead lightly
Cale gasped for a moment and then, frowned playfully, “What was that?! Revenge?!”
“I did not teach you that”, he scolded Raon.
Raon giggled loudly as if he had done something naughty to his Papa to which Cale could only respond with a gaze of utter confusion.
————
They successfully managed to get to the kindergarten. The two of them arriving at the nick of time. Teacher Rosalyn was already standing outside, greeting all the kids that were entering inside the school premises.
Cale nodded at Rosalyn in acknowledgment of her greetings and the latter waved back at him. They knew each other well because Rosalyn was a frequent customer at Cale’s flower shop, buying carnations every now and then to decorate her cubicle.
Seeing the hoard of kids, Raon took refuge behind Cale. Cale was aware that it was normal for his son to be afraid as the only kids Raon interacted with were the two grandchildren of his neighbor.
He ducked down eye-level to him and said, “Behave well, Raon…”
Raon nodded but his face was nowhere near that of the excitement that he showed when he was eating those pancakes. Cale hoped that Raon’s mind would change after a day’s stay in the kindergarten.
Cale began to stroke Raon’s back.
“I’ll get you this afternoon and then we’ll go eat your favorite chocolate ice cream at granny’s place, alright”
Raon perked up a little. He hugged Cale using his little arms and started walking towards the grounds where the other children were.
Cale stood up and watched as Raon walked slowly towards the crowd, turning back once-in-a-while to check on his Papa. It was not later when he saw some kids coming up to Raon and inviting him to join some games they were playing.
Raon took one last look at his Papa and waved. Cale smiled and did the same in return. There and then he felt a twinge in his heart thinking of the indisputable fact that Raon had already grown up.
The little baby that he had taken care of was now starting to make a life of his own and he could not help but feel both happy and lonely at that thought.
Rosalyn approached him and assured him that Raon will have fun today. Not without teasing him that Cale might be more obsessed about Raon compared to Raon with him.
Cale laughed and did not deny it.
As Cale was about to leave, Rosalyn pointed at her forehead. Cale was baffled for a moment but later on, he finally understood what she meant. He quickly touched his forehead and noticed that a sticker was placed on it.
“Really now Raon…”, he muttered.
He gazed at the sticker that Raon sticked to him. It was a heart with accompanying words of ‘I love you’. Cale chuckled upon noticing it.
To become a father figure to someone whose blood wasn’t even his was a step goal that would never come out of his life plans.
He remembered his dream from earlier…
“If happiness had a form, what would it look like to you?”
Cale laughed at his highschool self for answering the question with the most minimal and trivial things at that time.
He was wrong… it was not money… it was not gold.
Happiness for him came in the form of a small bubbly child with black hair and big blue sparkly eyes that continuously called him “Papa.” A form he totally did not expect at all. And he’ll continuously cherish that happiness for a very long time.