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She missed it.
The way Selen would laugh at her jokes until she cried. The way she would give loving kisses to her face to comfort her when she had a bad day at work. The way her shoulder felt when she would rest her head on it. The warmth of her hand when she held it.
She missed all of it.
Now she can only hold her hand and feel the coldness of it.
Seeing the way her chest would slowly rise up and down. The sight of her oxygen mask fogging up as it happened.
"Selen, please. Come back to me." Her voice cracking as her eyes tear up.
"Please." She whispered, tears falling down her cheeks.
Like a river.
Her words weren't heard.
~
Selen's heart transplant was on a Tuesday morning. It was an awaited day, a day where Finana's emotions were all over the place, everything could go wrong or go right. It scared her, she knew it scared Selen too. Yet, Selen laughed it off. Like she usually would, keeping up a positive aura.
"I'll be okay, Finana!" She said with a smile.
"By tomorrow, I'll be up and racing like normal."
Selen grabbed her hand, intertwining them.
"I know...but it doesn't make me worry less."
A squeeze on her hand.
The warmth she was so familiar with, comforting her. Telling her that everything would be okay.
"I love you, Finana. I'll see you tomorrow, okay? I promise." Selen pulled her in, planting a kiss on her wife's mouth.
"I love you too, Selen. See you tomorrow."
A pause.
"You better keep your promise." With that she left the hospital room.
~
It was the next day that Finana realized that Selen couldn't keep her promise.
She went to the hospital at the expected time when the operation would finish. She waited patiently.
After 8 hours of operation, the doctor came out.
"She made it," She hated the way the words came out of his mouth. Like there was a-
"but something went wrong while the operation happened. We've talked about this. A heart transplant can be dangerous. I'm sorry, your wife is in a coma."
It felt like her worst nightmare. The only thing that that's different is that it wasn't a nightmare, it was real.
It was weird, usually people would cry. Even be angry. Any kind of emotion. Yet all she felt was...nothing.
She felt numb.
She didn't know how to react.
The only words she could say that time were, "When can I see her?"
The question was something she shouldn't have asked, because after finding out when she could visit her comatosed wife. She went as soon as she could.
She nervously opened the door.
Then it happened.
All the emotions she didn't feel came rushing through her at the sight of Selen on a hospital bed, unmoving.
"Why didn't you keep your promise?!" She sobbed.
Anger.
Pain.
Sadness.
It was all she felt.
It's been 6 months since it happened.
She still waits.
Waits for her to wake up.
Waits for a day that she'll feel her warm hugs and hear her contagious laugh.
~
"I went out with Elira and Pomu, today." A small smile on her face. "Guess what? They're finally together! Your sister finally confessed!" A small laugh came out of her mouth, looking at the figure of her wife on her bed. Holding her hand.
"They miss you. They say they'll visit in a few days. So wake up, okay? I love you." She said planting a kiss on her wife's forehead.
No answer.
~
It was the day that Pomu and Elira visited Selen. The day where she had recieved a call from Elira.
She was at work when her phone rang, lighting up and showing the name 'Elira' on the top half of the screen.
She swiped answering the call.
"Hey, Eli-"
"She's gone."
A crack.
No.
No.
This wasn't happening.
"What are you talking-"
"Selen's gone." A sob. "I'm sorry, Finana." She could hear her sister-in-law try to hold in her sobs, failing to do it.
"No. You're lying-"
"Come to the hospital, please."
So she ran.
It happened fast.
The next thing she knew she was in front of a sobbing Elira who was being hugged by a crying Pomu.
"F-Finana. I-I-" Pomu could barely talk.
It wasn't real.
Why couldn't Selen just come out and tell her this was all a big joke?
It has to be one.
But the people infront of her told her it wasn't.
She felt weak.
As if she could fall and-
She woke up.
"Finana." She saw both Pomu and Elira next to her.
"That had to be a nightmare, right?"
"...I'm sorry, Finana. She's gone."
Ahhh.
Why?
Why is she gone?
Why did her moon leave her? When she was the sun?
Why couldn't she keep her promise?