Chapter Text
Prologue
Barristan awoke with a jolt, the phone on his nightstand ringing loudly and echoing off the walls of the small bedroom. The hour was late, but Barristan was accustomed to such calls. Despite having limited power since the Seven Kingdoms became a Constitutional Monarchy, King Aerys Targaryen IV still managed to make a proper mess of everything.
His father, King Jaehaerys Targaryen XI, had been a wonderful king who collaborated well with the Prime Minister, but the late king’s son was proving problematic in his first year of rule. Aerys was always ranting and raving, calling for war or seeking trade restrictions with everyone in Essos.
At age thirty-two, Barristan was the youngest Minister of Defense in the realm’s history. He had dedicated his early adulthood to excelling in his field, and after leading the Stormlands army for six years, he had been elevated to the prestigious role under King Jaehaerys. For the first two years, the role had been a dream job, but when Jaehaerys died and Aerys came into power, any hope for a personal life was cast to the wayside.
Fumbling in the darkness, Barristan’s fingers wrapped around the phone and he cleared his throat, attempting to remove signs of sleep from his voice. Now what has he done? Declared war on Pentos? Perhaps he has given insult to Yunkai again. “Hello?”
The voice on the other end of the line was not Barristan’s secretary, but rather, another familiar voice. “Oh thank the gods. Barristan, I need your help.”
Selwyn? Barristan’s cousin sounded distant and troubled. While Barristan had not been particularly close to Selwyn in recent years, the man was one of the few family members he had left in the world after much of his family was lost in the war five years prior; a war that saw Barristan proclaimed a hero.
“Sel, what’s wrong?” Barristan sat upright and rubbed the sleep from his eyes. His feet kicked blindly towards the floor, trying and failing to find his slippers.
“Alys is dead,” Selwyn managed through tears, and the heaviness of the words blew away any remaining fog clouding Barristan’s mind.
Barristan stammered an apology and tried to seek context, but Selwyn was a rambling mess of a man. “I’ve no one else to turn to with this request, Barristan. My brother and sister are married off with children of their own. Cousin Endrew can’t be bothered, and my aunt says she’s too old. I need help. I’m drowning here.”
“Of course. What do you need?” Barristan switched on the light atop his nightstand. His mind was running wild from the onslaught of information, and he deflated when he caught sight of the clock, its fluorescent red light reading ‘2:00am’.
“I need you to watch the kids for me… just for a bit. It’s just too much for me to handle right now and I can’t cope. The funeral arrangements, the workload, the… everything. Just for a bit.” Desperation and despair clung to every word.
More than anything, Barristan wanted to help, but he didn’t know how. “My job is quite demanding. I want to be of aid, but I can’t watch the children during the day, Sel. I…”
“I’ll send you money for childcare to cover Brienne and the twins. Gal is in school, but I can arrange for a transfer to your district.” Selwyn’s request was impossible to deny, but Barristan didn’t know the first thing about children despite wanting his own someday.
“I’ve never cared for children before. I don’t know that I’d be very good at it…” Barristan ran a hand through his hair. Growing up he only had one brother, Arstan, who was close in age, but Barristan never needed to care for him. “What about Uncle Aemon, Sel? He was always good with us.”
“Uncle Aemon? The one who rambled at us for hours on end and fell asleep with his eyes open? I don’t know how the man hasn't gone blind yet, Barristan! The children will be dead of starvation by the time he finishes one of his tales.”
Barristan grimaced as memories of long afternoons spent with Uncle Aemon rambling at them came to mind. “How long do you need?”
“Not long… just a few months. I just need to get everything in order. Alys took care of everything while I worked and I… I don’t know what to do.” The response did not instill much confidence in Barristan, but he’d do anything for his family, and so he agreed.
When Selwyn arrived at Barristan’s doorstop that weekend, he looked awful with bloodshot eyes, messy hair, and the scent of whiskey on his breath. The children were confused, distraught, and frightened, but Selwyn insisted they would be just fine and could call anytime they liked. It was ‘just for a bit’, and cousin Barristan would keep them safe.
When Barristan and Selwyn were teenagers, Selwyn had struggled greatly with his parents’ death and he took to drinking as a coping mechanism. Were it not for Alys, Barristan feared that his cousin would have died of alcohol poisoning before he saw age twenty.
Barristan’s first few months with the children were a struggle. He tried to care for them, but Brristan felt unqualified for the role of caretaker and he constantly feared that his efforts were not good enough.
Galladon dealt with his grief by lashing out and misbehaving at school. Many of Barristan’s afternoons were spent in the Dean of Students’ office, and those meetings were often followed by a verbal lashing from Aerys every time Barristan returned to the Keep tardy for meetings.
Brienne dealt with her grief by clinging to Barristan. She craved affection and struggled to fall asleep in her own bed, instead preferring to rest in Barristan’s arms. The young girl’s neediness made it difficult to navigate nighttime bottle feedings for the twin girls, and Barristan considered that he had never been so tired in all of his life.
As if the physical adjustment wasn’t jarring enough, the lack of space in Barristan’s one-bedroom apartment proved equally problematic. Barristan had given Gal and Brienne his bedroom while setting up cribs in the living room for the twin girls. Sleeping on the couch was not ideal, but Barristan reminded himself that it was a temporary situation.
As it happened, ‘just a few months’ became ‘just a year’. ‘Just a year’ came and went with no end in sight. One year into the not-so-temporary living arrangement, another call came from Selwyn.
He was back in rehab, but this time, the court had deemed him unfit and awarded temporary custody to Barristan. The ruling was shocking and if Barristan did not agree to keep the children, they would be placed in foster care and likely separated.
Unwilling to see the children hurt anymore than they already were by their mother’s death and father’s absence, Barristan agreed to keep them and he began to look for a more suitable living arrangement.
Barristan had always been a diligent saver. He had intentionally leased an inexpensive apartment so that he could someday afford a nice home for a family of his own. While he had no wife nor children, Barristan invested his life’s savings into a manse in the Hook; the most sought after neighborhood in King’s Landing.
Despite thinking he would only have Selwyn’s children for a while longer until, Barristan wanted the children to receive the best education, and with the way property values were rising, Barristan considered that he might even turn a profit when the time came to sell.
The school system was considered the best in the Crownlands if not the realm, and Barristan thought it a wise investment. Further, Barristan hoped that the same home might someday afford his own children the best education.
Barristan desperately wanted to meet someone and start a family, but no women were interested in a man with a demanding job who was raising someone else’s four young children. As Selwyn struggled to remain sober, funds for the children’s care became inconsistent.
Barristan used what little was left of his paycheck to fund the best childcare and afterschool program in the Hook. The twins and Brienne soon began calling Barristan ‘dad’, a behavior which caused Barristan great discomfort.
Barristan desperately tried to encourage Selwyn to visit more often, imploring him to behave as a father should. “Sel, you need to see them. I love them as though they’re my own, but they’re not mine. I don’t want to confuse them more than they already are. They need their father.”
Selwyn’s effort with the children proved as inconsistent as his remembering to send funds. Eventually Barristan gave up on correcting the children when they called him ‘dad’, though he regularly told stories about their father to keep Selwyn present in some way.
As the children grew, so too did the expenses. Gal needed sporting equipment for the various athletic programs he participated in. Brienne needed braces, but she also wanted dance lessons of two varieties; ballet and fencing. The twins were clumsy beyond comprehension, and by the time they were five, everyone at the emergency care clinic knew Barristan and the children better than he knew his family back in the marches.
Despite the cost, they were good children, and with every passing year, Barristan came to accept the fact that they were the only children he’d ever have. Dating was impossible, and the one woman who Barristan daydreamed about found him ‘too bland’.
Ashara Dayne was the most beautiful woman Barristan had ever seen, and he became tongue-tied when trying to converse with her. She worked at the Department of Education and was often at the Red Keep during the same working hours that Barristan was present, but despite his efforts to befriend her, Ashara married Brandon Stark; a young man with a deplorable reputation as a womanizer.
The years went by and Barristan watched Ashara, like many available women, marry off and start families of their own. The Tarth children never left, and for as upsetting as it was that Barristan knew he’d be alone when the day came that they grew up and moved out, he was glad to get a taste of family while caring for them.
When Barristan turned fifty-two, there had been a brief period of six months when he had his house to himself. Galladon had married Sara Payne and moved to Tarth four years prior, and Brienne had just married Jaime Lannister.
The twins were at university, a debt which Barristan reconciled he would take to the grave, and for the first time in twenty years, Barristan thought he might have a chance to do something for himself, or at least, he thought he could do something for himself until he received another late night call.
“Dad… I’m pregnant,” The joy in Brienne’s voice was palpable, but then she became timid as she often did when asking for something, though Barristan never understood why. He’d give her the world if he could. “Can Jaime and I live with you until we find a home in the Hook? I want the best for this little one just as you gave me the best.”
It seemed to Barristan that he could never say ‘no’ to a Tarth.
Joanna smiled to herself while doodling hearts in her diary. Within each heart, she placed her initials alongside the initials of her crush, Loras Tyrell. He was three years older, athletic, and absolutely gorgeous. Rumors around the Hook claimed he was gay, but Joanna never believed filthy rumors.
No , Joanna thought, me and Loras are going to have the most adorable babies together .
Joanna’s hand stilled and a smile tugged at her lips. Three girls and two boys. No wait, four girls and a boy. Fuck it, five girls. My brothers are annoying little shits. Joanna’s fingers tightened around her purple, glitter pen as she pictured her nonexistent children.
Abruptly, the door to the room burst open and the twins ran inside screaming and jumping onto Joanna’s bed. “Get out! I’m busy!”
Gerion snatched the diary while Tyrion wrestled the pen from Joanna’s grip. “I bet it’s about Loras again,” Gerion teased; a mischievous glint in his eyes.
Tyrion guffawed and tried to snatch the book from Gerion, adding to Gerion’s accusation as he did so. “More hearts, I’d wager, but the only hearts Loras wants to win over have cocks attached to them.”
“Those are nasty rumors!” Joanna screamed and lunged at her nine-year-old twin brothers. “Get out of my room!”
Technically it wasn’t her room, but it was the room that she slept in. Joanna shared a cramped bedroom with her younger sister, twelve-year-old Rhae. Annoyingly, someday the baby, Rohanne, would be shoved inside too, and Joanna would need to crawl over her sisters just to get to the loo every morning.
The house was small compared to others in the Hook with only four bedrooms, but one of those rooms was a converted closet, only large enough to accommodate bunk beds and nothing more. Given they were a family of nine, it was hardly sufficient.
The youngest, Rohanne, was only five months old, and slept in a crib inside their parents’ bedroom. The twins shared the bunk beds in the converted closet, and Joanna’s oldest brother, Barristan, shared an equally unimpressive bedroom with their cousin turned brother, Podrick.
As Joanna began to scream and claw at her brothers, her father walked by the room. “What is going on now? Boys, get out of here!” At the stern reprimand, Gerion and Tyrion ran from the room like cockroaches fleeing the light.
A long-suffering sigh pushed past her father’s lips. “You should be downstairs getting ready for school, Jo. You need to leave soon.”
“It’s too crowded down there,” Joanna whined. “If Aunt Alysanne and Aunt Arianne are over with the girls, there will be no oxygen left for me to survive the meal. Is that what you want?”
Jaime’s lips curled and his reply held a sarcastic edge. “Whatever would you have them do, Jo? Cook their own meals? Seven forbid.”
Their manse had an attached one-bedroom apartment as many manses in the neighborhood did, or at least, as the original manses did. Decades of skyrocketing property values and massive renovations to neighboring homes made their manse look like a dilapidated shed positioned alongside the Wall. Large homes on each side of their manse cast long shadows over the property, leaving Jo without any knowledge for the day’s weather until she was out the door.
“I thought Aunt Alysanne and Aunt Arianne were going to look for a new place.” Joanna hid the diary and sulked, dragging her feet towards her father and resting her head against his chest.
Jaime let out a heavy sigh and rubbed Joanna’s back. “Just as we invaded your grandpa’s manse for access to the schools, so too did your aunts. They want your cousins to have the best education just as your mother and I want that for you.”
“Why won’t grandpa sell the house to you? You have more than enough money to renovate like every other manse on the street. We could all have our own bedroom!” Joanna stepped away from her father and grabbed her school bag, slinging it over her shoulder with a mighty huff.
When Brienne and Jaime found out they were pregnant with Joanna, they wanted to purchase a home in the Hook. Unfortunately, there were no homes for sale in the neighborhood, so Brienne and Jaime moved in with Grandpa Barristan ‘just for a bit’ until a home came on the market.
Unfortunately, no houses had come on the market for fifteen years. As one generation prepared to downsize and leave, they left their home to their children who had young families of their own. Getting into the neighborhood proved impossible and the one thing that not even Grandpa Tywin Lannister could make happen.
Fifteen years ago and a mere two months after Jaime and Brienne moved in with Barristan, the twins rang from university and delivered catastrophic news. Both girls were pregnant by the same man, Robert ‘Bobby’ Baratheon.
Each girl claimed to have been dating him first and they bickered over who stole him first. Several months later, Barristan was living in a manse with four adults and three newborns. While Jaime could tolerate complaints about the cramped manse and the presence of extended family, he would not tolerate accusations cast at Grandpa Barri.
“This is his home and he has set aside his own comfort to give us this opportunity. Now you mean to cast him out?”
“No! I’m not Grandpa Tywin!” Joanna scowled and glanced away. “All I’m saying is it would be better for Grandpa Barri. He’d be able to have a real bedroom and not sleep in the basement. Shouldn’t he be retired anyway? All my friends' grandparents are retired and living in that old people's community across town.”
The accusation did not reflect Joanna’s adoration of her Grandpa Barri. Joanna adored him beyond words, but much as the bedroom wasn’t hers, Grandpa Barri wasn’t her grandfather. Joanna’s biological, maternal grandfather was a complete mess of a man.
Selwyn Tarth had spiraled out of control when his wife, Alys, died. Over the course of Joanna’s life, Grandpa Sel had come and gone. He went through bouts of involvement and absence. To say he was disappointing would be an understatement, and Joanna learned early in life to never rely on her Grandpa Sel for anything.
The only thing consistent about Grandpa Sel was the speed at which he went through relationships. Selwyn dated and broke up with women faster than baby Rohanne went through nappies.
Every relationship Selwyn began was ‘the one’ and took priority over Selwyn’s family. Proving himself no different than the man who once gave up custody of his children to Barristan, Selwyn failed as a grandfather when a tragic accident left Joanna’s cousin, Podrick, without parents.
Galladon and his wife, Sara, died in a car accident on the way back from a wedding in the Crownlands. They had struggled for years to conceive, but Podrick was their world, and that night they left the young boy in Barristan’s care.
Podrick had only been five at the time, and all he knew was Tarth. Despite that, Selwyn asked that Barristan raise Podrick amongst his cousins. “I’ve always been a shit father and grandfather. He’ll be happier there with his cousins, my daughters, and you.”
Podrick was of age to thirteen-year-old Barristan, Joanna’s eldest brother. The two boys were extremely close, and following Gal’s death eight years ago, Jaime and Brienne had adopted Pod. Their family was large, loud, chaotic, and, worst of all, cramped.
Despite that, Joanna loved her family with every fiber of her being, but she simply wanted some personal space. It baffled her that Grandpa Barri even wanted to live with them all, but more confounding was why he refused to sell the property to Jaime and Brienne.
The Lannisters had enough money to buy the property ten times over, but still, Grandpa Barri would not sell. Joanna’s mother assumed it was because of Grandpa Barri’s tense relationship with Grandpa Tywin, but that theory made little sense to Joanna.
The best way to keep Tywin Lannister away was simply to give the man what he wanted, and what he wanted was Barristan’s property for his eldest son. “No one in that neighborhood will sell, and Barristan’s manse is the only one that has not yet been renovated. It’s a godsdamn shed of a house and not fit for my son and grandchildren. He needs to get out before I lower my offer. I’ll buy him any bloody apartment he wants!”
With her father at her side, Joanna made her way downstairs with a scowl at her lips. As it was every morning, the kitchen was loud and crowded. Her five oldest siblings, Podrick included, were stuffing food into their faces before Aunt Alysanne and Aunt Arianne showed up with their girls, Jenny and Alicient.
Brienne hurried around the kitchen ensuring everyone had second servings of the morning meal while Grandpa Barri waged war with the coffee pot. “It’s not working again, Brienne! It’s that husband of yours who uses the wrong brand of coffee and it clogs the bloody system.”
“Dad… you’ve got it on the wrong setting again.” Brienne turned on heel and pressed three buttons, forcing the pot to reset, but there was no stopping Grandpa Barri when he got started on something he deemed ‘Jaime’s fault’.
“What have I done now?” Jaime leaned against the counter and smiled falsely at Barristan. They had the most peculiar relationship that Joanna had ever seen between two supposed adults.
Joanna’s father had worked at the Ministry of Defense under Barristan for a number of years, and it was their work relationship that set the stage for her parents' introduction. Like the rest of the Lannister family, Jaime could be difficult, and he enjoyed pushing Barristan’s buttons.
According to Brienne, Barristan had desperately tried to dissuade her from accepting Jaime’s request for a date, but she had been immediately taken by Jaime and they married only one year after meeting. Since that day, Jaime had been a thorn in Barristan’s side, though Joanna knew that her father longed for Barristan’s approval, though he’d never admit it aloud.
“You broke the coffee pot!” Barristan pointed an accusing finger at the appliance, and Jaime feigned confusion. “The one that is now brewing your coffee?”
“Yes! You broke it.” Barristan scowled in reply; his finger still an inch from the fully functioning machine.
Jaime hummed in false confusion. “Odd. It does appear to be doing something of consequence. Do you suppose it’s because I tried to brew some tea in it earlier this morning?”
Barristan’s face turned red with rage, but Brienne was quick to step between them. “He did not, dad. Don’t listen to him. He’s just trying to rile you up again.”
Barristan’s eyes narrowed and he leaned forward. “Why can’t you just leave my Brienne alone?”
A loud snort served as Jaime’s initial reply. “We’ve been married for fifteen years , Barristan! Perhaps you’ve not noticed, but we have six children together.”
“Seven!” Brienne’s jaw dropped and her eyes went wide. “Don’t forget our sweet Pod.”
“I meant the children that we created in Barristan’s old bedroom.” The teasing reply did little to appease Barristan, and Joanna gagged at her father’s retort. Gods. Gross!
Barristan took a protective step forward and stood between Brienne and Jaime while little Rohanne cooed peacefully in his arms. “I’ve got my eye on you, Lannister . I know people and they’re working to collect dirt on you.”
“Yes, I gather it’s taken the initial fifteen years just to get past all my father’s dirt. Say, while they’re neck deep in Lannister shit, I’d appreciate it if you can dig up my sister’s first husband. You know the one… Bobby B. I do believe that in addition to owing back pay on child support for the girls, he also owes for Joff, Tommen, and Myrcella.”
Jaime clapped Barristan on the shoulder before moving past him to grab a coffee mug. “I’m just going to grab a cup of this fabulous, freshly brewed coffee. Thanks for making it, dad .”
Joanna sighed heavily and reached towards the center of the table for a piece of toast. A fight was brewing, and she was eager to set off for school. The sound of the doorbell brought all conversation to a halt, and ten heads turned towards the door.
“No way that’s our aunts and cousins. They just barge right in,” Rhae muttered from beside Joanna, but Joanna was too busy envisioning Loras Tyrell showing up at her front door to save her from the awfulness that was family breakfast.
Both Barristan and Jaime moved towards the door, and each man huffed in annoyance when they tried to shove through the kitchen doorway at the same time, getting stuck in the process. “Whose house is this?” Barristan’s tone was accusing, prompting Jaime to back up with hands raised defensively. “I was only trying to save your ancient knees the trip.”
The reply earned a glare that pinned Jaime in place, and Barristan turned quickly to continue towards the door. When he opened it, Joanna’s eyes went wide at the sight of her cousin, Tommen, standing awkwardly with bags in hand. “Oh, I’m sorry. I thought this was the Lannister household.”
“Want to know how many Lannisters own property in the Hook, boy?” Barristan didn’t await a reply as he continued. “None! Not even money bags Tywin Lannister can purchase a property here.”
Jaime moved quickly past Barristan and looked over the young man’s shoulder towards the street. “Where is your mother? Why are you here, Tommen?”
“She dropped me off, Uncle Jaime. Didn’t she call you?” Tommen sounded uneasy as he shifted from foot to foot. “She’s off to Essos with her new boyfriend, but she arranged for me to stay with you and attend school here. Said it was the best in the area and I need a proper education if I’m to get into university with Joff and Myrcella.”
“Absolutely not!” Barristan tried to close the door, leaving Tommen stranded on the other side, but Jaime grabbed the door quickly and pushed it open.
“No, your mother did not call. Come in and sit down. We’ll get this all sorted out.” Jaime guided Joanna’s fifteen-year-old cousin inside. The young man had changed substantially since Joanna saw him last, but before she could give Tommen a welcoming hug, her mother ran to the young man and engulfed him in a firm embrace.
“How wonderful to see you! We’ll take care of everything, but you sit down and make yourself comfortable. We’ve plenty of room and food.”
“Where!?” Grandpa Barri was incredulous; his jaw slack as he watched Jaime and Brienne guide Tommen towards the cramped table.
“Better eat quick, cuz.” Little Barri chuckled and grabbed another piece of bacon. “The girls and my aunts will be over soon and then it will be a proper battle. Survival of the fittest.”