Archive of Our Own ^beta

richy fought too much. with strangers, with himself, but most importantly with his father. that was pretty evident to him right now, standing in the kitchen, frown painted on his face, in front of his yelling father, face red and knuckles white while the man gripped the table.

it was as if time had stopped, and all the verbal abuse flew past the blond boys ears, mind completely empty as their daily fight came to its climax.

"ARE YOU EVEN FUCKING LISTENING TO ME?"

half-heartedly, yeah. but that answer wouldn't satisfy the older and richy was well aware of that. which was precisely why he didn't open his mouth at all, just kept on staring and standing and letting the words wash over him, threatening and insulting and so much more he didn't even care to register anymore.

his father moved, now, getting closer, while his voice got louder. made richy think about getting ear plugs, for next time. inevitably this would happen again, after all.

"ANSWER ME. DO YOU THINK THIS IS ACCEPTABLE BEHAVIOUR!? DO YOU REALLY!?"

to be completely honest, the teen had already forgotten what they had been arguing about in the first place. it was pointless, knowing this would repeat day after day after day until one of them bit the dust.

hell, he used to joke that if he'd die before his father, the man would visit his grave only to start fighting with the grave stone. it was likely, at this point, and far from funny anymore.

"RICHARD."

oh. there it was. full first name and all. this was going to be great. richy almost wished his mother was here, breaking them up like usual, but maybe it was fate that she had a dentists appointment today out of all days. well, anyway, here it comes, he thought, mentally preparing himself for the lecture about to follow.

"young man...", the olders voice had gotten eerily quiet now, and even if richy would never admit to it, it was creeping him the fuck out, "you're leeching off of me and your mother, off of every. single. person. you meet."

well, richy would argue that that wasn't true, but for some, unknown reason he didn't feel like interrupting the man that was currently aggressively staring him down. odd, huh?

"you're disrespectful as all hell and if you'd just take a single fucking look at your stupid hair you'd know why i want to chop it all off."

rude. no need to bring his nicest feature into this.

"as long as you don't have a fucking job-", his voice was growing louder again, "YOU HAVE NO FUCKING RIGHT TO ACT LIKE THIS, YOU HEAR ME?"

silence engulfed them, only interrupted by the heavy breathing of his father. yelling wore him out, huh? richy didn't pity him. richy didn't do anything, quite frankly. didn't think, didn't speak, didn't move. barely blinked, barely registered his surroundings.

when he came to his senses again, his fathers face had faded from bright, tomato red to a healthier pink tone. well. time to reverse that again.

"okay.", richy said, and after a few seconds slowly turned on his heel, grabbing his jacket from the clothing rack, "good that we talked about it."

"THATS ALL YOU HAVE TO FUCKING SAY?", the teen would bet his father was beet red again, didn't have the nerve to go check, though, "GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY HOUSE BEFORE I-"

"was going to do that, actually."

the door slammed shut.

+++

it had been a few hours since the fight and richy felt like all his emotions had been chewed up, mixed up and then spit out again. it was nothing he wasn't used to, and over the years he'd developed a thicker skin than most, but he was tired of being numb and, sometimes, it did hurt.

he needed a distraction, wanted his guitar with him. let it all out, play so loud the entire neighbourhood would hear, so dirty and shrill and terrible, just to annoy and to shock and to fuck up everyone elses day, because his had been fucked up, and now he needed to let out his emotions on other people, as selfish as that was.

well. maybe it was good then, that that was hardly possible, with his beloved instrument and his body about forty-five minutes apart, the latter on some random ass trail near some random ass train tracks while the former was chilling in his room.

he kicked a few pebbles on the narrow path he'd been taking, flinched when they flew into the nearby river and droplets of water splashed into his general direction. he rolled his eyes so far back he wouldn't have been surprised to see his brain. 'course that would go wrong, too.

it was nothing but a minor inconvenience - and all his fault - but it was easy to direct his anger towards it. he frowned at himself, took a breather. he should be fine, by now. it had been hours, it was time to let it go, for fucks sake.

gazed up at the sky, back down on the path, then took his time to scan his surroundings. he'd been too pissed to notice, to angry to care, but he'd been here before.

the crooked branches of a nearby tree were too familiar not to remember and a formation of rocks a few metres away had also burned itself into his mind.

it was a weird feeling to swallow, as the memories came back.

his mom and him, and his father, too. he had tried to climb the tree and while mom lectured about safety, dad cautiously helped him up the branches. and while mom and him attempted to skip stones over the tiny, tiny river, effectively failing at every attempt, dad was watching the birds, calm and collected and content, out of all things. and when they were walking home no argument had started, no yelling ensued and all was fine and good and peaceful.

richy chewed on his lip. he wasn't one to reminisce much, was way too young to give a fuck about the past or the future, lived in the moment like the rest of his friends.

but, just this once, he allowed himself a closer look at forgotten days. his heart ached at how simple life had been.... and then he squashed the thought immediately under a layer of good old "well you're all grown up now, deal with it like the rest of us."

not the nicest sentiment out there, but a realistic one, he figured.

damn. well. that was a bummer, wasn't it? cool. great. the teen let his face drop into his hands, massaged his temples.

birds chirped, landed in nearby bushes, richy tried to think of what to do with himself.

a leaf fell from the crooked tree, straight onto his shoes. he didn't bother to shake it off.

the water of the river splashed against the rocks lining it's sides, and he came to the conclusion only one person could distract him the way he needed to be distracted.

his clothing swooshed around in the light wind. well, there was no time to waste, was there?

+++

a knock on frail wood. richy shuffled, shifted his weight from one foot on the other. his legs hurt from all the walking, but there was no one to blame but himself. the sky was darker, now, and he fixed his hat.

"no.", came the answer from inside, muffled.

now that was the voice of his best friend alright. the teen managed a small smile at the familiarity that washed over him. it was comforting, even if it was just one word.

"yes.", he replied, not stern, but definitely less thrilled than most days.

it took a few seconds, but soon enough there was rumbling on the other side of the door, something fell down for sure, and then it opened. igor in all his glory, jet black hair messily framing his face, sporting a toothy grin.

"richy!", he called out, "hey, man. what's up?"

the blond haired boy chuckled dryly. "at least someone's excited to see me."

his friend snorted, "don't tell me your bastard of a father started some shit again.", pushed the door a little more open and richy gladly took the oppertunity to escape the picking up wind in favour of the not-so sparsely decorated apartment that he had quickly learned to associate with the shorter.

"well, i'm sorry to disappoint, but that's exactly what happened.", he admitted, sheepishly grinning while shrugging off his jacket. threw the brown leather garment and his hat in the general direction of a chair and turned to his friend again, who rolled his eyes.

"you know, just because youre a mess doesnt mean you have to make my humble home one as well.", he complained, then motioned over to his room to a more comfortable conversation-having-spot.

"your 'humble home'", richy drew quotation marks in the air, "happens to feature dirty dishes on every flat surface and about a million empty bottles of the cheapest wine you can find in the entire city. i think a piece of cloth thrown onto the floor will match your aesthetic, actually."

igor glared at him.

"its the second cheapest wine, actually.", he mocked the taller, "also how dare you disrespect me in my own home, huh?! asshole."

he grinned as those words left his lips, no bite to his voice, and richy grinned right back, surprisingly happy with the insult. they both had since sat down on igors bed, the latter sprawled all over the sheets, while richy had taken a position requiring much less space, sitting cross-legged at the edge of the mattress.

it was nice, to revert back to this dynamic again, familiar and comfortable and light. feelings he often felt around igor, he had noticed, not that it mattered.

they stayed there, for a while, bickering a little, the shorter notifying his friend that he'd gotten a job, a mixture of pride and bitterness swirling through the tallers head.

it was hard to find something 'round here. if you wanted to make enough money to live, that is. richy had gotten shit fairly often for his lazyness, but well. hard to bring up motivation to work, with the available wages, but he digressed. he really was happy for igor, after all.

eventually, when the light shining through the windows had almost completely dimmed, and a comfortable silence had taken over them for some time, the black haired teen shuffled on the bed, gaining himself a short glance from his friend, then sat up straight and cracked his back.

"gonna have a smoke real quick.", he slid off the bed and ruffled his hair, before adding: "outside, you know. you can keep me company, if you want."

well, he didn't have to say that twice. his friend jumped up, maybe a bit too eager, as if he'd follow igor to the end of the world, if he had to.

"..'course, dude."

picking up his leather jacket from the floor, richy gazed over to igor, who was apparently attempting to find a pack of cigarettes in one of his drawers.

the taller held in a laugh at the overexaggerated frown on his friends face.

"where the fuck is this stupid-", he murmured and richy caught himself smiling at the cursing, oddly fond of the situation.

weird. sure, igor was a great guy and funny, too, especially when he was irritated like now, but richy had never found it endearing.

he shook his head, fighting with his jackets sleeve to get his arm through. surely he was just a little on edge from the fight with his father. nothing more, nothing less.

"fuckin' finally.", igor held the pack up triumphantly, smug expression on his face.

"finished with the dumpster diving?", his friend remarked, getting a glare and the paperboard box thrown directly into his face in return.

"ouch- bro, what the fuck??"

igor stuck his tongue out. so fucking childish. "you earned it, bitch."

richy just raised his middlefinger and scowled. two could play this game.

the teens made eye contact, didn't even have to speak to start a staring contest, mutual agreement that this would settle the argument.

seconds passed, neither of them blinked.

the clock on the wall ticked quietly in the background, being the glorious soundtrack to this fight of honour and pride, and still, neither of them caved.

richys eyes were starting to itch, igors eyelashes fluttered. slightly. not nearly enough to count as blinking.

the taller was confident. they'd done this countless of times. he had a good chance of winning, based on past experiences. it was fine.

if igor wouldn't try to distract him, that is. and that bastard really had mastered the art of irritation.

and sure enough, the shorter had already started his mission, wiggling his eyebrows to get a reaction out of his friend.

pretty keen on winning this, huh? richy scoffed. if igor was gonna embarrass himself like this it was fine by him, he'd beat him anyway.

the clock kept ticking and while richy continued to force his eyes open, igor got to work on his distractions. there were several failed attempts, each one boosting the tallers confidence more. had his friend lost his fighting spirit?? sure, he'd never been competitive, but he usually didn't back down from a playful fight with richy (especially at the prospect of winning against him).

"c'mon", the taller heard himself saying, "you're being a try-hard. just give up."

igor laughed. that absolute shithead had the nerve to laugh. so close to defeat, yet still so cocky. the dude was ridiculous, started smirking now, as if he had come up with another one of his atrocious ideas. oh, how richy hated them.

igor stepped forward a little, grin growing wider at the confused expression on his friends face.

"what the fuck are you doing??", the latter questioned, still focusing on keeping his eyes open as best as he could. he wouldn't get distracted by this out of all things.

closing the distance further, igor just shrugged. "you know exactly what i'm trying to do."

well. richy couldn't argue against that. still, the uneasy feeling in his stomach only got worse the closer his friend got, and he resorted to fidgeting with his hands nervously.

two metres between them now and it was getting awfully warm in his leather jacket, here in this room. they should maybe air the room a little, no? heh. welp. maybe not.

only one metre left. the smell of igors perfume was easily identifable, like this, and richy really wished it wasn't, because it made this weird feeling erupt in his stomach, like his organs were flipped around, having a party somewhere in this godforsaken flesh prison- and it set him up for failure, because, for fucks sake, it was distracting as all hell.

less than a metre to go and his heart rate spiked. violently. what the fuck was with him today? was he having a stroke? concerned, he chewed on his bottom lip. when his friends eyes followed the action for just a split second, his gaze falling down onto richys mouth, the blonde boy could swear he had a mini heart attack right then and there. his breath hitched and he would be willing to bet that he was as red as a tomato, all wide-eyed and confused.

so when igor's eyes found his again, continued the staring contest as if nothing had even happened, something in him snapped. he turned away, quickly, took a few steps back, his eyelids finally closing as if they had a mind of their own.

he blinked. 6, 7, 8 times before he could think again. the sparkle in his friends eyes forever burned into his brain, impossible to forget. questions hastily circulating in his mind. it was weird, for fucks sake, he was weird, what the fuck had gotten into him?

whatever the answer to that question was, though, had to wait, as igors evil cackle disrupted richys stream of thoughts.

"oh fuck off.", he got out through gritted teeth, while his friend shoved him playfully.

"don't be a sore loser, rich.", igors grin was wide and triumphant and infuriatingly contagious, so much so that even richys bruised ego and rapid heartbeat couldn't stop him from returning a sheepish smile.

"i fucking hate you."

the words were meaningless like this, soft-spoken and light, mumbled into the air around them, electrified by something the taller couldn't quite put his finger on.

"hate you, too.", igor chuckled, unfazed by the very obviously untrue words, "but i really need to smoke now. so if you don't mind..?"

he didn't even wait for a response before grabbing his friend by the arm and dragging him out of the apartment, only barely remembering to snatch the keys on their way out.

and then the door fell shut behind them, and a particularly strong breeze messed up their already messy hair and richy forgot all about his defeat, stumbling after igor onto the pavement.

the streetlights illuminated the shorters face as he took in his surroundings, happily breathing in the cool air, and his friend followed suit.

the rundown buildings in this area loomed over them, dark, but far from empty. a few birds flew over the night sky as a car speeded through the neighbourhood.

igor fumbled with his pack of cigarettes, while richy curiously watched him. had enough time, and his friend was busy enough, to have a more detailed look at him.

first there were the rings around his fingers. some clunkier than others, all second-hand, richy guessed. not that he had ever asked where the shorter had gotten them, but if the black haired boy could buy from a jeweler, their bands equipment would definitely not look like it did, that was for sure.

letting his eyes wander upwards he was greeted by that tacky fucking blouse that igor had refused to get rid of for way too long now. hell, he even wore it occasionally. (cough. today. cough). not that the boy couldn't pull it off, but richy couldn't take the intense grandma vibes he got from it regardless. he shook his head lightly, a miniscule movement barely noticable by anyone but himself, let his gaze droop down and yea. that had to be addressed as well.

igors motherfucking pants. how the guy managed to get into them would forever remain a mystery to the taller. they were so fucking tight he got claustrophobic just thinking about it. they looked great, sure, but seemed inconvenient as fuck. richy scrunched his nose at the thought, shook it off. should probably pay attention to reality again. focused onto the lighter in igors ring adorned hands and. uh. had to bite his tongue not to burst out laughing straight away.

the shorter was trying hard to get the object to work. and was failing miserably at that. richy opened his mouth, about to make some kind of snarky remark, when-

"say anything stupid and i'll bash your head in."

ah. well. richy closed his mouth. nontheless, igor glared at him. rolled the sparkwheel down, hastily, then slowly again. getting irritated at the continuing failure.

the blond boy almost pitied him now, this shit was getting embarrassing. maybe offering to help was a good idea?

"hey, dude, do you want me to-"

igor looked up, impressively scary scowl on his face, amplified by his dark make up, and richy bit his tongue. they stood there, for a little longer, the shorter seemingly contemplating whether he should yell or resort to even more violence (the poor lighter looked pretty beat up as it was) or try to endorse whatever other options he had.

hesitantly, he made his decision.

"fine", you could practically hear the annoyance drip from his voice, "you try it."

held his hand out, with the object in it, and his friend cautiously grabbed it, fingertips just barely brushing the black haired boys skin. flicked the lighter.

once.

twice.

"see?", igor started, almost sounding satisfied with this outcome, "you can't do it eit-"

a flame burst out from the small metallic box.

....

...

..

.

"oh, fuck off."

richy grinned, igor frowned, tried his best to hide the amusement. there was a glint in his eye, though, and when he hit his friend ("stupid bitch. the universe did this just to spite me.") there was not much energy packed into the punch.

after sulking for a bit, the shorter grabbed a cigarette out of its paperboard box and began talking again.

"i'm not taking any chances, this stupid thing hates me.", he avoided richys attempt to gain eye contact, "i won't touch that lighter until i got a damn cigarette lit."

the taller wondered, for a second, what that even meant. stared at his friend, dumbfounded, who had a small smile on his lips. he looked shy, in a way. the taller raised his eyebrow.

"give me a light, will you?"

OH.

oh.

that's what he meant. made sense. definitely. yep. totally. richy was the one it had worked for, after all. tried to convince himself this was logical, tried to ignore his heartbeat spiking for the second time today.

"yea- yea, sure.", he got out, fidgeting with the lighter, suspiciously antsy at the prospect of this normal ass task.

his inner monologue wasn't helping either, contributing something along the lines of why the fuck is this making me nervous, what the fuck, what the hell is going on with me today holy shit fuck bitch what the fuck is happening, what???? to the conversation. wasn't very meaningful, but hard to disregard, with the thoughts going rampant in his brain.

igor came closer, cig between his lips, stupid pretty eyes searching for contact with richys now, who was desperately trying to calm himself down. if his hands continued shaking like this he'd set his friend on fire and that was the last thing he wanted, really.

he flicked the lighter and this time it responded immediately. he was sure it had nothing to do with him, had probably just been a while since the shorter had used this specific one, but he wasn't about to address his suspicions. didn't care much, for some reason, would much rather do what the other had asked him to.

it was pretty, the light of the flames dancing on igors face, how they reflected in his eyes as they moved in the wind.

gently, the taller lit his friends cigarette, hands trembling regardless of his caution. internally cringed at how slow he was operating. perhaps he was being too careful?

to make up for this lack of movement he retracted his hands much quicker after he had finished his task, backing away too hastily, uncertainty written all over his face.

igor took a drag, gratefully. turned away before exhaling again, always aware of the others dissaproval of smoking.

"you don't have to do that, you know.", richy blurted out, without meaning to. it was a blatant lie, he hated the smell of smoke, liked that his friend respected that. questioned what prompted him to say those words, apparantly just as much igor did, narrowed eyes and frown on his face.

let the words fade into obscurity, didn't feel the need to address them verbally. took another drag, turned away more pointedly this time when he exhaled, as if to accentuate the motion. it was clear he wouldn't change his behaviour without an explanation.

"sorry, yeah. i don't know why i said that.", richy scratched the back of his head, "i just... i don't know. maybe i got used to the smoke."

igor smiled, briefly.

"you shouldn't adopt my bad habits.", he fixed his hair, "you already have enough of those."

that earned him a playful shove and an eyeroll.

"i won't."

richy knew that only time could tell whether he would keep that promise, but there was no need to mention it. they were alike, his friend and him. young and dumb and all too ready to make mistakes, not much regard for other people. igor would've said the same if he'd been in his shoes.

the taller shuffled with his feet, wrapped his beloved leather jacket around himself a little tighter. the night had allowed the cold to creep up to them between the buildings and streetlights, a chill running up his spine.

he granted himself a gaze over to his friend, who had left his coat inside, the stupid fuck. wasn't shivering yet, but the tiniest bit of goosebumps had started to rise on his arms, all the way up to his tattoos (very cool ones, if you asked richy. igor looked good with them. or they looked good on him. whatever wording made more sense. richy wasn't very good with words. just knew he liked the tattoos.)

"want my jacket....? you look cold.", he asked, not very into the idea of freezing himself, but somehow still polite enough for the offer.

before even thinking of responding, igor took his sweet time to savor his cigarette, a cloud of smoke rising towards the dark sky. fucking drama queen. the blond boy sighed.

"nah.", the shorter scrunched his nose, finally answering, "it's fine."

richy furrowed his brows. "i won't be the one caring for you when you get a cold, dude.", he scoffed, "and you can't miss band practice. we low-key need you."

that got a chuckle out of igor. "and? it's not like you're somehow immune to the cold. if you give me your jacket you'll be the one freezing. not a very thought-through plan, rich. we need you at practice, too."

another eyeroll, destroyed by logic, huh? richy frowned overexaggeratedly.

"well, then should i get your coat from inside?", he tried. wouldn't hurt to reason with his friend, would it?

the shorter crossed his arms, as well as he could, with the cigarette in his hand. the taller figured it was to get some kind of protection from the cold, but it didn't seem to work much, for obvious reasons.

"richy, it's fine.", was the reluctant answer, "i won't take too long, it'd be a waste of time if you went inside now."

"no, it wouldn't."

"yes, it would."

the taller grabbed his friend by the shoulders, looked him in the eyes, "you stupid motherfucker", and shook him repeatedly, "i've never met a more stubborn person than you. goddamnit, why are you like this?"

there was desperation in his voice, just as much as there was amusement and igor leaned into his touch. was much warmer than the cold air around them, richy figured.

"you'd spend too much energy for nothing, believe me.", the black haired boy nodded, took another drag, "if you can somehow let us both wear your jacket at the same time, i'll take you up on that offer, but until then you'll have to live with me shaking a little."

they stared at each other for a bit. igor seemed satisfied, but richy wasn't about to let his friend get the upper hand. needed a plan. seconds passed.

"gimme your arm."

igor furrowed his eyebrows.

"what?"

richy gesticulated in the general direction of his friend. "gimme your arm, dude."

the shorter complied, hesitantly. raised the arm that wasn't holding his cigarette slightly upwards, it dangling in the air flatly, hand immediately following the course of gravity.

"....what now?"

richy came closer, opened the zipper of his jacket and shrugged one half of it off, the other still hanging off his shoulder. grabbed his friends arm and stuffed it into the sleeve that wasn't inhabitated by his own limbs right now, inevitably forcing them to share the jacket, bumping together at their sides.

igors eyes widened, and he looked suspiciously pink in the face.

they were huddled together now, half of igors back pressed against half of richys torso. the shorters skin felt like ice where they touched and the blond boy would've cussed him out for it, if he hadn't been suspecting that the rhythm of his heartbeat was reaching unhealthy levels of speed and he should probably see a doctor after this, goddamnit.

the shorter shakily exhaled the smoke from his cigarette, still turning away ever so slightly to make sure it didn't all blow in his friends face.

"....what if my neighbours see this?", he mumbled, not moving a muscle after he'd turned around again, not showing any intention of backing off.

"well that's a funny way to say 'thank you, my best friend, for warming me when i am stubborn and don't wanna get my goddamn coat, you are so nice to me and i am very glad we're friends'", richy retorted, putting up this wall of confidence to cover up the way his heart did flips.

"fuck you.", igor murmured, averting his gaze, "also...... thanks."

he got quieter at the end, but close as they were that made no difference. richy smiled shyly, felt stupidly giddy, body tingling where it touched the other. maybe that was just his cold skin, though. yea, that was it. couldn't possibly be something else.

right?

usually he would have left it at that. brushed the thought off like so many times before, because he had better things to do, really. but there was nothing to distract himself with here. except the feeling of a boy so close to him that he could breathe in his scent and sense the beating of his heart and the world seemed like it was spinning.

"hey.. rich?", the quiet voice lured the taller out of his thoughts again, half-way back into reality. he hummed in response, gazing over to his friend.

a few strands of his hair had left their orderly spot, falling into his face. looked pretty, though, weirdly enough. the taller felt obligated to brush them out of igors eyes, to fix his hair for him. stupid. he realised that the reprimanding words were less harsh than at the beginning of the day, as if he'd grown comfortable with the lingering gazes and confusing urges.

"isn't your mom gonna worry..?", the shorter said now, uncertainly, "i know you fought with your father and all... but you usually come home around this time, right?"

and with that richy had fully been pulled into the real world again. ugh. memories of yelling and angrily slamming doors and the pityful look his mom had given him countless of times before as he stormed outside. great.

"about that..", he began, unsure of what he should reveal and what should stay private, ".....can i crash at your place tonight?"

igor didn't even bat an eye.

"yea, sure.", he agreed without any further questions.

richy was..... taken aback, to say the least. knew that the shorter was chill about many things, but he'd expected more hesitation, inquiries about why he couldn't (..didn't want to..) go home tonight.

"..thanks.", he muttered, averting his gaze.

"don't thank me.", igor pressed his lips together into a tight line, something vaguely resembling a smile, "you'd do the same for me."

richy nodded stiffly. his friend knew him well, so there was no need to confirm his words, but something inside of the tallers mind forced him to verify them nonetheless.

igor took another drag from his cigarette, much longer than the last ones. made the most of it. the wind picked up again. soon enough the shorter flicked it onto the ground, resulting in a slight shift in his and his friends position, connected through the jacket as they were. he stepped forward to put it out, shoe burying the last glimmer of the tail end between concrete and rubber.

"wanna go inside?"

a half hearted nod was the response.

if richy was being honest, he would have loved to stay a little longer, to feel the cold wind brush over his skin, to have some time to think about everything, really. but getting igor into a warm place again was a priority. because sure, the jacket had helped, but due to their awkward positioning neither of them were completely shielded from the low temperatures now, and there was no need to risk getting sick for any longer.

as well as that, he was also very aware that it wouldn't help to wallow in self-pity and lack of understanding. he sighed once, deeply. made a step forward. and was promptly stopped by the other human person that was also stuck in their shared garment right now.

"i don't think we can walk like this, dude.", igor laughed, attempted a step forward himself and this time it was richy that blocked the advance by simply just standing there.

the taller felt a stupid grin creep up his face at their struggle. knew it'd be easy to solve this, could just shrug out of his part of the jacket, but that was boring.

"right foot forward, on three?", he suggested and igor nodded, delighted, as richy counted down.

they managed the first step, were quite in sync actually, and erupted in cheering. stupidly giddy and excited and much closer than before, holding onto each other in an attempt not to fall straight onto their faces.

"next foot, when i say go!", igor exclaimed and the two continued their weird waddle towards the apartment door, the shorters hand clinging to richys t-shirt, while the latter lightly gripped his friends waist. both were still giggling (something richy would've been embarrassed by on any other occasion - somehow being with igor made it fun, though), when the shorter fumbled his keys out of his back pocket.

the warm air from inside welcomed them as they stumbled forward, almost hugging at this point. the door fell shut behind them and instead of shimmying out of the jacket, they tripped over their feet and fell all over each other until they were both rolling over the hard floor, crushing each others limbs.

the laughing continued, and after their rolling came to a stop they just kept their positions, there, between stained carpet and table legs and glass bottle after glass bottle. they were staring up at the ceiling now, catching their breath, dangerously close to laying on top of one another.

richy didn't mind.

what an understatement.

richy fucking adored it. being so close to someone, his lungs barely keeping up, this bond of trust, knowing he would spend the night here, without any yelling, without the usual judgement.

"i still have to lock the fuckin' door.", igor sighed theatrically.

"nah.", was the belated response.

"what do you mean 'nah'??", the shorter tried to prop himself up on his elbows but failed miserably, one arm and leg each somewhere stuck under his friend, "do you want me to get robbed?"

"yea.", richy tried his best to drown his grin under a neutral expression, but it was obvious how amused he was, "let's just lay here until we started decomposing. please."

that earned him a hit on his shoulder, and he feigned excrutiating pain, groaning "ouch, fuck, i can't believe you'd do this to me!", which gained him yet another hit.

"you overdramatic fuck.", the black haired boy was smiling stupidly, "but seriously, get off me, i need to lock the door now."

he furrowed his brows. "well, not now. but eventually. but i can just do it now before i forget."

this time, there was no answer.

"richy??"

richy didn't move. "nope."

"richy...", igors voice was threatening now. well, it tried to be. the fact they were both on eye-level, laying sprawled out on the floor, was making this whole thing a lot less intimidating and a lot more ridiculous.

"no-ope", the taller shook his head to underline his words, "you'll have to free yourself on your own. i'm not moving."

his friend tried to wiggle free. once. a weak tug at his own arm in an attempt to escape. struggled a little, tried to roll over. richy didn't even have to use his limbs buried under his friend to hold him in place.

"guess we'll have to get robbed."

richy closed his eyes, laid semi comfortably on the ground.

"just lock the door later, dude, let's chill for a little. i need to warm up."

a defeated sigh.

"you're too convincing."

+++

it had been about an hour since the two boys had started residing on the floor of igors small apartment. and even though they were standing upright now (had been for a decent while at that) the latter still complained non-stop about a hurting back.

"you know, i don't think it's that good to lay on a fucking arm for half an hour, dude.", he stretched his back and it made a cracking noise, way too loud for comfort, "ouch."

"and you call me overdramatic.", richy stuffed a plain slice of bread into his mouth. it had been offered to him earlier, his stomach rumbling was getting distressing, and igor wasn't one to have much food at home so he'd have to take it, "youw so ovadwamatic youwsewv""

that earned him an eyeroll, then a glare.

"eat up before you open your trap and watch what you say, bitch. who's dependant on who here, huh? who wants to spend the night, huh? huh?"

the taller grinned, swallowed the chunk of bread he'd just bitten off. "yes, yes, i know."

they fell into silence again, and - like so often today - his mind wandered back to the fight with his father. barely paid attention, sure, but a few points the man made had burned themselves in his brain.

"hey igor..", he started, thoughtfully, "you got any idea where one could get a job?"

the shorter snorted, stopped in his tracks."obviously not, you know how hard it was to find mine?? besides, you and getting a job? where'd that suddenly come from?"

"my father.", richy stated, determined to keep his voice neutral, unbothered, "wants me to get one. apparently i'm disrespectful "as all hell" and i need to get the fuck out of his house and my hairs ugly and i'm lazy and stupid and leeching off of everyone around me and-"

fuck. the realisation hit him. he stared ahead, frown engraining itself into his features. he was leeching as of right now, staying at his friends house to avoid responsibility and conflict. scheiße. maybe his father was right after all?

"oh i know that look on your face, rich.", igor shook his head, "don't you dare act like it's all your fault. don't let him get to you. if he were to try and find a job 'round these parts he'd fall into despair or some shit like that."

the shorter fixed his hair, searched for eye contact. "you're fine, dude.", furrowed his brows, "and he's the disrespectful one."

richy felt stupid, uncertainty gnawing at his heart. he should just leave it at that, bury this topic for himself - and only himself - to dig out later, when he was alone.

"but i'm leeching off of you right now, am i not..?"

well, guess he could chuck that plan out of the window. he bit his bottom lip, hard and painful.

"god, you stupid cunt.", igor came closer now, "you asked me whether i would allow you to stay here, politely at that.", his stare was so piercing, "and out of my own volition i said yes because you're my friend and your dad's a bastard and of course it's not leeching!"

richy averted his eyes. "but-"

"no buts, dickhead. deal with it. you matter to me and this isn't leeching, because i do. not. perceive. it. as. such. punkt."

the taller felt a blush creep up his face. fuck. you matter to me. was that seriously the only sentence he had been able to fully register from that bulk of words?

"..you... matter to me, too..", he mumbled, felt weirdly nervous about the words even though they were true.

a smile made its way on his friends face, one of these bitter sweet ones, where you can't exactly tell what they are supposed to mean and you know something is off, but at this point you're too scared to ask what it is.

a little more distance was covered, now, until richy was close enough for a pat on the back, and an encouraging nod.

an awkward ending for this pleasant moment, but the taller wouldn't have known how to conclude it any better either. he felt weird, wanted to elaborate on his words.

igor didn't just matter to him like his mom or hans or even anja did. sure, he liked being around them, they were important to him, but no one had ever been able to elicit the emotions that the black haired boy did.

sometimes it felt like he was burning alive around the shorter. like he was floating, like all his burdens were lifted off his shoulder or like he was crushed by mountains. no inbetween. it was difficult to describe. everything was just so much when he was close to igor and it had gotten ridiculously hard to ignore.

richy opened his mouth, could easily say all that now, get it off his chest. he yawned, though, and closed his mouth again after he was done. no, this was maybe too niche to actually voice out loud, too personal, too.... much of a confession?

wait. what the fuck was this? did he like igor?? like.... as in what-could-have-been between him and anja?? as in... crushing on him??

the taller frowned, racked his brain for alternative explanations for this. it was normal to yearn for physical contact with your homies, right? it was normal to have your internal organs do flips when your closest friend tells you you matter to them. it was normal to want to impress them, to do whatever they said because nothing was of significance except them.

right?? it had to be.

well, even if it wasn't, he wasn't gonna risk asking. 'cause that was logical. absolutely. totally.

"i....", igor broke both the silence and richys train of thought, "i'll just do the dishes real quick, then we can do something more interesting."

the tallers head whipped up. "oh, uh.. i'll help.", got up from his chair, stiffly, fixed his hair by making it worse. 

the kitchen was dimly lit, but it was easy to spot the uncertainty on both their faces, something seemingly having been carried with their words from earlier, too confusing for now, but maybe they would understand later. 

hopefully, richy thought. would appreciate a little clarity right now, if he was honest. almost tripped over his own lanky legs on his way to his friend, which earned him a quiet chuckle. 

it eased his discomfort, the small noise, and he responded to it with the thing he did best - deflect with insults. 

"fuck you.", he grinned, shyly, almost. very aware that his friend knew how much of an act this hostility was, otherwise he would've never started it in the first place. 

promptly a towel found its way onto his hairdo and straight into his face. 

"shut up and get ready to start drying shit.", igors tone was light, while he shoved a plate under the stream of water from the sink, squirting some dish soap onto it, "i don't wanna stand here all day."

"it's night, though.", richy corrected, and tried to avoid the water splashing in his direction in reply to his klugscheißern. of course he didn't make it entirely and his t-shirt got soaked in the process. 

"ew, dude! what the fuck.", he laughed, but didn't retaliate. he was way too far away from the sink to get a good chunk of water into his friends face anyway, and as well as that the plate was being handed to him and he might as well fulfill his task, right? 

the blond boy started drying the item, grimacing when the soapy water ran down his arms. put the plate on the counter after he was done. surely igor would give him more instructions if this wasn't what he wanted. 

they continued with the chore like this and richy was surprised at how much they'd gotten done in so little time, how fast the tower of plates built itself. still, he couldn't resist the urge to tease his friend.

"did you wait for me to come visit you before doing the dishes? 'cause i feel like we've just cleaned the contents of like half your cupboards."

igor turned around to him, slowly, rolling his eyes, making that face he always made - annoyed and amused, an odd mixture of both - that resulted in a bright grin on his friends face every time. 

"yea, i bribed your fuckin' dad to start a fight with you, knowing that your stupid ass would need a distraction and come to me. i also somehow predicted you'd help me with my chores. sure, dude.", he furrowed his brows overexaggeratedly, "i'm just lazy."

"feel you in that regard.", richy nodded, finally shaking some of the water running down into his sleeve off, "though i do feel entitled for financial compensation now."

he tried to keep his expression neutral, but the stupid snort igor let out made it difficult, and the corners of his mouth twitched upwards.

"the only thing i can do is offer you to share my bed instead of banishing you to my uncomfy ass couch. either that or you'll have to live with helping your bestest friend in the entire world for like 5 minutes without getting anything in return except a literal roof over you head."

richy grinned fully now, leaned forward when the sudden urge to invade igors personal space struck. "i'll take the shared bed, thank you very much.", he glanced over at his hosts sofa, "your couch looks like it has broken someone's back before."

"it has.", igor scoffed, "mine."

he smiled lightly when the blond boy let out loud laughter, unrestricted and stupidly real. made it all the more endearing, how weird it sounded, was so richy that the shorters heart swelled, for fucks sake. even if he wanted to, he couldn't have forced his eyes away from his friend.

"well, i guess we can only hope that we won't end up in a position like on the floor earlier.", the tallers laughter faded into a light chuckle, "if you'd have to sleep on my arm for like 8 hours you'd never let it go." 

igor grinned, hit his friend, lightly. "leave me and my backpain be."

"never, old man."

"i'd rather be an old man than jobless."

"that doesn't even correlate!", richy furrowed his eyebrows, rolled his eyes, "shut up, dude."

silence, for a good second. an evil grin spreading on the shorters features.

"make me."

hesitation, the blonde boys head working overtime. his eyes widened.

oh.

oH NO.

"dude-", richy could already feel his face heating up, "shut the fuck up"

igors grin only got wider. "make me." he emphasised the words even more this time and the taller averted his eyes, knew he was probably becoming a tomato as they spoke. did he seriously manage to run straight into that trap a second time?? wow. embarrassing. 

not more embarrassing than his heart skipping a beat when his brain had finally realised that igor had.. flirted with him. that was it, right? flirting? as far as he was concerned that stupid little sentence had always been an invitation to make out and now his best friend had used it on him out of all people. 

he tried to give an answer, anything, a witty comeback, an insult if all else failed. but there was radio silence in his brain, as he was choking on his words, cheeks dusted pink. wow. he definitely knew how to deal with this situation. amazing. 

igor laughed, loudly. "getting you to shut up really wasn't part of the plan but i guess that works, too." 

he poked his friends side after a few seconds of staring. "you can talk again, you know?"

the smile on his face was kind, genuine. richy felt as if someone had locked up a very feral, very furious swarm of bees in his stomach, his internal organs did flips. "uhhh.. y-yeah. sure. uhm. haha, yea.", he stammered. 

the shorter turned his head side ways, searching for eye contact.

"you got any idea for what to do know?", he asked, contemplatively, "or are you tired?" 

feeling relieved at the change of topic, richy somehow managed to produce some semi coherent thoughts again, and tried to remember his opinions on the matter that had just been inquired about. 

"i...", his brows furrowed, "i think i slept a good 3 hours last night, so uh.. 'm tired, i guess. a little. but it's fine, it's not that bad."

if he was honest, it wasn't fine. quite frankly it was pretty bad. but that didn't matter much to him. he would do whatever igor asked him too until he fell asleep standing, though admitting that was not really on his to-do list for right now.

his friend nodded, looked like he felt the same way.

"yea. lets just chill a little then, maybe listen to music in my room?"

good suggestion. great suggestion actually. richy liked the shorters room, the atmosphere. sure, it was a little small. and, sure, they didn't necessarily listen to the same bands, meaning he didn't really recognize every artist on every poster. and, yes, sure, the residue of smoke, left there mostly by past tenants, was thick on the wallpaper, turning it a yellow-ish colour. but all those things were such trifling, minor issues in comparison to the memories of sleepless nights filled with music, loud enough to make neighbours call the police, with fixing their bands equipment or with experimenting on their hair until they both choked on hair spray. 

it was nice to be in this comforting environment, basking in the emotions of the past, all the positive things he connected to his friend. 

again, richy had the chance to get all that off his chest now, to make sure igor knew how much he appreciated him. 

"sure.", richy just said. 

"good.", the shorter replied, nonchalantly. wiped his hands on a towel. they were probably still a little soapy from doing the dishes, and only now his friend realised that his were the same way, and he followed suit. 

on their way to the hosts room, as short as it was, they stayed close together, hands almost brushing past each other as they walked. richy felt a little weird still, looking back on his own behaviour today, but igors calm and collected demeanor helped him ignore the feeling. 

and while the latter turned on some music, quiet enough for holding a conversation, the blond boy flopped onto his friends bed, taking up almost all the space this time, eyes fluttering shut immediately, exhaustion making itself known. so much for staying awake for igors sake.

"rich...", the shorter had turned around again, let out a sympathetic laugh at the sight that presented itself in front of him, "if you'd rather sleep you can just tell me, you know?"

he grinned while walking up to the mattress, bending down to further inspect his friend. "earth to richard?"

an annoyed groan, an overexaggeratedly deep frown. "'m awake..... 'm awake."

"great", igor tried to push his friend to the side, but the action was useless as the boy hadn't planned on exerting himself. without that, though, he wouldn't even move richy by an inch, "then make some space for me, bitch."

silence, but not for long. the taller shook his head, as best as that was possible with his cheek pressed to the mattress.

"..i lied. 'm actually asleep."

"sure, bud, sure.", the black haired boy rolled his eyes playfully (not that richy would see it anyway), "i would still appreciate if you could do a little sleep walking or some shit so that i can fit onto here too."

"hmm.....", the taller pretended to think, furrowed his brows, "no."

"i'll sit on you if i have to."

"you won't."

igor grinned, managed to get up the bed without crushing his friends limbs. uselessly mindful, he realised, as he went on to not-very cautiously lower himself onto the other, effectively pressing him into the mattress, taking a seat on his back. 

the quiet "i fuckin hate you." that came from somewhere underneath the black haired boy made him erupt in laughter. 

"i warned you, rich."

"i wArNeD yOu, rIcH.", the taller mocked, "you're so annoying."

"and you love me for it."  

almost, for just one second, richy wanted to deny it, stutter out an argument as to why that was simply incorrect, but quickly he scrapped that thought. he could tell the truth (without stuttering!) and brush it off as just reciprocating the joke. sighed, dramatically. 

"yea.", he agreed, "i do."

"thanks for admitting to it, i appreciate your honesty.", igor grinned, poked his friends sides again.

"stop.", the latter ordered, burying his face in the bedsheets, "you suck."

the shorter would've stuck his tongue out, continue these childish antics, but it wasn't worth it, sitting atop richy, knowing the boy wouldn't see it anyway. 

and while the blond fell back into drowsing, igor got bored. poked the others sides again, loved how ticklish he was. 

"fuck you.", richy mumbled, tensing under his friends fingers, tried to wiggle himself free. he almost got it, igor close to slipping off, but quickly enough the shorter just wrapped his legs tighter around his friends torso, steadying himself in the process. 

the taller sighed, dramatically, twisted and turned, tried anything to get out of the others grip. eventually, he'd managed to at least look his captor in the eyes, turned around in a way which made igor sit proudly on his stomach, rather than his back. 

the boy was still laughing when richy took the oppertunity to grab him by his waist and push him off himself, onto the other side of the bed. 

"hey!", he exclaimed, fighting back, the two becoming an inseperable amalgamation of limbs. it was hard to keep track of who was on top who, even harder to say who was squirming harder at the tickling.

this continued, minute for minute, until they both decided they couldn't go on anymore, flopping onto the mattress, breathing heavily. 

"my god..", richy grinned widely, "i hate you."

igor matched his expression, brushed a few strands of hair out of his face, laughed. "hate you, too."

they were awfully light those words, devoid from any meaning. or at least intented a different interpretation, that is. the taller questioned, for a short moment, if he was just imagining things, if this was the sleep deprivation talking, but it quickly became apparant that he would not gain an answer, only more confusion, if he'd explore this issue further.

they laid there for a bit, tired from the fighting (and lack of sleep from the previous night), until the taller opened his mouth again, wanted to keep the conversation going. he liked igors voice, and he'd fall asleep without a little bit of a distraction. 

"what's that poster from?", he pointed at the wall, an area close to the ceiling, "looks familiar."

"oh! yeah. remember the time i called off practice to go to some concert?"

richy contemplated, for a second. nodded, slowly, once the memories were even just slightly coming back. that day,  hans had scrambled as soon as he found out one of them would be away, always ready to miss practice for any reason. richy himself had been pissed at the bassist, but that was a regular occurance and so he eventually just brushed it off. his hotheadedness was something he needed to work on anyway.

"yea..", igors voice snapped him out of his thoughts, "thats the band i saw that time. even got to talk a little with the guitarist. was really nice, the dude. didnt expect it."

"really?", the taller turned his head around to his friend, curious look on his face, "who is he on the poster?"

"how about you guess? i'll give you a hint: he's the hottest one."

that send richy sputtering, all wide-eyed and confused. "he- he's a guy, though??"

they made eye contact, the latters distress a stark contrast to his friends seriousness. igor furrowed his brows, and richy felt weird for his observation, was this not a normal thing to ask? 

"and men can't be attractive?", the black haired boy laughed, a noticable, but not too excessive, amount of bite to his voice, "gimme a break, rich, i know you've stared at my ass before."

now that shut him up real good for the first few seconds, blood rushing to his cheeks. 

"h-hey now, dude, i can't help it!", he tried to explain, "you know how tight your stupid pants are, your ass just looks nice, but that doesn't mean..."

richy faltered under igors intense gaze, wanted to do something about his rampantly moving thoughts, needed a pause button for his life. 

"... that men are... attractive..", he got quieter as he finished his sentence, something dawning on him, steadily.

he laid in his friends bed, had shared his personal space and belongings, his energy and time with igor over the course of today- over the course of many days, frankly. and the entirety of the time he had appreaciated his friends company, of course, but as he recalled more and more moments he........ he understood something, voiced the observation without second thought.

"..its different! you're just attractive, like i find you insanely pretty, but that doesn't mean men are attractive."

igors facial expression stayed neutral for about 2 seconds, then he exploded with laughter. having to hold his stomach, eventually, tears in his eyes from the cackling. 

richy still stared at him, dumbfounded. 

"what??"

"oh my god..", the shorter was trying to come down from his laughter, took his sweet time, "i noticed your occasional glances but i never though this'd be your way of admitting to it."

admitting to what? richy almost asked, confused and.. insecure, kind of.  he didn't though, and they fell into silence, with igor still quietly chuckling to himself. 

the others gaze wandered back up, towards smoke stained wallpaper and worn posters with torn edges, until he was staring straight into the 5 pairs of eyes of the band (whos logo was almost dripping off the paper in red ink) that had been the catalyst to this conversation. 

it felt almost mocking, the grimacing faces, looking down at him and his friend.

"...... is it the guy on the far left?", he asked, after a short evaluation. 

"the guy on the-", richy seemed a little lost, "what do you...? oh."

ah, there the realisation was. the shorter chuckled, "sorry, i'm slow.", eyes following his friends. 

"yea.", he smiled after confirming, "it's him. why'd you guess him out of all of them?"

richy couldn't even do anything but return the smile, even if it was awkward and a little wonky at the corners. "i don't know.. you'd suppose someone who's known you for so long would know your taste in.. men, huh?"

"fair enough", was the answer and the shorter rolled around onto his side, facing his friend now, the latter following suit and they shared a few moments of eyecontact, just as much uncomfortable as it was impossible to break. 

"h-how..", richys voice was shaky, "how'd you know?", danced around the topic, felt his mouth go dry, hoped he'd get away with these vague allusions.

he wouldn't.

"i know many things, you have to be more clear, rich."

"...how'd you know you like.....", the taller blushed, rephrased his thoughts, "you know....."

it was obvious igor was aware of the question at hand now, slightly evil grin spreading over his face at his friends struggle, leaving him hanging, basking in this embarrassment that was not his own.

"no, i don't know, my friend. you'll have to explain more thoroughly, i'm afraid."

"i fucking hate you", the taller blurted out, followed it up immediately with, "how the fuck did you know you like men?"

he bit his tongue right after, uncertainty still prevalent in his heart, avoiding direct eye contact but searching for it just the same. 

"oh!", igor grinned widely, "why didn't you just ask?"  

there was a mischievous glint in his eye and it made richys heart skip a beat.

"in general i just always knew boys were up my alley", igor started, "since i was a child, you know? but that's boring and definitely won't.. satisfy what you want to gain from that answer."

richy cleared his throat, "yea..."

"well.. then let's make up a hypothetical story, right?", the shorter smiled, comfortingly, almost. as if to ease whatever revelation his friend would gain from the following monologue.

"let's pretend there's this boy i've known for ages, right?"

the taller nodded, weirdly bitter taste in his mouth. he tried to shake it off, but to no avail.

"and i spend more time with him then my own mother, man.", igor continued, "voluntarily, too. when i'm around him the world is just that tad bit easier to bear. and i feel nervous around him, but its intoxicating and i love every second of it. helping him is a given, too. and you know i'm not the nicest person, but i'd do fucking anything for him. it's almost infuriating how quickly i follow even the smallest request of his."

to drive his point home further igor stuffed his hand into his pocket and pulled out the lighter from earlier that day, fiddling around with it as he continued.

"he's appealing, too. not like the girls i've been with before. nothing against them, they were all nice people, but it's different to have him... to allow myself the thought of having him."

richy could feel something tug at him, a sense of.... resentment spreading through his body. it was stupid, this was fake anyway. it wasnt even necessarily the mention of past endeavors that put him off, more so the hint of adoration in igors voice when talking about this stupid hypothetical guy. 

"and... you know, sometimes he talks about the chicks he digs and i'm an envious bitch, because man that should've been me, you know? i know its selfish, but i can't help myself." 

igor nodded, self-assured. 

"and that's how i'd know i'm crushing on a guy. not much different than a girl, really."

richy followed the motion, slower than his friend. 

"theres actually the slightest bit of truth in that story.", igor admitted, "but, you know. hard to make something up without inserting personal experience."

oh. now that annoyed richy for whatever reason. he couldn't help himself from questioning who was even deserving of his friends attention, who even fit his (often times eccentric) tastes, if this was truly based on the shorters own crushes.

"is it that guitarist?", he asked, furrowing his brows when igor looked like he was about to slam his head into the nearest wall for the next few decades. 

"is it not him? the guy from the band?", he scratched his head, "who else is there?"

"richard. rich. you're my bestest friend of all time", well, flattering, "i know you have some capability of intelligent thought. some. i know its in there.", well, that less so, "please. think about this real hard."

"well, i dunno!", the taller scrunched his nose, grew irritated at this lack of reveal, "could be anyone."

a sigh, coming from the depths of igors soul, finally did made the blond worry for his own intellect. was he really as stupid as that sigh seemed to imply?

"okay. you get a hint. i mixed my own experiences with those of someone you know very well."

"hans? hans is gay?"

"NO.", igor called out, losing his patience slowly but surely.

"well, i don't know if he is", he added, irritated, "but i was not talking about him."

"another hint? or, wait, can i get a phone joker?", the blond mused playfully.

"shut up.", the shorter shoved his friend lightly, "you'll get another hint, though. youre fucking clueless."

he took a few short seconds to think about a reasonable pointer into the right direction. 

"hypothetical lover boy here, that i originally referred to by "i", is fond of lighting his crushes cigarettes and sharing jackets for no other reason than a little stubbornness and a tiny bit, really just a smidge, of kindness."

well that wasn't just a pointer. that was a giant lighting up arrow pointing towards richy. his mouth fell wide open and his eyes matched that display. 

"if it still hasn't landed, hes also currently laying next to me in my bed."

"i'm- you.. igor.."

the taller blinked, several times in a row, tried to get his brain to work. igor had just called himself his crush. igor had acknowledged his weird ass behaviour and made sense of it and had understood, long before him, what it all meant.

had probably found parallels between his own experiences and those of his friend. after all, he had had more time for his respective realisation, had more time to prepare for this adjustment, was not as taken by surprise. hell, he seemed to have known something was up since he was a child. richy on the other hand had been oblivious, clinging onto his attraction to women for an entire eternity, never once fully entertaining the notion of liking men, of liking his best friend. 

well, fuck. 

it made sense, though. all the quick glances, the rapid heartbeat, his inability to refuse most of igors requests. 

"oh thats so unfair", he scoffed and made a face. igor seemed concerned, for a split second, but when rich continued speaking he calmed down quickly, "why did you know before me? thats so rude of the universe."

the shorter chuckled. "i'm so sorry for making the most obvious observation of my life. guess you're just a little stupid for not realising yourself.", he grinned, added dramatically, "whatever could i do make you forgive me?"

he propped himself up on his elbows now, gazing at his friend from slightly above and the latter felt his insides flip. uncertainty mixed with excitement.

"you insult me, you don't have any money and your cooking skills are mediocre... what could i ever gain from you?", he listed off, playful jabs at his friend, an attempt to gloss over his quickly beating heart. 

igors eyes widened, as if he'd thought of an amazing joke, grin taking over his face. "dude, how could you forget the most important thing that i have to offer you!"

"and what would that be?"

the shorter paused, for comedic effect presumably, before dramatically waving his hands around, managing a romeo-and-juliet-esque accent, "my love, of course!! my undying love for you!" he clutched at this heart theatrically, face in an impressively real looking frown.

richy let out one of his loudest laughs today, maybe to compensate the consequences of this confession, were it real, and his friend joined in immediately. they spend a short while bickering, going back and forth, until the conversation faded out and the tone in richys brain began to turn more serious again. 

so, he was crushing on igor, huh? and the dude had known. probably for a bit now, if he was being realistic. wow. okay. where to go from this? could he just ignore it? or go to anja, beg on his knees to be taken in again to get over his silly little feelings? the girl would slaughter him if she found out why he was crawling back to her. and it would also hurt his pride, wouldnt it? not the best option then. fuck.

he sighed and it resulted in an all too familiar, questioning, worried gaze lift up to make eye contact. the two boys had moved themselves into sitting positions by now, but it did nothing, except displaying richys terrible posture even more. great. 

the unasked "are you okay?" floated through the air uncomfortably. 

"will...", the blond stopped himself, hesitated. was this really a question he wanted to ask? nah, scratch that. was this really a question he wanted to know the answer to?

he grimaced, contemplated his options. 

"with- now that- because-", he started, three times anew, never seeming to get it quite right. 

he sighed, for the way to often-th time today. 

"i... i didn't even realise i.. liked you like that.", he looked up, earnestly, "not until you implied it."

the shorters eyes curiously met his own, probably unsure of what to say so far, waiting for the reason his friend had began talking. 

"but...", he looked down, "does this mean we'll just... go on like this? or- you know? is this gonna impact our friendship?" 

"you're so fucking dense", igor muttered under his breath, continued in a normal volume, "yes, it will impact our friendship."

 "truly", he came a little closer, "deeply", he accusatorily jammed a finger into the tallers chest "and forever." 

richy didn't know what to say, was scared, frankly. they had known each other for years, and it hadn't seemed to be an issue before he was aware of his emotions, so why now? was it a bad joke, a prank? some shit like that?

"i want to destroy our friendship.", it was terrifying, how serious he looked. richys heart beat too fast in his chest, and his lungs had long stopped working. he looked up, ever so slightly, fear easily readable in his eyes. 

just as much as adoration, though, in this moment still. care and fondness for the boy he'd fought with, cried with, had loved and had hated. 

"because you, you stupid fuck", igor began, "would make me infinitely happy if you'd wanna be my boyfriend."

to say richys jaw dropped was an understatement. 

his eyes were wide open, his heart beating fast for a completely different reason than before, and a stupidly giddy grin was creeping up his face. 

"you don't have to, of course, if commitment isn't your thing-"

"shut the fuck up!", the taller cut him off. harsh words in contrast to a smile that fully reached his eyes, "you just almost gave me heart attack for this? hell, i was worried i'd never see you again and you fucking ask me out?? oh my god!"

"hey now, rich!!", igor tried to appease with motions of his hands, "i have a tendency for drama, you know that already! i just.. i don't know.", he wasn't shy very often but when he was it was fucking endearing, "would you... accept?" 

the blond boy grabbed his friend by the ugly ass grandma blouse, aggressive and intense, and pulled him towards himself. 

"what do you mean?? wOuLd YoU aCcEpT!?", he mocked, rolled his eyes and stared intently into the others', "of course i would! in fact, i will. i will accept right now and be your boyfriend. alright? okay? you got it!?" 

igor giggled. he fucking giggled out of happiness and any other day he would have cringed at it, but today it was okay, so fucking okay.

"thank you.", he smiled, "i'll be the best boyfriend you've ever had."

richys grip on his friends blouse loosened as he laughed. "not hard, considering you're my first one.", yet his gaze softened as he took in the boy in front of him, "but i appreciate it nonetheless, my friend." 

they inspected, observed, lingering stares and hearts heavy with adoration. 

"can i call you cute pet names now?", igor asked, inching closer.

"like what?", was the retort, followed by a motion forward. 

"...baby.. or darling.. or...", the shorter pretended to think, "my stupid bastard. they're all adorable, really." 

richy rolled his eyes, barely concealing the grin spreading on his features. 

"i'll take that last one, thanks."

"alright.", igor brushed some hair that had fallen into his face to the side, looked mischievous, almost, "will my stupid bastard kiss me, then?" 

and richy would've been a fool to refuse that request. 

his grip around the others garment tightened again, pulled the shorter closer, pretty nearly too fast. sought a second of eye contact, for courage, before diving in. 

awkward at first, lightly chapped lips searching for the perfect fit. molding together, sparks going wild in both their stomachs and brains, skin tingling where it touched the other.  

while richy had initiated, igor soon took over, and the tallers hands loosened their iron grip, falling down to the sides of his partner, unsure, in a way. he'd done this before, of course, but it was entirely different with a boy. or was it his friend in particular that enhanced the experience that much more? 

the thought got cut off quickly, though, when igors cold, cold hands found their way onto his waist, pushing him forward, closer.

he gasped, pulled away. 

"dude what the fuck!?? your hands are ice col-"

the others mouth shut him up swiftly and he could feel the grin on igors face. fuckin' idiot. oh, how much he loved him.

they kept sharing little pecks, inched closer and closer together, breathed the same air. it was glorious, the feeling of their hearts beating for each other, shaky fingers on warm bodies.  

when they parted again, their cheeks were dusted pink, sparks in their eyes and smiles impossible to wipe off their faces.  

they dove right in again, coming back for more, igor deepening the kiss and his boyfriend complying immediately.   

tugging on lips, biting into the flesh, as gentle and intense at the same time as possible. until their lungs were burning, the need for air lost somewhere on the way.  

the shorters hands, exploring just the tiniest bit, had found richys face, were guiding him for better access to his mouth, his thumb carefully caressing the others cheek. 

the taller, on the other hand, had finally found a use for his own and was grabbing onto his friends waist, trying to minimise even more of the distance between them. 

and so they continued for what felt like years, decades, eons. time stood still and yet it propelled forwards at incredible speeds.

when they broke apart for the second time, they were panting, smiles spreading on their features. 

richy rested his forehead on igors and they both closed their eyes for a few seconds, calming themselves, their hearts, after this endeavour.  

arms sneaking their way down, to rest on the others hips. a loose hug, comfortable and comforting. a promise to stay.   

the vinyl was close to its end now. richy had memorised it's order of songs after time and time again of staying with igor. it was their album, really. stood for their friendship, for all they were. 

"wanna lay down?", the shorter asked, voice quiet, but far from a murmur, still searching for eye contact, still pulling his boyfriend closer ever so slightly.

not trusting his own volume control richy just nodded, giving in, letting himself fall right into igors arms, while the latter gently lowered them both on the bed. 

soon, in just a few minutes, the taller would finally give in to the sleep deprivation, close his eyes and drift off, and igor would follow suit. dreaming of nothing in particular, sleeping better than they had in years. 

only in the morning, while making breakfast they would notice a crucial detail. 

"dUDE!??", igor would yell, "YOU MADE ME FORGOT TO LOCK MY FUCKING DOOR-"