Chapter Text
“Let’s get you cleaned up,” is what Ashe is supposed to hear, but the ringing in his ears is too loud for him to register anything. The only thing he can do is look at his bloodied hands. Whoever said it gets easier was a liar. He doesn’t dare look at the corpse.
Dedue is standing next to him, a strong, steady hand on his shoulder. He tugs gently, pulling him away, towards him. “Ashe. We can’t stay here. Enemy reinforcements will come if we linger here too long.”
But he’s not listening. “See that ring around his finger, Dedue? Do… do you think he had a wife? Do you think he had kids? Did I just rob a family from a precious member…?”
Dedue doesn’t answer. Of course he doesn’t. There’s no way he can provide him an honest answer, and if there’s anything Dedue hates, it’s lying. So Ashe ends up conceding and letting the other man walk him back to the monastery.
Garreg Mach used to be such a bright place bustling with life. Now, it only felt like a dead husk. A shadow of what it had once been. Stained with war. While Ashe’s optimism is known to be boundless, moments like this push it to its very limits. He takes a deep breath. He has to believe everything will get better, or else he will lose it.
When Dedue cleans him up, it’s with a gentleness that surprises Ashe. He only saw Dedue employ such care and grace when tending to flowers, not when with another human. Instead, he’d keep his distances, all because of a tragedy that he didn’t cause. It made Ashe sick, to think people would cast such a good man aside because of something he couldn’t control.
He wishes this moment could last forever. Him, Dedue, and his softness that makes his heart weak as he cleans up the cuts on his back.
“Here, you can wear these until your clothes get clean.”
“Dedue,” Ashe chuckles softly as he takes Dedue’s spare tunic. “I’ll drown inside.”
“Would you prefer walking back to your dorm undressed?”
That was enough to convince him. He wasn’t surprised, though. Just Dedue’s voice and his smile was enough to make Ashe trust him with everything. He hoped that the feeling was mutual. He prayed that, should Dedue ever feel in distress, he’ll come to him.
“Thank you for this, Dedue. I’m sorry you had to see me like this… not very chivalrous of me, huh?”
Dedue stares at him. “I think it was very honorable, Ashe. While someone is your enemy, they remain very much human. To feel regret is a normal experience, and proof that war isn’t stealing away your humanity.”
It hits Ashe. All at once. And he wants to laugh, because it makes so much sense.
“I love you, Dedue.”
Is what Dedue would have heard, had Ashe not been such a coward.