Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Posted by u/mattersplatter003 4 days ago

I Met Bruce Wayne in an Abandoned Parking Garage at 3AM (Mod Flair: VERIFIED)

So, I’m a graffiti artist, right? I’ve lived in Gotham for a few years now and since I moved here, I talk to the GCPD to find places that are condemned/abandoned so I can paint without getting a ticket or some shit. I won’t say where exactly cause I don’t wanna get mugged or something, but recently I’ve been going to this abandoned parking garage and using the inside for practice. Throwing up tags and testing pieces, that kind of thing. The other night I get off work, go home and grab my gear, and head to the parking garage. I get off work around 2am (the joys of bartending), so I get to the garage around 3. I walk up to the third floor where I’ve been working on a new piece, and there’s a guy standing there staring at it eating chinese takeout. I don’t wanna scare him cause it’s Gotham and I figure he’s probably strapped up, so I just say “feel free to throw up your own stuff if you want”, assuming he’s also an artist cause he’s got this big backpack on. Guy says “oh I don’t paint, I just thought it looked nice”. We talk a little more about street art and I tell him I painted it, and the whole time I’m like “damn this guy seems familiar”. We’re standing next to each other at this point and he’s got this big jacket on, a baseball cap, and this crazy eyeshadow, like he kinda has this racoon look. Then he takes the hat off to readjust it and I realize this guy is Bruce Wayne. Like, the Bruce Wayne. I didn’t say anything cause I felt like an asshole for not realizing I was talking to Bruce fucking Wayne, and we talk for a little longer before he randomly says he has to go, hops on this motorcycle parked up there, and zooms out. This was last week and I haven’t seen him there since, but I haven’t really told anyone because it’s so fuckin weird no one would believe me.

TL;DR: Bruce Wayne likes eyeshadow and my street art.

EDIT: I didn’t ask why he was there, or about the makeup. I have no idea what he was doing.

384 comments:

Jacksontragedy MOD (stickied comment) :

Added the verified flair because in this GC1 interview from two days ago   when asked about Gotham’s vandalism problem, Bruce Wayne mentions talking with a local graffiti artist.

23redwing:

This alone makes me believe the whole “bruce wayne is the batman” theory more than literally any of the 1000 mile long conspiracy posts.

    wildwickett41:

    he’s not the batman, bruce wayne is just a fucking cryptid. have you seen pictures of this man? all of them look like photos of bigfoot.

Batmansmagnificentass:

God you people are so fucking stupid. That dumbass is not the Batman. Half the top posts on this sub are videos of the Batman beating the shit out of people and absorbing bullets. My ten year old niece could suplex Bruce Wayne without breaking a sweat.

    xX_gothamrogues99_Xx:

    Agreed wayne can barely look reporters in the eye

catwomanswedgie:

What throws me the most about this is the eyeshadow. Why was he wearing eyeshadow? Why did no one tell him that was too much of it??

    kobrakid06:

    Didn’t MCR perform in/close to Gotham last week?

        catwomanswedgie:

        Oh my god I hope Bruce Wayne is secretly a killjoy.

    clownfuker83:

    Maybe so people don’t recognize him? OP said he was also wearing a hat and a big jacket. He probably just doesn’t want to get swarmed walking around at night.

        jokerstiddies:

        Recognized by who?? He was in an empty parking garage.

assforwards:

Now im wondering how many times ive run into bruce wayne without knowing it

    r0ad_runn3r:

    I’m wondering how many people have tried to mug gotham’s golden boy without realizing it.

        rimjobsteve:

        Probably a lot. It’s Gotham.

Killjoynokillboy:

How long do you think he was just standing there eating chinese food?

orphan_obliterator:

Other gotham celebs: *having money laundering and mob scandals*

Meanwhile, bruce wayne: *whatever the fuck this is*

gaycrimedoer:

I’m so glad that we get to have this weirdo as our resident billionaire. I feel bad for people living in Metropolis who have to put up with lex luthor’s bullshit.

penguinapologist:

I think we’re all glossing over the backpack here. What the hell did he need a backpack for?

doctordoomlookinass:

    Maybe he takes night classes at the GCCC.

        fredosaurus:

        What fuckin night classes do you take that start/end at 3am??

[deleted]:

Removed.

       orphan_obliterator:
       Jfc man…

       Polestarrunner MOD :

       Rule No.5: Jokes about the Wayne murders stopped being funny 15 years ago.

Stargatekeeper:

What was the painting of OP?

    mattersplatter003 OP :

    A zombie with drophead eyes.

        Stargatekeeper:

        Fuckin’ sick dude.

            mattersplatter003 OP :

            Thanks man

Chapter Text

Posted by theratinthecage 12 hours ago

Nearly lost my clipboard to a giant crocodile today

I wish I was joking. I work for the city as an electrician and today I had to do some routine yearly maintenance, specifically in the west side of Midtown. So, my buddy and I are doing our thing, I climb down into the manhole and get to work checking breakers and all that. Me being me, I accidentally dropped my clipboard and had to climb all the way down into the sewer to get it. Thankfully it landed on the edge of the concrete platform and not in the water, or I might be gator chow. I go to pick it up and realize that what I thought was sewage wasn’t flowing. I grab my flashlight to get a better look, thinking I might have to call the waterworks or something, and I realize it’s not sewage. It’s scales. This thing is at least 10ft long, a good 4ft wide, and its big ol red eyes are looking right at me. And then it fucking stood up. On two legs. I don’t even remember running, I think I just blacked out until I was back up on the street.

So yeah. If you live in Midtown, look out for that fuckin’ thing I guess.

67 comments:

fredosaurus:

First we got the batman, then we got the catwoman, now we have the… crocodileman? Not sure I like where this is going.

    orphan_obliterator:

    The way you phrased this suggests the batman and the catwoman are also weird mutants.

        fredosaurus:

        Idk man, they could be. No one’s seen them without a mask. The batman could literally have a bat face and we wouldn’t know.

            assforwards:

            dont let the simps hear you say that

itsgettinghotinhere:

I’m just glad this thing is showing up after the flooding and not during. At least, I didn’t hear about any giant crocs during the flood.

rimjobsteve:

Who wants to bet that in a week the batman gets eaten by this thing?

    real_name_hidden:

    Ye of little faith.

        rimjobsteve:

        It’s a giant fucking crocodile dude. He’s a vigilante, not Steve Irwin.

gaycrimedoer: ( This thread has been locked)

Can we have like… one day where no crazy bullshit happens?

    resistanceisfutile:

    Maybe when the GCPD stops letting the freak in a bat costume walk around crime scenes.

        xX_gothamrogues99_Xx:

        Watch your fuckin mouth. That “freak in a bat costume” has stopped 100% more criminals than the GCPD. When my sister got carjacked, it took the police over an hour to show up. It took the Batman 10 minutes to beat the shit out of that guy and bring her car back.

            sudoku_master134:

            The police are being controlled anyways, the whole city needs to be rebuilt from the ground up. All of it’s too corrupted for saving.

                rimjobsteve:

                “Too corrupted for saving” why don’t you hop off the Riddler’s dick?

                    Jacksontragedy MOD:

                    Thread locked. Rule No.3: Keep it civil.

IYELLALOT:

MY BROTHER WORKS IN WASTE MANAGEMENT AND THEY’VE ALSO REPORTED SIGHTINGS OF A BIG CROC.

    Stargatekeeper:

    Username checks out.

HotelMotelHolidayInn:

Damn and thought IT was scary. I’m going to start crossing the street to avoid storm drains istg.

coolshirtman:

Yeah, that’s it for me. I’m selling a kidney and moving to metropolis.

    wildwickett41

    Better make that two kidneys, apparently rent’s going up again.

Chapter Text

Posted by thatguyyouknowtheone 18 hours ago

Tfw you've been giving the richest guy in gotham the wrong order for almost a year

Let me share with you the story of how I am miraculously not fired.

I work the night shift at a Waffle House in an extremely shady part of Uptown. Because the area is so bad, hardly anyone actually knows it’s there so I usually get a max of 4-5 people a night. We have a few regulars, one of which being Bruce Wayne of all people. I use “regular” very loosely, he shows up maybe once a month and usually pretty late at night. I have no fucking idea why he goes to Waffle House, because the food is not that good and he’s rich enough to just buy one of those gourmet minimalist breakfast food places.

Anyways, the first time he showed up was in like November of last year. He’s a real nice guy, tips super well, has never snapped or whistled at me like a dog unlike some people (coughoswaldcobblepotcough). He also gets the same order every time: black coffee, 2 waffles with whipped cream and strawberries, and 2 eggs. I guess when I first asked his order I heard him wrong, because I found out last night that not only have I been writing “over hard” instead of “over easy” on the ticket, but apparently when I asked if he wanted toppings on the waffles I misheard him saying “nah” as “yeah”. In my defense, the guy is very soft spoken and the kitchen is literally four feet away and always loud as hell. But, since he gets the same thing every time, I stopped asking for his order and just put in the ticket whenever I saw him come in. So, for the past however long, I’ve been giving him an almost completely incorrect order and he was too polite to say anything. Luckily, he’s not an asshole and I still have a job despite being a dumbass. 

Thank you for the tips, Brucie, sorry you got the wrong food every single time.

127 comments:

OfficialBruceWayne:

It’s okay.

    rimjobsteve:

    LMAO OF COURSE THIS IS THE ONE POST HE REPLIES TO

    theschmaltziest:

    bruce wayne if you’re reading this i am free on thursday night. if you would like to hang out i am free on thursday night when i am free to hang out.

    Stargatekeeper:

    Hey bruce! You still creepin around parking garages?

    tacticalspork:

    *louder than everyone else* Hey ;)

    fredosaurus:

    Thank you for donating to my friend toadstoolmonarch’s charity stream!

    23redwing:

    Are you okay though? why are you going to waffle house in the dead of night?

        rimjobsteve: 

        because the higher probability you'll be robbed at gun point, the better waffle house tastes

    kobrakid06:

    Pancakes are superior.

        Crowsscareme:

        Fuck you.

            kobrakid06:

            Fuck you pal, too good to have something made in a regular pan, you have to have a special fancy pants device for this shit

    Wollerskate:

    Hey do you need a dog cause i can bark

        itsgettinghotinhere:

        Digital footprint.

        Jacksontragedy MOD:

        I sense a new rule incoming.

    sudoku_master134: ( This thread has been locked)

    You could be, yknow, following up on the promises wayne enterprises made about city reform instead of fucking around on reddit.

        orphan_obliterator:

        Do you ever shut the fuck up

            sudoku_master134:

            Why should I when i’m right? Wayne inherited his wealth and is sitting on it just like every other billionaire. The only reason you assholes aren’t shitting on him like the rest of the oligarchy is because you think he’s fuckable.

                Disassemble_tea:

                Why don’t you go actually volunteer or something instead of whining from your mom’s basement?

                    sudoku_master134:
                    Why don’t you stop simping for rich white boys on reddit and resorting to ad hominem attacks from daddy’s third bedroom like a spoiled brat?

                        Jacksontragedy MOD:

                        It’s calm down time.

    Honeyflower:

    Thanks for the huge donation you made to rebuild the playground for my kindergarteners! My class gets really excited whenever they see you on our morning news summary! They keep asking when Mr. Wayne is going to come around again lmao

        OfficialBruceWayne:

        I will find time in my schedule for a pizza party.

            rimjobsteve:

            This brings your comment count up to two, brucie! Keep it up!

Pastiche_city:

OP how does it feel to live my dream?

    thatguyyouknowtheone OP:

    Your dream is to work the night shift at waffle house? I’m sorry.

Chapter Text

Posted by eaglebeagle3 3 days ago

I moved to Gotham for college after living in a small town my whole life

The following is a list of weird culture shock things I’ve noticed since moving here last spring:

• you guys actually have a legit spotlight with a bat shape, and whether or not the spotlight is on has been the determining factor of many of my friends’ evening plans
• There are supervillains just… walking around?? I saw the firefly in a Starbucks last month in full crime gear
• I walk pretty much everywhere and was told to start wearing combat boots. I have accidentally scared several people who thought I was the batman coming around the corner
• Speaking of, I thought the batman was an actual, like, bat man. Like a gargoyle thing. He’s not
• I smiled at someone on the subway because we made eye contact and they asked me what I was selling
• No one has a neutral opinion about the Batman and one of my classmates started a fist fight with someone who said he was a hero.
• Sometimes random sections of the city suddenly have a lot of pretty plant life and it’s usually gone by the next day
• It’s common knowledge that mob guys like Cobblepot and Maroni run the city and everyone’s just, fine with that?
• I thought the drivers in New York didn’t give a fuck and then I saw a car casually drive down the boardwalk. I’m honestly more impressed the boardwalk didn’t immediately collapse
• You guys just casually like, tweet at supervillains?? And they tweet back? My roommate is twitter mutuals with the riddler????
• Getting mugged is apparently a minor inconvenience. Like, lost your keys in the couch level stuff.  
• A cop, like an actual police officer, told me to watch out for a big gator in the sewers and when I laughed he didn’t. There is just a literal kaiju in the sewer
• Everyone is afraid of clowns. I didn’t get it at first but I am also afraid of clowns now.
• You can just randomly run into a billionaire and not even notice. Two weeks later you’ll have a semester of college paid for. How do I know? Fucking bruce wayne accidentally tripped me and i ate sidewalk outside of a shitty takeout place.
• Why is bruce wayne eating shitty take out at three in the morning and why is this an accepted phenomenon
• Seriously bruce wayne is going to take the title of “weirdest rich guy” from elon muskrat
• Also he apparently has the title of nicest rich guy since he lets small children with pizza hands use him as a jungle gym, according to my classmate's little cousin.
• Ten small children.
• Is he ripped? Is bruce wayne secretly ripped? Is the billionaire cryptid who paid off my student loans fucking shredded?????
• No one here has any sense of self preservation. My friend’s roommate went into a bank being actively robbed by a bunch of guys in grease paint and made a deposit

There’s more weird shit than this, but these are the highlights. Honestly if the cost of living wasn’t dirt cheap I probably would’ve moved cause I feel like I live in the world’s longest episode of criminal minds.

459 comments:

Polestarrunner MOD (stickied comment):

Hi, eaglybeagle3, welcome to Gotham! If you haven’t already, I recommend taking a look at our resources list, which has a lot of info that can help you adjust to city living. Wayne enterprises sponsors a self defense course at the Midtown rec center every saturday, which could help you in the long run!

real_name_hidden:

| “mob guys like Cobblepot and Maroni run the city and everyone’s just, fine with that?”

We’re not fine with it, it’s a serious problem lmao.

    Dawn_on_saturn:

    I thought when Falcone died it would settle down a bit, but it’s just gotten worse.

theratinthecage (edited):

| “There is just a literal kaiju in the sewer” 

Yep. I met him. Not a great time.

EDIT: Changed ‘it’ to ‘him’, sorry Mr. Croc.

    rimjobsteve MOD:

    Friendly reminder that the sewer crocodile actually uses he/him pronouns. Now would be a great time to remember rule number 6: No dehumanizing people, even if we disagree with them

        23redwing:

        Oh hey congrats on becoming a mod!

rimjobsteve MOD:

| “I saw the firefly in a Starbucks last month in full crime gear”    

Now imagine what it’s like to work there lmao. These assholes always have the WORST orders

    wildwickett41:

    Oh my god i thought i’d never find anyone who understood. Barista solidarity

    kobrakid06:

    Now I gotta ask, what does someone like the scarecrow get from starbucks?

        rimjobsteve MOD:

        Dr. Crane? caramel ribbon crunch frappuccino, extra caramel extra whip extra crunchies. I have no idea how he still has teeth.

            mattersplatter003:

            Have you ever seen wayne?

                rimjobsteve MOD:

                Occasionally. He used to get his black, like his soul, but during a rush I gave him someone’s iced caramel macchiato by accident and then he started ordering that instead. I give them to him in a paper cup so he can still be mysterious. He gets a pup cup sometimes for the feral cats outside.

                    kobrakid06:

                    They sense a kindred spirit

orphan_obliterator:

| ”My roommate is twitter mutuals with the riddler????”

Lemme guess, poli sci major?

    eaglybeagle3 OP:

    Yeah lmafo

catwomanswedige:

| “You guys just casually like, tweet at supervillains??”

Okay but some of them are funny as hell. Have you seen Mr. Freeze’s twitter?

    sudoku_master134:

    Agreed. I’m mutuals with a few of them and it’s kind of like pokemon. Gotta catch em all.

        eaglybeagle3 OP:

        oh my god, dave??? You cant just say that lmao

            sudoku_master134:

            And why not?

        Disassemble_tea:

        In like, 8 months when the batman beats up a sudoku obsessed villain im going to laugh

            sudoku_master134:

            I wish the batman would beat me up

                assforwards:

                Simp

                    sudoku_master134:

                    Like you’re not? At least i’m open about it.

                    orphan_obliterator:

                    | assforwards: okay but hear me out

                    This you? Simping for catwoman?

                        assforwards:

                        Yknow what my bad

                            sudoku_master134:

                            It’s fine. We all simp for someone

tacticalspork:

| “bruce wayne is going to take the title of “weirdest rich guy” from elon muskrat”

Bruce wayne might be a weird rich guy but he’s our weird rich guy

    23redwing:

    He needs to take better care of himself tho, guy seems like he’s always wandering around late at night

        sudoku_master134:

        He’s a grown man

            catwomanswedgie:

            Heartbreaking: the worst person you know just made a great point.

Honeyflower:

| “he lets small children with pizza hands use him as a jungle gym” 

Yes, he does! I have a few videos and pictures as proof. There's at least three on my class’s “favorite school memories” wall.

    Stargatekeeper:

    Aw, that’s adorable! You should totally post those here.

        Honeyflower:

        I’ll have to get parent permission first, but I’d love to share them. Wayne’s a sweetheart

            itsgettinghotinhere:

            He’s rich, handsome, and good with kids? Be still my beating heart.

clownfuker83:

| “Sometimes random sections of the city suddenly have a lot of pretty plant life and it’s usually gone by the next day”

Everyone say thank u miss ivy <3 <3

    Honeyflower:

    Thank you miss ivy!

    sudoku_master134:

    Thank you miss ivy

    catwomanswedgie:

    thank u ms ivy

    fredosaurus:

    thank u miss ivy

Chapter Text

Posted by peachikini 6 hours ago

(Article) Who is the Caped Crusader?

This article discusses many of the theories that have been circulating online about the identity of the Batman. Thought I’d post it here, since the Gotham Gazette is busy covering the election and the new water deal (y’know, actual news).

Link to the article by Clark Kent from The Daily Planet - https://www.dailyplanetnews.com/article/who_is_the_caped_crusader

834 comments:

Polestarrunner MOD (stickied comment):

REMINDER: Keep your discussions civil. I know the Batman is a controversial topic, please refrain from attacking your fellow Gothamites over it.

HotelMotelHolidayInn:

I know the “he’s a cop” theory is very tired, but it does make sense. Why else would the GCPD be okay with him walking around crime scenes?

    thatguyyouknowtheone:

    I know this is an odd take but he could also be a lawyer. The article names Harvey Dent, but the theory works in general for a lot of the same reasons.

        kobrakid06:

        If i was a district attorney in gotham, i would’ve put on a mask and started beating people up too.

orphan_obliterator:

Holy shit, Kent actually covered the Bruce Wayne theory lmao.

    Disassemble_tea:

    It was like two sentences but still, it does make a LITTLE sense.

        xX_gothamrogues99_Xx:

        Just because wayne has weird habits doesn’t mean he’s the batman.

        rimjobsteve MOD:

        Mr. I-can’t-correct-the-waffle-house-waiter is not the batman lol.

doctordoomlookinass:

I genuinely think the Batman is Harvey Dent. The dude constantly does stuff for the community and legally punishes criminals all day. It’s very easy to see him going the extra mile.

real_name_hidden:

The Commissioner Gordon theory sounds decent until you realize he and the bat have been seen countless times in the same room. Unless he’s managed to get another cop to dress up for that, which I find very hard to believe.

gaycrimedoer:

As crazy as the bruce wayne theory is, isn’t it a little strange that he’s never commented on it? Nearly everyone else named in this article has said at least once “no I’m not the batman”

    fredosaurus:

    I say this with respect, I think it would be strange if he was normal. Bruce Wayne doesn’t really do a lot of interviews and all of his social media is managed by some intern at Wayne Ent. He’s kind of a hermit. 

        Stargatekeeper:

        It’s also a lose-lose situation for him. It’s a weird internet joke that got taken too far. Deny it and clearly he’s lying, say nothing and then it must be true because he’s not denying it. 

            gaycrimedoer:

            Yeah y’all have a point there.

itsgettinghotinhere: (this thread has been locked)

Is it weird that I kinda hope we never find out? Like maybe it’s enough that he’s a good dude trying to help.

    resistanceisfutile:

    The batman isn’t a “good dude” he’s a criminal. I don’t care who he is.

        [removed]

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    Polestarrunner MOD:

    Rule 3. Jesus christ guys.

Dawn_on_saturn:

Finally, I never see anyone talk about the “more than one batman” theory. I don’t know why no one talks about it, it’s the most plausible explanation.

    sudoku_master134:

    While I don’t necessarily believe this theory, I agree that it’s the most plausible theory in the article. Seriously, anyone who believes bruce wayne is the batman is out of their goddamn mind.

        assforwards:

        Yeah this sub is very aware of how you feel about bruce wayne lmao

            Midnightmelon:

            Sudoku_master gets a little intense about it, but they do have a point. Bruce wayne is still a billionaire, it’s inherently unethical.

                catwomanswedgie:

                C’mon it’s not like he’s jeff bezos, practically all wayne does is donate or give back to the city in some way.

Pastiche_city:

Why does the batman have to be someone important? What if he’s just some guy. Literally anyone could snap and start dressing up like a bat to fight crime, metahuman or not.

    fredosaurus:

    Exactly. You don’t need to be a metahuman to do what the bat does, you just gotta be a little unhinged.

        resistanceisfutile:

        A little unhinged? Buddy he dresses like an animal and assaults people. He should be in Arkham.

            orphan_obliterator:

            Oh yeah, cause everyone sent to arkham always comes out perfectly mentally healthy

                23redwing:

                I can’t believe that place is still operating

                    sudoku_master134:

                    The fact that that “hospital” is still standing is a testament to our failure as a society.

                        orphan_obliterator:

                        Heartbreaking: the worst person you know just made a good point

                            sudoku_master134:

                            Would you morons stop saying that

Chapter Text

Posted by gothamgazetteBOT 5 days ago

(Article) We interviewed Gotham's Finest to find out their opinions on Gotham's infamous vigilante

Gotham Gazette: https://www.gothamgazette.com/article/91422/we-interviewed-gothams-finest-to-find-out-their-opinions-on-gothams-infamous-vigilante

238 comments:

rimjobsteve MOD (stickied comment):

REMINDER: Please for the love of god keep rule number 3 in mind while you discuss this article. 

fredosaurus:

I’m losing my fucking MIND at an anonymous cop calling the batman a cuck

    itsgettinghotinhere:

    Imagine calling the guy who’s pretty much been doing your job for you for 3 years a cuck lmao

        sudoku_master134

        That cop is probably one of the ones who was on falcone’s payroll

catwomanswedgie:

| “I’m not gonna lie, he’s scary as hell,” said Officer Martinez, “Everyone usually gives him a good 10ft radius when he shows up at a scene.”

It says something that these guys are scared of the batman even when they outnumber him 30-1.

    xX_gothamrouges99_Xx:

    I’ve seen enough videos of the batman taking 10 guys at once. 30 is probably a breeze for him.

        r0ad_runn3r:

        Phrasing.

        Wollerskate:

        Ayo… sauce?

            Midnightmelon:

            My brother in christ i know you did not just ask for the source on that lmao

            itsgettinghotinhere:

            Digital. Footprint.

sudoku_master134:

Everytime I see some new statement from the GCPD it makes me regret filling out my tax forms more and more. This sorry excuse of a police department can’t even get the crime rate below 40%, and they have the audacity to say the batman is the problem? Maybe if you took a break from cramming krispy kreme down your throats and actually did your fucking jobs instead of cashing checks from the penguin and black mask, the batman wouldn’t have to bust his ass every night to keep us safe.

    kobrakid06:

    Preachin’ to the choir man

    theratinthecage:

    Come on they’re doing their best. Even with the donations from the wayne foundation, the city has very little budget to work with.

        sudoku_master134:

        A shitty budget doesn’t change the fact that the police are still in the pocket of the mob.

peachikini:

| Commissioner Gordon confessed that after over a year of occasionally working with the vigilante, he still doesn’t know the identity of the Batman. “He’s on our side. That’s all I care about.”

Gordon has the right idea. With the amount of crime in this city, the police should be happy for any help they get.

    resistanceisfutile:

    I don’t understand why this line of thinking is so prevalent. The police are corrupt for working with known criminals like Falcone and need to be completely reformed, unless it’s the batman. 

        xX_gothamrouges99_Xx:

        The Batman stops the people the law can’t. The penguin’s pushing drops like crazy and the GCPD can’t do shit about it, but the Batman can and does

        orphan_obliterator:

        How many times do we gotta teach you this lesson old man?

23redwing:

| “I don’t agree with his methods, but the Batman has saved my life. He helped me and some other officers get to higher ground during the flood. If the Batman weren’t around, my little girls wouldn’t have their daddy anymore.”

This. This should be the end of the argument. I know so many people who have stories about the batman protecting and helping them. I’ve never heard any innocent person say the batman hurt them.

    Dawn_on_saturn:

    I was robbed at gunpoint walking to my apartment building one night and I genuinely believe the only reason I’m still alive today is that the batman happened to show up. The only time I feel safe walking home after dark is when I can see the spotlight in the sky.

        mattersplatter003:
        That shit really is like a night light huh. Makes the smog feel straight up cozy 

    wildwickett41:

    I was one of the lucky people who was at the inauguration when the city flooded. I watched the batman fall from the fucking ceiling and then immediately start helping the first responders get people to higher ground. He’s probably the only reason me and the 20 other people I was stuck with didn’t drown.

        Bungalowgaze:

        I was also at the inauguration when everything went down. When everyone got moved to the roof and they started evacuating people, my 13 yo sister had to be flown out via helicopter to a hospital because her leg got broken. I watched the batman carry her to the gurney and hold her hand while the EMTs strapped her in. I don’t give a shit what anyone says, the batman is a good guy.

            IYELLALOT (edited):

            YEAH THE BATMAN CARRIED ME TO THE ER AFTER I BROKE MY ANKLE TRYING TO RESCUE A CAT FROM A TREE. HE’S GENUINELY PRETTY NICE BUT KIND OF AWKWARD WITH SMALL TALK. HE TOLD ME HE LIKED MY T-SHIRT WITH ALL THE DIFFERENT BAT SPECIES ON IT.

            EDIT: SPELLING

                kobrakid06:

                Why do you type like that?

                    IYELLALOT:

                    I LIKE CAPITAL LETTERS.

Midnightmelon:

| “I’m not saying he’s doing the wrong thing, but the law exists for a reason. You can’t just start enforcing whatever you decide is just and right.”

While I like the batman, Martinez has a point here. We’re lucky the batman is a good guy, but we’ve seen what happens when people decide the law’s version of justice is wrong, and the riddler was just some guy with internet access.

    resistanceisfutile:

    Finally, some sense. Where do we draw the line, people?

        sudoku_master134:

        The riddler killed tons of innocent people. The batman hasn’t killed a single person. Obvious answer is obvious.

    HotelMotelHolidayInn:

    It’s a layered problem, but yeah. I try not to think about it, but the riddler was just a normal person. I’m worried about what will happen when someone truly scary decides to take matters into their own hands.

Chapter Text

Posted by dadthrowaway1234 3 days ago

AITA for telling my kids the batman was going to come after them?

Hey all. This happened last night and my wife is still not happy with me but I really don’t think it’s that big of a deal. We have three boys who we’ll call Huey (9), Louie (7), and Dewey (6). All three of them have been acting out a lot lately. Huey has been refusing to do his homework and chores, and has been bullying his younger brothers a lot (nothing super serious, just hogging toys/games, bossing them around). Louie has gotten in trouble at school recently for drawing on the desks and bathroom stalls, and taking markers and the like from other students. Dewey looks up to Louie a lot and has started emulating his bad behavior. 

My wife and I have been dealing out punishments as needed, but there’s been no change. It’s close to the holidays so we tried the whole “Santa won’t bring gifts for naughty kids” but that only gets results for a day or two. Tuesday, my oldest came home from school and was talking about how in class they watched a news clip that mentioned the Batman’s scuffle with some gang, and it gave me an idea. So, that night at dinner, we talked about the Batman and I told them that they needed to be careful, because the Batman comes after bad people and they were acting like those bad guys he fought on the news.

Louie and Dewey believed it almost immediately. Huey was skeptical but after I told them the whole “he comes out of the shadows so he could be anywhere”, he was convinced. And what do you know? Huey did his homework and the next day all three of them came home from school without getting their folders signed. However, now Louie and Dewey are scared of the dark and won’t go anywhere by themselves. We spent almost all of last week with every light in the house on. It really backfired on me last night when the two of them ran screaming and crying out of their bedroom (they share a room) about how the Batman was going to crawl through their window and beat them up. My wife is mad at me for freaking out the kids and creating a new problem, but they’ve started behaving better?

239 comments:

Polestarrunner MOD:
I don’t even know how to moderate this. Wrong sub

23redwing:

r/lostredditors

    kobrakid06:

    No because living in gotham is so wild if he posted this in r/aita they’d remove it for shitposting.

        23redwing:

        Tbh you’re probably right

theratinthecage:

Nta. Stealing this to use on my nephews

fredosaurus:

This is funny as FUCK but yta

    catwomanswedgie:

    ^ this. First of all, gave your kids nightmares. Second of all, if they ever actually end up in a situation where they NEED the batman’s help, which is weirdly common these days, they might not go to him or might even run away into danger

        wildwickett41:

        I agree, but I find it funny that the problem is that they now ARE afraid of the scary guy who dresses like a bat 

Honeyflower:

Well, I guess this explains why several of my kindergartners suddenly have a fear of the batman. You weren’t the only parent with this idea apparently lol

    Dawn_on_saturn: 

    damn. hopefully those kids never end up in situations where they might need his help, god forbid.

        Honeyflower:

        .-. I know right. Thankfully the rest of the kids talk about how cool he is. I’m not sure how to feel about telling my kids to run TOWARDS the scary guy in cosplay if they’re ever in danger, but I guess that’s the stuff they don’t teach you in school haha.

gaycrimedoer:

I see the sub is really living up to its name today.

    eaglybeagle3:

    Sometimes I regret moving here.

        coolshirtman:

        Don’t we all.

            Stargatekeeper:

            I was born and raised in Gotham. I can’t imagine anything else. I think if I moved, it’d be like throwing a chicken into a wind tunnel.

                Disassemble_tea:

                Hey what the fuck does this mean

real_name_hidden:

Do you guys ever stop and think about the fact we’re going to see the batman show up in history books some day? Imagine this shit as a DBQ.

    coolshirtman:

    No. I fully expect to be eaten by the croc before age 25.

Midnightmelon:

YTA. Why didn’t you just take away their xbox or something, like a normal parent?

    kobrakid06:

    OP said normal punishments weren’t working

        Midnightmelon:   

        So clearly the answer was psychological warfare instead of, I don’t know, behavior counseling?

            Bungalowgaze:

            Spoken like someone who clearly hasn’t had to deal with young kids being demons

            thatguyyouknowtheone:

            Geneva conventions? I think you mean the geneva suggestions.

                23redwing:

                /implying OP has declared war on his children

                    gaycrimedoer :
                    Implying op is committing war crimes against his children???

Chapter Text

Posted by gothamgazetteBOT 2 days ago

[Article] An estimated $15.8mil worth of art has been stolen from the Gotham Museum of Modern Art

Gotham Gazette:

https://www.gothamgazette.com/article/91783/an-estimated-15mil-worth-of-art-has-been-stolen-from-the-gotham-museum-of-modern-art

219 comments :

gaycrimedoer:

my bad, guys

Bungalowgaze:

for the tl;dr of this article, watch "now you see me"

    Dawn_on_saturn:

    thank you for the bi-annual reminder this movie exists

          IYELLALOT:

         DOES THAT MEAN ONCE A YEAR OR ONCE EVERY TWO YEARS?

               Dawn_on_saturn:

              it changes every time you ask

kobrakid06:

This might be a stupid question but wtf do you do with this stuff after you steal it? It’s not like you can just sell it on the fb marketplace

     real_name_hidden:

     Money laundering or selling to private collectors.

          r0ad_runn3r:

          i still don’t know how money laundering works and at this point im too afraid to ask

     doctordoomlookinass:

     Hang it over your mantel and sit in your comically large, clawfooted armchair while petting your fluffy white cat and laughing maniacally.

sudoku_master134:

What a wonderful way to start my wednesday :]

     Stargatekeeper:

     Lmao what?

          sudoku_master134:

          The tears of the rich are my preferred coffee creamer.

               resistanceisfutile:

               Of course it is, fuckin commie.

                    penguinapologist:

                    | commie

                    dusted off ol’ reliable i see

     HotelMotelHolidayInn:

     right? makes me want to watch ocean’s 11

     coolshirtman:

     weren’t you just lamenting about the crime rate?

          sodoku_master134:

          Some kid getting mugged walking home and some rich people sitting on more money than you, your children, and your grandchildren combined will ever make losing 0.001% of their assets aren’t really comparable.

              orphan_obliterator:

               yeah but arent those artists losing money too?

                    real_name_hidden:

                    Not in this case. Museums get their artwork either as a gift, on loan (either from the artist themself or from a collector), or by buying it from the artist/collector. Fortunately, none of the pieces stolen were on loan from the artist directly, so the only people losing money are the museum and collectors.

eaglybeagle3:

Can’t wait to see the movie adaptation starring tom cruise in 5 years

     fredosaurus:

     I wouldn’t count on it, tommy’s getting up there in years, isn’t he?

          xX_gothamrogues99_Xx:

          that guy isnt gonna stop until he gets sucked into a jet engine doing a stunt for mission impossible 15

     Wollerskate:

     Cmon we all know who it was. I think natalie portman could play catwoman.

thatoneguyyouknowtheone:

It’s time for everyone’s favorite game: was it the mob, terrorists, or this week’s escaped insane asylum patient!!

     tacticalspork:

     Wheel of fortune theme intensifies

Honeyflower:

Welp, there goes the museum field trip. I was hoping to have an art scavenger hunt

     crowsscareme:

     it’s unfortunate for sure. my favorite piece got stolen :(

          theratinthecage:

          Which piece?

               crowsscareme:

               crows in snow by Yamamoto Shōun

                    Stargatekeeper:

                    i thought crows scared you, u/crowsscareme?

                         crowsscareme:

                        mind your business

     Midnightmelon:

     Maybe show a bob ross video instead? I’ve seen people do paint along’s

          Honeyflower:

          Oh, not a bad idea!

     mattersplatter003:

     there’s the winter independent artist expo in the south gotham community center, kids get in free

          peachikini:

          I’m tabling at this expo! It’s going to be a lot of fun, i hope to see some of my fellow redditors there

               mattersplatter003:

               im going all 3 days, dm me your info i’ll drop by