Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Okay. I admit I made a mistake. I acted recklessly and put myself in danger. Again. 

I had a huge fight with Dean. One of many lately. He thought I shouldn‘t go on the upcoming hunt with them and stay behind at the bunker. 

„You can‘t tell me what to do, Dean!“, I yelled at Dean.

„I‘m not letting you kill yourself! Do you remember what happened on the last hunt? You‘re still not fully healed. There is no way you‘re coming with us!“ He turned around and walked to the impala. „Come on Sam, let‘s go. Goodbye, sweetheart.“

„Don‘t sweetheart me, Winchester! Don‘t you dare leave!“ He turned the key  in the ignision and drove out of the bunker. 

I ran into my room and threw a couple of clothes and hunter gear into my duffle bag and got onto my motorbike. It didn‘t take me long to arrive in the town. I made sure the boys didn‘t see me and checked into the motel. It didn‘t take me long to figure everything out. What I didn‘t know at the time was that the boys did the same research, but something was fishy, so they didn’t go after it yet. That was the one thing I didn‘t figure out. Everything was a trap. I just didn‘t realise until I walked into that abandoned house.

The angel caught me before I could even pull my angel blade out. „You will make a fine vessel. All you have to do is say yes.“

„Go to hell“, I spat out. The angel took out his blade and dug it deep into my stomach and let me fall down onto the ground. 

„The only thing that can help you now is me. So say yes and you‘ll live.“

„I‘d rather die.“

„Then so be it.“

Next thing I knew, I was standing next to my unconscious body in the hospital. Dean was sitting next to my bed, holding my hand. There was no way I would ever wake up again, but he didn‘t know this yet. A tall slender man stood behind me. I knew who he was, but I wasn‘t ready. Not yet.

„Do I have to?“

„Everyone’s time comes eventually. Yours came earlier than I expected, but it‘s time.“

„Can I say goodbye to Dean? I just need a minute.“ Tears filled my eyes when I turned around. „Please. Then I‘ll come with you. Just do this for me.“

„One minute.“

I opened my eyes and looked at Dean. Everything hurt and I knew why I couldn’t get back into this body. 

„Hey.“ 

Dean pulled me into a hug. „Oh god, I knew you‘d make it. I’m so sorry. I shouldn‘t have yelled at you. I‘m so sorry.“

„It‘s okay Dean.“ I reached to cup his face. „It‘s okay. I love you“, I breathed out before I closed my eyes again. My body went limp and I found myself next to the man again. The machines went off and doctors and nurses stormed into my room. They pulled Dean away and tried to reanimate me. Dean started to tear up, not believing what was happening to me. That he was finally losing me. I walked over to him and held his hand.

„It‘s okay Dean. Just let go“, I whispered into his ear.

The nurses and doctors stopped and turned off the machines. „Time of death: 9:42 pm.“

Everyone cleared my room and Dean walked over to my body. He took my hand and gave me a kiss on the forehead. „I love you too, sweetheart.“

I walked over to death. „I‘m ready.“ And then we disappeared.

Chapter Text

My alarm didn‘t go off as usual. I turned around one more time to look at the clock on my nightstand. Which wasn‘t there. Well that’s odd. And I wasn‘t in my bed. Or in my apartment. I sat up and saw two men staring at me. One of them pointed a gun at me. „Who are you?“, growled gun guy.

I held up my hands. „Where am I and who the hell are you two?“ I looked around. Everything looked oddly familiar. Too familiar. Wait. I looked back at the two men. „This may be an odd question, but you aren't by any chance Sam and Dean Winchester?“

„How do you know who we are?“ Dean lowered the gun a bit.

„You two are the two main characters of my favourite TV show“, I answered quietly. „What kind of weird dream is this?“

Sam made a few steps towards me. „What’s your name?“

„Y/N.“

Dean looked at you and then at Sam. „Y/N?“ You nodded. 

„Okay, Y/N. What do you mean by ‚some weird dream‘?“

„Well… You aren‘t real. You are the two main characters of the TV show ‚Supernatural‘.“ 

„Two main characters?“ I heard Dean mutter.

„TV show?“ asked Sam.

„Well, if you are real, I guess the thing with Balthazar, where you were sent into an alternate reality where you two were actors, really happened.“ They nodded vaguely. „Well in my reality you are played by two actors. Jensen Ackles and Jared Padalecki to be exact.“

„That thing where Sam was married to fake Ruby?“

„Exactly! You two have three children now, by the way.“ Sam blushed and Dean chuckled a bit.

„Okay, you‘re probably hungry, so let's make something to eat.“

I pulled up the blanket and realised that I was still wearing the clothes I wore to bed yesterday. An oversized T-shirt and a pair of striped panties. I pulled the blanket back down and looked at the guys. „Umm..“ I cleared my throat. „I‘m not wearing any pants.“

„Right.“ Sam left the room and quickly came back with a pair of galaxy patterned sweatpants. „They should fit.“

I pulled them on and looked down at my legs. „Oh my god, they are so cool! Space pants!“

„Come on Dean!“ I dragged him over to a small shop on the other side of the street. 

„We‘ve got a case!“ Dean groaned.

You pulled him in front of the shop and pointed at a pair of galaxy patterned sweatpants on the display. „Look at these pants! Aren‘t they awesome?“

„Sweetheart they‘re sweatpants.“

„Space pants!“

The two of you moved on to the hunt and after everything was done you decided to hit the bar. „You‘re coming, Dean?“

„I‘ve got something to do, I‘ll join later.“ You shrugged and went inside the bar. 

Sam pulled up an eyebrow. „Everything okay, man? You never skip the bar.“

„Yeah. I just need something to do.“

You got home the next day and went into your room and plopped down on your bed. Your eyes fell onto a small dark blue bag that laid next to you. You got up and looked inside to find a pair of galaxy patterned sweatpants inside.

„Hey“, Sam said when I opened my eyes again. „You passed out. Everything okay?“

I looked up at him and over to Dean and down onto your galaxy patterned pants. „Yeah. I guess. Just some sort of weird deja vu thing.“ I got up and followed the boys into the kitchen and sat down on one of the barstools. „Where did you get these pants anyway? They‘re awesome.“

Sam looked over to Dean. „They belonged to a friend. She died about a year ago.“

„Oh, I‘m sorry.“

„It‘s alright.“ Sam gave her a sad smile. „We‘ll be in the kitchen, when you‘re ready.“

The brothers left the room. I got out of bed and put on the space pants, before I went to find the kitchen, which -to be honest- took longer than expected. This is a freaking labyrinth. It didn‘t look that complicated in the show. After a while of wandering around, I finally found the kitchen. Dean was cooking eggs and bacon, and Sam sat at the counter. They were arguing about something, but stopped when I walked in. Dean put some of the contents on a plate and handed it to me as I sat down at the counter next to Sam.

„Okay.“ I stuffed some eggs into my mouth. „Just to be sure. Where in the canon am I right now?“

„Canon?“ Dean pulled up an eyebrow.

„Name something big that happened.“ Dean pulled up the flannel on his right forearm. „Okay. We‘re talking mark of Cain. Did the demon thing already happen?“ he nodded. „Nice to see you cured. Didn‘t want to see you in the other state. Let‘s see… Do you know who Rowena is?“ Sam shook his head. „Okay. So we‘re talking beginning of season 10. Okay, I can deal with that.“

„There are ten seasons of us doing what we do?“

I nodded. „Well fifteen. The show ended a couple of months ago.“

„So you know what's going to happen in our future?“ 

„I do, Samsquatch.“ Sam looked at me kind of shocked and confused. „Did I say something wrong?“

Sam woke from his trance and shook his head. „No, I just haven‘t heard that in a long time.“

Deans knuckles whitened around the grip of the pan. „Dean? Everything okay?“

„Yeah. I just…“ He dumped the remaining eggs on another plate and put the pan into the sink. „I just need some air.“ He rushed out of the kitchen and I heard Baby in the distance driving away. 

„Did I upset him?“ I looked worried at Sam.

„No, everything’s alright.“ He hugged me and after my breakfast he gave me a tour of the place. I was sure I would someday get lost in this thing. We decided on a room for me between the rooms of the brothers for the time I stayed at the bunker and decided it would be better to start research tomorrow. 

Chapter Text

It‘s been a couple of weeks. Neither of them knows why I am here or how I can get back. Cas is AWOL, so he can‘t really help. The brothers just came back from a wolf's case and Sam was about to head out for a supply run. I didn‘t really see Dean that much, he just spends his time in his room and mostly just leaves for beer, food, or a case. 

„Hey.“ Sam looked into your room. „We‘re going out on a supply run. You need anything?“

I looked up from the book I was reading. „Could you get me a box of nerds?“

„Rainbow?“

„Yeah. How‘d you know?“

„Lucky guess. We‘ll be out then.“

„‘kay. See ya.“

Later in the impala…

„I‘m just telling you. She‘s her size, they behave exactly the same, she just asked me to get her a box of nerds and to mention THEY LOOK EXACTLY THE SAME!“

„It‘s not her, Sammy. She might be another version of our Y/N but it‘s not her.“

„How would you know?“

„BECAUSE I SAW HER DIE THAT NIGHT. I WAS THERE! Now knock it off. I don‘t want to hear another word!“ Dean sighed. „I‘ll never get her back“, he muttered under his breath. But Sam thought there might be a chance that we got her back, even if Dean didn‘t know it.

A couple of hours later the door to the bunker fell open and Sam came in carrying Dean over his shoulder, his mouth covered with duct tape, and the groceries in the other. I got up and raced over to them.

„Oh god, is everything okay?“ 

„Yeah, it‘s fine. We ran into a witch while getting supplies and Dean got hit by a truth spell.“ I eyed the tape over his mouth. „He was scared, he‘d say something stupid, so the tape.“ Dean saying something stupid? He didn‘t care before, why know? „I just gonna leave him in his room until the spell wears off. Shouldn‘t be more than a day or two.“ I nodded and went back to reading. A couple of hours later my stomach began to growl, so I decided to cook dinner for everyone. 

I knocked on Sam‘s door. „Come in!“

I opened the door and peaked in. „I was gonna make dinner. You want some?“

He sat up on his bed. „Um sure. But you really don‘t have to cook. We could just order take out.“

„I don‘t mind. I was gonna cook anyway, so…“

„Okay. Do you need help with anything?“

„I don‘t think so. I‘ll call you when I‘m ready.“ I was about to close the door, when I turned around again. „Do you think Dean would eat with us?“

„He‘s still under the truth spell , so I doubt it.“

I let out a breath. „Okay. I‘ll call you when you‘re ready.“

I cooked some pasta and sauce, and made some, and called Sam when I was done. After Sam and I were done eating, I filled up another plate and put it on a tray. I carried it to Dean‘s room and knocked on the door.  „Hey Dean, I made you some food. You don‘t have to say something. I‘ll just place it in front of your door and then I‘ll be gone. You just need something to eat.“ 

I put the tray down and disappeared in my room again. Dean opened his door and took the tray. He locked himself back in and sat down on his bed. He smiled down as he saw the food and the little note on the dessert. ‚Love me some pie :D‘

Chapter Text

Even after the truth spell, Dean and I didn't talk all that much. Whenever he came into the room that I was currently in, he‘d just turn around and leave. It still took about another week until I said something about it. „Sam, I know something‘s off.“

Sam looked up from the lore book he was reading and frowned at me. „I don‘t know what you mean.“

„Well Dean won‘t talk to me, you two are clearly having conversations about that when I‘m not around, or you‘re doing this weird look thing and there's obviously something you don‘t want to tell me. And if I had to guess it‘s got to do with your friend who never appeared on the show.“ Judging by Sam's look I was right. „Spit it out Winchester.“ 

Sam sighed. „The version of your show isn‘t accurate. There were three of us. Dean, and I, and another female hunter we met a couple of years ago. She was the most badass woman I‘ve ever met, Dean too, not that he would admit that. She saved our asses on a hunt and we invited her to come along after the case. She was hunting alone and we instantly connected, so she stayed. When we found this bunker, she moved in. One day Dean and I took off for a hunt and they had this huge fight. She was still injured after the last hunt and Dean told her to stay. She didn‘t listen to him and came after us. Everything was a trap and she walked right in. When we came to save her, she had already lost a lot of blood. We took her to the hospital, but it was already too late. I went back to burn everything and when I came back she was dead. Dean never talked about this. He refused to tell me what happened, but clearly something did happen.“

I reached over the table and grabbed his hand. „Oh Sam, I am so sorry.“

„She was like the little sister I never had. She and Dean always had this thing going. They claimed to be ‚best friends‘ when they were clearly more than that, but none of them had the guts to make a move. He‘s never been the same after the night at the hospital.“

„I still don‘t understand. What’s got everything to do with me?“

Sam let go of my hand and pulled a faded picture out of his wallet. „Her name was Y/N. Y/F/N Y/L/N.“ He handed you the picture. You were staring at a woman that looked exactly like you.

„How?“ I looked up with tears in my eyes.

He shook his head. „I don‘t know.“

„Is she the me in your world?“

„I don‘t know.“

I gave him the picture back. „I‘m sorry.“

Sam gave a confused look. „For what?“

„That you have to keep up with this.“ I gestured to me. „I mean clearly she meant a whole lot to you guys and then I just showed up, looking exactly like her.“

Sam pulled me into a hug. „It‘s not your fault.“

„It‘s just a lot to take in. I think I need time to process that. I‘ll head back to my room.“

He nodded. „Take your time.“

On my way back to my room I bumped into Dean.

„Sorry“, he mumbled and tried to go on, but I caught him by his wrist.

„Could you just talk to me for a second?“ He stopped and turned to me. „I know what happened to your friend and I‘m sorry, but this isn‘t an excuse to treat me like this. If you don‘t like me, just tell me! I‘m sick of you leaving the room when I come in, or one word conversations! If you have a problem with me being here, just tell me, but don‘t do this!“

„I don‘t hate you.“ He came a step closer.

„What is it then, because it feels like you do!“

He grabbed my face and pressed his lips on mine. My heart started to race and I leaned in. He pulled away and leaned his forehead on mine. „Because I can‘t stand being in the same room with an exact copy of the woman I loved and lost, who told me that she loved me right before she died and I didn‘t get to be with her. When I see you I just want to be with you, but you‘re not her. And it just hurts too bad.“ He let go and walked back into his room, locking the door, leaving me alone in the hallway.

Chapter Text

At some point the thought of going back to my world, just disappeared. It wasn‘t a real decision to stay, we just stopped trying at some point. After the moment in the hallway, Dean tried to be more open with me, which I appreciated. We quickly realised that we had a lot in common and became friends quite quickly. The more time I spent with them, the more weird deja vu moments I had. Nothing big, but a lot of little moments, especially after Dean and I became closer. 

Eventually I became tired of the bunker and tried to convince them to take me to one of their cases, but they said no. They said it Was too dangerous and neither of them agreed to train me, no matter how much I begged. 

„Come on, please.“

„No.“ Dean took a sip of his beer and turned the page in the lore book.

„Pretty please.“

„No.“

„Pleeeeeeeeeaaaaaaase.“

„No.“

I scooted forward on the table, so that my face was at the upper edge of his book. „I‘ll make you any pie you want.“

„You‘re not gonna make me any pie, if you die on the case.“

„So I won‘t.“ He looked up and raised an eyebrow. „Oh come on! It‘s so boring in here. I have read every book in this library, I have cleaned every room in this bunker, I have catalogued every single item in the storage, and then I re-read all the books. You have the wrong one by the way, this one's about German folk magic.“ 

„Oh for Chuck's sake! Will you stop if we take you with us?“

„Yes.“

„Then come with us. But you stay in the motel room, is that clear. Research only.“

I mock saluted at him. „Yes, sir.“

„Go pack your duffle, we‘re leaving in ten.“

___________________

I know that I shouldn‘t have followed them in, but something seemed off. I grabbed an angel blade and a gun with silver bullets out of the trunk of the impala and headed around the house. I held the gun down and slowly made my way up to the first floor and searched every room until I finally found the two small children sitting in the corner, cuffed to a huge dresser.

„Hey.“ I crouched down and looked at them. „My name is Y/N. I‘m not going to hurt you, I promise.“ I took out a hair pin and picked the lock of the cuffs. „Can you walk?“ The older one nodded and I picked up the younger one and carried them outside to the impala. „Stay here. I‘ll be right back. Don‘t move. I need to get my friends out.“ They nodded and I made my way back in. 

I went in through the backdoor and followed a masculine voice to the living room. 

„So, Winchesters… I finally get to meet you. Your little friend wasn‘t so cooperative last time. She just didn‘t want to tell me where you were. Said she‘d rather die.“ He leaned over Dean. „And she did, didn‘t she? Such a shame. She would have been a fantastic vessel.“ He turned around and pulled out a toolkit. „But in the end I didn‘t need her, did I?“ Dean glared at him and Sam looked like he was about to transform into the hulk. The man turned around and I got a glimpse of his face. I knew him. I have seen him before. I grabbed my angel blade and snuck around him. I pulled away his leg under him and pinned him to the ground. 

„No…“, he breathed when he saw my face. „But that’s impossible.“ I rammed the angel blade into his heart and two huge black wings appeared under him. I got up and saw the boys staring at me. 

„Y/N?“ It wasn‘t much of a question, but more of a statement.

„Yes. No. I don‘t know.“ I cut them free and led them to the impala where the kids were still waiting. Sam turned around to me. „You did all this?“

„Well you two idiots got captured. Someone must save the day.“ Dean was still staring at me. I waved my hand in front of his face. No reaction. „Did I break him?“

„Hey sweetheart? You ready, we gotta go!“ Dean shouted across the hall.

„Just gimme a sec!“ I smoothed down the silky fabric of the dress I was wearing and touched up my hair for the last time. „I still don‘t understand why we have to dress up so fancy. It‘s just a film premiere. We could just have gone as security personnel.“ I walked up to the impala. 

„Well because it‘s going to be more-“ He turned around and stopped talking. Sam walked up behind me and laughed as I waved in front of Deans face. 

„Sam, did I break him?“

„I think so.“ He chuckled. „Come on Dean, we‘ll be late!“ Dean awoke finally from his trance and cleared his throat.

„You look beautiful.“

I woke up on the backseat of Baby sandwiched between Dean and one of the kids. „Hey.“ 

I lifted my head from Dean's shoulder and looked at him. „Hey.“ I smiled at him. „I know I might be crazy, but I think I‘m not just another version of your Y/N. I think I might be her.“

Dean smiled down at me. „I think so too.“

„FINALLY.“ Sam groaned from the driver's seat. I chuckled and leaned back against Dean. He wrapped his arm around me and pulled me closer.