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“Are you gonna feed me to your boyfriend?”
His voice sounded low, tired, but still pierced through her. She looked up at the man, smoke around his mangled body, blood splattered all over his torn-up clothes - the Survey Corps uniform he had stolen. Still, he smirked.
“Shut up!”
“I like a strong woman,” he cooed slyly, wiping the blood off his chin with the sleeve of his military-green coat. “You’re way out of his league, Ackerman.”
Mikasa rolled her eyes, grunting audibly, trying to focus on the ODM gear in front of her, which had been damaged during the fight. She had managed to cut the man off the Jaw titan’s body, but she was stuck with him.
“That guy over there is a fucking loser,” Porco continued, his body healing at a slower pace than he wished. “He can’t fight his own battles so he has to call up all his buddies. Not to mention he has three titan powers in him, and he still needs backup to deal with me. Pathetic…!” He coughed up that last word, still looking at the woman. In turn, Mikasa was still fumbling with the gear, deciding she couldn’t do much about it.
“I could kill you right now,” she threatened, leering at his face, his titan marks still visible.
“Please, do the honours,” he joked. “Except you won’t, because you want the jaw for your team.” She remained quiet. He was right. Eren would want the power of the jaw, he was drunk on power and he would stop at nothing to realise his plans. Plans she wasn’t even aware of herself.
“I’ve seen that woman’s memories,” Porco said. “You’re strong, one of the best fighters on that island. But you follow Eren Jaeger around like a lost puppy.”
“Shut up!”
“Alright, princess, keep living in your own head. As soon as my body heals, I’ll be able to turn into a titan again and kill all of you.”
“You don’t have enough strength,” she spat, and he resigned. It was true. He was going to have his head handed to Eren Jaeger on a silver platter and the island devils would win this battle. Marley would be down to three titans, plus the Female in her crystal. Is this how the world ends…?
“Well, your thingamabob isn’t working and your friends are too busy fighting mine, so I guess you’re stuck here for a while. With me,” he smirked once more and, this time, she looked at him. “Which isn’t that bad a fate. I’m one sexy fellow, after all.”
“That’s debatable,” the woman decided to indulge him a little. After all, she was stuck there with him for at least a few more minutes and she was starting to get bored. “You’re not looking particularly well right now.”
“Keep telling yourself that, sweetheart.”
It didn’t take that long for the young man’s body to fully heal and, by the time the Cart approached, Porco’s broken bones were fine.
“Leave her,” Porco simply ordered as the cart prepared to charge at Mikasa. “She’s just a sad little girl.”
Those words resonated with Mikasa more than she would like to admit. After everything that happened that night, some jerk’s snarky remark should be the least of her worries but, truth be told, she couldn’t help but ball her fists every time his voice came to her mind. A sad little girl chasing her master around like a puppy, that’s what he had said. And he wasn’t all that wrong. All Mikasa Ackerman wanted was to live a peaceful life with her loved ones and, instead, she was thrown into war by the man she unfortunately loved. Maybe the jaw was right. She was nothing but a pathetic sad little girl, losing her friends one by one… But why did he let her off the hook, then? Why did he tell the cart to leave her instead of killing her right there? She’s an Ackerman, sure, but alone without functioning gear and being left to fight a titan and a shifter, she wasn’t sure she could keep her own as easily as she usually does.
They met on the battlefield a couple more times, first as enemies but, sure enough, the time came when the task was to stop Eren Jaeger and his ludicrous plans to exterminate the world outside Paradis and the Allies found themselves surrounded by large trees, around a fire, discussing the new -and very odd- alliance. There was no point in pretending to be buddies, not when there was so much bad blood between those people yet, there they all were, eating stew by the fire, hating each other but willing to work together for the greater good - whatever that truly meant. Mikasa, as it turns out, still had his words ringing in her head and his presence now so close to her made her physically ill. She couldn’t tell whether the headaches had anything to do with her being an Ackerman or if they were caused by Porco’s mere proximity but, either way, she excused herself for a moment and walked along with the trees for a few minutes until she found silence - far enough from base that she had some privacy, but not so far that she would get herself in harm’s way. Jean evidently tried to stop her but was promptly stopped by Gabi, of all people.
Porco, however, got up a few minutes later without a word and wasn’t questioned - after all, he wasn’t exactly the friendliest Brady in the bunch and nobody put much thought into what he was doing - probably taking a leak, Magath pointed out. So by the time he found Mikasa with her back against a tree trunk, a good 10 minutes away from the others, sobbing into her knees, he felt a little bit guilty for the things he had said to her.
“Did you come here to humiliate me further?”
“I was just looking for a nice tree to piss on,” he scoffed, hands in his pockets. “Bold of you to assume I care enough about you to follow you into the woods just to crack a joke or two.”
Ouch. It’s like he had some kind of talent to always hit her where it hurt the most. Sad little girl…
“But since we’re here, would you like to talk about your problems and cry a little?”
With the faint light of his gas lantern, Porco could see the frown on her face quickly turn into a glare shot his way but this brought him a sense of satisfaction, in a way. Deep down, he had acquired a peculiar fondness for the woman, even if he refused to acknowledge it. She had warmed up to him, with her quiet yet assertive presence, tall and strong on the outside, yet made fragile by her crippling love for the holder of the Founder. Something about her reminded Porco of himself - lost in her own head, blinded by feelings she didn’t choose to harbour. Although love seemed like a much more noble cause than bitterness, Porco admitted to himself. But it wasn’t his place to judge.
“You think sad little girls need shoulders to cry on?”
Porco exhaled, a semblance of a grin adorning his face. His hair, still damp from having washed it earlier, for once not slicked back into his signature cow-lick do, framed his visage nicely and made him look a little less douchey. For a split second, though, the sly smirk seemed to have a little bit more depth to it than the usual Porco Galliard trademark sneer and there was something else in his eyes, something akin to real pity. Great, now he pities me too…!
“I didn’t think those words would have stayed with you for months,” Porco spoke, his voice lower than usual. “If it’s any consolation, I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings, not even when we were trying to kill each other.”
Mikasa sighed, throwing her head back as Porco observed her. Everything else aside, the woman was beautiful, an exceptional soldier, well-spoken and, from what he had gathered from Ymir’s memories and the little time they had spent near one another, she would kill to protect her loved ones. Eren Jaeger was a fool for letting her go like that. What kind of idiot would give up on such devotion? If only Pieck felt that way about him…
“So you wanted to murder me, but never hurt my feelings? Thanks,” she sarcastically remarked, not even a glimmer in her eyes.
“Well, I’m glad we’re friends now, you’re too tough for me to fight,” Porco joked, sitting beside her. She flinched a little but decided to settle. He radiated warmth, maybe because he was a titan shifter or maybe he was just one of those people whose bodies are always cozy. “But I’m curious. A woman like you, you must have guys lining up. Yet, you’re still stuck on him - why?”
It took her a minute to fully comprehend his words and the glimpse of a compliment he had thrown in there completely went way over Mikasa’s head. “I don’t know…”
“That’s not much of an answer,” Porco complained, running a hand through his hair. “The tall guy is head over heels for you and, unlike Eren Jaeger, he doesn’t seem inclined to commit mass genocide.”
The woman sighed. She was tired of talking about her failed love life.
“What about you and the cart? She’s pretty,” Mikasa steered the conversation away from herself, successfully. “She is and she likes me too, but she doesn’t have much time left on her term,” Porco confessed, visibly upset. “She doesn’t want me to suffer when she’s gone.”
“That’s exactly what Eren told me,” she sighed yet again, self-conscious at how much she was sighing. “He’s gonna die and I haven’t even kissed anyone.”
Porco couldn’t help but laugh at her gentle candor. There she was, an Ackerman, a brave soldier, someone who would take on a titan by herself and kill whoever got in her way, being vulnerable befront a stranger who was, up until a few hours earlier, an enemy.
“Have you?”
Her question left Porco speechless for a hot minute and he felt his cheeks heat up when her eyes met his. “Have you kissed anyone,” she repeated. “Have you and the cart-”
“Well yes,” he replied. “Just once.”
Now was his turn to be more vulnerable than he wanted to. It was hard to remember sometimes that they were just barely adults - just kids in their early 20s, deeply trained in combat and war, but barely able to form meaningful connections with anyone outside the Marleyan military. They would never have boyfriends and girlfriends, or go on dates, or spend evenings making out in a dark corner. They were war machines and that’s all they were allowed to know.
“But you’re not a titan, Mikasa,” he said, “your days aren’t numbered. After he’s gone, you’ll live on for many years and find someone else, hopefully, someone who sees your worth, unlike that little shit.”
That was the first time he had called her by her name and it felt oddly satisfying. However, being forced to think about Eren was making her headache worse. Again, the compliment Porco had thrown in there went completely unnoticed, much like every single compliment Jean has ever addressed to her. There was no way of convincing Mikasa Ackerman that there was more out there than just Eren Jaeger.
“How does kissing feel?”
“It’s fine,” was all Porco mustered. “Can’t say I’m an expert.”
“What if we all die tomorrow and all we’ve done our whole lives was fight?”
“We’re not gonna die tomorrow,” Porco contested, unsure if he believed it himself. “We’re gonna stop Eren and save the world.”
They remained silent for a while, focusing on the sound of the wind rustling the leaves above their heads, and the cicadas buzzing pleasantly.
“You’re not so bad.” It was Mikasa who broke the silence, her cheeks stained with dried tears. She hadn’t properly had time to process everything that was happening or cry about it and sometimes all she wanted was a good cry. She was barely an adult, after all and all those years of hiding her emotions for the greater good had finally started to catch up to her.
“Thanks, I guess,” Porco replied, slowly getting up and extending a hand to the woman. Surprisingly, she took it and propped herself up as well. “Let’s go stop that idiot and get this over with.”
Porco turned on his heels and took a couple of steps back in the direction they had come from, a small smile forming on his lips when, suddenly, he was stopped in his tracks by something tugging at his jacket. He turned around to see Mikasa, face completely red and eyes cast down. She had never felt so stupid in her life but, for some reason, she had convinced herself that she was as good as dead and decided, for once, to do something for herself and herself only.
“Wha-”
Porco didn’t even have time to finish his question because her lips were pressed to his. His eyes widened, mouth agape, not really reciprocating mostly out of shock. She was about to pull away when he finally got his head around what was happening and, to her shock and confusion, his hands came to rest on her hips as he kissed back, pulling her body close to his and completely consuming her lips like a starving man putting food in his mouth for the first time in days. It was somewhat violent, sure, very clumsy and somewhat awkward but at least she got it out of her system. Kissing was good, she decided before pulling away and walking away towards camp.
“Not bad for a sad little girl,” Porco chuckled as he walked a few metres behind her.
If they died the next day, at least she would die knowing the taste of someone’s lips, and that thought was comforting enough to get her to sleep. For a few minutes, she got to feel like a normal nineteen-year-old in a world without war and she hoped to live another day to feel that way again, perhaps even kiss Porco again. She was still not too fond of him, the bitter, honest to a fault, hot-headed man who knew way too much about her thanks to Ymir’s memories; but his mouth tasted good and that was all she needed at that moment.