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She looked so tiny from afar. A little thing floating in space. Even smaller in comparison to the planet not too far away. Imagining how many lifeforms lived and worked on this station, how many different species, makes you remember how vast the universe is.
The arrogance it would take to not acknowledge your own insignificance...
The transporter aligned its coordinates with the station's gravity parameters and turned itself around. Now the station's rings lay horizontal, while the Pylons reached out above and below them.
Mera couldn't stop herself, she got up, turned around and kneeled on the seat, in order to face the window completely. Her forehead touched the cold transparent aluminium. Several children among the passengers wanted to do the same. Some parents stopped them. Some held their children up to the window, so they could look out safely.
Her delicate spiderlike design was breathtaking. The pylons curved so elegantly. The space they enclosed almost became part of the station, forming a secure ball, a perfect geometric shape. Several docked ships were neatly sheltered within the structure.
The shadow play of the architecture, was intriguing. Parts of the station were brightly lit by the Star Bajor -B'hava'el, others were darkened by the station's own shadow to a point of them almost becoming indistinguishable from the endless deep space around them. As it was daytime on the station, tiny lights illuminated her countless windows.
Mera couldn't believe what she saw. As they came closer, she noticed how the light of the system's star illuminated the station's outer hull design beautifully. Each little geometric indentation on the pylons' slim form cast their own shadow, giving the surface's different materials an almost palpable quality.
Fascinating as Mera's lectures on Zero-G-Architecture had been, it was a difference to see a hologram, compared with the original. Most likely she was one of the few passengers, who could really appreciate the elegance and grace of this station.
This piece of art, which is the station Humans and Bajorans called 'Deep Space Nine', and some Cardassians still referred to as 'Terok Nor', was beautiful.
Mera bent her neck and took a long look, as the transporter lowered its course to manoeuvre into the space between the pylons. The closer they came, the more impressive the over 900 meter long Pylons towered over them. The transporter now felt strangely small and vulnerable. One pylon cast a dark shadow on the transporter's windows, bringing a short moment of darkness over the passengers, as they passed it. As the darkness engulfed them, Mera heard several children among the passengers gasp anxiously. She had to smile.
“Dear passengers, We are about to dock at 'Deep Space Nine', upper Pylon 1. Please take a seat and brace for impact.” the Pilot's voice announced over the comm system.
Mera reluctantly turned back around and sat back in her seat. From staring at the star's light for too long, her eyes stung and the inside of the ship and its passengers were a dark mass before her. She shut her eyes for a moment so they could readjust.
As she opened them again, the magical view was gone and she was back in reality. And reality hit hard as she looked around. She remembered, she was really, really nervous.
“Impact now.”
The docking clamps locking in, sent a light eruption through the little ship.
She was used to this, having flown in space many times, to travel from Cardassia Prime to the little colony where her grandparents lived. But still, this time it startled her.
“We have successfully docked at 'Deep Space Nine'. Airlock is pressurized and ready for departure. Have a nice stay. Pilot out.” the friendly voice announced.
'We are here' she thought and took a deep breath, trying to regulate her breathing. She realized, she was clutching her bag on her lap so tightly, that it hurt her arms. She had to get up, she had to get out of this damn tin can. The Pilot was a Starfleet officer, and she would bet, he himself had one or two stories about the time he fought the spoonheads and helped free the Bajorans. Maybe he'd blow her out the Airlock, if he had the chance to.
She looked around, human civilians, many Bajorans, some of them in uniform and then, the four other cardassian students next to her. She felt envious. How could they be so calm? Didn't they feel the stares from the other passengers? Didn't they hear, the child that had started crying as it saw them? Only the arrogance of superiority handed down from past generations, could have that effect. She hoped the shaking of her hands wasn't visible.
She stood up stiffly, put her bag over her shoulder and followed the other passengers out into the pylon of the station.
////
The cardassian students stayed together, no one wanted to get lost alone here. Little did the others know, Mera knew this station like the back of her hand, at least in theory. They were greeted at the airlock by a little welcoming committee.
She cringed. 'Why do they have to draw even more attention to us?' she thought and looked around.
A group of Bajorans in uniforms, and also Starfleet personnel stood before them.
The other passengers still stared, interested to see what was going on, but three men in bajoran security uniforms made them walk on.
“Welcome to Deep Space Nine!“ one elder human Starfleet woman said.
Her smile seemed genuine.
“I am Captain Svenson, I represent the Federation of Planets on this station. I hope your stay here will be a fruitful one. We are so glad to welcome you on board!“
Now a bajoran woman, also in uniform, stood in front of them and looked at them earnestly.
“And I am Colonel Kira Nerys. As you most likely know, I am in command on Deep Space Nine.“ her tone was harsher, not unfriendly, but it was obvious, she would not be pushed around easily.
If you think about it...she was greeting them on a – now bajoran - station, which only a decade ago had been a symbol of cardassian oppression. 'We live in weird times'.
Mera wondered if Colonel Kira took some kind of pleasure out of this, being superior to them and being in control.
And of course Mera had heard about the Colonel. This woman had been directly involved in saving Cardassia from the Dominion and in making Mera's life quite complicated. She glanced at the other students. They didn't seem surprised to meet such an infamous person. Obviously they had all been briefed beforehand on Cardassia, to avoid any unpleasant surprises. They behaved.
But Mera braced herself for hearing assumptions and prejudices and one or two racial slurs about the Colonel, as soon as the students were alone with each other.
'How she would position herself in such discussions?' you ask? Hell, if she only knew. Mera tried to shake of the feeling of weariness.
While she started brooding about problems to come, Colonel Kira continued her speech without Mera paying attention.
Then a young bajoran woman in civilian clothing stepped forward, she was petite, with short dark hair; her face was quite beautiful for a Noncardassian, maybe because the ridges on her nose weren't as prominent as with other Bajorans.
“I am Fjodorowna Sheeza, please call me Sheeza. I have the honour of representing the Bajoran People and biding you welcome. I was chosen to be one of your, let's say, first contacts.' she said and smiled at her own little pun at the end.
None of the cardassian students felt like laughing. Mera guessed at least one of them didn't even get the joke.
Sheeza seemed nervous herself, maybe because they didn't respond to the joke the way she anticipated. But the human named Svenson gave a little laugh. The young Bajoran pulled herself together and continued.
“This means, if you have a question, or problems, you can come to me. You will most likely find me in sick bay, where I currently work under Dr. Bashir's guidance as part of my internship. Honestly, it is a great honour for me to be chosen for this. Bajorans and Cardassians have to overcome a very difficult shared history and it will be a long time, before all wounds are healed. The Bajoran People is reaching out a friendly hand. This project is a wonderful way for our Peoples to reconnect. I am sure we will learn a lot from each other. I hope we will gain a better understanding of each other, and maybe become friends.“
She ended her little speech with an awkward glance at the notepad in her hand, to make sure she didn't forget anything. Not the most eloquent speech Mera had ever heard. But for a Bajoran it wasn't so bad....
'Stop it! they're not imbeciles. They have poets just as good as Cardassians' she scolded herself in her head.
But then, she didn't even have an excuse for her bad speech...
Mera was pulled out of her nonsensical inner dialogue, when the Captain ended the growing silence by saying
“I'm sure you are all tired from your journey. We have arranged quarters for you.“
Sheeza pointed down the corridor.
“And if you follow me to the lift, I can show them to you. The rest of your baggage will be brought to your quarters as well.“ Sheeza said to them, then stared at her notepad again, and started walking. The others followed her.
The human Captain looked a little puzzled for a moment, scanning the five students with her eyes, but then came up next to Mera and addressed her discretely.
“Mera Kandor?”
“Yes?”
“May I to talk to you for a second?“
Colonel Kira also looked at Mera. Four bajoran Security Officers stood next to her.
'Are they going to arrest me now?' Mera thought.
She saw the other Cardassians get in the lift. They looked confused, as to why Mera was held back. Great.
The corridor was empty now. All passengers had travelled down the Pylon.
The Captain presented her hand and Mera knew how to respond in order to shake her hand 'the human way'.
The Captain said “Miss Damar, I wanted to personally welcome you on board. The Alpha Quadrant owes your uncle a lot and it's an honour to have you be part of this promising project.“
Mera blushed, and didn't even know why.
“Thank you“ was all she could utter.
Then Colonel Kira stepped forward. Mera felt slight nausea creeping up at her. Half expecting the Colonel to grab her ear in a cliche way, Mera was surprised as the Colonel raised her hand in front of her, the palm facing in Mera's direction.
A nervous smile on her face, Mera answered the greeting, by touching the Colonel's palm with her own. She was pleasantly surprised, a Bajoran took the effort to greet her, following cardassian customs.
Now the Colonel's face looked softer, friendlier.
“Welcome on board, Mera. I'm exited to meet you. And please come to me, when there is any problem or you need to talk.“
Mera nodded, relieved, to be on good terms with this woman.
“Thank you Colonel, that is very kind of you.“ she tried saying in a businesslike manner.
She didn't quite know where to look, because when she looked the woman in the eyes, she was worried to end up staring at her nose. That wouldn't be good.
“Call me Nerys!” the Colonel said with a smile.
“Nerys” Mera repeated sheepishly.
Their hand parted.
“And I want to thank you, for what you did for my uncle....and for Cardassia“ Mera added, feeling like it was the right thing to say to someone so tightly connected to her family's and species' fate.
A slightly sad expression on her face, Kira answered “If you wish, we can talk about him as well. I could tell you a little bit about what he did. It was an honour to fight side by side with your uncle. He was a good man.“
Mera didn't know how honest that answer was, but she left it at that, with a nod.
The Captain continued “This is our Head of Security, Chief Tan, he and his team will be responsible for your safety on board.“
The Chief, a middle aged bajoran man, and Mera exchanged a polite nod. The three younger Bajorans behind him didn't know where to look. She just had to trust, these men would actually care for the safety of Cardassians.
As if she could read her mind the Captain continued
“And I wanted to assure you, that yours and the other student's safety is very important to us. But we only learned about your identity a short while ago.“
Mera nodded “The decision for me to come was very short notice, I know, I apologize.“
“No need to apologize.“ the Captain assured her.
“We just want you to tell us, if you'd like further security attention? We could assign a full time guard to you, if you wish.“
Mera looked shocked “Do you think that is necessary?!“
Now the Security Chief held up his hand, as if to defend his profession.
“I'm sure it's not! Overall the station is very save. But there are many bajoran civilians on board, and people come and go on this station.“
Mera looked down the corridor.
“Actually I'm not so worried about Bajorans...“ she mumbled cynically.
“Worried about anyone particularly?“ the Chief asked.
Should she tell them? She didn't think she was in danger. But could she be sure?
Mera paused before she answered in a voice as steady as possible, although her legs started shaking.
“My family lives under a fake name for quite some time, as you know. I'm afraid some of the other students I arrived with,...don't like...what my uncle did. They don't know who I am and although I think they would not necessarily harm me, if they did, I don't feel particularly ...good around them...“ she said with a slightly anxious tone in her voice. The stress she had built up during the travel started to unravel.
“I guess, things will be alright.“ she added, trying to sound brave.
Mera didn't like the compassionate way Colonel Kira looked at her. She didn't want to appear weak. She already regretted letting down her guard.
“If you feel unsafe, don't hesitate to …“ the Colonel started but was interrupted.
“I just don't want to draw even more attention to me!!”
“So NO personal body guard“ the Colonel stated with an understanding smile and the Chief nodded reluctantly.
The Chief continued “Could you at least tell me, which of the students you suspect of these political views?“
Mera looked shocked. 'Am I a snitch now?' She didn't know what to say.
Captain Svenson added “Just so we can have a look into them. They won't know you told us.“
Mera shrugged uncomfortably.
“I only assumed their opinions from what they talked about. I couldn't be sure...I don't want to blame anyone.“
It didn't feel right to give such informations, especially not to Bajorans.
The Captain assured her “We are only interested in your safety. They will not feel any repercussions if not necessary.“
“The girl, Fo're and Tepic Bolar...“ she mumbled with a growing bad conscience.
The Chief looked at a Padd he held in his hand and nodded.
They walked over to the Turbolift. Maximum capacity was six people, it would get awfully crowded.
They decided to split up. Colonel Kira suggested, that the Captain and the Chief should take the first lift with the Chief's men. They all had things waiting for them on Ops or the Promenade.
The Colonel explained, her shift had just ended, so she was free and she asked Mera if she could accompany her a part of the way to her Quarters, just to make sure she got there and didn't get lost.
Mera nodded (would have been impolite to say no...) and while she and the Colonel waited, the others got on the lift and were gone.
Now they had to wait for the next lift. Couldn't take too long, Mera thought.
Wow, this was taking way too long. Mera shifted her weight to her other foot and looked at the wall. Then the Colonel broke the silence just as it was about to become unbearable.
////
“I understand you study interspecies social science and art history in Cardassia City?“
“Yes“ Mera answered, although she felt uncomfortable talking about herself even more. But she assumed, the Colonel just wanted to be polite. In the end, conversation was an appreciated art on Cardassia.
“I guess that is a rather new study program on Cardassia?“ the Colonel said with a witty smile.
Mera gave a little genuine laugh
“Actually no, it's just that textbooks even from a few years ago were...outdated. We are at this fascinating point of re-evaluating the foundation of practically all social science.“ she said with a spark in her eyes.
The lift appeared and they went in. The space was tight, but she felt comfortable, the Colonel's presence wasn't threatening. Mera couldn't even begin to imagine, what the bajoran girl, Sheeza, must have felt like, standing in the lift with four Cardassians.
“Habitat Ring, H-3” Kira said and the lift started moving almost unnoticeable.
“Which topics interest you the most right now?“ Kira asked.
She smiled “I really got stuck on Zero-G-Architecture...I actually wrote a paper on Terok N....o-on Deep Space Nine. Or rather the entire Nor-Class-Station-Type . They are identical, as you might know...“
She winced about that unfortunate slip of the tongue. It wasn't her fault! Art historians still used the Nor-Classifications, because most of the time, buildings like this were researched in their historical context. Even an Art Historian from Earth, who had given a guest lecture, had use this terminology. She felt, it would sound like she was making excuses, if she started explaining this. So she would just have to let this one go and hope for the best. The Bajoran very politely ignored her faux-pas.
Kira actually smiled “So you like Deep Space Nine?“
“She is beautiful!“ Mera expressed, showing way more enthusiasm than she wanted.
Kira muffled a laugh as Mera looked around the small lift chamber, dreamingly as if it was a piece of art.
'It might not look good to overly praise a station with such an obviously cardassian design, being a Cardassian yourself', she thought.
But, why should she lie? How could it be shameful to like a building's or a space station's design? Of course she didn't like what Terok Nor had been used for. But did she actually have to say it out loud? : 'I like this station, but I condemn slave labour.'?
“And now you can explore her first hand“ Kira said with a grin on her face, snapping Mera out of her inner dialogue.
“I researched the schematics. I intend to explore her a little, if that is OK.“ Mera admitted.
“She's all yours“ Kira said “Well, almost all...“.
Wrapped in her own thoughts Mera said “I think it's a shame Bajor has no space stations of note...“ paused and hoped she would forgive one (just ONE) more slip of the tongue.
Mera bravely continued
“Bajoran architecture is...good!...I like it and would love to see more bajoran space station design in the future, now that Bajor has the means to do it. Oh by the way, I sent in a request for trips to Bajor, so I could get a look at some buildings and research in some libraries, for my next paper. I was wondering if there has been a decision yet.“
“I know, we arranged it. You can go whenever you want, just let us know one day ahead. But we must insist, you take one of the Chief's men to the surface with you, just to be safe.“ Kira answered.
„That is fantastic, thank you. I understand, I wouldn't want to get into trouble on my own.“
“But unfortunately the Monastery you requested to visit, has denied it. I'm sorry... “ Kira said apologetically. “All other places gave their OK.”
“That is quite alright. I'm glad anyone welcomes me at all. I understand it completely.” Mera answered. She was actually relieved. The idea of visiting such a place was fascinating and dreadful to her.
''What's that paper going to be about?'' Kira asked genuinely interested by now.
Oh! Shit..... Should she lie? Mera paused.
“I'd, ehm, rather not say....it's still only a draft, and I c-couldn't...“ she stumbled over her own words.
The Colonel was confused, why a simple paper on architecture could leave the young woman so flustered. But then again, in her experience, with Cardassians, nothing was 'simple'.
“You don't have to say, if you don't want to.“
Mera took a deep breath, then looked at Kira and answered
“My theory is, that design elements of traditional bajoran architecture were adapted to certain buildings on Cardassia, to narrate the view on the bajoran culture...“
Kira looked surprised “I wouldn't have thought they did that, considering bajoran culture was seen as less evolved...“
Mera looked uncomfortable when she spoke
„It seems like those bajoran elements are actually only found in prisons, garbage disposal facilities and, very significantly orphanages. Considering the low social status orphans still have in our culture...overall it wasn't meant to be a compliment...“ she cleared her throat, feeling embarrassed.
“Oh” the Colonel just said.
“I - I intend to visit buildings Cardassia built on Bajor during the Occupation and compare, which facilities were purely cardassian design and which were bajoran. My research indicated, the dynamic might be the same as on Cardassia: Facilities which demonstrate cardassian power being cardassian design....and well, what better way to tell your subordinates their place, than to make a labour camp or a factory look like home.” she added with an apologetic smile.
They arrived at the Habitat ring and stepped out of the lift.
Mera saw the shocked look on the Bajoran's faces, but still she added the last part of her theory for the paper. It was painful but she needed to say this. It had made her sick, reading the calculated, cold texts cardassian architects and politicians had written about this topic.
“One thing that stuck out to me while researching was, that cardassian-built orphanages on Bajor were...explicitly cardassian design...presumably to lower moral among the people and not let Bajorans forget what would happen if they rebelled...it was just such a sickening power play...” she said in a quite voice, looking at the floor as she said the last part.
One last detail she decided to withhold. It was the fact, her Professor had indirectly discouraged her to add this part in her paper. And that she would never have had access to those texts, if her father hadn't been an architect and had collected texts on the topic back in the old days.
She also didn't know yet, if she would be daring enough to actually write this paper the way it should be written.
After a short silence Mera raised her eyes and saw the teary look on the Colonel's face.
Mera winced “I'm sorry, I didn't want to upset you!”
“It's alright!” Kira said with a sniffle.
The Colonel mastered an encouraging smile and put her hand on Mera's arm.
“Knowing that your generation is willing to research topics like this with a critical eye, gives me a lot of hope for Cardassia!“
Mera felt helpless and - not for the first time in this conversation - hindered to freely speak her mind.
'What other choice do we have? The entire quadrant is watching. We have to deal with this mess!'
Instead she gave the politically correct answer
“My people has to confront the past in any possible way to prevent anything like this from happening again.“
The Colonel looked at her critically and Mera was scared she might have sounded insincere, so she hastily added
“We have a lot to make up for. And we still have a long way to go! Just the fact, that my fellow students didn't feel uncomfortable on this ship, loaded with Bajorans...“.
“It's alright!“ Kira reassured her again. She seemed to understand how uncomfortable Mera was with the whole situation.
After a pause the Colonel spoke again.
“I know you don't want security personnel around you, but at least, we could assign you to single bed quarters. We paired you with the other female student, thinking you would be more comfortable that way. I could arrange...“
Mera interrupted her.
“No, thanks! Like I said I don't want to draw attention. I'll have to deal with them a lot. It might seem suspicious.“
Colonel Kira nodded. “Ok. I suggest you go to your quarters now, unpack and rest. And when you need anything...“ she said and grabbed Mera's hand tightly.
“I call you, yes, thank you.“
“Fjodorowna Sheeza is also informed about your special situation. So you can contact her as well. She is trustworthy. The other students will be told our little talk right now, is only to inform you, that your requested trips to Bajor were permitted. So if they ask you, you can tell them that.“ the Colonel added.
The Colonel told Mera the number of her quarters and having studied the floor plans, she knew how to get there. Now she was on her way. Finally alone.
////
As soon as Kira had stepped into the lift to get on the Habitat ring's level, where her own quarters were, Mera decided to take a detour.
For one to get acquainted with the station, she had been so exited to finally visit. But also to have an alibi, to explain where she disappeared to and what took her so long to get to her quarters, where Skreen Fo're was waiting for her.
So, now the lies began.
She took another quite awkward Turbolift journey with a Lurian, two Ferengis and one human Starfleet Cadet. The Ferengis immediately stopped their conversation and continuously stared at her, without any shame. The Lurian ignored her and the cadet actually smiled at her, ever so slightly.
(She thought, she should make up some joke, with that absurd constellation:
A Ferengi askes 'Can I give you a lift to the Promenade?'. The Cadet says he'd love to and would end up in jail, because he had no money to pay for it....and maybe the Lurian was talking him into getting it for free, or something. But then the other Ferengi would trade his shuttle, because he thought, he would actually get the lift they were in...or something. She didn't know enough about their species to make this work, and she felt how tired she was.)
They travelled through the vertical Pylon that connected the Habitat Ring with the centrepiece of the station and she finally stepped out into a high room, the Promenade.
It was buzzing with life. As someone who had lived exclusively on cardassian soil, she felt overwhelmed by the number of different species she saw in one spot, as soon as she exited the Airlock. She could identify almost all of them, but had never even seen a living Bajoran until a few hours ago.
She kindly ignored the stares she got from Bajorans and Starfleet personnel alike.
No one said, this would be easy...
Overstimulated, she started walking and her mind started wandering.
////
Her father would be proud to see her right now. She was sure of it.
Her mother had said, it was her father's thickheadedness, that had persuaded Mera to take this internship. It was one of the rare times she had mentioned Mera's father in the years after his death. And yes, her father would have been proud of her. He had always believed in peace between Cardassia and Bajor, even after it drove a wedge between him and his overly patriotic brother Corat.
The last time she saw her father, was the day he arranged their passage on a rusty little freighter to a far away colony and forced her and her mother to go alone. He told her she should always do what she believed in.
Only a few hours later, the Dominion had captured and executed him along with his parents, his sister in law, and his nephew. His brother fell only a few weeks later.
One half of Mera's family was gone. And she guessed she only owed it to the Vorta's lack of emotional intelligence and the Jem'Hadar's pragmatism, that she herself had survived. She and her mother were ordered to be killed as well, but they were seen as too insignificant to her uncle to waste resources in their pursuit.
Her mother had begged her not to come here. She was worried sick for her daughter and Mera should soon contact her, to tell her she was alright. She had warned her, that everything and everyone could be dangerous.
Mera had felt sorry for her mother, for the things she had lived through to think like that. She herself had thought, this would be an exiting and enlightening experience, a chance.
But now, Mera was here only for half an hour and her head already hurt, trying to decipher what was alright to say, who was friendly and who not. It had taken her only 10 minutes to give information about the other students to the Bajorans, which could easily be called treason. Let alone the fact that, her field of research in itself could be seen as unpatriotic.
She knew, that she couldn't completely trust the other Cardassians, and that she would have to rely on strangers for her safety. And she knew, she could NOT tell her mother, she was scared.
Had she underestimated this? Should she contact Colonel Kira and say she changed her mind? 'Please call the ship back. This is too complicated. I want to go home!'
No! It was her generation's job to overcome the past. She could do this!
She would be fine. Right?!
////
Her thoughts were interrupted by a flickering bright light that hurt her eyes. She looked up, shielding her eyes with her hand. This seemed to be a Bar of some kind.
Now as she looked around and tried to orientate herself, she realized she had just passed the infirmary. Inside the young Bajoran Sheeza, a young andorian man and a human man, presumably Dr. Bashir, stood at a counter and discussed something, pointing at a screen in the wall. Of course, the other Cardassians had gotten rid of their guide, as soon as possible. She didn't expect any of them to ever contact that girl, if not absolutely necessary.
Mera turned around and hurried away, afraid Sheeza would see her and run after her.
To escape even further she took the next little spiral stairway to the upper deck of the promenade and kept going until she felt safe. If she went on longer, she would end up where she had started.
So she stopped and looked out of one of the large windows.
She wondered if she would get a chance to see the wormhole in action.
In that moment a ship docked on one of the pylons. She bent her neck, to get a better look. It was a bajoran freighter. More strangers.
So now she was on Deep Space Nine.
She had just given sensitive information to the enemy.
She had just dishonoured the Empire.
She had just evaded discovery and was working on an alibi of her whereabouts.
She felt like an undercover agent.
She felt alone.
She felt cold.
But this station was beautiful.