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Vibrant laughter filled the common room and Katsuki immediately growled with annoyance.
He turned around, teeth bared, and found none other than stupid Dek- Izuku, covering his mouth with his hand as he clutched his stomach. Half n Half was next to him, a dopey smile on his face.
Frustration bubbled inside Katsuki and he snapped his pencil.
‘Shut the fuck up over there!’ He yelled, glaring at the pair. ‘Sounds like a fucking animal’s dying.’
Izuku fell silent as he gingerly lowered his hand. His usually vibrant smile was quickly replaced with a downcast look, filled with embarrassment and shame. Katsuki tried to ignore the guilt that filled his mind. In truth, he didn’t mind that laugh—it had been a rare occurrence when they were younger—but anger was easier to communicate, and it was the fact that Izuku had been laughing at something Todoroki had said that pissed him off so much.
‘Don’t listen to him, Midoriya.’ The aforementioned spoke; he flashed Katsuki a look of disdain, before he focused his gaze on Izuku, tilting his head to the side like a goddamn devoted puppy. ‘I like it when you’re happy and you have a very nice laugh.’
There it was.
In an instant, Izuku’s lips turned upwards once more. A beautiful flush decorated his freckled cheeks as he regarded Half n Half with a look of warmth—it made Katsuki turn green with jealousy. What was he doing wrong? What would it take to get Izuku to look at him like that instead?
‘Thank you, Todoroki-kun. You’re so kind.’ Verdant eyes crinkled at the corners as he bumped shoulders with Half n Half. ‘I like it when you’re happy too.’
Katsuki wanted to throw up.
‘What’ve you got against him, man?’ He turned his head to find Kirishima furrowing his eyebrows at him. ‘He didn’t even do anything.’
‘Shut up.’ Katsuki muttered, bowing his head and trying to ignore the way Izuku and Todoroki fell back into an easy conversation. ‘None of your business. Fucking… They’re distracting our study session, okay?!’
It was a dumb excuse. Even though his best friend struggled with most academic subjects, he knew that Kirishima’s emotional intelligence was far higher than his own, not that he’d ever admit that. He knew that the redhead could read him like an open book and he hated it… but he also appreciated it, because words were difficult sometimes.
The pair sat in silence after his outburst, save the tapping of Kirishima’s pen against the table as he seemed to consider his next words.
‘You know...’ He began slowly, watching Katsuki intently as each word was punctuated with a level of caution. ‘If you want to get a reaction, you’re succeeding… but if you want to get his attention, maybe think about what you want people to say to you instead of being mean.’
Katsuki grunted in thought and briefly glanced back at Izuku, before he stared down at the algebra in his textbook. What did he want people to say about him? That was easy. He wanted people to tell him he was the best because it was factually correct. He loved compliments that were true and, his entire life, he had been practically worshipped; it felt so fucking good. It felt so much better than that time people had compared him to a villain, or criticised the way he acted.
He then thought about how he’d treated Izuku. He knew that the verbal abuse he’d subjected him to was just as abhorrent as the physical violence he’d inflicted. He would never truly understand what he'd put Izuku through and he didn’t want to, but he didn’t need experience to know how much that kind of treatment could fuck someone up. Sure, Katsuki had toned down since starting UA, but Izuku still flinched when he raised his voice; he still hadn’t accepted his apology yet.
Maybe Kirishima was right.
‘Hey, Dek- Izuku.’ He called, refusing to look up. When he was sure he had the other's attention, he closed his eyes and sighed. ‘You don’t sound like a dying animal. I was just lashing out.’
Kirishima smiled encouragingly at him as they awaited a response.
‘I know, Kacchan.’
He looked up then. Izuku appeared confused, but his chest was puffed out with determination, reminiscent of their partnered training sessions. Afraid or not, Izuku never backed down.
‘You’re a strong person.’ Katsuki found himself adding, much to the entire room’s bewilderment. ‘I… That’s good.’
He could cut the tension with a knife. Katsuki was no coward, but the strong urge to get up and bolt from the room was becoming more and more inviting.
‘Thank you.’
Izuku smiled wobbly at him and Katsuki couldn’t bear to look any longer. Instead, his eyes found Kirishima, who flashed him his own toothy grin and clapped him on the back.
‘There you go, man. Kindness can go a long way.’
‘You weren’t shit today… Good work.’
‘Wha- Oh. Thanks, Kacchan. Y- You too!’
‘Hmph.’
'Okay, kaasan. I'll be home next weekend, I promise. No, you don't need to worry, I'm fine… Okay, love you. Speak to you soon.'
Katsuki faltered slightly as he walked into the almost empty common room. He noticed the way Izuku held back his tears, eyes watery and lip wobbling with each deep breath. Back in middle school, Katsuki would smack Izuku whenever he caught him crying.
He couldn't change the past, but he could be honest now.
‘You’re allowed to cry about something you’re passionate about.’ He mumbled, throwing a packet of tissues at him. 'Shouldn't be ashamed of it.'
‘I...’ Izuku caught the tissues easily and pulled one out, sniffling in the process. He then blinked rapidly, causing tears to run freely down his face. ‘I appreciate that.’
Katsuki raised his shoulders and stalked away.
‘Whatever.’
‘De- Dek- Izu- ku...’
‘You can still call me Deku if you want, Kacchan. I don’t mind.’
‘You calling me a quitter?’ He snarled, albeit there was no bite in it.
‘Well, fine.’ Izuku shrugged, unaffected. ‘How about I call you Katsuki then?’
It was intended as a joke, he knew, yet his heart pounded against his chest because De- Izuku just said his name; his proper given name. He hated how lovely it sounded on his lips, because there was no way Katsuki could ever become the top hero out there if he was flustered over something so trivial.
‘No.’ He grumbled, earning him a snort from Izuku. Once upon a time, he’d have lashed out—he’d have accused the other of making fun of him—but he was trying to be a better person, so instead he pulled out his phone and sat down on the sofa. ‘Shut the fuck up, Freckles.’
He wanted to punch himself in the face, but then Izuku’s laughter filled his ears and Katsuki found himself repressing his own smile, glad he had his back to his old friend.
‘Has Kacchan been acting weird to you?’ Izuku turned his head from where it was resting on Shoto’s stomach and watched as the latter lowered his manga. The two of them were laid on his bed, basking in each other’s presence, now that they had finished their homework and were winding down for the night.
‘To me? No.’ He raised an eyebrow, scratching his nose absentmindedly. ‘To you? Yes, definitely.’
'I don't understand.' Izuku hid his face in his hands and shook his head. 'He compliments me more than he insults me, and he tries not to shout. Does he want something from me? No, he'd just beat it out of me if that was the case. Could it be a quirk? I've been trying to figure it out since he called me "Freckles" but no explanation seems to make sense.'
'Maybe he hit his head a little too hard and had a personality shift.' Shoto deadpanned, before noticing Izuku's internal conundrum. Sighing, he pursed his lips in thought and scratched his scar. 'I have… a suspicion.'
'You do?' He exclaimed, lifting himself up and looking at Shoto with wide eyes. His boyfriend didn’t answer straight away, carefully contemplating his next words, so Izuku reached out to pull his hand away from the roughened tissue before it could become sore.
'Perhaps…' Shoto couldn't quite meet his eyes. 'But-'
A brisk knock on Izuku's door had him pausing in his explanation and the two of them stared at the wood.
'Should I ignore it?' Izuku whispered, taking Shoto's hand and squeezing.
'No, it's fine, I need the bathroom anyway.' His boyfriend shifted and sat up properly. 'You just looked so comfortable before, I didn't want to move.'
'You're cute.' Izuku blushed, using their combined hands to pull him in for a quick kiss. 'Have a good poop.'
'Delightful.'
Once the door to the ensuite shut behind Shoto, Izuku let out a shaky breath and unlocked his own door, immediately coming face to face with the subject of their previous conversation.
'Kacchan?!' He squeaked. Had he said his name too many times?
'Keep your voice down.' He hissed, stepping forward and inviting himself into Izuku's room. He came to a stop in the centre and looked around, eyeing the tenth anniversary All Might poster with interest.
'Why are you here?' Izuku asked, wary. Tension filled his body, but he wasn't afraid.
'Want to talk.' Kacchan grumbled, before finally meeting his gaze. He let out a deep breath and stiffened his posture. 'I was… wrong. I didn’t want to admit that, but it’s true. I was wrong and I fucked up, but I’m trying to be different. I’m trying to be better.’
Izuku blinked slowly, comprehending the sudden weight of those words. He knew he should be used to Kacchan’s tendency to suddenly dump his emotional constipation on him, but still, it caught him off guard every time.
‘I don’t understand.’ He finally found his voice, shaking his head. ‘You already apologised to me.’
Izuku didn’t comment on the fact that he still hadn’t forgiven Kacchan, albeit it hung in the air between them nonetheless.
‘No, not… not about that.’ He shuffled on his feet with restless energy, while Izuku remained still, body poised with anticipation. ‘I wasn’t going to tell you, but I’m not a fucking coward and I’m tired of pretending.’
Izuku furrowed his eyebrows. Kacchan had been keeping a secret from him? He tried to ignore the part of his mind that screamed with outrage at the hypocrisy of the situation. He remembered when he'd felt compelled to tell his rival about One for All; the way guilt had set his body on fire, even though he owed Kacchan nothing. Had it been manipulation? Izuku still wasn’t entirely sure, but he tried not to dwell on it, especially when those fierce red eyes finally met his own.
‘Tell me what?’ He set his jaw, preparing himself for whatever was about to be thrown at him.
‘That I...’ Kacchan took a determined breath. ‘I love you. I’m in love with you, I always have been, since we were kids.’
Izuku’s heart thudded against his chest and his pulse drummed in his ears. Anxiety rippled through his body, like it usually did at the beginning of a fight, except this time, he felt frozen to the spot. His mind was running a mile a minute, yet he couldn’t make sense of any of it.
He must’ve remained silent for too long though, because Kacchan grew agitated. ‘Say something then!’
Instinctively, Izuku flinched at the outburst, much to his own indignation—he hated how he was still affected by the slightest raise in that explosive voice. He clenched his teeth and exhaled slowly; calm. He wasn’t in danger, they were just talking.
The reassurance was exacerbated by the look of regret on his rival’s face. ‘I’m sorry, please. Izuku, just… say something.’
‘You love me.’ It wasn’t phrased as a question, yet Kacchan looked away and nodded once with a grunt. Izuku laughed quietly at that, without mirth. ‘Is this a joke?’
‘Do I look like I’m fucking joking?’ He grumbled in response, without malice.
‘I don’t understand.’ Izuku repeated, shakier than the previous time. Despite his best efforts, his vision also blurred and his lip wobbled. Crybaby. ‘It doesn’t make sense. If you loved me, then why?’
He didn’t need to elaborate for the two of them to know what he was referring to.
‘I don’t know.’ Kacchan admitted, staring at the ground, unable to meet Izuku’s eyes. ‘I’m not good with emotions. I don’t… I didn’t know what to do, so I did the only thing I was good at.’
‘You beat me down.’ Izuku couldn’t keep the bitterness from his voice and felt an odd satisfaction when Kacchan winced at his bluntness. ‘Is this why you’ve suddenly started being nice to me?’
His silence was answer enough.
Watching him carefully, Izuku continued, ‘You know I don’t feel the same, right?’
Kacchan’s gaze snapped up then.
‘What?’
‘I don’t love you… You have to know that, right?’ Izuku shook his head at the confused look on his rival’s face. ‘Kacchan, you bullied me for ten years. I admired your quirk and strength, yes, but I hated you. You made my life a living hell. I’m glad you’re trying to change, you’re trying to be a better person and that’s good, but I will never love you the way you want and I won’t apologise for that.’
His words settled between them, punctuated only by the rapid pulse drumming against his temple.
‘Never?’ Kacchan murmured lowly, scrunching his face up. ‘Is there someone else?’ A pause, followed by a sigh. ‘Is it Half n Half?’
‘Doesn’t matter.’ Izuku spoke firmly, he couldn’t afford to be polite. He had to be concise. ‘Even if there wasn't someone else, I could never feel that way about you. There’s too much history, too much hurt—it wouldn’t be healthy for either of us. My skin still aches sometimes from when we were younger. When I hear negative thoughts, it’s in your voice. I can never relax around you, how can I base a relationship on that?’
They both knew the answer to that, albeit Izuku knew the conversation wasn’t over.
‘But I’m trying…’ Kacchan sniffed harshly, refusing to meet his eyes. ‘I’m changing.’
‘I know.’ He refrained from sighing with frustration. He’s not getting it. ‘I know and I’m glad, but if the only reason you’re changing is because you think it’ll make me be with you, then you’re mistaken. Kacchan… Please, just… for once, just take no for an answer.’
For a moment, he expected the other to fight back, to scream and shout or maybe even lunge for him—revert back to his old self now that he knew he wouldn’t get what he wanted—but instead, crimson eyes finally rose to meet his own, shining with unshed tears that his hubris daren’t let fall. Izuku wanted to shy away from that look, his sympathetic heart wanting to comfort his old bully, despite everything; but he remained steadfast.
‘Why him?’
Izuku tilted his head to the side, nonplussed. Then, he noticed that look, one he’d only seen Kacchan wear once before: jealousy.
‘Why Shoto?’ He clarified, noticing Kacchan twitch at the name. ‘Because he’s kind. He appreciates me—all the things I was made to feel ashamed of, he tells me he loves them. He’s protective, but isn’t controlling. He’s considerate, but isn’t afraid to tell me what he’s thinking. We trust each other. We build each other up, we’re stronger together and we make each other feel safe. It’s everything… he’s everything.’ He smiled dopily, before remembering the situation and hastily relaxing his expression. ‘I- I know it’s not what you want to hear, but it’s the truth.’
‘You love him.’ There was defeat in that tone; a final acceptance. ‘I didn’t want to believe it. I thought that maybe it was a crush, one you’d forget about if you realised how I felt… Fuck, what a fucking idiot.’
Izuku said nothing, very much aware of the fact that there had been no sound from the bathroom since the start of their exchange.
‘I love him.’ He agreed, appearing to look off to the side, when he was instead focusing on the wooden door that he knew Shoto was leant against. ‘Unapologetically. You’ll find that too, Kacchan. One day, you’ll find someone who loves you in the way I can’t. You’ll look at that person and you won’t think twice about me, and that’s okay. You'll be okay.’
He turned back to find Kacchan staring at him, lip wobbling as those stubborn tears finally relented. Silence settled between them, neither of them wanting to break it. Izuku had said everything he needed to though; the ball was in Kacchan’s field and he wasn’t about to go and retrieve it.
Thankfully, he didn’t have to.
‘I need to leave.’
His usually brash, confident voice was strained, and Izuku nodded in understanding, before he stepped aside. Head down and eerily quiet, Kacchan strode past him and exited the room. He didn’t slam the door behind him, much to Izuku's surprise, but he was thankful nonetheless.
After that door closed, however, another opened as Shoto left the bathroom, making his presence known once more. His dichromatic eyes bored into Izuku’s own—it was obvious that he’d heard everything—but his expression was still questioning; waiting. Hesitantly, Izuku answered by raising his arms out and his boyfriend didn’t even hesitate to cross the distance between them and wrap him in a hug. He sighed against Shoto’s chest, the feeling of strong hands cradling his head.
‘You didn’t come out.’ He spoke, not accusatory, just curious.
‘I figured you wanted to handle him yourself.’ Shoto murmured, jaw shifting where it rested in his hair. ‘But you were never alone. You’d only have had to say the word.’
‘I know… Thank you.’ Izuku pressed closer, basking in the warmth; the solid weight against him. ‘Was I cruel?’
‘No.’ His boyfriend replied, leaving no room for doubt. ‘You couldn’t be cruel if you tried. You just told him the truth.’
Izuku accepted the answer, but still groaned, anxiety finally catching up to him. His body was full of adrenaline and he could feel the dormant hum of One for All under his skin. With no outlet to release it, he buried his head further into Shoto’s torso, tears dampening the material between them.
‘He told me he loves me. What the fuck was I supposed to say to that? Kacchan, of all people! It isn’t fair, I don’t feel bad rejecting him, yet it still feels like it’s my problem. I feel like it’s my fault. I know it’s not, but I can’t help the thought. He… How could he? He said he loves me, Shoto. I hate it. I hate it so fucking much. Did… Did you know? Is that what you were about to tell me before he knocked?’
Shoto sighed, shifting them ever so slightly where they stood.
‘Yeah.’ He paused. ‘Well, I didn’t know for sure, but I suspected.’
‘How?’
His boyfriend shrugged.
‘I know what it's like to fall in love with you—I think most of our class has felt that—so it’s easier to spot, and when he started being nice to you, it was even more obvious.’ He explained it so nonchalantly; Izuku wished his coolness was contagious. ‘Bakugou’s… surprisingly difficult to read though, so I didn’t want to assume.’
‘It’s okay.’ He quickly assured, squeezing him tighter. He wanted to say more—there was so much on his mind, begging to be voiced—but, for once, his mouth wouldn’t move. Instead, he whined softly.
‘What do you need, my hero?’
A simple question; a pet name that never failed to make his heart flutter. It wasn’t convoluted, it wasn’t asking him to spill every thought on his mind and confront the issues he thought he’d overcome. It was Shoto, asking him what he needed at that moment.
That was something he could answer.
A crackle of One for All shimmered across his body, accompanying the buzz that still ran through his core, as Izuku finally pulled back to meet his boyfriend’s kind eyes.
‘Spar with me?’
Shoto cupped his cheek, tracing freckles with his thumb, and rested their foreheads together as he pressed a kiss to his nose. The area tingled with warmth and Izuku couldn’t help but smile at the action. He hadn’t been lying when he said he loved Shoto unapologetically—every action, every touch, every moment in his presence was like coming home. It was a feeling unparalleled, Kacchan could never even compare.
‘Let’s go.’