Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

rebellatrix created the group
rebellatrix added chainedmaiden, notjustaflower, lightningrod, youcantbesirius and a_regulus_guy to the group

rebellatrix changed the group name to the noble and most ancient house of brats

chainedmaiden bella
chainedmaiden what is this
rebellatrix family bonding, drommy
chainedmaiden don't call me drommy
notjustaflower this chat woke me up
chainedmaiden turn your notifications off
chainedmaiden or do you not know how to use your phone
notjustaflower 😠
rebellatrix aww
rebellatrix it's cute when cissy uses emojis
notjustaflower I'm always cute

chainedmaiden changed notjustaflower's name to narcissapersonalitydisorder

narcissapersonalitydisorder ANDROMEDA.

youcantbesirius ooh what's happening
youcantbesirius shall I bring popcorn 
chainedmaiden nothing's happening
rebellatrix andromeda's being mean
rebellatrix and they say I'm the mean sister
narcissapersonalitydisorder you're both the mean sister
youcantbesirius nice name, cissa
chainedmaiden thanks i thought of it

narcissapersonalitydisorder changed their name to notjustaflower

notjustaflower by the way sirius your name sucks
notjustaflower it's too obvious
youcantbesirius ugh, fine

youcantbesirius changed their name to imabigdoginthesky

imabigdoginthesky better?

chainedmaiden changed imabigdoginthesky's name to youcantbesirius

chainedmaiden i changed it back, too confusing

youcantbesirius do you think bella sends dirty chats to rodolphus?
lightningrod i'm in this chat too, sirius
youcantbesirius whoops
youcantbesirius LIGHTNING ROD!?
rebellatrix he's bad at puns 
youcantbesirius do you want his lightning rod bella?
a_regulus_guy what does that mean?
lightningrod ffs, sirius....
rebellatrix 😈
youcantbesirius 🤭
rebellatrix ⚡ 
youcantbesirius 👅🍑🤯
rebellatrix 💦

lightningrod has left the group

*

[simplyted -> chainedmaiden]

simplyted Hi
chainedmaiden hi
simplyted hi
chainedmaiden you already said hi
chainedmaiden go back to your homework
simplyted it's hard to concentrate when i can see you across the library

chainedmaiden is typing...

simplyted i can see you typing
simplyted ...
simplyted ...
simplyted did you stop typing because i said that?
chainedmaiden maybe. 
simplyted you're a tease
chainedmaiden you like it. 
simplyted you got me there.

simplyted want to meet behind the quidditch changing rooms at 3? 

*

rebellatrix thinking of getting a tattoo
youcantbesirius do it
chainedmaiden don't do it
notjustaflower what are you thinking of getting?
rebellatrix too late i already did it
rebellatrix [img: skull and snake tattoo.jpg]
chainedmaiden oh my god
a_regulus_guy i like it
youcantbesirius don't like it
youcantbesirius it's too goth
chainedmaiden it's too permanent, is what it is
rebellatrix PERMANENT GOTH
rebellatrix  ☠️ 
rebellatrix YEEEEEEEAH
chainedmaiden ok bella
a_regulus_guy can i have a tattoo too?
chainedmaiden you're a bit young for that

notjustaflower added lusciouslucius to the group

chainedmaiden why is he here?
notjustaflower bella added rodolphus
chainedmaiden and then he left
youcantbesirius he couldn't handle me
a_regulus_guy no-one can handle you sirius
chainedmaiden i hope he leaves
lusciouslucius you know I can read your messages?
notjustaflower ignore her

chainedmaiden changed lusciouslucius's name to lustylucius

lustylucius ...
a_regulus_guy are you sure you want to marry into this family 

*

[youcantbesirius -> raisedbywolves]

youcantbesirius moony i don't get your username
youcantbesirius you're a wolf?
youcantbesirius did you raise yourself?
youcantbesirius with another wolf?
raisedbywolves it's a reference to romulus and remus
youcantbesirius ?
raisedbywolves they were raised by wolves. then romulus killed remus and founded rome.
raisedbywolves you'd know it if you'd read that book i lent you.
youcantbesirius oh
youcantbesirius yeah
raisedbywolves lol why do i bother
youcantbesirius no i want to read it!!
raisedbywolves you're too busy running around with prongs
youcantbesirius i just get distracted easily 
youcantbesirius but maybe i wouldn't be as distracted 
youcantbesirius if you read it to me?
youcantbesirius :3
raisedbywolves you can't ":3" your way out of this
youcantbesirius i always do. 
youcantbesirius :3

*

youcantbesirius bored
youcantbesirius bored
youcantbesirius bored
youcantbesirius bored
youcantbesirius bored
youcantbesirius bored
youcantbesirius bored
rebellatrix STOP SPAMMING THE CHAT
youcantbesirius bored
youcantbesirius bored
youcantbesirius bored
youcantbesirius bored
youcantbesirius bored
youcantbesirius bored
youcantbesirius bored

youcantbesirius has been blocked from the group

*

[chainedmaiden -> simplyted]

chainedmaiden stop bothering me.
simplyted i'm bothering you?
chainedmaiden every time we're in the library together, you keep looking at me
simplyted i didn't realise we were "in the library together"? 
chainedmaiden when we HAPPEN to be in the library together
chainedmaiden you keep looking at me
simplyted so?
simplyted you're very nice to look at
chainedmaiden shut UP
chainedmaiden ...
chainedmaiden but thank you
simplyted i can see you blushing :)
chainedmaiden i'm not, stop looking at me
simplyted ok

simplyted want to meet in the fifth floor broom closet after this? 

*

[meanwhile, in memerauders...]

raisedbywolves any ideas on what to get james for his birthday?

youcantbesirius changed raisedbywolves's name to onceinabluemoony

onceinabluemoony sirius. 
youcantbesirius what?
onceinabluemoony as far as puns go, that's pretty bad
onceinabluemoony at least have the decency to think of something better
youcantbesirius whatever, prof
youcantbesirius ...
youcantbesirius do u like it when i call you prof
onceinabluemoony hair product? something for his broom?
youcantbesirius you do, don't you?
onceinabluemoony do what?
youcantbesirius hi, professor. 😏
pickedapeckofpickledpepper guys this is the group chat. the one for memes.
onceinabluemoony oh shit
stagreflex HA HA HA
youcantbesirius well I'M not ashamed
onceinabluemoony i am very much ashamed
stagreflex btw what i want for my birthday is
stagreflex for someone to call me professor
stagreflex and let me spank them
onceinabluemoony shut up, james
youcantbesirius shut up, james

*

chainedmaiden added youcantbesirius to the group

youcantbesirius THE PRODIGAL SON RETURNS
notjustaflower who let him in again!?
rebellatrix drommy!
youcantbesirius hahahahahahahaha
chainedmaiden what? he posts all the good memes
lustylucius i post memes too?
rebellatrix no offence lucius but your memes suck
chainedmaiden ouch 
youcantbesirius serves you right for trying to unthrone me from the meme throne, blondie
notjustaflower can we PLEASE be NICE to my boyfriend?
chainedmaiden then get a better boyfriend
youcantbesirius OMG
rebellatrix HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA ANDROMEDA
a_regulus_guy so mean
youcantbesirius do you need some ice for that burn, malfoy
lustylucius fuck off
chainedmaiden don't swear, regulus is in this group
rebellatrix aww you've pissed him off. 
rebellatrix poor little lucy
notjustaflower everyone STOP. 
notjustaflower now. 
notjustaflower i mean it. 
youcantbesirius you're such a simp. 
notjustaflower i'll simp your mouth
youcantbesirius ??
rebellatrix what does that even mean
chainedmaiden i think she was trying to be sassy?

youcantbesirius changed notjustaflower's name to onecissybitch

*

onecissybitch which dress should I wear for the winter ball?
onecissybitch [img: dress_white_sparkly.jpg]
onecissybitch [img: blue_dress.jpg]
onecissybitch [img: blue_dress_short.jpg]
onecissybitch [img: dress_green.jpg]
onecissybitch thoughts?
chainedmaiden short blue dress
rebellatrix black
onecissybitch there is no black dress
onecissybitch lucius?
lustylucius you'd look good in all of them
youcantbesirius 🤮
a_regulus_guy i think it's cute
a_regulus_guy i like either the green one or the long blue one
onecissybitch great
onecissybitch so helpful
rebellatrix don't ask us if you're going to sulk about it
chainedmaiden i bet she just wanted an excuse to post pics of herself
onecissybitch ...
onecissybitch how did you know
rebellatrix because she does that too
chainedmaiden doesn't everyone?
lustylucius i mean, you're a very good-looking family
youcantbesirius stop hitting on all three of my cousins at once, lusty lucius

lusylucius changed their name to shutupsirius

*

[simplyted -> chainedmaiden]

simplyted that was fun
chainedmaiden yes
simplyted want to do it again?
chainedmaiden maybe

chainedmaiden ...
chainedmaiden friday, after charms? 

Chapter Text

a_regulus_guy post your xmas lists here!!
youcantbesirius i have three things i want
youcantbesirius fifty galleons
youcantbesirius a hundred galleons
youcantbesirius two hundred galleons
a_regulus_guy NO MONEY. 
youcantbesirius all right
youcantbesirius a motorbike 
a_regulus_guy ffs
notjustaflower no swearing, regulus
chainedmaiden does it count as swearing if it's abbreviated!?
rebellatrix oh oh i'm drommy, i'm a know-it-all and smart-arse
chainedmaiden i'm just saying
youcantbesirius yeah he probably doesn't even know what it stands for 
a_regulus_guy it stands for that fucking fool sirius
chainedmaiden ok now THAT'S some swearing
rebellatrix i'm proud 
youcantbesirius ffs reg
notjustaflower i made a list earlier. [img: screenshot_notes_app_xmaslist.jpg]
youcantbesirius you've got to be kidding
rebellatrix that's so many things
notjustaflower i don't want ALL of them, they're just options
chainedmaiden just give me money 
a_regulus_guy NO MONEY 
rebellatrix why do we need lists anyway, i know what to get everyone
rebellatrix me - black clothes 
chainedmaiden or a knife
rebellatrix drommy - a book
rebellatrix cissy - jewellery or whatever 
rebellatrix sirius - muggle porn
rebellatrix regulus - quidditch stuff
a_regulus_guy wait i want porn too
chainedmaiden me three
 
notjustaflower has left the group

rebellatrix where's she gone? 
chainedmaiden sulking

chainedmaiden added notjustaflower to the group

notjustaflower for fuck's sake.

*

[chainedmaiden -> simplyted]

chainedmaiden at my family's christmas dinner
chainedmaiden help
chainedmaiden ...
chainedmaiden if you're having fun with your family while i languish in hampshire, i'll hex you
simplyted oi
chainedmaiden that got your attention
simplyted im on my third eggnog
simplyted but i'd rather be with you
simplyted and unhexed
chainedmaiden i'd prefer you unhexed as well 
chainedmaiden but i'll take what i can get
simplyted i miss you too
chainedmaiden shut up. 
simplyted you could come and spend xmas with me next year
simplyted in fact, i insist 
simplyted my mother's eggnog is amazing

chainedmaiden is typing...

simplyted andromeda? 

chainedmaiden is typing...

chainedmaiden i don't know if i can.
simplyted ah well. a man can wish.

*

youcantbesirius who's still up 
chainedmaiden muting this
chainedmaiden had enough family time this week 
notjustaflower no-one got me anything off my list. 
rebellatrix yeah yeah 
youcantbesirius no-one got me porn :(
a_regulus_guy me neither 
rebellatrix fine
rebellatrix [img: muggle_dick2978.jpg]
youcantbesirius WOW
notjustaflower please delete that 
a_regulus_guy o___o
youcantbesirius where are the other 2977 dicks please
notjustaflower this is disgusting

notjustaflower has left the group

chainedmaiden well i quite like it

*

[memerauders]

youcantbesirius on the 12th day of christmas my family gave to me
youcantbesirius twelve poisonous candles
youcantbesirius eleven hands of glory
youcantbesirius ten hairy hearts
youcantbesirius nine dark scrolls
youcantbesirius eight silver snuffboxes
youcantbesirius seven cursed rings
youcantbesirius six black scrolls
youcantbesirius FIVE HOUSE-ELF HEAAAAAAAAAADS 
youcantbesirius four wailing portraits
youcantbesirius three mad cousins
youcantbesirius two racist parents
raisedbywolves and one sirius black with emotional problems

*

[youcantbesirius -> chainedmaiden]

youcantbesirius are you hiding in the guest room
chainedmaiden yes
chainedmaiden are you hiding in your bedroom?
youcantbesirius yes
youcantbesirius everyone is awful
chainedmaiden i can't believe bella married rodolphus 
youcantbesirius he is literally the worst 
chainedmaiden yeah and imagine when cissy starts bringing malfoy w her
youcantbesirius ughhhhhhhhhhhh stop
youcantbesirius got to get out of here before that happens 
chainedmaiden ikr

chainedmaiden hey
youcantbesirius yeah?
chainedmaiden you still have rodolphus added on here?
youcantbesirius yeah 
youcantbesirius why
chainedmaiden because i found more dick pics
youcantbesirius ...
youcantbesirius are you thinking what i'm thinking
chainedmaiden i thought of it first
chainedmaiden but you can do the honours
youcantbesirius ...i can't wait to see his face when he opens this app and sees 2977 dick pics.
chainedmaiden it's the true spirit of christmas. 

*

[notjustaflower -> lusciouslucius]

notjustaflower i received your presents. 
lusciouslucius you did. 
notjustaflower they were from my list.
lusciouslucius indeed.
notjustaflower thank you.

*

[memerauders]

youcantbesirius did you open my presents??
pickedapeckofpickledpepper yes. thank you for the mousetrap.
stagreflex omg iconic, padfoot
stagreflex opening mine now brb
raisedbywolves the suspense
raisedbywolves ...
stagreflex a red nose?? 
stagreflex i'm a STAG not a reindeer  
youcantbesirius now that's iconic  
raisedbywolves you overuse that word
pickedapeckofpickledpepper what did you get moony 
raisedbywolves a book. a novel i wanted.  
stagreflex not fair!!
youcantbesirius he has a condition! it would be unfair to make fun of him!!
stagreflex wormtail has the condition of having a puny animagus form, what about him?
raisedbywolves james
pickedapeckofpickledpepper no it's true, what about me??
youcantbesirius ungrateful dicks
stagreflex next christmas i'm getting you flea shampoo
stagreflex you probably need it

*

[simplyted -> chainedmaiden]

simplyted are you back home now
chainedmaiden yes
chainedmaiden now just my usual family to deal with as opposed to my extended one
chainedmaiden can't wait to get back to school
simplyted me neither.
chainedmaiden ted?
simplyted yes?
chainedmaiden can you bring back some of your mum's eggnog to hogwarts for when we next hang out? 
simplyted it would be my pleasure.

*

[raisedbywolves -> youcantbesirius]

raisedbywolves sirius
youcantbesirius what
raisedbywolves are you at home
youcantbesirius unfortunately, yes
youcantbesirius why
youcantbesirius are you rubbing it in my face
youcantbesirius don't be a dick moony 
raisedbywolves i'm not being a dick
raisedbywolves are you alone at home?
youcantbesirius yes. everyone left 
youcantbesirius and i'm stuck here 
youcantbesirius while you're in scotland w your loving family or whatever
raisedbywolves ok
raisedbywolves well
raisedbywolves go to the front door
youcantbesirius ?
raisedbywolves go downstairs
youcantbesirius !?!
raisedbywolves just do it 
youcantbesirius !????
raisedbywolves yes
raisedbywolves this is a rescue mission
youcantbesirius !!!!!!!!!
raisedbywolves i'm here outside your house 
raisedbywolves merry christmas, sirius.