Chapter Text
Sunghoon is possibly the most stubborn person in the world.
It’s in his blood- chasing after impossibles, always getting what he wants and never giving up because he’s absolutely convinced hard work can never betray you.
Jake thinks it’s part of why he fell in love with him- all the chasing around and insisting until he finally got a date with him, being high school sweethearts and going on a date to a fast food restaurant after their graduation, both in suits that didn’t fit them and blushy cheeks framing toothy smiles that lingered for months after.
What hurt the most wasn’t the break-up, Jake saw it coming for months before Sunghoon finally got the courage to tell him, what hurt the most wasn’t being dumped- it was what came after, the being dragged along with the younger everywhere he went, the losing his own sense of individuality and becoming a part of Sunghoon’s everyday life without a protest.
Jake belongs to him, it’s plain and simple; sad, even, because no matter how much he’s tried, there isn’t anything in this world that can melt away his rigid heart and fill up the Sunghoon-shaped hole that lays right in the middle. Being Spiderman's boyfriend is hard. All the sneaking around, lying, and covering for him, but he used to feel like it was worth it, because at the end of the day he still had Sunghoon.
Being Spiderman’s ex boyfriend is even harder. Not only does Sunghoon hold him like a puppet hanging from a string, he also sees him everywhere; his friends talk about him nonstop, he sees him on the news and his mom calls to ask him how he’s doing, taking care of Sunghoon wasn’t rewarding or romantic, it was exhausting, it was like constantly adding alcohol to a wound that wouldn’t heal- Sunghoon used him like a wet rag over and over until he found a better one to replace him with, paying him back with empty compliments and faux affection. He knew Sunghoon didn’t love him half as much as he did, but it didn’t matter as long as he could look into his eyes every once in a while and convince himself there was something there.
“I just don’t think he’s a teenager, like, when does he have time to do his homework?” Jungwon muttered, packing his cheeks with as many marshmallows as he could fit, and Jay squished them, a loving smile on his lips as he spoke again. “He’s not some 40 year old either, he wouldn’t be able to do all that.” And Jungwon, the self-proclaimed Spiderman theorist, immediately scowled, brows furrowed, reaching out to lightly smack the elder’s head. “He has superpowers! Obviously he doesn’t age like normal people do.”
Jay giggled, sliding some big book across the table to the brunette, and tapping on the hard cover with his index finger. “You’re not spiderman, though, so get studying.” Jungwon didn’t even pay the book a glance, propping his chin up on both of his hands. “What about you, Jake-hyung? D’you think Spiderman’s a kid too?” The question made his head spin, a myriad of unpleasant feelings and painful memories gurgling up in his stomach- He was used to talking about him now, but it didn’t make it any easier. “I-uh, I don’t know.” Jake was bad at hiding how he felt, it was so easy to figure out how miserable he was that ever since the incident everyone had been vaguely aware of the fact that mentioning the superhero around him was a no-go, though it seemed like Jungwon never got the memo. “Guess he must be around our age.”
Jay’s wristwatch suddenly went off, a loud ringing interrupting the absolute quiet that had enveloped the library from the moment Jake had closed it off for them- one perk about working full-time as their university’s librarian was that he could simply close it down whenever he and his friends needed studying for finals- it was the least concurred place on campus too, great for keeping secrets and midnight visits hush under the glow of the reading lights. “Let’s hurry and go, Jungwonie, the last train leaves in like- twenty minutes.” Jay spoke, shoving all his stationary in the elegant branded briefcase he carried everywhere around campus as he did, and Jungwon simply slumped in his chair, kicking Jake underneath the table. “We didn’t even revise the third unit, it’s over for us.” He whined, and Jake simply chuckled, piling up all the books they’d used and stacking them on the metal-plated tray he used to move books around, the second and third row overflowing with mismatched colors of different books.
Jay and Jungwon got ready to leave faster than he’d ever seen them do, and as soon as the second alarm went off, the two of them were off to the train station across the street, dark bags under their eyes and empty cans of redbull in their hands.
Jake’s dark blue sneakers pittered and pattered across the wooden floor with a sound so gentle he couldn’t even hear it himself, gliding across the halls of the empty library and placing books into the chocolate-colored bookshelves, the clattering of his cart framing his route from the aisle with a bright yellow sheet that read ‘Romance and Fantasy’ to the one with the broken sign that said ‘Check-ins’.
The library was old, worn out and remodeled a billion times since their university was founded dozens of years ago; the walls had been painted chocolate brown to hide the scribbles and the tears, and the windows were the only ones that weren’t remodeled to include bars, since the library was the one place on campus where no money was ever handled.
Jake loved being there because it made him think about everything and it reminded him of a time in his life when everything was a million times easier, now as he stood mid-hallway stacking books into a shelf with a broken sign, he could feel his heart race as the tv on the common room spoke in a muted whisper, he already knew it was coming, but the soft banging on the large window by the door made him jump anyway, the boy hurrying to it immediately and leaving his work aside like he always did.
The biggest window around had no panel and was easily accessible from the roof of the building. As soon as he opened it and spotted a mix of bright red and blue he sighed in relief and stepped aside, heart finally winding down, he made it, and that’s all that mattered.
“It’s so late, I’m sorry- I got caught up with the police.” Sunghoon spit out bunched up words as he jumped inside, pulling off his mask like he couldn’t breathe inside it. As usual, Sunghoon looked battered up, bruised, and his brow was bleeding; Jake hated seeing him like that, but in the end there really wasn’t anyone else that could help the younger heal his wounds. “It’s fine, I thought you weren’t coming.” And he lied, because he’d been anxiously waiting for him from the moment the library opened.
Sunghoon pulled a chair from the common room all the way to where they stood, sitting on it and looking up at Jake expectantly, with that sweet smile he found himself thinking about every time they were apart. “I need the kit too.” Jake said, crossing his arms and looking away in an attempt to hide just how excited he was.
He loved that Sunghoon needed him, that he’d even crossed his mind once for him to make his way into the library all by himself- it was sickly, how happy this made him, it was selfish and it was pathetic but it didn’t make it any less satisfying, being needed was one of Jake’s favorite things, and no one satiated him the way Sunghoon did.
The brunette pulled the first-aid kit into his hands as well, wrapping both his arms around Jake’s waist and looking up at him with his chin propped up on the other’s chest. “You’re an angel, Jakey.” It was like that almost every day, the younger would sweeten him up while he was a means to an end and when he was done he’d set him aside coldly and remind him just why they’d broken up, Sunghoon simply never thinks about him. “Stay still, it’s gonna hurt.” Jake spoke, taking a cotton ball from the kit and bathing it in merthiolate before pressing it to where his brow laid open, Sunghoon flinched slightly and held him tighter, he felt guilty because his heart jumped in excitement.
“Have you been studying too? We have finals this week.” Jake wasn’t one to nag, even when he could tell Sunghoon was really getting himself into trouble, but sometimes he felt like if he didn’t make sure the other stayed in line he’d make a mess out of his life- The younger relied on him like a rock and being one of the very few people that knew his secret identity it felt like an obligation to try and take care of him as much as he could. “Yeah, I’m probably not gonna fail.”
“Probably?”
“I can’t just say I’m not gonna fail.”
“Yes, you can.”
“But what if I fail then?”
“Just don’t fail.”
“I can’t just not fail!”
Jake smacked his hands off as soon as he was done, throwing away all the used materials in the bear-shaped trash can by the reception desk and adding some candy wrappers on top so it’d be harder to find in plain sight, when he turned around, Sunghoon was already in his everyday clothing, smiling wide and toothy at him. “Want me to take you home?” He asked, pointing his wrist out the open window, and Jake immediately scowled, shaking his head. “Absolutely not, you know I hate that.” He said, putting away his things into his backpack and taking the library keys from the main desk, watching as Sunghoon pouted but still climbed out of the window. “I’ll just watch you from afar then.” And Jake hummed, closing the window as he left, his heart hurt a little- Couldn’t he just walk with him?
On his way home, he found himself looking up at the sky every once in while, hoping to find him up there, but as expected, not even a flash of Sunghoon was in sight, the way the stars shone even despite all the lights that littered the road made him feel stupid for being so hopeful, Jake wanted Sunghoon to be there so bad, wanted him to want him so, so bad- But it seems like the younger was simply beyond his reach, two and a half steps from the farthest his arm could go, yet he never thought before straining himself just a little bit further, hoping maybe this time Sunghoon would spare him a glance.
In life, there are only two kinds of people, he thinks, the ones that chase and the ones that are chased. He couldn’t help that he was born a chaser, he couldn’t help that Sunghoon was made to be chased, and that’s all that helped him sit quiet and accept his fate, things were just the way they were supposed to be, and feeling a little melancholy as he walked home in the dark, gaze shooting up every time he heard the wind blow, was worth it if it meant Sunghoon thought of him just once.
It was Friday, and Fridays are mid-days, which means his coworker and neighbor Kim Sunoo works until 2pm and then Jake works until it’s time to close off; today, however, Sunoo called in sick and when he knocked on his door to ask how he was doing no one opened, so he assumed he was sick enough that he’d missed school and gotten into bed early, it was rare but not unbelievable.
When he came home, dropped his backpack on the floor and hung his dark padded coat on the puppy-shaped hanger, he flopped on the lemonade-colored couch and switched the tv on, fully ready to find out what Sunghoon had been up to and who had done all that to him.
On the news, the flash of red and blue lights felt blinding, a young woman talking to the camera as she eased into a train stop where Spiderman descended in his costume, arm wrapped around a young boy’s waist and the camera panned out to where the train had knocked over part of the station, pointing back at the superhero and Jake immediately recognized the boy in his arms; of course it was Kim Sunoo.
The boy giggled as he got off, arms wrapped around Sunghoon’s shoulders, and the reporter asked if he was okay. “How does it feel? Spiderman just saved your life!” She asked, and Sunghoon chuckled, still holding Sunoo like he’d get away if he let go. “He’s so nice, I wish I could repay him.” The youngest spoke, a huge smile on his lips, and his hair was being blown out of place by the wind. “You can pay him back now!” The woman urged them to get closer like she desperately needed content, and Jake held in his breath as he watched, heart sinking so bad he thought maybe he’d puke it out.
Sunoo leaned in, hands on the other’s chest as he pressed a kiss to his cheek, face blazing red, and Sunghoon finally let go, giggling as he swung away on a web, Jake looked down at his phone as it lightly vibrated, the screen lighting up with the boy’s name on bold letters.
“i saw you get home lol thank u so much for today, baby, ill see you tomorrow.”
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Jake isn’t the kind to party.
Sure, like the average teenager, sometimes he likes to meet with friends and drink until he’s unconscious, but when it comes to big events like Jay’s house parties he usually says no, not only because it’s likely he’ll have to third wheel for him and Jungwon, but also because he tends to be abnormally needy in them and makes stupid decisions, alcohol only makes him gloomy and embarrassingly self-aware and he doesn’t really have a knack for crying in strangers arms as he tells them about his pitiful story with his high school sweetheart.
This time, however, he had no choice but to go. And it may seem stupid, Jake is like putty in Sunghoon’s hands, moldeable and unstable and willing to do absolutely anything for him; when the younger texted him that morning asking if he was going to Jay’s party, there wasn’t any reason for him to go, but now he had to, because thinking that Sunghoon had thought of him even for a second before he sent that text made his heart swell and he thought maybe this time he’d figure out how loyal Jake is and ask him to be his boyfriend again.
Obviously, that wasn’t the case.
He wore his best clothes, fancy necklace hanging from his neck over a knit sweater and new jeans, it was one of the first times in his life that he didn’t wear sneakers to a party- he’d done his hair slicked back and even worn lip balm, when he finally arrived people were looking at him like he couldn’t be any more handsome, and it felt good- but that wasn’t the attention he wanted, as soon as he made it inside his eyes scanned the room and never found exactly what he was looking for.
He settled into Jay’s old couch, the crimson red cushions lightly stained with beer and an old glass table sitting next to him with a half empty bottle of vodka, the carpet under his fancy slippers felt wet and sticky and as he folded his legs under himself he felt the couch dip next to him, one of their upperclassmen sitting next to him with a red plastic cup he could only assume was brimming with alcohol. “Hey, Jake, what’re you doing here? Waiting for someone?” And it felt embarrassing, the shame burned deeply in his chest as he gave it a good thought, would lying make him any less pathetic? “Yeah… I guess you could say that.”
The taller boy settled closer, wrapping an arm around his shoulders and he realized he didn’t smell the slightest bit like alcohol. “I don’t think they’re coming, dude, it’s late.” It stung, it stung a lot, because even if he lied and said he hadn’t been painfully excited to see Sunghoon that night, he already knew the boy had been the only thing in his mind as he got ready that day, Sunghoon likes this sweater, Sunghoon likes it when I do my hair like this, Sunghoon is gonna say it’s cold and give me his coat. “Uh- well, you know, it’s fine.” He felt like tears would build up in his eyes any second then, looking around the busy living room for a familiar face, making eye contact with Jay as he made his way around the living room, scowling at people and nagging them to throw their empty cups into the large trash bag he held. “Hey! I didn’t know you were here already! Come on, there’s someone I want you to meet.”
Jay took him by the right arm and dragged him across the living room, muttering something about one of their upperclassmen having a crush on him and them being a great couple; he only realized what was happening once they reached the mini bar and he was greeted by a tall boy smiling ear to ear, bright red hair gleaming under the LED lights that covered the walls. “Jake, this is Heeseung-hyung, Heeseung-hyung, this is Jake.” Jay’s voice was hoarse after spending the entire night yelling at the guests, and while Jake wasn’t an expert in body language, he could immediately tell Heeseung was interested in him- it was a shame, because Jake didn’t have eyes for anyone else.
The younger sat on a white stool next to him, the bright lights reflecting off their plastic cups and Heeseung giggled as he watched Jay get lost in the crowd again, the boy’s bright hair catching Jake’s eyes and making him sigh; it was funny, because everything reminded him of- “So, are you and Jay close?” Heeseung asked, and Jake nearly jumped, his elbow propped up on the counter and his legs hanging off the edge of the stool, “Yeah, guess so.” It wasn’t like he didn’t want to talk to Heeseung, but it felt wrong. He couldn’t lead him on to thinking he had a chance with him when Jake was more than indisposed. “Listen, I- I think you’re really nice, but I’m- uh, taken.”
Heeseung’s eyes went wide, lips parting in a gasp and he couldn’t help but wonder what it would be like to give him a chance. “Oh? I’m sorry, you have a boyfriend?” It was embarrassing, shameful, pathetic. “Not really, but- you know.” the elder chuckled, and it only made his heart feel even more like putty. “It’s fine, Jay was trying to set us up because I’m the same.”
And Jake’s eyes brightened up, lips parted- Heeseung was nice, great, even, and to think he was in the same situation made it all a little better. If a boy as nice and sweet as Heeseung was caught up with someone that didn’t want him it must mean Jake wasn’t as bad as he thought.
Suddenly, two arms wrapped around his shoulders, thick lips pressing a kiss to his cheek and he felt like time stopped for a second, his heart fluttering and he felt like now he understood why he was being so pathetic- it was worth it, even if he only felt like this every once in a full moon. “Got you.” Sunghoon said, smiling wide with his fangs poking out through the corners of his mouth, and he forgot that Heeseung was even there. “Oh, hi, I’m Sunghoon.” He reached one of his hands out, and the eldest awkwardly took it, smiling as he did. “Heeseung, name’s Heeseung.”
“What took you so long?” Jake asked, pushing the other’s arms away with cheeks so red he wondered if they were shining as bright as Heeseung’s hair. “I was doing stuff, you-know-what.” Sunghoon put a gentle hand on his shoulder, leaning close to his ear and whispering like the music wasn’t loud enough to mask whatever he wanted to say. “Let’s go to the bathroom, yeah?”
His heart sank, there wasn’t anything in this world that he hated more than giving Sunghoon exactly what he wanted, but there was also nothing that ever made him feel better than that. He said goodbye to Heeseung, and Sunghoon intertwined their fingers, leading him through the heaps of people without even sparing him a glance.
Jay’s parents were rich- filthy rich, the kind that had more old money than they could spend in their entire lifetime, and their house looked the part; it was hard in itself for families to live in homes and not apartment complexes, and Jay’s house wasn’t just any- it was two-story, with a crystal chandelier hanging from the high ceiling and a golden detailed curved staircase that was littered with a special carpet on each step, white walls through the hallways but plain colored ones inside every room, the road to the bathroom cluttered up with large bouquets of natural flowers, each rare and more beautiful than any he’d ever seen before.
There were two bathrooms on the lower floor and three on the top one, Sunghoon led him like an expert up the stairs and down the hall to the biggest bathroom in the house- Jake already knew he had some stupid excuse for what had happened on tv the other night and that they’d end up making out for a few minutes before he left and then they wouldn’t speak to each other for days.
As soon as they closed the door, Sunghoon wrapped both arms around his waist, pulling him flush against him and hiding his face in the crook of his neck. He could already feel it coming, the empty and senseless- “I’m sorry, baby, are you mad at me?” Was he mad? It didn’t feel like the right word to describe it, he was upset and he was angry but he was so used to it he didn’t really feel like a big deal anymore, he could only bury his hand in the other’s hair, sighing, even when he didn’t expect anything, he still ended up disappointed. “It’s fine, you’ve done it like a million times anyway.”
Sunghoon leaned away with his arms still around him, pressing their foreheads together with a pout on his lips. “I couldn’t just pull away! You know what happens when I’m mean on tv.” Jake looked into his eyes and it felt like he’d waited forever for this, getting Sunghoon’s attention was like convincing a stray cat to let you pet him, he was special enough for the younger to look at him and that was more than enough.
He gently placed a hand on the back of his head, leaning in slowly and Sunghoon smiled into the kiss, hands caressing his sides softly like he couldn’t be any happier to have been forgiven. In a perfect world Jake would’ve told him he knew he didn’t mean it and he would’ve left and told Heeseung that he actually did want to go on a date with him- but it wasn’t, and kissing him felt like it made everything feel okay again, as long as Sunghoon was still willing to kiss him he was surely doing something right.
The younger’s hands fell on his hips and held him steady against the door, lips sweet and tasting faintly of Jake’s own lip balm; it made his chest swell with possessiveness and he briefly wondered what he could do to make sure Sunghoon smelt like him so that every time he had to flirt with some rando on tv they’d know who he belongs to.
Sunghoon’s hand moved up to cup his cheek, pushing his hair out of his face and he pulled away for a second to breathe, placing one chaste kiss to his forehead and rubbing their noses together, making Jake melt on the spot, the shorter boy helplessly looking into his eyes with star powder in his. “I-”
And the other’s phone rang, the ringtone loud and echoed in the empty bathroom, making Sunghoon giggle before reaching into his pocket, pulling away to answer and Jake took advantage of the moment to wrap both his arms around him and rest his cheek against his chest, listening to his heart like if he focused long enough he could convince himself it was beating for him. “Hey, uh- I have to go.”
He snapped his head up, looking at Sunghoon with wide eyes, and the younger had the most pained expression on his face, cupping Jake’s cheeks with both hands. “I’m sorry, there’s this bank- uh, I have to go, like, really fast, but- I’ll call you, yeah? I’m sorry, again.” He stumbled on his words as he spoke, taking off his coat and handing it to him before pecking his lips one last time with a smile, “Stay here for a while after I leave.” He said, barging out of the bathroom in a hurry and leaving him behind like some random party hookup, Jake’s heart felt weak and his legs were trembling, he hadn’t realized how cold it was until he left.