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The sun is on its highest position when the tall boy stands on the edge of his school rooftop. His legs are shaking a bit but it doesn't mean his decision is not unanimous. Right now, He's going to end his life. This time, it’s for real. Life has fucked him up way too much. And the school is even worse. The bullies, the violence. He's had enough.
"Okay. It won't hurt Stephen. You just need to jump and it's all over." He said to himself before he took off his glasses which he only wear to avoid eye contact, closed his eyes and set his foot forwards, hovering in the air. Ready to face all the consequences. But the good chance to finish it is over when a loud sound of a falling object forced him to turn his head back.
"Damn!" a weird naked boy utters. He lies down on the rooftop as if he just fell from the sky. Yes. He is naked, without a single fabric covering his skin.
"Are you ok—wait. What’s that?" Stephen just realized that that boy isn't just an ordinary naked boy because he got super huge shining white wings on his back.
"Whoops." he snaps his fingers as he stands up and the wings are gone like they're never exist.
"Who are you? Why are you here?" Stephen stares at the boy who just stands with his bare body. Tilting his head. They’re trying to identify each other. The appearance of the sun kissed skin boy tells Stephen that he might be in the same age as him. Or maybe 2-3 years older. But it doesn’t explain how he got those huge wings.
"Urgh too much question. Stephen Vincent Strange, 16 years old, male, an orphan, I suggest you get down from this rooftop and don't ever plan to jump or think about ending your life. You still have a good future waiting for you, you know?"
The curious face turns furious. Taking those words as an insult. "That's none of your business."
"Oh yeah? If only that was true. Sadly this is my only business, human. I'm here because of you."
"Stop joking. I don't even know who you are. Why do you know my name?!"
The weird naked boy reduces their distance and lifts his brows. Making Stephen realized he has very beautiful honey eyes. "Okay arrogant boy, let's do this in a human way. Call me Tony. I am your guardian angel."
The statement is too ridiculous that Stephen let out a sarcasm laugh before he answers. "And I am Stephen Strange. The king of the underworld."
"Oh you got a good sense of humor there. But you're not Samael, king of the hell because you're just a human and I am your personal guardian angel. You did see my wings right? It wasn't your hallucination man, c'mon. It's real." Tony once again snaps his fingers to let out his wings that’s almost two times of his body before he hides it again.
It left Stephen in surprise. "What the fuck are those?!"
"Aight listen. My team leader up there is getting mad because my human pair was about to commit suicide." Tony points his finger to the sky. "—That’s not good man, I might never get promotion if I Let you die, and you might get dragged to the underworld too." He continues while grabbing Stephen's shoulder.
"W-wait you mean heaven is for real? God is real?! And hell too?" Stephen fixed his slipped glasses. Excited as if he just found out an amazing scientific invention or a brand new theory the world doesn't know yet.
"Oh yes, The Holy One, The Highest Authority, He exists man. He got many names from people of earth but yes, let's just call him God. Now, I want you to stop this madness and get back to your ordinary life."
Stephen chuckled. "You think it’s easy huh? I'm fucked up here. I don't have any way out other than ending my life."
"Wow, wow. Careful with your choice of word young man! The God is listening. He listens to everything." Tony panicked. This guy seems like can't keep his manners.
"I was screwed. No one wanted to talk to me because I have no parents. They always pick on me. Took all my money that are supposed to pay my rent and lunch. They told me to do their homeworks because I have good grades. If I refuse, they will use violence. The teachers don't believe me. They said I just made it up because I’m looking for people's attention since I don't have parents. They even threaten to withdraw my scholarship, and if they really do, I don’t have anything left with me. Where else am I supposed to go?"
"Damn. Is that for real? Why didn’t you fight back?" Tony’s stunned.
"I fought back. But I was alone and there were many of them. Even if I win, the school might suspend me for a violence charge... You said you're my guardian angel. Aren't you supposed to know about it?"
The brown hair guy grins. Scratching his head softly. "That's why my superior from guardian angel division punished me. He said I didn't pay enough attention to you that you had to go through all those unpleasant events you don’t even deserve. So, you can blame it all on me. Sorry.” His tone’s so flat as if he doesn’t feel guilty at all.
The taller boy shrugs. “No. I didn’t expect you to do anything for me though. I don’t even know that you’re exist.”
“Still. It’s all my fault. Don’t you have at least a little positive energy left in you? Listen. From now, I will be your guardian angel for real. I swear in the name of God that you will never need to suffer anymore.”
“Great. What are you going to do? Get back to heaven and watch me from up there as you should?” Stephen is uninterested. To be honest, he can even tell if this boy in front of him is real. Or even if the reality he is in now is real.
“Uh… actually,” The guardian angel sounded hesitant. “-I got kicked. My superior told me to stay here until you find your true happiness and a reason to stay alive. When the time comes, they might call me back. So… you have extra space in your home right?”
“I live alone and only have a single bed. If you don’t mind, I can share it with you. But- are you really going to stay naked lik-”
Stephen hasn’t finished with his sentence when Tony, once again snap his finger and in an instant, he already wears the exact same school uniform as his.
“Damn!”
“I know right?” Tony smirks. Make the ocean eyed boy note that his guardian angel is a bit eccentric and kind of annoying. A bit funny though.
The angel in disguise takes his steps leaving the rooftop to the downstairs. “Where are you going?” Stephen asks.
“Your home, idiot. Come on.”
Tony already knew it. But it still surprises him to know what kind of life his human pair is living. He can’t even call Stephen’s home as a home because it’s basically just a bedroom with kitchen and toilet in it. And books. But still, it looks neat, thanks to his perfectionism. For heaven’s sake he can’t even tell if it’s a bedroom or a library. His human pair seems to like reading books a lot.
That day, the first time they met, they spent their night exchanging stories. Tony still remembers clearly just how Stephen had sparkles in his beautiful blue eyes when he told him their existence and how they work.
He told him about how he is one of angels working in the department of guardian and protection under an archangel. There are thousands of teams in the department, where he has a superior angel, the team leader Fury who always get mad and has a creepy face that even he’s not sure if Fury is an angel. No one even knows his real name. They just call him Fury.
There are many departments such as the department of social affair lead by the archangel Gabriel, the department of defense lead by Michael, the special departement of war angel which fight the demon legion from underworld. Tony’s always been a fan of the archangel Michael. He leads the coolest department on the kingdom of heaven in his opinion.
Then, there’s the department which led the soul to heaven as soon as they’re dead, or them who make records of human’s life from their birth to their death, all of them have archangels as their leader. Raphael, Uriel, Jerahmeel, and many others. Samael used to be one of them. But then he betrayed The Highest Authority, became a fallen angel, the chief of evil spirit, satan.
“Gosh even I have never seen The Highest Authority. I mean God. I haven’t seen Him at all, but I guess He is as amazing as what every creature says. Only Archangels can see Him.” Anthony presumed excitedly. He was already wearing pajamas, using his own miracle.
But when it was Stephen’s turn to tell his story, Tony wasn’t as excited as Stephen when he was listening to his story. Because most of the experience is bad that even the guardian angel didn’t know what to say. Though, Tony somehow found Stephen has a very unique character. He’s full of pride and dignity, strong and independent, and a bit arrogant. Not many people could talk back when Tony, the most fierce and cunning guardian angel starts an argument. But Stephen Strange is one of them.
Stephen who was found in front of a small orphanage has never felt parental love, other than the affection his orphanage manager gave him. The only thing left for the 1 year old him, from whoever threw him away is only a piece of letter inside the baby basket said “His name is Stephen Vincent Strange.”
Sharing the meager food supply and sleeping in the cold were commonplace for him. But then, came the worst. When he finally decided to run away and live alone. He got his scholarship from a philanthropist who let him have his current home and the education. But humans aren’t as good as he imagined them to be. So does the school. Studying is great but the people are all shit. They despise him just because he is different.
“Stephen,” Tony took his hands and held them gently. “I’m so sorry for what happened. Really. But I am here now. And as long as I am here, I will protect you no matter what. Until you find your own happiness. Until that time comes, when I finally go back up there, I will be here whenever you need me. Just don’t- DON’T you ever try to kill yourself again, okay? Because it will get me into trouble.”
Stephen likes the way Tony looks at him. As if those honey eyes hypnotize him. “Okay… but how?”
“Isn’t it obvious?”
The next day.
A transfer student came in Stephen’s class. Wearing a neat grey uniform, chewing a gum, and wearing sunglasses which he took off when he started his introduction. “I am Anthony Stark, you can call me Tony. I came from uh… Italy I guess? Nice to meet you all. Ma’am, I wanna have that seat.” He speaks as fast as rappers. then points on the empty seat beside the-surprised-Stephen-Strange. The first impression is kind of unique and weird, but everyone in class looks interested in him. Probably because his fine appearance and eccentric style.
“Why are you here?” Stephen whispers. As he remembers, Tony was still sleeping on the couch when he left the house. Never expect that the brunette would help him this way.
“Please don’t tell me you forgot what we were talking about last night.” Tony rolls his eyes. Doesn’t even try to lower his voice.
“But you don’t have to pretend to be a student.”
“Dude, I’m not pretending. I’m literally a transfer student. And I’m here because the bullies are all here in the school. Now shut up and open your book. The teacher is glaring at us.”
“At you.” Stephen argues.
Not even a minute after lunch break.
“My, my. Our Strange is getting a new friend here and he looks cool. Hey brown hair!! Why don’t you come with us. Don’t hang around with this nerd. He’s weird.” Four boys come at Tony and Stephen’s seat. One of them who sits on their table, has a light brown hair. “I’m Zemo by the way. This is Loki, Quentin, and Ronan.” He says while pointing his hands at the rest of them.
“Thank you for the introduction, but I’m not interested on joining your clown circus.” Tony utters while chewing his bubble gum. The long hair guy whose name is Loki, frowns. Offended.
“You wanna pick a fight?” He responds.
“Hey, hey. Easy dude. This guy doesn’t understand how the law works here. We need to help him okay?” Tony hate how Zemo act so cocky as if he owns the whole school. As if he can do anything to him.
‘The fuck are they talking about. Law? You gotta be joking.’ Tony exhales sharply out his nose. “Look. Whatever you’re trying to do, I don’t care. So fuck off.” He stands. Vocalize the sentence Stephen used to say to them before they started to use their fist.
‘God. This won’t do any good.’ The ocean eyed boy knows how Tony will end up if he keeps this up. He’ll end up just like him. Because no matter how strong and brave he was, he could never fight them all at the same time. He will always be the loser.
But he underestimates Tony too much. Proved when Loki, who couldn’t hold his anger, gets up and throws a punch on Tony. But weird thing happens because in a blink of an eye, his fist changes direction in the midair. It hits Zemo’s cheekbone, made him stagger. They end up fighting each other.
“C’mon Steph, let’s get out of here and get some air.” The tanned boy takes his step out of class. Followed by the taller one, to the rooftop. Once again Stephen was reminded that Tony is an angel. His guardian angel.
“How did you do that? Was that magic?” Stephen asks out of curiosity.
“No. don’t you ever said angel’s miracle as magic. Magic is the power that came from the underworld. From hell, mostly formed by evil energy. What you just saw is heaven’s blessing. A miracle. They’re different because miracle comes from God.”
“Cool. Can I do it too?”
They’re arrived on the rooftop without even realizing. Tony lay his body on the concrete floor before he answers. Eyes staring at the cloudy sky. “Long time ago, in the past, God let humans do miracles. You probably saw it in history books, or scriptures, But not anymore. Most of you humans depending more on magic and the power of the underworld, you forgot that God is willing to give you miracle. That’s disappointing.”
“That’s disappointing indeed. But wait… People do magic in this century? I haven’t heard about it.”
“It’s not that amazing actually. You know, the shaman, and the fortune teller you met on the street. It’s something like that.”
That day, both of them spent the lunch break staring at the cloudy sky, and naturally, it became their habit.
Since then, no one in the school, including those four brats dare to toy with Stephen. Because for unknown reason, whoever tried to mess with him got a bad luck. Many odd things happened around him. Like Hela who used to ask him to do her homework, at that time a bird suddenly came in from the window and pooped on her head and her book. Or Killmonger, the upperclassmen who used to take Stephen’s moneys in the canteen, suddenly got splashed by random student’s food or even dirty water the school janitor brought. It didn’t happen once or twice, but repeatedly that the rumor came up said Stephen Strange is jinxed. No one pick on him ever since.
But it’s better though, because no one wants to come near him ever again. Thanks to his guardian angel, Tony. He really did his job properly this time.
The second year of his high school life is almost peaceful. His normal life’s back and he could do anything he likes in peace. Reading books, eating lunch, and sleep on the rooftop. The only thing different is he’s not alone. Not anymore. Because he has Tony with him.
But, it made him grew too dependent on Tony. And no one predict that it will be the biggest mistake Tony made.
It’s been a year since Tony came to Stephen’s plain and boring life, and it’s been a year since Stephen finally know how’s the feeling of having someone precious in his life. Tony brought many experiences Stephen had never felt before. He brought his peaceful life back. He even took Stephen to the amusement park, went to a trip. and celebrated Christmas and new year together.
At the weekends, Tony always comes to the café where Stephen has a part time job. Sit in the corner, order the sweetest drink they have as usual, drink it though an angel doesn’t really need human’s food (He said he did it to blend in), and wait until Stephen finish his work to go back home together.
“You know you don’t have to wait for me whenever I work right?” Stephen makes sure while they’re walking home.
“I’m just bored.”
“Said someone who has wings and basically can go anywhere he wants. If I were you, I will go to many place with those strong and beautiful wings you always hide.” Stephen state, half joking. Slipping a bit of admiration towards Tony’s true form as an angel. Not that he’s less adorable when he hides the wings though.
“Why would I? You’re the only place I need to reach and the only place I want to stay in.” The brunette says it easily without noticing that the cheeks of the guy beside him is turning red, and it’s not because of the cold air in February. Somehow. Tony’s words made his heart beating faster than usual.
About two months ago, when winter started, heater in Stephen’s room was broken. It was a crazy night that even with triple blanket, Stephen still shivering on his bed. Tony who couldn’t stand his human pair feeling hurt, leave the couch where he used to sleep (Just lying down though, angels don’t need such thing as sleep), and position himself on the bed, beside his human pair. For unknown reason, he started hugging Stephen and warm him. For the first time since their first met, he even let out his beautiful wings. Wrap them around its fluffy feathers while he embraced him in his arms.
Stephen felt the texture clearly on his skin. It was very unreal. The best thing he ever touched. It’s so soft. Like milk… or clouds… and it’s warm.
That day, Tony was actually fully aware that he is capable to make Stephen feel warm with his miracle without touching him. But something he couldn’t explain teased his heart and pushed him to reach on that guy. Giving him what human beings call ‘a hug’.
“Aren’t you feeling cold?” In his shivers, Stephen asked a question he had already guessed the answer.
“I don’t feel anything. that’s how He created me. Now go back to sleep. It’s painful to see you like this.” As far as Stephen knows, Tony is an angel who doesn’t really understand the idea of personal space. He’s kind of a touch hunger and love to do skinships. At first, it made him always stay on guard because he never liked people to touch him. But not long after Tony became a part of his life, even his touch feels so familiar like the clothes he always wear, or the warm blanket he use every night.
Little did he know, his angel pair wasn’t actually a touch hunger. Tony never had someone in his thousand years of life that make him feel comfortable to do skinships. He was just following his instinct and Stephen somehow gave him a weird warm and comforting sensation he has never felt before.
And that’s why, two months later, now, without them realizing, They just sleep together on the same single sized bed every day. It’s a bit cramped but instead of uncomfortable, Stephen enjoys Tony’s company, as much as Tony enjoys Stephen’s presence.
“You don’t get in here?” Stephen asks while positioning himself on the bed because coming to the bed, Tony is laying on the couch, while reading a philosophy book. it was a long day, the café was hectic that he couldn’t even steal time to do his homework.
“Uh-uh, I’ll come later until I finish this. This book is a whole ass comedy. I always love to see how humans trying to describe The Highest Authority. It’s very fun to read.” Anthony chuckles. He already used to curse in human language. It reminds Stephen how mad he was when Stephen cursed because he said God listens to everything humans say, including the curse, and it’s very unpleasant.
“And did they describe it right?”
“Not even close.” Tony closed the book before he walks to the bed. “Aight, time to sleep. Sweet dream tall man.” The angel can feel a couple of arms bigger than his, wrapping his waist.
Stephen snuggles and strokes his nose like a baby onto Tony’s nape with his eyes closed as Tony cradles him. Trifles his hair to help him sleep. It’s like his daily charging ritual after a long exhausting day. None of them know since when they became this intimate. It just happened. From a little comforting touch, slowly turned into an embrace and caress.
Whenever he rest his head on Tony’s chest, Stephen never feel a single heartbeat in it. But the warmth of his body is the reason he’s sure Tony is alive. “Gosh it’s very comfortable. Tony, if you said you’re gonna stay with me until I found my true happiness, I guess you’ll be here forever with me because You’re the only happiness I know.” He blurted it out unconsciously.
The atmosphere feels so awkward all of sudden. Stephen always reminds himself to never bring this topic up because no matter what. Sooner or later Tony will have to leave him. He knew it but he’s never ready to face it. And the statement he just made might sounded offensive for Tony. He might never want to hear it because as far as Stephen knows, the only reason Tony stays is because this is his punishment given by his superior and he needs to protect and make him happy no matter what.
“Uh Tony, I’m sorry I didn’t mean it like tha-”
“Steph,” Tony cuts his sentence. Raise his right hand to the air and suddenly a feather half as big as his palm appears. It’s so beautiful. White, and slightly glowing. “Take this with you. I don’t know if it’s useful because me myself is actually here with you. But just take it as a lucky charm or whatever. It’s a feather from my wings. In case we’re uh… separated? Like you go to the toilet or canteen without me, just look at this thing. If it’s glowing it means I’m close and I’m alive. You don’t have to worry.”
Stephen takes it and put it in the drawer. Right next to the old glasses he never wears anymore since he met Tony. “Thank you, Tony.”
“Don’t mention it, hun.” Tony pecked Stephen’s cheek before tucked him to bed.
That night, Stephen closed his eyes, but he can’t bring himself to sleep at all. He keeps thinking about what Tony said. Even if he said it as a joke like going to the toilet or library, he’s smart enough to know the softest way to tell him that Tony will always watching him from up there even when he is no longer with him.
All of the memory from this past year since he met Tony flooding his mind like a leaking dam. It makes him realized that he needs his Tony, no matter what. Even when he’s here and hugging him, it’s still not enough. It will never be enough. The thought of Tony succeed on his mission makes him anxious.
Stephen’s head left Tony’s chest, reached up to match their height so he can see that guy clearly in the dark. “Tony, you’re awake?” A rhetorical question. He knows an angel doesn’t need a sleep, or eat, or whatever humans do to fulfill their worldly desires. But there Tony lies, closing his honey eyes with a stable breath, like sleeping, which Stephen aware that he’s just ignoring him. He is acting out like a human. Though, thanks to it, he finally realized how beautiful Tony’s face is when he’s sleeping. He falls in love with his long and thick eyelashes.
But then, ignoring the fact that Tony is fully awake, he just bumps his thin lips onto Tony’s plump lips which he just found out that it’s very soft and tastes sweet.
The kiss is nothing other than just sticking his lips on Tony’s. no move, no reaction, both of them don’t even breath. It took ten seconds before Stephen pulls his head back to the pillow while ensure himself that Tony is sleeping like other humans do. He will wake up without knowing Stephen kissed him last night, and that’s all, before he forced himself to sleep.
Leaving the guy next to him confused with the sudden move he made. Tony who spent thousand years of his life watching human and the civilization, knows what a kiss is, and the meaning behind that. Oh for the sake of his honor, he’s already aware that Stephen has a special feelings for him in a ‘way’ he hope is not true, and he knows it’s forbidden. he just ignored him all this time, and it was his mistake that finally Stephen couldn’t hold his hidden feelings anymore.
There were never, even in the far past, a story where an angel and a human fell in love with each other and God let them spent their live together. Because humans are supposed to grow old and die before they go to either heaven or hell, while angels are immortals who are supposed to guard and protect humans, and work for God. They never meant to love a human in a romantic way.
‘This is wrong.’
“Enjoying your time on earth?” an hour after Stephen fell asleep. Tony let out a sudden gasp as soon as he heard a familiar voice he hasn’t heard for quite a while. He turns his body as he sits, and as he thought. It’s Fury. His superior from the guardian and protection department sitting on the couch he used to use to lay down.
“Why are you here?”
“Visiting my subordinate. Missed him already.” Fury shrugs. He doesn’t hide his silver wings. It was bigger than Tony’s. and looks heavier, with not so soft feathers and instead, they’re more like steel. Strong and thick. He’s wearing a leather coat just like what Tony remembers from the past. If Stephen saw this, he must be agree with Tony when he said Fury isn’t looked like an angel at all.
“Missing my ass. You throw me away a year ago.”
“It was your punishment. But you seemed used to your life here huh? You’re more like a human the longer you stay here.”
Tony rolls his eyes as a response of the nonsense. “As if.”
“Ready to leave then?” Fury’s narrowing his eyes. Make Tony frowns. “Haha, you don’t. your expression tells me everything.” The superior answers his own question.
“Stop spitting nonsense. Why are you here? You’re bothering my mission.”
“Your mission you said. I know what you just did, and I know it’s not supposed to be done.”
“What did I do?”
“You kissed him.”
“It was HIM who kissed me.” This time, Tony stands because of his reflex. He doesn’t know why he is this mad.
“Whoa slow down. Your human pair will wake up if you speak too loud.” Fury gets up. Decreasing the distance between them. “Anthony, I came to warn you. You’re in a mission. So stay focus, do your job properly and I will call you back when the time comes. Loving humans is the nature of our kind when The Highest Authority created us. But don’t get to attached with them. You know it’s wrong.” He continues. Gazing at the young boy who’s still sleeping when he state his last sentence.
The only thing Tony can do is staring at his superior’s face without saying a thing.
“You better be prepared. Think about your last sentence or whatever because when he finally found his happiness, I will know.” It’s the final words when Nick Fury finally gone without a sound. Leaving Tony with a stiff shoulder before he let out a heavy breath. It wasn’t even 5 minutes of a conversation but enough to slap him back to reality.
He’s here not to fool around. He got a mission and it’s not to get attached to his human pair. His heart is somehow aching while thinking about it. But he doesn’t mind it. It was his purpose to finish this job quickly and leave after all.
A year later.
The kiss has been forgotten. At least that’s what both of them thought.
The morning after the kiss, Stephen was a bit hesitant at every move he made. He didn’t think about how Tony would react. But thanked God that day, Tony asked Stephen to grab a breakfast as usual. He acted like nothing happened.
It’s been a year. Tony glad Stephen didn’t say a thing about that sudden kiss until now. Because it will get him into trouble and he would be called to go back to the heaven to get the consequences. And for a reason he honestly can’t explain, he doesn’t want it. He’s not ready for it yet. But it’s even more of a trouble because the final statement Fury said to him before he left is for him to prepare whatever he needs to say before he left Stephen. Whenever he thinks of it, it left unsettling feelings in his head.
Tony would be happy if Stephen finally found his true happiness. Really. But a worldly desire he knows as ‘ego’ comes up. He wants Stephen to be happy because of him and only with him. ‘You’re more like a human the longer you stay here.’ The words from Fury flashed in his head. Gives him goosebumps. ‘No. This isn’t right. I’m not supposed to have these feelings. This isn’t the nature of our kind.’
The words keep bugging his head, but tonight is the night before their graduation day from high school, and here they are. Stephen purposively asked Tony to stay in the café where he works part time after the closing hour.
“Here.” He said to Tony as he hand over the caramel frappe Tony used to drink.
“Thanks.” Tony took a sip before he continues. “Why are we staying here? You need to sleep early. Tomorrow we’ll attend a ceremony and you will make a speech as the best graduate.”
“I know. I prepared everything. I just wanna talk to you a bit. It’s been a long time since we really spend the time talking to each other like this.”
“Yeah, the exam was sucks. I wonder why humans need to do this.” The shorter guy rolls his eyes.
“I made up my mind. You know this already but I’m really going to medical school. I wanna be a doctor.” Stephen holds his hot chocolate tight. Not planning to do anything with it because he isn’t actually like sweet. He’s just disappointed he couldn’t make an americano for himself since he need to sleep early tonight.
“Yes. I’m very happy to hear that. Really. I haven’t asked you this but what was the reason?” Tony tilts his head. Interested.
Stephen shrugs. “I don’t know. Ever since I know you’re exists, and I know what kind of works you do, I don’t wanna sound presumptuous, but I aspire to be like you. You help people, you guide them, you protect them, and you’re there when I’m wounded. I know I’m a mere human who can’t be an angel like you. But being a doctor who helps them who are hurting and wounded, makes me feel closer to you.” He stopped for a moment. “I wanna help people. I wanna save them. It’s… At least made me feel we don’t look that different.”
Tony is too stunned to speak. He never thought Stephen would think like that. That Stephen still saw him as highly while he himself almost think that he is no different than a human. Which is his biggest mistake.
“You know, you’re the best thing that ever happens in my whole life. But, I will never. EVER. Found my true happiness. Until the day I died.” Lies. Stephen is lying. He looks up to the sky and speaks as if he’s speaking to whoever listens up there behind the thick dark clouds “You hear that God? I will never find my happiness and reasons to live. So fuck off.”
Tony doesn’t have a heartbeat like a human. But his core is aching as soon as he heard Stephen’s words. He knows it was Stephen’s way to say that he finally found a reason to stay alive. That his heart finally feel content. He’s just too afraid to say it because Tony might be gone if he says it. Stephen doesn’t want to lose Tony.
“Steph,”
“You don’t have to say a word. I’m the one who is selfish. I know it’s all wrong but please let me say this because it’s really hurt every time I try to conceal it. So hear it, and you can pretend nothing happened after this and we can go back to our usual life, okay?” Stephen stares at his guardian angel’s face with longing eyes. His ocean blue eyes stand out even more in the dark room with only one source of light from the lamp at the pantry. “I love you, Tony.” A cold silence fill the whole room before he kissed Tony’s nasal bridge and stands up. “C’mon. let’s go back home. We got a big day waiting.”
Tony doesn’t say a thing. Just reaching Stephen’s arm so they can walk home together as usual. No one start a conversation. Only the sound of vehicles, people chatting, and wind playing in their ears on the way home.
But deep down in Tony’s consciousness, he really wants Stephen to know that the taller boy is no longer a mission for him. He’s also the part of Tony’s existence and life. He really wants to admit that he doesn’t want to leave Stephen too, and it also hurts whenever he remembers that he needs to leave him one day in the future. He isn’t, and never be ready. But he knows that kind of idea came from a worldly desire an angel like him isn’t supposed to possess.
The next second, Tony blames himself for getting too attached to his human pair. The presence of the boy is too familiar that he can’t even imagine a day without him. And his biggest mistake is when he did the same to Stephen. Tony made him used to his presence to the point it will give him the pain that more hurt than the pain everyone gave him before he met tony. He fails on his mission because he fell in love and he doesn’t want to admit it because it is a sin.
-
Not long after they arrived at home, Stephen fell asleep. But Tony remains awake and sits on the bed next to Stephen when a letter flies in front of him. A white paper with a golden dove stamp. ‘it’s from Gabriel’s department.’ Tony’s inner. Knowing that it came from the division of messenger which Archangel Gabriel is the leader.
He found his true happiness. Your mission is complete. Time to go home. Say your goodbye.
-Fury.
As soon as he finished reading the letter, it disappeared into ashes, and another severe pain scorching in his head. Like a stress human usually feel when they’re facing something unexpected. The whole night Tony’s awake thinking about what he should do and what he should say to Stephen. But the answer never come, even when the sun finally rises and the new day is coming.
“Tony what are you doing? We’re late!” Stephen is struggling with his necktie and blazer while Tony just sit on the bed, doing nothing.
“No, I’m not late. You are. You’re the star today Steph, you need to make a speech. Go first. I’ll come a bit later. Got something to do.” Tony state as he fixed Stephen’s tie. Stephen who is nervous and can’t think about anything other than his graduation speech, only nodded before he left Tony behind. Wasn’t aware that this is the first time Tony leave Stephen to go alone, and the first time he said he got something to do that isn’t involving Stephen.
At the school auditorium, Stephen saved a seat for Tony, right beside him. But he hasn’t come when the ceremony starts, and even when he walks to the podium for his speech. But, as soon as he says his first sentence, His ocean blue eyes catch a visual of Tony who is sitting on the seat he prepared for him. Their eyes met when Tony’s waving a bit with his bright smile. Giving Stephen an instant boost of confidence.
“You did great. Congratulations. I’m very proud of you.”
“Thank you.” Stephen can’t hold his giggles. Feeling happy because Tony strokes his fluffy hair softly.
“Wanna go to the rooftop? For the last time before we leave this shitty school for real.”
“Yeah.”
And here they are. The sun shines brightly but the white clouds protect them from the heat. Sitting on the concrete floor of the rooftop like they used to do.
“I’ll miss this place.” Stephen voiced his mind.
“Yeah, me too.” Tony let out a chuckle before a deep exhale. His mind is full of thoughts he’s not able to tell his human pair. He doesn’t have the courage.
“And I’ll miss the moment we spent together here.”
Damn. He hates Stephen for being very sentimental. It really forced him to suppress his urge to say he’ll miss him too. Because he knows this will be the last time Stephen see him and talk to him face to face. His eyes are feeling hot. As if he’s about to cry, like a human. It’s weird because this is the first time Tony get to feel it. Does he really want to cry? Can he even let out tears?
‘You’re more like a human the longer you stay here.’ Tony cursed in his mind as soon as the memory of Fury’s warning popped up. ‘No. shut up.’ His inner says.
“Stephen,” Tony calls him with a very soft voice. Makes him look at Tony in a gentle gaze. Waiting for whatever Tony needs to say. But there is no word comes out from Tony’s plum lips. Just him caressing Stephen’s cheek before he pulls his nape closer to kiss him. It isn’t a peck like Stephen gave him a year ago. It’s a gentle longing kiss that tells Stephen that Tony’s always wanted to do this as much as he wants it too. Tony tilts his head to deepen the kiss. Closes his eyes leaving Stephen in a surprise. His heart is about to burst out of the sudden excitement, but it doesn’t stop him to kiss Tony back. Biting and sucking, stroking each other’s nape and hair until Tony stops and stares at Stephen with gentle gaze. Once again, stroking his fluffy hair.
“What?” Stephen is confused with his angel pair strange behavior.
“Nothing.” Tony let out his softest smile. Rubbing Stephen’s palm before he continued. “Thank you, Stephen.”
Still, Stephen can’t figure out what’s on the boy’s mind. “What for?” Because to be honest, he really expected Tony to tell him that he loves him or say that he’ll stay by his side forever. But nothing. There’s nothing other than an unsettling silence between them.
“I’ll see you again.” Tony said before he stands up and leave the rooftop.
“Hey, Tony what do you mean?” it’s not even 5 second after Tony walked away when Stephen runs to follow him. But he can’t find him at all on the way down, even on his way to the auditorium. His instinct tells him something is not right because this is the very first time Tony left him this long without telling him anything. moreover, after the kiss.
Stephen just moves his legs checking every single place in the school while calling Tony but even when the sun is going down, he can’t find him.
He’s panicking. Remember about the last sentence Tony told him on the rooftop, the negative thought flooding his head. He can’t think clearly. The only thing comes up is for him to go home immediately and find tony sitting on the couch reading a theology book and commenting every single page of the book about how people on earth trying to describe heaven and the existence of God. Like usual.
His shirt is wet of the sweat from running. He can’t even remember where he threw his blazer away. Probably on the way home. His breath is short and heavy. But all the effort he gave is only to find his home empty. There’s not Tony. Not even a trace of him. It’s as if he’s never been there.
“Tony?” His voice echoed in the room, but no response come afterwards.
His heart is beating faster when he realized the drawer beside the bed where he keeps the feather Tony gave him opened.
The feather is still there. But a folded paper next to it catches Stephen’s attention more.
‘Dear, Stephen.’ Is what written on it. At first, Stephen feels hesitant. He doesn’t have a good feeling about this but the curiosity wins, and the next thing he’s feeling is disbelieve and disappointment.
Hey Steph.
I have a lot to say but the first thing you need to know is I’m really, really, really sorry. I know this isn’t the right way too say goodbye but no matter how much I think about it, I guess I will never be able to say it directly to you. It hurts me too, Steph.
My mission was done the night you told me everything in the cafe, and my team leader called me back. I must go. But it doesn’t mean I leave you for real. Remember the feather from my wings that I gave you right? It’s the sign that I’m still with you, my dearest. I’m watching from up there. Protecting you from every bad thing going after you on your path of life. So it’s your part to live your life better. Do what you want, what makes you happy. Be a doctor as you’ve always wanted, because I’ll be very delighted to see you become the best version of yourself.
Uh, the last thing is… Stephen, what I’m going to say isn’t a thing they allowed me to say as a noble creation of The Highest Authority. But I love you. I love you Steph, more than the love our kind used to have for human beings. It’s different. I don’t know if He actually gave us the fancy of having this kind of feeling but I really want to stay with you forever. Until you grow up and grow old even though I don’t really understand the concept of growing old as a human.
I somehow have a worldly desire that I shouldn’t have that makes me want to have you only for me. I want you to only be happy with me and because of me. I want to keep you for myself but it’s a very selfish request and it’s a sin. I’m sorry Stephen, I am your selfish guardian angel.
I guess that’s all. Meeting you is the best thing ever happened in my entire life too, Steph. Sorry I couldn’t say the same back then. Please know that I am with you yesterday, and tomorrow, and every day for the rest of your life. Whether near or far, I am with you.
Your Guardian Angel, Anthony.
The next thing Stephen notice is he can’t see anything because of the tears covering his view. But the glow comes out from the white feather still catches his attention. He takes it and rubs it softly. Unconsciously comforting himself by believing that Tony is still watching him somewhere he can’t see. “You’re indeed a selfish angel, Tony.”
Never in his life he felt this much of sorrow. Tony is the first and the last person who became a part of his life, gave his life many changes, but also the first person leaving so much pain for him. After all the gratitude Stephen gave to God for letting him have his Tony, today is the first time he blames Him for taking Tony away from him.
Stephen can’t even believe that Tony is actually love him too. He always thought Tony came only for a mission and Stephen can’t be selfish by loving him too. That was why he never really said it. He suppressed it all this time. But now…
If only he knew it from the start, Stephen would treasure the remaining time of them together to love Tony with all his heart. God is too cruel for letting them fell in love with each other while destined them to never be together because they were created different.
But life must go on.
There is a said that people will go through five stages of grief before they really moved on. But the fact is, the stages aren’t linear, and you could never tell in what stage you are standing. At least, for Stephen.
He didn’t give any shit about that concept but on the first semester of freshmen year as a medical student in the best medical school in the town, he somehow managed to survive without Tony. Not that he didn’t feel sad at all. The pain and the emptiness were so real. But he kept himself convinced that Tony would come for him real soon. That’s why there was no reason to waste his life. He needed to do his best so Tony would never feel sad for him anymore. Not like what happened in the past when his life was screwed.
Stephen did great with his study. Got good grades, became the best in his class, but he still had the insufferable personality that no one wanted to get close to him. Good news for him though, he never interested to have someone in his life other than ‘his’ Tony. And at least, the discrimination like when he was in high school never happened.
“What’s that? Goose feather?” the anatomy class was about to start when a girl voice interrupted Stephen who was sitting while staring at the feather he kept inside his notes. He didn’t answer. Just staring at the brunette girl who was standing next to his desk.
“Can I sit here?” She asked.
“Suit yourself.”
Then the girl took the empty seat beside him before he continued. “I’m Christine by the way. Christine Palmer.”
“I’m Stephen Strange.” Sounded uninterested.
“I know. You’re the best among freshmen, everyone knows you. Anyway, the feather is beautiful. You’re not going to use that to take notes right?” Christine asked, half joking. The only response she got is a frown.
“I mean you looked really gloomy, never interact with classmates, who knows if you actually have a unique taste like collecting vinyl records or you know…” Christine shrugged. “Writing with that feather and wet ink.”
Stephen wasn’t offended. Instead, he was just confused why was the girl really interested with him when he was being an asshole by ignoring her. One thing he noted, Christine was a unique girl.
Actually, ever since the day of the graduation, Stephen keeps the feather in his notebook. Seeing it somehow gives him the feeling that he’s not alone because Tony’s watching him. It’s like a lucky charm. “No, I’m not that eccentric. This is just a gift. From my… best friend.”
“Oh, wow you have a best friend?” Christine paused. “Oh sorry. I didn’t mean it like that. I’ve never seen you with someone el-“
“Had.” Stephen interrupted. “I HAD a best friend.”
“Where did they go?” Christine tried to sympathize.
Stephen shrugged. “I wish I knew. Now, the doctor is arrived. Time to study now, Christine.”
And that’s how Christine became the only friend Stephen has on his college life. Because he was insufferable. And Christine is the only person can handle it.
Six years has passed. Stephen has grown older and more mature. Calm and collected, got taller, got new hobbies (He did some work out), and living his life wisely.
Today is the day he takes the Hippocratic Oath. He finally managed to achieve his dream to become a doctor. Once again, after he became the best graduate with summa cum laude predicate.
Hundreds of graduates and their families fill the convention hall of the university to celebrate the biggest momentum of all the medical students. Even Christine. Her parents are here for her. But not with Stephen. He has no one. No family, no friends, it’s just him.
Well, nothing is different anyway. He’s been alone from the start and he got used to it. The only thing he could never get used to is Tony isn’t there for him. The ceremony just reminds him of the last day he saw his guardian angel six years ago. In the same moment, with him being the best in the room. But Tony isn’t here to see him nor to congratulate him. To support him. He’s all alone.
When the ceremony is done, Christine comes to Stephen.
“Hey, Steph! Wanna come with us?” Her parents are standing not to far behind her. “We’re gonna have a dinner, and my parents would be happy if you come with us. It’s for uh… celebrating!”
“Oh,” Stephen paused as he bows to Christine’s parents. Showing his respect. “Thank you so much for the offer, really. I feel so grateful. But sorry Christine, I already have a plan. Please send my regards to your parents.” Stephen is fully aware that her offer came from her concern seeing Stephen alone on his special day. But this isn’t the concern he needs. He’s all right.
“Oh, you have a plan?”
“Yeah, sorry.”
“Good, then.” Christine awkwardly nods. “I’ll see you later. Congratulations by the way Steph, for becoming the best graduate.”
“Yes. Thank you so much Christine. Congrats to you too.” They give each other a farewell hug before going separate ways.
The plan Stephen was talking about wasn’t actually planned. When he got out from the convention hall, he suddenly remembered on the high school graduation day, he and Tony went to the school rooftop. That’s why his body leads him to his old school.
The school is empty. Probably because it’s a holiday. No student, no teacher, no security, it’s just him wandering around wearing a tuxedo and a bowtie with a bottle of whiskey in his paper bag that he doesn’t even know why he bought it on the way.
The building doesn’t change at all. Just some small renovation here and there. He walks to the stairs that leads him to the rooftop, nothing changed. And here he is.
The wind is so strong today and the sky is full of dark clouds. No sun. probably it will be a rainy evening. But he doesn’t care. He just sits on the concrete floor, leaning on the wall, and sipping his whiskey. Actually, he gulps the whole bottle down hastily.
“It’s my graduation day, Tony. I wish you were here.” He speaks to himself. His vision starts to blur because of the alcohol. But the edge of the rooftop catches his attention. He grins. “I was there when you first came and told me to stop. I was about to jump… ugh.” Stephen is drunk. About to vomit. But he gets up and walk to the edge of the building.
“Woah it’s chilling here.” The wind is blowing hard. Almost shake his body but he couldn’t care more about it. He looks down, measuring the height from where he stands to the ground level. He doesn’t know what gets into him. Probably because of the alcohol but he starts to walk along the edge of the rooftop. Carelessly. Spreads both hands to maintain the balance.
But it starts raining. The wind blows even harder and a sudden lightning surprised him that he lose his balance. “WOAH!”
He screams as his foot slips. He falls from a building of five floors. But It wasn’t supposed to take this long for him hitting the ground. He thought it will take a second before he touches the ground and break his spine and head. But a second feels like minutes for him. When he looks up to the sky, the raindrops fall to his face slowly. The thunder strikes very slow as if the time stopped. He’s floating in the air. ‘Is this how you feel when you’re in the brink of death? Not bad. Maybe I’ll finally get to see him.’ His inner says.
Before he closes his eyes, accepting his fate, a silhouette shows up from the sky. Something akin to a giant bird with huge powerful wings. As if it splits the thick dark clouds apart and let the sunlight follows from its back like a spotlight that only shines for it. Making the silhouette looks clearer.
But Stephen’s brain can’t handle that much stress. He lost his consciousness as soon as he felt a weird warm thing wrapped his body in the midair. He faints.
“Stephen, Stephen! Hey. Can you hear me?” A severe headache strikes as soon as he wakes up. He’s not fully conscious yet, but a familiar voice forced him to open his eyes.
“Tony? Is that you?” his blurry sight catches the brunette with honey eyes looking at him. Stephen can feel his body is on a bed. Weirdly, he can’t feel the pain at all. “Why are you here? Am I already dead? Is this a dream?” he raves.
“You’re okay. Don’t try to get up. You’re not feeling well.” Stephen can sense a warm hand pressed his forehead. His vision started to get clearer and the first thing he sees is a face who’s also staring at him with his honey eyes.
“TONY?!” Stephen’s surprised that he jumps out of his bed. Checking his body since the last thing he remembered is when he fell from the rooftop. He’s sure at least some bones are broken knowing how high did he falls.
“Why am I not hurt? Why are you here? Am I already dead?” Stephen’s eyes lurking in panic.
Tony who was sitting on the bed, tried to compress Stephen’s head, stands up. “Hey, look at me. You’re not dead.” Tony takes his step closer to Stephen. Cupping his cheeks with his palms. “You’re alive. Look around. It’s your home and you’re wearing pajamas.” He stares at Stephen’s blue eyes with a soft smile. Hoping it can calm him down.
Stephen lips are trembling. Probably because of the shock, or because of his hallucination of Tony. “But why are you here… you’re not supposed to be here Tony. This is hallucination.” He’s about to let out tears from his eyes because the image is very clear. Almost like reality. Is it because he missed him so much?
But Tony chuckles. With a very clear voice as if he’s not a manifestation of Stephen’s imagination. Because he is, in fact, not. The chuckle teased Stephen’s ears. “Here. Touch me.” Tony leads Stephen’s hand to palpates his face slowly. From his hair, to his ear, cheek, and lips. “I’m real, my dear.”
The taller man halts. Fall silent before he suddenly runs into Tony and embrace him tightly that he pushed back to the bed. “Oh my fucking God Tony it’s really you. Oh fuck.”
Tony who fell on the bed with Stephen hugging him on the top of him is laughing. “Yeah. Finally get your consciousness huh?”
“But why- why are you here…”
“I’m thrown away again, thanks to you who jumped from the rooftop.” The brunette rolls his eyes. Putting a disappointed face.
“No. I never planned to do that. It was just an accident. I- I’m.. I’m sorry Tony It was never my intention to make you got kicked out again.” Stephen let out his hug and lay down next to the other man. But he doesn’t let his hand go. Instead, he grabs his hand tightly. Doesn’t want to let him go because what’s happening now still feels unreal.
“Hey, I’m kidding. I know what happened and it was my decision to save you.”
“I missed you, Tony.” Tony’s always watching Stephen from out there but still, his serious face when he said it somehow makes Tony nervous. It feels very different when he talks to the gown up Stephen face to face.
“I missed you too, Steph.” Tony chuckles as he pecks Stephen’s nose and forehead.
“You might already knew it since you said you’ll watch over me. But I wanna tell you that I’m healthy. I studied properly. I just graduate and it’s about time for me to be a doctor for real. I eat well and even do some work out. I live my life better than before, as you told me to, Tony. I made it.”
Tony Strokes Stephen’s fluffy hair. He always liked it in the past. “You did a great job my dear. I’m really proud of you.” He hugs him again and rubs his back. “Wow you’re growing very well. Last time I remember, your back wasn’t this wide.”
“Then…” Stephen paused. Hesitating. “Now that I survived, what are you gonna do? Are you going to go back and leave me again?” He can’t hide his worried expression. He’s not ready to hear the obvious answer.
But Tony sits up before he’s looking at Stephen. Makes the taller man follows him to sit on the bed too. “Hey. I think I’m staying here.”
“I think so. You’ll have to go agai-” The disappointment is clear on his face before “WAIT. WHAT DID YOU SAY?!”
“Hahaha, I’ll stay Steph, this time I’ll stay longer.”
“For how long?”
Tony shrugs. “As long as you want me to.”
“What if I want you to stay forever?” Stephen frowns. Being skeptical.
“Then so be it!” the brunette lifts his eyebrows to show how serious is he now.
“What happened? Are they really thrown you away again this time?”
“It’s a long story. But something happened with me Steph, and it’s because of you. The longer I stayed here, I became just like you. I started to have feelings like humans, fell in love, and all. Fury found out the weird phenomenon that the archangels held a meeting for my case because it never happened even in the past.” Stephen hasn’t noticed yet. But Tony is breathing. A sharp exhale out from his lungs before he continues. “Long story short, they somehow let me off duty. They blessed me with the ability of growing old, feeling hungry and sleepy, breathing like humans. I’m no longer a guardian angel, Steph. They let me leave the kingdom of heaven.”
His eyes widen in surprise. “But How- why- Uh.. How did you save me? You said you became a human. It was you that I saw when I was falling right? You are the one who saved me.” He is stammering. Still trying to swallow all the complex information.
Tony let out a smirk before he snaps his finger and huge white wings appear. Stephen’s expression is rather funny because it’s no different than the first time Tony showed his wings in front of him 8 years ago. “The blessings from The Holy One shall not be taken back.” Tony puffs out his chest, deepen his baritone voice. Impersonates someone. “It was what Gabriel, one of archangels said. He was so cool not gonna lie.” Tony stopped for a second. “So yeah, actually it was way more complicated but the point is I am no longer an angel working up there but I still have miracles with me. Tho this time, I’m able to grow up and grow old with you, Steph.” There is elation in his tone.
The ‘young doctor’ let out a deep exhale. A calming atmosphere fulfill his heart. “Thank God. I almost hate that Holy One and your superior or whatever for almost 8 years. Fuck. Can’t believe you came back for me.” He voiced his mind as he, once again, hugs Tony and rubbing his cheeks on his hair. Tony just hugs him back and pats him. “Your language Steph. He listens to everything.”
“I’m kidding.” The laughter follows his words. “So, about your letter you left 6 years ago, did you mean it?”
“The love confession?”
“What else.”
“Of course, I meant it. If not, why would I come back to you. I love you,Steph. I don’t even remember since when. It just happened. So,” Tony paused. Taking Stephen’s right hand and hold it tight. “Stephen Vincent Strange, will you be my one and only human pair and spend the rest of this life with me?”
For the first time in forever, Stephen let out his brightest smile. “I’m all yours since day one, Tony. You asked me too late. How about you?” Every single fibre in his being shakes out of joy. Waiting for an absolute answer from his loved one.
“I’m all yours, Stephen.”
And it’s a soft and warm kiss. Full of longing. As if paying for the years they’d lived without each other. Also, a prayer to God for this time, let Tony stay by Stephen’s side longer, and as long as possible. A proof that loving an angel is never a sin, and he won the game he played with heaven.