Chapter Text
There was a stranger at the back door.
Of course they sent Techno - he was the biggest, the most physically intimidating; Sanguine would have no trouble at all scaring off this stranger, whoever they were. He pulled on his mask and he cracked his knuckles and he went on upstairs from the hideout basement to find out exactly who this was and what they wanted.
He didn’t expect to see a little girl.
No older than Tubbo - taller, sure, but she had that baby-faced look about her, soft, clearly never been in a real fight in her life. She was wearing something homemade that didn’t quite do enough to disguise her identity, but made it clear that she probably wanted to. A red band across the eyes, a cocksure grin, a poor facsimile of wings poking out from her back, and blonde hair tied back in a wispy ponytail.
“What do you want?”
The girl cleared her throat, her voice harsh. “I’m Cicada. I want to join your team.”
“You… do know we have a more complicated vettin’ process than just… lettin’ any random kid with a bug costume join the Swarm, right?”
“Obviously! I’m ready to face whatever tests you have to give me.”
“We don’t exactly have, like, a hazin’ thing or anything. It’s mostly paperwork. What’s your power, then, if you’re looking to fight beside Elytra?”
“Oh, that would - that would be so poggers, actually, he’s just the best man in existence, I’d fucking love to fight with Elytra, if you could just -”
“Focus, kid. Power?”
“Oh. I scream.”
“... you scream?”
The girl nodded. “Mhm! I’m a cicada, I scream.”
“... do you mind demonstratin’?”
She laughed - “Oho, you don’t want your eardrums blown out, do you, mate? I can’t just scream in the alleyway. Half the block’ll go deaf. It’s dangerous, don’t you know?”
Techno rolled his eyes. “If you can’t demonstrate your powers, I’m gonna be forced to assume you’re lyin’, and if you’re lyin’ about your powers you can’t join the Swarm.”
“I’m not fucking lying, you think I’d tell a fib within three miles of Elytra’s presence, that’s just unholy, man, I’m being nothing but inte-” she paused. “Integral. Integrous. Integrity-y. What’s the word?”
“Come on, kid,” Techno insisted, glossing over his growing realisation that he had no idea what the right word was either, “either you prove yourself or you go home.”
“What, is this not proof enough of my responsibility that I won’t give your entire neighbourhood tinnitus just because one guy said no balls if you don’t? I’m mature. I’m intelligent. I’m dependable. I’m reserved. I’m… oh, c’mon, please?”
“Sorry,” he deadpanned, and shut the door in her face.
So that was how Techno’s afternoon went.
“Who was it?” Lacewing called over his shoulder as Techno navigated straight from the stairs to the kitchen cabinet in the corner of the hideout and started preparing a drink.
“Some kid,” Techno shrugged, “tryin’ to join the team.”
“Kid kid, or Tubbo-Ranboo kid?”
“Oh, yeah, definitely type two, I’m not crushin’ real children’s dreams today.”
“There was another kid outside?” the Hornet’s voice came from within his and Ladybird’s joint room. (Their bunk bed was an absolute sight to see.) “Like, a powered kid?”
“She said so,” Techno clarified, “but she wouldn’t show me. Something about turnin’ us all deaf.”
“She can fuck off, then,” joked Lacewing, “I’m the only voice-powered hero in this city.”
“Yeah, I hope so. I told ‘er if she can’t prove she’s got a power I can’t let her in.”
“Good move, good move. I don’t even think we’ve got the space for seven down here.”
“Maybe if we put another bunk on our bed.”
“I don’t think you understand how impossible that is.”
“Come on, it’s perfectly possible! That or I’ll just squish up next to Ranboo, he won’t mind.”
“I probably would, actually, I think I probably would mind that quite a lot.”
“Then I guess I’ll just have to make you not mind, won’t I?”
“How - uh, how long until Phil and Niki get back, exactly, Will?”
“Three days.”
“Three days,” Ranboo repeated, some tense relief in their tone that made Techno laugh internally, “I can do three days.”
“You’ve done as much already, mate, you’ll be fine.”
“Tubbo - do not point your knife at me, Tubbo, that’s just really not - okay, come on, that’s not fair, what if I wanted to go for a walk?”
“Nope.” Techno could hear Tubbo’s grin through the door. “Only bedtime. Or - you wanna play some Mario Kart, actually? I’m bored.”
“It’s kind of late for that. I can’t feel my arms.”
“Tubbo,” Lacewing chastised, “have you fucking paralysed Ranboo again?”
“Only a little!”
“This is - that was definitely at least a half dose, Tubbo, I’m just completely going numb.”
“As you should. Wilbur, how d’you feel about Mario Kart?”
“Only if you promise you’ll cut all Ranboo’s food up for him if he still can’t move for dinner.”
“Deal. And don’t tell Phil.”
“Deal.”
“This household’s a disaster,” Techno quipped, picking up his finished drink and carrying it across to the coffee table over by the big TV and the couch, where Lacewing sprawled decadently. “Two days without Niki and we fall apart.”
“Oi, we made it three days with no unintentional poisonings, thank you very much, Technoblade!”
“I’m not poisonous, I’m venomous,” the Hornet corrected cheerfully.
“I am poisonous,” said Ladybird, already sounding stiff.
“Well, I wasn’t planning on eating you, was I?”
“I hope not?”
Techno sighed and sipped his drink. “We’re lucky none of us are aphids.”
“I think it’d be funny if there was an aphid,” Wilbur added, “I can picture Ranboo just - unhinging their jaw and chasing after them at full gait. You’d get a hell of a shock.”
“Techno’s bad enough for weird diet. We don’t need Ranboo eating people.”
“Mhm.”
“Oh, he’s done cooking,” noted Tubbo.
“Please don’t refer to your paralysis abilities as cookin’ Ranboo,” Techno sighed.
“Why, you scared you’re gonna want to eat him?”
“I hate this family.”
They ordered dinner, and Tubbo, true to his word, cut up every chicken nugget into digestible pieces for Ranboo to chew with their still-rigid jaw. Wilbur sat back with his burger and watched like it was a nature documentary. Techno ate the patty out of a hamburger and considered calling Phil, just so he might get his boys in line. Instead, he texted Niki.
good day?
busy!! tired of chaos trio?
oh you know it
come home SOON i can’t take it without you for long
three days, mosquito
i hate you, moth <3
u do me so dirty <3
i’m irritable. these kids will not stop hounding me
hounds? i thought we were bugs!
do me a solid and create the illusion that you didn’t just make that joke
id send u flowers if i had the range
miss you
be back soon tech
sooner /threat
cant :( phils hard at work conserving
ok ok but what if (and bear with me here) he came and hung out with me instead
bears? i [GUNSHOT]
[blows smoke off the tip of my gun]
i gotta go in a few mins i miss u too ill see u on the weekend!!!!!!!!!
ok bye :/
<3
<3