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"Hey, are you doing alright?" Weisz shifted his head to the right, a concerned expression aimed at Shiki - who lay still on the other side of the bed, staring up at the ceiling.
Normally Shiki was quick to fall asleep, and by now would be snoring, likely clung to Weisz as if he were his own personal teddy bear. That's how it's always been. Except for nights like this - where it was obvious something was weighing on his mind, and wouldn't let him relax.
"Yeah," Shiki murmured, though it wasn't all that convincing.
It hadn't been all that easy recently - between their upcoming skirmish with both Ziggy and Deadend Crow as well as the uncertainty of whether they could truly trust Holy or not, things were tense. Regardless, Shiki had unfortunately grown a habit of keeping things to himself over time, and it was all but obvious he was putting up a strong front.
Weisz sighed. He was all too familiar with bottling up emotions, and it hurt a bit to see the person that was once an open book with him now suddenly close up. Especially since it was Shiki that made him feel comfortable opening up in the first place.
He slid his arm under the covers and intertwined his hand in Shiki's. Weisz didn't always have the right words to say, but he hoped that Shiki would trust him to be honest, and at least allow him to be a source of comfort if nothing else.
"Are you sure?" Weisz pressed, a frown now present on his tired face.
Shiki was silent for a while, furrowing his eyebrows. His eyes fluttered shut and he sighed, "No."
"Do you…want to talk about it?"
"I don't know." The shakiness in his voice was immediately apparent to Weisz, even if he was trying his best to hide it. His chest felt heavy.
"I won't pressure you. As long as you know I'm here, Shiki."
He felt Shiki's hand grasp his own tighter, and through the darkness Weisz noticed his lips tremble. The blond shifted his body closer, until he could feel the warmth of Shiki beside him. Perhaps that would be enough. The last thing he wanted was for Shiki to be alone while he was feeling anxious.
They laid, staring at the ceiling together for as long as Shiki needed. He took a couple deep breaths before attempting to gather his thoughts.
"Weisz," he rolled over to look the blond in the eyes, "I'm scared. I thought I had gotten stronger, but maybe that's not the case."
"Shiki you are strong," Weisz kissed him on the forehead. "The strongest man I've ever known. Just because you worry doesn't make you any less so."
"No. I wanted to be a good leader, but if I worry like this what kind of confidence will anyone ever have in me?"
Weisz felt his heart drop into a void. So the pressure of being the captain of a crew had finally caught up to him. Weisz didn't blame him one bit for feeling that way, there's no way he could ever imagine being in the role Shiki had been thrust into. Sure, it had been years, but that didn't make it any easier.
He wrapped his arms around Shiki, pulling him close. Weisz caressed the back of his neck and planted gentle kisses on the top of his head.
"It's okay to be scared, Shiki. All of us have the utmost faith in you. You're a compassionate and patient leader," Weisz confided. "I can't speak for the others, but I'm near certain they'd follow you to the ends of the earth. I would, anywho."
Shiki hugged him back, squeezing tight and breathing Weisz in. He sniffled, unable to dam up the tears any longer.
"I'm just so scared that it will turn out like Aoi again, Weisz. We've gotten more powerful, but is it enough?" His tears soaked into Weisz's skin, "I don't want to lose another family member."
It hurt. To remember. Weisz was used to pushing things down into the very depths of his heart, and as they resurfaced he felt himself weak to the emotions that followed. His eyes felt wet with the inevitable tears, remembering the death of a close friend. Yet another mother figure ripped away from him.
Shiki tilted his head up and his eyes met with Weisz's. He pouted, wiping his cheeks dry, "I'm sorry I made you cry too. I shouldn't have brought it up."
His vision blurry, Weisz cupped Shiki's warm face in his hands and kissed him deeply. A tear streamed down his cheek as Shiki returned his affection. Emotions were not easy to face, but they would face them together, as they did everything else.
Weisz dragged his lips away, and gently rested his forehead on Shiki's.
"You have no reason to be sorry for letting me in. It was a sad memory for all of us, and I don't want you to think you have to bear it alone," Weisz spoke softly. "It hurt me too, even after all these years the pain isn't fully gone."
"That's why I'm worried. Worried about any of my friends having to deal with any more pain," Shiki's voice was full of apprehension. "I have a responsibility to take down Ziggy, but the weight and risk of this mission has become larger than I intended. I keep thinking about the worst case scenario."
Weisz bit his lip. The thought had crossed his mind too, and though he really didn't want to acknowledge the possibility, there wasn't a way around it. There were a lot of risks involved, especially considering the presence of a Chronophage - with such an uncontrollable monster let loose who knows what could end up happening.
He pulled Shiki close to his chest, this time more for himself than anything. Shiki was reckless, and often put himself in harm's way to protect the rest of them. Weisz was terrified. Terrified that this mission might push Shiki to his limit. After all, it doesn't matter how strong he'd gotten, if he found himself at the mercy of a Chronophage his fate would be sealed then and there.
His cheeks were hot, tears falling like droplets of rain onto the top of Shiki's head. Shiki had already fallen to his demise in one universe and he couldn't bear to lose him in this one.
"Weisz?"
"I know how you feel, Shiki. I know it hurts to think about."
"Yeah."
"You and everyone else on the ship mean so much to me," he whispered in a quiet voice, riddled with vulnerability. "I'd do anything I can to keep you all safe."
"I feel exactly the same," Shiki's hands stroked Weisz's back. "But what if something bad does happen, Weisz?"
He pressed his cheek against Shiki's soft black hair, "I don't know. I think all we can do is trust each other and have faith that everything will go to plan."
"I know you're right," Shiki sighed. "I know . But this feeling just won't go away, and the tears won't stop."
"It's okay. I'm here now, and I'm not going anywhere Shiki."
Shiki hugged him tighter, and Weisz found solace in being his teddy bear once more. He smiled.
"You know I love you, right?"
Shiki nodded, "And I love you too, Weisz."
They laid in each other's arms, quiet and still, soaking in each other's warmth - neither of them wanting to let go. It was comfortable and safe, exactly what they needed for the time being. Wishing with all their heart that they could come back from everything after it was all said and done, they closed their eyes and held on tight for tomorrow.