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The day just didn’t feel right to you. You saw a dead pigeon, alone, not even a single fly around it. Taking the liberty, you buried the pigeon and held a small funeral for it. It wasn't much, just scattered seeds and its feather placed on top of it for remembrance.
The air was oddly still. “Weird,” you thought. The air in Mondstadt was never still. Like a lover, it greeted you with such fragility and tenderness. Perhaps this was what his touch would have felt like.
On the way to the city, you saw some flame flowers. The way the flower glowed in shades of red and orange and you thought of him. The same shade of glowing amber you had always loved to see in his eyes. Oh, how his eyes glowed such an alluring colour under the moonlight, you could still remember that day. A fool you were to be at his Tavern after returning from a battle with the Hilichurls. The stars he held in his eyes when he looked at you with concern and worry. It was something you would never forget .
Your heart swelled with something you’ve never felt before, something so uncomfortable but yet warm and fuzzy. Red has been one of my favourite colours.
Perhaps a sign that it had been fated that you would fall in love with a redheaded man one day.
Swiftly, you put out the flowers and gently snapped it at the stem. The petals were velvety to the touch, and it smelt of burnt firewood. It’s stupid for you to let him invade your mind like this. Everything around you seemed like some kind of sick metaphor about him. The flames, the sunset and even the god forsaken leaves. He plagued your life like a parasite, but you enjoyed it. The thought of how the ghost of his touch over yours sends shivers down your spine and how the tiniest quirk on his lips was enough to make the butterflies in your stomach roar.
You looked down at the flower, gazing upon the walled city.
“Let’s do it,” you whispered to yourself and marched towards the place where your heart tugs towards.
Taking a deep breath, you step into the Tavern. Once you did, you wished you never did in the first place.
There he was in all his glory, yet in his arms was another girl. Donna, you remembered. The flower shop girl you had done a commission for. His arms were around her waist, looking as if he was going to hold her there for an eternity. If what you had seen were stars, Donna saw the entire universe in his eyes. You could only stare at them in shock, not knowing parts of you had died the moment you step in.
Your heart ached, and it hurt so much. You were well acquainted with many injuries, but none of it hurt as much as this. Your shoulders were carrying the weight of a 100 pounds and your heart,a sore open wound. With normal injuries, words would still trickle from your lips. All of a sudden you were rendered speechless, forced to watch them in the agonising silence.
It didn’t take him long to notice someone in the doorway. “Oh, hello” he cleared his throat and excused himself away from her.
Now both of them are looking right at you, the fool that believed they had a shot with him.
“Hey, Diluc.” His name tumbled out of your mouth like it’s the most casual thing in the world. You tried to muster your best smile, but all that showed up was a stiff grin that tugged on your lips. Nervously, your eyes darted around the room, searching for something to ease the tension. Then you remembered the flower in your hand.
“Ah Donna, I found these flowers nearby. " You held up the flowers to her. Sparkles of interest glimmered in her eyes. “Just thought it would nice addition to your shop.” you handed the flower over to her and she inspected it closely. She held it up to Diluc for him to admire. He merely nodded and returned his gaze back to her. Why could he even look at you? Was he ashamed, or was he too infatuated with the girl in his arms? “Diluc please… “you prayed silently.
“These are lovely flowers. Would it be possible for you to get 10 of these? I’ll pay you,” she inquired.
“ No, “ you thought
“Sure.” you smiled at her, suppressing the urge to scoff.
A smile adorned her lips. “Thank you so much. By tomorrow I hope ?”
You merely nodded, not wanting to utter a single word.
With that, you were out of the Tavern and swore you would never return. You wished you could cry, or maybe throw a tantrum, but you couldn’t. There was nothing you could do now. A void formed in place of your emotions as you stared at the sky. Maybe Barbatos had warned you, but you had been too blinded by your own feelings to notice. Alas, your feelings for him were doomed to be, no matter what the outcome. Someone like you wasn’t good for him anyway. He needed someone that he didn’t need to constantly worry about. You had convinced yourself. He deserves someone better.
And so you ran and ran to your heart’s content. Feeling the wind ripping through your hair, the streaks of tears that clung on to your face. Everything came crashing down at you and once and you couldn’t help but cry. You cried and screamed. You didn’t care if anyone heard you. He didn’t care enough to spare you a second glance. Why should you care about what others think?
Falling to your knees, a choked sob was all that came up. “I hate you.” said in a low tone.
“I cared for you.”
Hands bunched into fists. “I hate you.” A little louder this time.
“I missed you.”
Like the pile of sobbing mess you were, you screamed at the top of your lungs. “I hate you,” voice unsteady and scathing.
“I loved you.”
You weren’t sure who you hated so much. Was it really hate you feel? Or did it hurt so much that it burned you inside the way anger did?
Your throat was raw and sore from screaming, but it didn’t matter either.
Then you stumble upon a small mount with a feather on it. The dead pigeon you had buried early.
You lay beside the mound and stared at the sky. The moon hung high in the dark vastness of the sky and then you looked at the mound beside you and whispered, “The sunset is more beautiful don’t you think little birdy?”
Back at the tavern, Diluc was just polishing the last few glasses and he would be set for the night. The luminous glow of the moonlight trickled through the window, the shadows of his hands casted onto the wooden bench. He remembered something you had once said.
"The moon is beautiful isn't it ?" You asked, an empty glass in hand.
He didn't answer but he agreed. It was beautiful that night.