Returning to the Studio was taking a bit of a toll on her, too. Of course her - classmates? friends? colleagues? - wouldn’t want to trust her, and why would she seek compassion from the people she’d been tormenting endlessly for the past few years? Ugh, she hated that she’d turned soft, and even more that now she couldn’t just go back to her icy cold self again. Was it some kind of Violetta-imposed curse she’d caught like others before her? Did Violetta have so much empathy lying around that she needed to bombard everyone she came in contact with? Things used to be so much easier when Ludmila would just be mean for the sake of it. Everyone resented her for it, obviously, but there was also some level of silent respect for it - she was a bitch, but she was a bitch that would be left alone. And now? Something had kickstarted a clumsy redemption path that she couldn’t walk out of, and maybe she didn’t want to. Because to her surprise, people being kind to her wasn’t half bad.
But people being kind to her meant that a new side of her opened up, softer and less guarded, and on her path to redemption, she had to take into consideration some badly buried feelings she kept stumbling over. Feelings about certain people she wanted to live her life ignoring the implications of.
So there she was, in the living room, in utter silence, revaluing her entire life. She’d get in these moods when she wouldn’t notice anything happening around her, when she was so emotionally exhausted she had to let the ultimate schemer act rest for just a second. It did feel wrong, but it also felt necessary, like charging batteries.
“Ludmi?” A familiar voice startled her awake. Ludmila shut her eyes tight and opened them again. “You haven’t been moving for the past five minutes, I was getting worried,” Naty said apologetically, on the other side of the sofa. “When did you get here?” Ludmila asked in an accusatory tone. “Um…I came back with you to your house after we were done at the Studio, remember?” Ludmila raised her eyebrows. The curly-haired girl gaped, “We had to write that song together…? Did you seriously forget I was here?”
“I…guess,” Ludmila started. I’m sorry, she wanted to add, but the words still felt so unnatural in her mouth she left it at that. “You can go, though, I don’t think we’re getting any work done today anyway.”
Naty frowned. “I’m not leaving you like this.”
“Leaving me like what?” Ludmila retorted. “What are you trying to say, Natalia?”
“I’m-” the other girl huffed, “you’re upset, clearly, and you shouldn’t be alone.”
“I don’t care what you think I am, I want you to leave.”
“Oh really? ‘Cause I’m not leaving.” Naty crossed her arms and shot Ludmila a look from across the sofa. Ludmila sighed, “I don’t want to do this right now.”
“You don’t have to do anything.” Naty shrugged with a small smile. Ludmila felt her cheeks heating up. “I swear to God, Natalia, if you don’t leave-”
“What are you going to do? Kick me out? Push me out the door with your weak noodle arms?”
“I- ugh!” Ludmila thrust herself at Naty, trying to get her off the sofa with all her might - granted, it was not much, and with a surprised laugh, Naty took hold of her and pushed back, which made Ludmila suddenly very ticklish. Both giggling and tackling each other like fourth-graders, they found themselves rolling on the sofa, taking turns as to who was on top in this strange fight. In the end, as predicted, Naty successfully subjugated the other girl, though they were both out of breath like they had just run a marathon.
“Fine, you win,” Ludmila croaked, her cheeks red as ever. “Thank you,” Naty smiled triumphantly. Still on top of her, though, she could see Ludmila was clearly thinking about something else. Before she could ask, the blonde said, so quietly Naty might not hear her: “Why are you here, Nat?”
“I…” Naty bit her lip. “I just thought that since you weren’t feeling too good, maybe this would help.” Her eyes met Ludmila’s and now her cheeks were turning red, too. “I mean...me, being here. And I know what you're going to say- but I know you, I know you don’t actually like to be alone-”
“No,” Ludmila interrupted her, closing her eyes, “no, I meant- why are you still here? After all I did to you?” She covered her face with her hands, “Everyone left me. Everyone hates me. And you- you should be the one who hates me the most. So…why don’t you?”
“Ludmi,” Naty tried starting, “I’m not everyone.” But she could already see Ludmila would not listen to her. “I’m a horrible person…”
“You’ve changed. You’re still changing!”
“I can change all I want, but that doesn’t erase what I’ve done in the past.”
“I don’t care what you’ve done in the past!”
“You should!”
“Stop telling me what I should or shouldn’t do!” Naty laughed, baffled. “Start focusing on what you want to do to fix your mistakes, not how I need to process your actions.” She put away a strand of Ludmila’s perfect blond hair that had gotten in the way of her eyes, now glossy with unshed tears. “You’re on the right path though, let me tell you that,” Her hand rested on her cheek, and without even noticing, she’d started caressing her porcelain skin, and Ludmila’s eyes glowed with something new, and all at once she knew what she’d always known, with Naty’s touch on her cheek and her face so close to her own. And the buried feelings blossomed like a wildflower.
“I could never hate you. I’ve always known you were wonderful, Ludmi.” And now their hearts synced, and now their eyes spoke the same language. “Can you see that, too?”
Ludmila got a sudden, wild idea as to what she wanted to do to fix her mistakes. What she'd wanted to do for years.
Heart beating out of her chest, she leapt upward and brought Naty down with her (and this had always happened ever since the beginning of their friendship), crashing their lips together with a forever ache and an unknown tenderness. Naty smiled into the kiss, releasing a weight that she didn’t know she’d been holding, a quiet sigh of relief only meant for Ludmila's ears. And Ludmila smiled too, and they stayed like that for a while, just kissing and breathing in their love, and smiling like giddy fools, because it took so long to do something so simple, still, it made so much sense because it was them, foreheads touching, knowing lips of people who’ve been through everything together, and would go through so much more, together.
No, Ludmila could not see that, too, and it would take a lifetime for her to understand what Naty saw in her. But for once, just this once, she was ok with someone else taking the lead: the girl she'd been in love since what felt like the beginning of time, the girl who said between a kiss and the other, “We should probably go to my place, I wouldn't want to interrupt this for anything in the world.”
Ludmila grinned like a child. “Sure.”
And Naty swept her up like a bride, like she’d done a million times before, but now it had a new meaning, and for once Ludmila didn’t care about her mother or everyone who hated her and would continue to hate her forever.
Because Naty wasn’t everyone.