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The morning sun began slowly seeping through the blanket covering the window. Axel had been up since 6:30 in the morning. The black-haired boy had no motivation to leave his house… Instead, he stayed in bed.
Axel checked his phone, he had no messages. It was only 7:55 AM, after all… Who else would be up at the god-forsaken time? Well, people who had work, Axel figured. They would be up and getting ready for their daily lives.
The kid hadn’t really related to that in years. Hell, the whole reason he was at home rather than on the bus for school was that he no longer had the motivation to go to school.
The soft golden rays, mostly blocked by the dark-covered blanket hung over the window, brought Axel some comfort. Maybe he should get up and watch the sunrise?
Would it even be worth getting up? Axel would just get back into bed and attend his classes online anyways… He probably wouldn’t have time to enjoy it. His classes started at 8:05, and he couldn’t risk being late.
His eyes looked at his red, round glasses. He needed those to see… Watching the sunrise had to be worth it, correct?
Axel sat up and grabbed his glasses. He stretched after putting on the object that gave him the ability to see.
He looked at the soft scars on his wrist, and regret and pain washed over him. These scars… he felt disgusted by them. They came from Axel feeling like inflicting harm on himself was the only form of control he had.
Yet, Axel was getting better, he was getting help. With a deep breath, Axel got out of his bed and went to the door of his bedroom. The day waits for nobody. This was something he could control. He could control whether or not he watched the sunrise today.
He kept himself from opening the door at a sudden realization.
It was so cold, he would be a fool to leave without his shoes.
“Right, it's January. Besides, Ariella would yell at me if I went outside with no shoes,” Axel said with a slight laugh.
His laugh sounded tired like he was forcing the sound. Axel didn’t like his laugh. It sounded like a broken record. It was just one of his many insecurities.
Axel grabbed his old, slide-on, tennis shoes. He put the shoes on and then went to leave his room. For real, this time.
The soft click of his door symbolized that it was properly closed. He took a deep breath, the little trailer he lived in smelled of coffee. His mom must have made some.
Axel’s room was not too far from the front door. Only about eight steps in total.
As Axel took those steps, he went to pick any ick from his eyes. His older sister always said his eyes were like rubies… That was something he was secure in. Axel really liked his eyes. They were a bright scarlet, but so soothing at the same time.
With a yawn, Axel opened the front door. He shivered at the slight chill that was coming through the thin screen door.
“God, if it weren’t for the sunset being pretty I would just curl back in my bed,” Axel complained softly as he opened the screen door.
He took a deep breath of the cold winter morning air. There was some snow on the ground, and it glittered in the rays of the rising fireball.
Speaking of which, Axel went to sit on the built-in wooden bench of his porch. The cold wood creaked under his feet as he took the steps. It was a comforting sound to Axel. Yet, he still felt numb. The cold didn’t really help with the numbness either.
Axel sighed as he went to look at the pinks and purples of the sunrise. On days like this, Axel would be drawing.
He had no motivation to draw. Anytime he did, he saw the drawing as ugly and often closed the notebook he was drawing in.
Seeing the colors was very inspiring though. The way the pinks and purples melted into golden yellows and oranges. How the colors chased off the darkness of both Axel’s mind and the cold night. Axel had a soft, but tired smile on his face.
“...God, Kody would love this.” Axel sighed, saying the lord's name burned his throat a bit. Kody, heavens did Axel miss his late partner. A life taken too soon. Kody would always drag Axel out to watch the sunrise… Those memories were bittersweet now.
Axel closed his eyes. The sound of birds and Axel’s own soft breathing filled his ears. The numbing coldness made his body ache and crave the indoors. It was a peaceful morning. Axel hummed gently. A song his mother used to sing… Now a song he hummed. The lyrics had long since faded from his mind.
The last time he heard his mother sing this song was when he was 5. 12 years ago at this point. 13 years in April.
Soon, the peace of his morning was interrupted by the squeaking of the screen door.
“Hermano (Brother), it’s 13 degrees out here! Come inside so I can make you hot chocolate.” Ariella, Axel’s older sister, called gently.
Axel let out a sigh and went to stand up.
“Te escucho, hermana. Solo, dame un segundo.” (I hear you, sister. Just, give me a second.) Axel said in his family’s native tongue…. He wondered what the sunrise looked like in Spain. He hadn’t gone back since his grandparents brought him and Ariella to the states, and especially since those grandparents passed away.
Ariella nodded and went back inside. She knew how her brother could get. His depression was something he was getting help for, but even the best therapist couldn’t fix his more disturbing issues that contributed to his mental unwellness.
Axel looked at the golden yellow and orange sky. The sunrise did make him feel better after all.