Work Text:
[x]
Well, you only need the light when it's burning low,
Only miss the sun when it starts to snow,
Only know you love her when you let her go.
Only know you've been high when you're feeling low,
Only hate the road when you're missing home,
Only know you love her when you let her go,
And you let her go…
[x]
I found my real mom!
It took 5 words to break her heart into a million pieces. She’d finally, finally had someone after many, many years. Her son. Henry. Her light, her world, her everything. But the birth mother, his ‘real mom’, the savior, the wretched Emma Swan, had to ruin everything. She’d lost someone she loved yet again.
But there was a catch.
Emma Swan was attractive as hell. Emma Swan made Regina feel alive after so long of sleeping. Emma Swan pushed and pushed and Regina had never felt this much fire with anyone before.
Emma Swan was everything.
She remembers the day at the mines vividly. She remembers bring him to me, remembers standing too close, remembers a connection being sparked.
After that connections had kept sparking. Magical connections, both metaphorically and literally. Emma’s magic kick-starting hers, she’d been so shocked by the touch she’d closed her eyes and a small gasp had left her lips, the hat had come alive with magic and she was left shocked yet again, only to stare open-mouthed at Emma.
Emma was gone for a while after that. But when she’d been back, they’d smiled at each other, Emma had invited her to the party.
Emma had believed in her when no one else had.
She was sitting inside the sheriff’s office and she could hear the Charmings trying to poison their daughter against Regina.
They’d failed.
I know that look. I know her. I believe her. Emma fucking Swan.
The craziest, wildest things kept happening when it came to Emma Swan. Things like Regina, please, things like you may not be strong enough, but maybe we are, things like destroying an indestructible trigger together.
Neverland happened. The first time it became our son, the first time they hugged Henry together and then they did it again.
Regina fell in love.
_ _ _
The curse was coming, they had no time.
Emma and Henry were getting ready to leave, everyone was hugging them goodbye, but before they were gone forever Regina had to do one thing.
She walked over to Emma. “Emma,” she said. “There’s something I haven’t told you.”
Emma sighed, sounding extremely worn out. “What now?” Her eyes were brimmed with tears.
“When the curse washes over us, it will send us all back, nothing will be left behind. Including your memories,” Regina explained. “It’s just what the curse does. Storybrooke will no longer exist. It won’t ever have existed. So these last years will be gone from both your memories, and we’ll just go back to being stories again.”
“What will happen to us?” Emma asked.
Regina shrugged. “I don’t know.”
“Doesn’t sound much like a happy ending,” Emma said.
Regina closed her eyes, shaking her head, and laughing lightly. “It’s not. But I can give you one.”
“You can preserve our memories?” Emma asked.
“No,” Regina replied simply. “I can do what I did to everyone else in this town, and give you new ones.”
“You cursed them and they were miserable.”
“They didn’t have to be,” Regina stated. She took Emma’s hand in her own. “My gift to you is good memories. A good life for you…” She extended out her hand for Henry to come over. She held his hand. “…and Henry.” Regina smiled. Emma smiled too. “You’ll never have given him up. You’ll have always been together,” Regina said, her throat clogged up with tears.
“You would do that?” Emma asked softly.
“When I stop Pan’s curse and you cross that town line, you will have the life you always wanted.”
“But it won’t be real,” Emma argued.
“Your past won’t, but your future will. Now go. There isn’t much time left. The curse will be here any minute.” Regina hugged Henry. She kissed his head.
Emma inhaled shakily and then before Regina knew what was happening Emma’s arms were wrapping around her in a tight embrace. Regina held her back with equal force and what the hell, she’d never ever felt this safe before. The world was basically ending but for one glorious moment, Regina let herself feel safe.
That was their goodbye. First and last hug ever.
Henry left. Emma left. That was the first time Regina let her go.
_ _ _
Emma came back.
They both came back. But Henry didn’t remember her. Emma did, though, and she was there for her every step of the way, until Henry remembered her, until Regina broke the curse, and everything was fine.
Regina had a new man in her life. Robin Hood. Emma was getting closer to Hook and there was no way she would ever love her back. Plus, Robin was her soulmate, they were destined to be together, she couldn’t let her chance at happiness go away.
Well, she didn’t. But Emma did. Emma Swan ruined everything for her once again.
She brought back her soulmate’s dead wife. Yet again, she lost someone she cared about. Yet again, it was because of Emma Swan.
She’s not sure why she was mad at Emma now when she looks back at it. Maybe it was just another case of misplaced anger. She’d lost someone again, things were ruined for her again, and she’d needed someone to blame. Emma had seemed like the most appropriate choice.
But then Emma had told Regina that she understood her better than anyone else.
Regina was standing in her vault, heartbroken, and Emma had arrived and slowly pieced her shattered heart’s pieces back together—as always—with soft confessions dropped from her lips, like Emma’s own parents and son don’t understand her as well as Regina, like somehow that makes us, I don’t know, unique, or maybe even special, like I was just looking for you to be my friend. It was all a shock to Regina, she’d never expected Emma thought of her as a friend.
But all’s well that ends well, right?
Except, spoiler alert: it doesn’t really end well.
Things were good for a while. She had Henry and Emma, her two most favorite people in the world, the two people she loved the most. Life was peaceful.
But then Zelena struck again. Gold gave her a choice, her soulmate or the love of her life. She chose the latter obviously.
They got Robin back, he wanted to get into a relationship again, give it another shot, and how could she deny it? After all, remember? Soulmates and destiny.
Next came the darkness, the next thing that took Emma away from her.
_ _ _
The darkness flew away into the night air.
Emma, Regina, Snow, Charming, Robin, and Hook collected on Main Street.
The darkness came from above, pulled Regina, and surrounded her.
“Regina!” Robin screamed. “What’s it doing?” He asked Emma.
“What darkness does,” Emma replied. “It’s snuffing out the light.”
“I’m not gonna let it,” Robin said and ran toward it, only to be thrown back.
“That’s not gonna work on this thing!” Emma yelled. “The Apprentice told me, we have to do what the sorcerer did. We have to tether it to a person to contain it.” Emma ran towards the darkness, towards Regina, the dagger in her hand.
“Emma! No!” Regina screamed, her heart hammering with fear, not for herself but for Emma. She wasn’t gonna let Emma’s savior complex get in the way, she wouldn’t let Emma sacrifice herself, she couldn’t. “There has to be another way,” Regina chocked out. It was getting difficult to get words out.
“There isn’t. You’ve worked too hard to have your happiness destroyed.” And Emma was crying, for Regina.
Emma asked her parents to take the darkness out of her, told Hook she loved him, and then sacrificed herself for Regina.
Regina could only watch helplessly from Robin’s arms. She was in her soulmate’s arms but all she could think was Emma, Emma, Emma.
She lost Emma again. That was the second time she let her go.
_ _ _
The final blow was Killian Jones.
Emma was herself again, and she was getting married to fucking Captain Hook.
Regina, on the other hand, was lonely, to say the least. She’d lost Robin to death and then she was losing Emma to Hook.
Emma got married.
Regina didn’t stop it, as much as she wanted to. When Emma had announced the proposal to Emma she’d looked so happy, and Regina didn’t have the heart to ruin it.
She loved her too much for that. She loved her enough to let her go.
_ _ _
Now, Regina’s sitting on her kitchen island, staring at the bottom of her wine glass, Emma’s face flitting across in her wine. Regina closes her eyes and sees Emma’s smiling face, Emma smiling at her, Emma smiling at Hook, Emma and Killian getting married.
A single tear drops into her wine.
When will her dreams ever last?
Regina gets up, walks over to a mirror, and throws the glass with all her strength. It goes smashing in the mirror, shattering the mirror and itself into a million pieces, symbolic of Regina’s heart.
The noise it makes is loud, the destruction caused giving Regina some satisfaction.
Everything she touches surely dies.
Regina drags herself to bed, but as hard as she tries, sleep doesn’t come around.
She lies awake, staring at the ceiling in the dark, with the same old empty feeling in her heart.
When sleep finally comes around, she dreams of Emma. She dreams of secret glances, of soft touches, of whispered confessions. She dreams of loving Emma so much, it hurts.
Emma’s always there in her dreams but not in reality, never in reality to touch and keep.
And this is the story of how Regina Mills loved Emma Swan too much and dived in too deep.
This is the story of how Regina let her go.