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Cormac stopped himself when he reached the stairs. Running down them could only serve to increase his excitement, the exact opposite of what he was trying to do. His anxiety had been increasing all afternoon and nothing seemed to cause it to subside completely. He was on his way to meet a man who had elicited feelings in him that he had never known before - so it was exciting, but it was a bit frightening, too.
As he saw his reflection in a window on the fifth floor landing, Cormac stopped for a final once-over. He had tried on at least six different shirts before he decided on his British and Irish Quidditch League button-up. It was a bright blue, a colour one of his former girlfriends always said brought out his eyes. He had settled on a pair of jeans after debating on whether he should dress less casually. Even though there had been no indication that this was anything more than a friendly conversation on Bill's part, Cormac didn't want to send the wrong signals himself. He grinned at his reflection and shook his head.
Cormac checked his hair before he turned to go down the next flight of stairs. He had taken a quick shower before getting ready and he had styled his hair before it had dried completely. The energy he had all afternoon left him sweating even though there had been a cool breeze blowing through his room. He knew he couldn't show up anywhere if he was still a sweaty mess.
The only part of the afternoon that saw Cormac's thoughts focused elsewhere was the two hour span in which he read through the training manual. He had read through it twice, heeding Bill's advice that he give it a careful read before the next morning. He even made some notes in the margin on the second read-through. He hoped Bill wouldn't quiz him on any of the information this evening, but he was prepared just in case.
Cormac's heart raced as he approached the only door he saw in the third floor corridor. He told himself there was no reason to be nervous as he was simply meeting the brother of a former classmate to get to know each other better. He should not be feeling any pressure. He figured this must be what people meant when the used the phrase "giddy like a school girl". Knocking three times on the door, he chucked and shook his head.
"It's open!"
The voice caused Cormac to snap out of his moment of amusement. His hand shook a bit as he reached for the doorknob and turned it. He slowly pushed the door open and tentatively stepped inside.
Bill's quarters were much different than the one room with adjoining bathroom the trainees were given. Cormac looked around at what appeared to be a sitting room with a sofa, coffee table, two small bookshelves, and a dark wooden desk with matching chair. Through an open doorway to the right, he saw a stove and assumed it must be the kitchen. Behind the sofa were two closed doors. Cormac knew one must be the bedroom and wondered what might be behind the second door.
His curiosity was quickly sated as the door swung open and Bill stepped out. Judging from his wet hair, Cormac presumed it was the bathroom.
"Sorry, I went for a quick run after dinner so I figured I should shower."
Cormac took in the sight before his eyes. Bill was wearing a pair of jeans, so he figured he made the right choice there. Bill pulled the towel he was holding up to his hair and Cormac realized he wasn't wearing a shirt. Cormac felt his cheeks heat up as he looked at Bill's naked torso. He studied the outlines of Bill's pecs from his neck to his sides. He could feel a smile form on his face as he slowly cast his gaze over Bill's flat stomach - he wasn't overly muscled, but he definitely kept himself active.
"Let me go throw on a shirt. Feel free to have a seat."
Cormac looked up just before Bill lowered the towel to his side. He made his way toward the couch, but made sure to steal a glance at Bill's back before he disappeared into the bedroom. Cormac wanted to tell him there was no need to cover himself up. He knew better than to actually say anything - it would not only be weird, but it would also ensure he wouldn't be able to concentrate for the rest of the evening.
Bill sat next to Cormac on the couch, saving him from his racing thoughts. He smiled at the gray t-shirt with the Gryffindor crest that Bill was sporting.
"How was your afternoon?" Bill asked with a smile.
"Not bad," Cormac replied, trying his best not to stare inappropriately. "Managed to get a nice breeze going through my room and worked my way through the entire manual."
"Oh," Bill chuckled, "aren't the room ridiculously stuffy? Glad you managed to get some air moving through. I'd suggest some charms that might help, but the goblins have so many wards on this building, I would surprised if any of them would work. And the entire manual, huh?" Bill winked at Cormac. "You must be quite the student."
Cormac smiled and tried his best to keep his composure. Bill's winking caused his cock to start to grow and he shifted in his seat. "Well, I don't know if I'd say that. You just stressed how important it was to master the information and I figured I should heed your advice."
"So you trust me, then?"
Cormac couldn't tell if Bill's question was serious or in jest. "Well, you are the trainer, aren't you? It appears that as far as Gringotts is concerned I'm in your hands." If they weren't sitting so close, Cormac probably would have slapped himself. The words sounded fine in his head but they came across as ridiculously flirty after he had said them.
"That does appear to be the case." Bill's eyes moved to the logo on Cormac's shirt. "BIQL, huh? Were you scouted?"
Cormac was excited that the subject had turned to Quidditch. He knew it was something he was comfortable discussing and he could do so for hours. "I was indeed invited to the selection trials. Those two weeks were a blast."
"That they are."
Cormac's eyes widened. "Were you scouted?"
"I was. So many years ago." The smile on Bill's face brightened as he reminisced about his own time at the selection trials. "Were you picked up by a team?"
"Not really sure," Cormac replied. "I withdrew before the selections were made. I started to think about what a career in Quidditch would mean and it didn't seem to fit with what I want out of life."
"And what's that?" Bill looked legitimately interested in what Cormac was saying. Cormac took this as an encouraging sign.
"Well, it's the same reason I upset my parents by turning down a job at the Ministry. I don't want to stay in one place. One thing that the last few years has ingrained in me is the idea that life can be much shorter than we might like to think. I want to see the world. I want to do something that keeps me on my toes and helps me feel alive every day."
Bill laughed. "And that brings you to a dangerous job like curse breaking?"
Cormac looked Bill in the eye, a new level of seriousness in his voice. "Yes. I know this is not the safest line of work, but without risk and challenge, how can one truly expect a worthwhile reward?"
"I'm a fan of your spirit, McLaggen." Bill nodded at him. "And I'm guessing your family is not too excited?"
"Oh, not in the least. All I heard since I signed up for training is constant nagging about how I must be a fool for not taking the cushy job I was offered at the Ministry and that I must be set on giving mum a heart attack."
"All too familiar," Bill said reassuringly. "They'll get over it. My family wasn't too keen on me doing this either. But then again, once Charlie decided to go work with dragons, he sort of out-shined me in the dangerous job department."
"I remember Ron mentioning that he had a brother who worked with dragons. Romania, no?"
"Romania indeed." Bill studied Cormac for a moment. "Can I ask you a personal question?"
Any relaxation that Cormac may have felt since he had entered Bill's flat faded immediately. He was so nervous, it took a poke in the shoulder from Bill to realize he had yet to answer. "Um, I suppose so. Yes."
Bill's looked serious, the playful smile from before completely absent. "How long have you known you were interested in men?"
Cormac tried to tell himself that he had her Bill's question incorrectly, but he knew better. He still wasn't sure if he really was interested in me, but he also didn't want to get into his confusion with Bill - especially if Bill was interested in him. This was all happening too quickly for Cormac and he contemplated running out the front door.
"Sorry," Bill added after a minute of silence from Cormac. "That was perhaps too personal to ask since we just met this morning."
"Oh, no," Cormac tried to keep his voice steady. "It's just that I - I mean - well - what makes you think that?"
Bill straightened in his seat. "Oh, I didn't mean to be presumptuous. It's just that this morning, I thought you were eying me in the lecture hall. And I honestly could have sworn I saw you take a peek at my... well... in the bathroom."
"You caught that?" Cormac was certain he had never been more embarrassed in his life.
"Well, did you think you were that inconspicuous? I mean, I know you were trying to be unnoticed, but I do have an eye for catching that sort of a thing." Bill saw questions forming on Cormac's face. "I hope you don't mind that I took a peek of my own."
"Wait, so did you invite me up here for--"
Bill cut him off. "I invited you up here because it's been a while since we've had a British trainee and I thought it would be nice to get to know you better." Cormac sighed before Bill continued. "But I would be lying if I said that little exchange didn't pique my interest."
Cormac hesitated before asking his question. "So, what, are you gay?"
"Bisexual," Bill answered matter-of-factly. "Though, I would probably venture that I prefer men."
"Wait," Cormac started, "I thought you were married. I seem to recall mention of you having a wedding last summer. Wasn't it with that Beauxbatons girl?"
Bill smiled. He lifted his left hand toward Cormac and ran his thumb around the base of his ring finger. "Divorced."
"Oh, I'm sorry," Cormac replied.
"Don't be. It was an amicable split. She knew I was bisexual when we got married. I had thought I could be content being with a woman and we tried it, but it just didn't work out. We knew early on, but waited until just last month to make it official. With everything going on, we thought it best not to bring even more bad news to the Burrow. But you still never answered my question."
"Which question was that?" Cormac was so enthralled with what he was learning about Bill, he had legitimately forgotten what had brought this topic on.
"How long have you known you were interested in men?"
"Oh, well, that's complicated? I mean, I don't exactly know. I've never actually met a man that elicited these kind of feelings in me until this morning."
Bill chuckled, but Cormac wasn't convinced it was entirely out of amusement. "Well, aren't I special then?"
"Apparently," Cormac replied flatly. "Can I ask you a personal question?"
"Please do."
"I'm guessing this is the case, but I don't want to assume. Have you been with men before?" Cormac bit his lip. He couldn't believe he was talking about this.
"Yes. Yes, I have." Bill smiled at Cormac. He hoped it was a reassuring smile, but he wasn't sure. He could tell Cormac was nervous and he wanted him to feel safe talking about this. Bill knew how hard it was when he first realized he was attracted to men and thought that having someone to talk to should be helpful to Cormac, but he wasn't an expert in the "coming out" process or anything.
"Oh, um, can I ask you when you did that for the first time?"
"The first time I was with another boy was when I was at school. Fifth year. We were sitting around late at night talking and the subject went to sex. It was really just experimentation and nothing more than snogging and wanking, but it happened a few times. My first real relationship along those lines, though, was with a Ravenclaw in my seventh year."
"I see." Cormac couldn't bring himself to look at Bill. The conversation was making him more interested in exploring these feelings and he worried he wouldn't be able to contain himself.
"Cormac." Bill's voice caused Cormac to turn to face him. He had moved closer to him on the sofa. Without thinking, Cormac put his hand behind Bill's head and pulled him in for a kiss.
For some reason, Cormac had thought a man's tongue in his mouth would feel differently than a woman's. And, well, it did, but not in the WAY he expected. It was a tongue like any other, but there was something that felt so right about it. Something he had never felt before.
Bill moved his lips down onto Cormac's neck. He started to unbutton his shirt, kissing the skin he exposed with each button. When he reached the bottom, Bill opened Cormac's shirt all the way and planted his lips firmly on his left nipple. Cormac moaned as Bill's tongue explored his chest. He could feel his heart racing and his cock growing again in his pants.
Cormac's sense of adventure took hold of him. He put his hand on Bill's chest and pushed him up and back onto the couch. Cormac quickly positioned himself on top of Bill and pulled his t-shirt off over his head.
"I really wanted to tell you this thing wasn't necessary when I came in."
"Cheeky, I see." Bill smiled at him.
"Hey, it's not like I actually said it." Cormac moved his lips to Bill's chest. He started to run his lips and tongue along the lines of Bill's pecs that he had so thoroughly explored with his eyes just minutes before.
"Well, perhaps you should have then." Bill let out a quiet moan.
Cormac continued working down Bill's torso, finding every muscle line the man possessed. He stopped on Bill's pelvis and reached up to start undoing his belt.
"Whoa, whoa, whoa." Bill quickly sat up and shooed Cormac's hands away. "I'm all for exploring, Cormac, and Merlin knows I want to explore you, but maybe this is a bit too much too fast? I mean, you just had your first attraction to a guy this morning."
Cormac looked disappointed, but he understood what Bill was saying. "You make a good point. Maybe I should go."
"Well, I wasn't saying you have to leave. It's just maybe we shouldn't do anything too sexual? You don't even know for sure if this is what you want and if we end up liking each other, I don't want it to be marred by my possibly taking advantage of your new-found curiosity."
"I understand." Cormac looked at Bill and sighed. "But I should go, then. Right now, I'm not sure I could contain myself or focus enough to have a real conversation anymore."
"Fine, then," Bill replied with a smile. "I'll see you tomorrow morning for training then." He leaned over and gave Cormac a quick kiss. "Have a good night."
Cormac quickly buttoned his shirt. "You, too. And thanks. For everything." There was a knowing look in Cormac's eyes. Bill knew that while Cormac clearly wanted to do more, he appreciated the older man's restraint.
As he closed the door to Bill's flat, Cormac stopped for a moment to catch his breath. He came here for an adventure, and now he knew for certain the adventure of a lifetime was about to begin.