Chapter Text
The only interesting part of the evening was the music playing in the foreground of Artorious’s mind. It had been stuck in his head for a good portion of the day, and he’d been unable to shake it.
If he soundlessly tapped his fingers along to the beat, he could almost forget who was sucking him off, then he remembered again. He’d tried to completely capture his attention in the rhythm but failed, he went soft; when was it that he began to have sexual relationships so willingly and without care? Then he remembered, he had always been like that, hadn’t he?
There was no real love between the two individuals in question; acceptance and responsibility definitely, but love? Not in any that was required for the situation. It was an arranged engagement, which neither party objected to; they simply had no reason to do so. The particulars of the arrangement only allowed so much romantic love to be shared between the two.
It wasn’t that either party was cold or uncaring, quite the opposite actually, they had been close playmates since their respective adolescents; it was simply the fact that neither found the other attraction in an intimate way.
There must be something biologically wrong with Artorious, considering the fact that simply the image of his fiancee doing anything, even remotely sexual, turned him off. However, that was an unacceptable response, they needed sexual intimacy, it was required of them to conceive and raise pups, solidly unifying their eventual matrimony; the uniting of two great packs in their own rights, joining to be one stronger
The women in question let out a sigh, not really in frustration, but in defeat. “This can’t keep happening, Artorious. I know you don’t have complete control over your arousal, but at some point, after marriage, we will need to be expecting little wolves, it’s definitely not going to happen if you keep going soft. You can’t think of anything other than me? We need to keep you excited.”
Artorious and Magnolia had decided that they should attempt to engage in a physical relationship, hopefully making it easier to conceive once they’ve tied the proverbial knot, however, their efforts proved fruitless, still after four months.
“What about you, huh? Couldn’t you be a bit more provocative? You’re right though, I can’t control my arousal, seems like we’re asexual when it comes to each other. At this rate, we’ll have to secretly adopt or something.” Artorious ran his hand through his hair and sighed. “It’s getting old, this, block, or whatever it is.”
“It still makes no sense to me. On top of the fact that our wolves have a ridiculous sex drive, we’re both dominates, we should be mating like little bunnies.” This conversation was too familiar, it being the exact one they have had over and over again.
By this point, Magnolia had stopped her ministrations of Artorious’ nether regions and had taken to sitting next to Artorious on the bed. Neither was fully clothed, but they were both at ease around each other.
“Why don’t I find you attractive?” To Artorious’ comment, Magnolia gave a dead-panned stare.
“If you were anyone else I’d be insulted.” She broke her blank face for a grin and playfully shoved Artotious. “It’s hard to say really though. No one believes that I don’t find you attractive either, I mean, if I wasn’t me, I would think I was lying too. You are damn near irresistible after all, I can appreciate your stunning features, just not in a way that could translate into something romantic.”
Artorious pulled Magnolia’s head into his lap and began stroking her hair, calming himself down as much as he was calming his friend. He played with the black roots on the left side of her head. The male’s favourite thing about his friend, at least physically, was her fur. There were three colours: soft black on the left, dark yellowy-brown in the middle, and dirty blond on the right; it transitioned quite smoothly to each colour, which was to be expected, they were her natural colours after all.
Her hair was long, longer than most women Artorious had had relationships with. Magnolia prided herself on the length of it though, it cascaded down towards the bottom of her thighs. The Moon-Dawn pack, Magnolia’s father’s pack, Alpha Trint, had a special connection to long hair and what it represented. They believed it symbolized honesty, trust, responsibility, and allegiance. In his pack, having your hair cut off was one of the gravest punishments one could endure.
When Artorious was fifteen, his parents, the Alpha and Luna of the Trayvell Night pack, worked with the Moon Dawn pack on various peace treaties. These types of small alliances were not unheard of, however, it was the only reason Artorious became acquainted with Magnolia. To begin with, her hair was what had intrigued him, with its constant reflection of the sun in its sleekness. Artorious had always seemed to have a certain fascination, –which could not be traced back to any cause he could remember– with the different colours and textures of hair, it was special to him in a way that completely controlled his emotions.
“I’m sorry Lia, I really am. I wish I could love you in a more evolved way than I do, but I can’t. I know it’s not my fault and it’s the same for you, but I’m just, sorry.” The man’s usual vibrant eyes were dim with sorrow for their situation and the likely stress he caused his friend.
“Hey, don’t worry about it, Artorious. I know how you feel, so don’t worry.” Magnolia gave him a small smile and brought her hand to his face, stroking his cheek. “You know I love you right?”
“Yeah, love you too.” These words and acts of encouragement were things the two frequently shared, which was usually what initiated the confusion of their intent towards one another. From an outside perspective, they looked like devoted lovers, when in reality they were simply the closest of friends.
“You guys get too sappy for my liking.” “Don’t even pretend Silas, you love her too, we share a soul, remember? What you truly feel is what I truly feel and vice versa.” All Silas did was groan. “Can we go home now? I knew it wouldn’t work, but in the end, you always say we have to try anyway, it's getting old.” Artorious could do nothing but silently agree with the statement; his wolf was right, it would never work, but he felt they needed to try, if not for themselves than for their packs.
“Lia, I’m going to head home. Do you want a ride back to your packhouse? It would be no trouble.” Magnolia had lifted her head off Artorious’ lap and sat up again.
“No that’s alright. Father needed me to run a few errands for him anyway.” She travelled from the bed to the closet to retrieve her dress. She really was beautiful; 5’ 8” tall with an ever-present Hispanic background, contrasting perfectly with the form-fitting dress Artorious bought her. She was by no means muscular, but definitely lean; she could certainly hold her own against any rogue or beta warrior in Artorious’ or her own pack.
Magnolia is the eldest child of Alpha Trint. With Magnolia being the next in line for being Alpha in the Moon-Dawn Pack and Artorious being the next Alpha for his own pack, the marriage was suggested with the intent of forming a stronger alliance.
The only reason the proposition wasn’t immediately dismissed was due to the two’s obvious lack of mates. As an Alpha, Artorious’ mate bond should have formed itself after his Presenting Ceremony, at sixteen, which it hadn’t. Magnolia’s mate bond, on the other hand, should have formed when she turned eighteen, at her Presenting Ceremony as an Omega. She, alongside Artorious, felt nothing when they came of age; no pull or want, no desire or ache, simply nothing. As time drew on, despair filled both of them, the realization hit without remorse when they both entered their twenties; they had no fated to pair; no one to complete their souls. They concluded that the Moon Goddess was severely displeased with them, that had to be the reason. What else could have harboured such a staggering punishment?
“I'll zip the back for you Lia, you don’t have to struggle so much.” Artorious went up and assisted Magnolia in her dressing, then dressed as well. “Are you sure you don’t want to be driven to your destination?”
“Yes, I am quite sure.” She gave a gentle smile, “And besides, I can feel your wolf getting antsy, probably a bit upset we tried again, I know mine is a bit miffed." She blew a kiss and waggled her fingers in a hello. "Love you too Silas.”
“She knows how annoying she is being right?” There were equal amounts of mock annoyance and admiration in the wolf’s tone. “Maybe if you weren’t so easy to annoy, she wouldn’t find such joy in it.”
“Well then, my handsome friend, I will see you, later.” She patted Artorious gently on the chest and adjusted his shirt buttons slightly. “Oh, actually, I probably won’t see you until the middle of next week.”
“Why then?”
“Did your parents not inform you? We are having another meeting to discuss the particulars of the marriage apparently. I don’t know what else there is to possibly discuss, however, the meeting will still be taking place regardless."
“That is somewhat surprising, I hadn’t heard of that, then again, I did leave the house before my parents arose.”
“Do I have to talk to you about sleeping regularly again, Artorious? It worsens your health if you do such things.”
“Yes, as you frequently remind me. And as I frequently remind you, I am getting enough sleep, so do not fret.”
“Maybe if you were more responsible I wouldn’t have to worry.” Artorious locked the door to the apartment and headed down the hallway, towards the elevator with his friend.
“Me? Being irresponsible? You must be confusing me with Nikolas, perhaps you, need to be getting more sleep?” Artorious raised one of his eyebrows and held the exterior door to the building open for Magnolia, letting the evening air hit them.
“No, I think I would know if I was trying to sleep with your little brother.” Magnolia smirked at the reaction she provoked.
“No. Never say that again you wretched woman. Why would you cast such awful images in my mind?” Magnolia leaned up and kissed Artorious’ cheek.
“Because you’re hilarious? Good night Artorious.”
“Good night.” Artorious stood and watched Magnolia leave, partially feeling empty. As if on cue, his butler, one of his oldest friends, appeared.
“Young master, are you ready to head home now?”
“I feel like walking today, Septimus.”
“That’s quite alright, just let me know when and where you would like to be picked up from.”
“Alright.”
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
After a while, the air around him began to take on the denseness of stale air and he simply needed to move. After dismissing his car, Artorious lightly trudged down the street, away from his penthouse. His head was ringing; it was by no means a new occurrence, actually coming on more and more frequently, however, it seemed to be magnified this evening.
“It feels nice, being out of all those damn buildings, even if we can’t shift right now.” “I agree.”
Other than that comment, nothing occupied the thoughts of the pair, neither of them wishing to break the comfortable silence. It was a difficult task, willing oneself to not think, to not allow crushing thoughts to race about without supervision.
“Why don’t we like them?” Artorious surprised even himself when he vocally questioned Silas and himself really. There was a lengthy pause, which Artorious credited to Silas attempting to come up with a witty retort.
His mind, now filled with unwanted thoughts, wandered far away from his original question. He thought of all the women he previously had relationships with. They had never fully been attached to any of them, never letting them see the most precious part of them; the person they truly were.
Whenever Artorious attempted to sort his memories, they would pull tricks on him, trying to get him to admit to secrets he never had, promises he never made. The most influential memory, though it was entirely fabricated, always landed on someone he had shown his deepest self to, someone he shared with, someone he was completely infatuated with, but Artorious knew better than to rely on something as unreliable as faulty memories, for that was surely what they were.
Artorious chalked it up to being a persona their mind had created; an ideal friend and lover; an ideal relationship built on unadulterated trust and love.
Those two aspects of life should never be given so freely though. Trust was meant to be something earned, something given, after hard work and proven dedication. And love, love should be something refined, cherished, sought after, but no, Artorious stomped love down, spat on it, and then threw it aside, acting as though it was merely a piece of disposable rubbish. And trust, how could he trust, in a world full of hate and spite?
Each of their previous relationships had received its own uniquely crafted version of Artorious’ facade. Them being wholly unable to obliterate that last defence and show their true nature, that so desperately wished to be released.
When he was a decade younger, he was not like this. It was before he turned fifteen. The love he hoped for, cherished even, was completely glorified by Artorious. He frequently expressed his desires for his fated pair. Yet his hopes fell short of reality.
After his sixteenth birthday, he fell into a stupor. He was sure it was because he did not have a fated pair, he was in essence, mateless, never to grasp true joy.
At the time he was in his senior year, dating someone from a nearby pack, probably. This was the one and only time Artorious had ever hurt Silas. He broke the one rule the Moon Goddess enforced, he lost his virginity to someone who wasn’t his pair. Silas was forced to do something terribly wicked in nature.
If you break the said rule, the wolf inside you burns, first inwardly and then outwardly. The wolf wants to escape his prison of skin and run free, but the human is too weak to shift. Artorious and Silas were in critical condition for three months in spite of the efforts put forth by the medical surgeon of his pack.
They both experienced pain that no one told them they would. In addition to the burning of the physical body, it felt as though their soul was ripped out of their being, torn apart in front of them, and then forced back together by the rough hands of someone who hated them. They felt the agonizing reality and shut off. It seemed as though his parents knew why he was ill, and he knew they were disappointed, even if they attempted to hide it.
After that, he began to cultivate his facade more fully. He based it on truths in his life, of course, that’s what made it convincing.
After his first courtship with intercourse, he became loose with his sexual desires, however, he’d never emotionally enjoyed any of the sex he’d experienced. After they recovered from their physical and mental torments, both Artorious and Silas no longer held reservations about being pure and keeping their chastity, it was already lost after all. They became conditioned to the pain of breaking the law of the Moon Goddess.
The pain resulting from their transgression became constant, soon they forgot that it wasn’t natural to experience that particular dose of pain and so they were indifferent to all intercourse.
Artorios had been deeply lost in his own meaningless spiral down memory lane, that he hadn’t realized he was now standing in front of a lively club. Without much thought he reached for the handle to walk inside, he craved a drink. As his hand grazed the cylindrical bronze handle, he heard a thoughtful and contemplative voice.
“I don’t know, Artorious.”
Silas’ broken voice stopped Artorious. At first, he was confused as to what Silas was referring to, but then it clicked. Silas had been considering the answer to Artorious’s question. It was an answer Artorious didn’t expect at all, but at the same time, knew was the only reasonable answer Silas could have given.
“I feel like I’m missing something. We’ve never been truly happy with anyone we’ve been with so far. Our longest relationship was what? Seven months? There was never a shred of honest happiness in any of those moments, and I have no freaking idea why!”
That last part was more thought-provoking than anything else. Why did it always feel as though something was missing from their lives? They of course knew a portion of the answer. It was because they didn’t have a mate, but why didn’t they have one? Where did they go?
“Perhaps we just need to let go of the hope that has continued to be instilled within us. We still hope that our mate will be revealed to us, come to us, but let's just accept that it won’t happen. I know you, Silas, you want our mate just as much as I do. If we stop, then maybe we can try being happy.”
It felt as though Artorious’ words broke something inside of them. Something important that they had forgotten. Forget their mate? How would that be possible? You can't forget something you never had, right?
Though neither of them expressed this continued hope for their mate, they both knew they wanted it, it was something shared through the bond.
“Fine. Let’s try it. Go into that club and I’ll scout someone out.” “What about our commitment to the marriage?”
Although Artorious positively knew nothing good would come of marrying Magnolia, he wasn’t a complete monster. He didn’t want to break the arrangement due to some small crisis.
"What of it? Artorious, you know as well as I, that nothing will make that arrangement better, for us or Magnolia. What does it matter?" "Silas, we made a commitment, we can't break it just because it's convenient." "Is it a crime, walking into a club?" "That's not all we are doing though, is it?" It was more of an accusation than a question. "I dunno Artorious, is there something you want to do inside?" The pompous way Silas phrased the last question irked Artorious.
Without answering, Artorious avoided the question by reaching for the door again and heading inside.