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Three months and four days.
That’s how long it’s been since Yoongi last heard Hoseok’s voice, listened to his laughter, spouted off crappy jokes, rapped to Yoongi’s songs quietly when he thought he wasn’t listening.
That’s how long it’s been since Yoongi came home to a bright smile, a hug, a kiss, and a warm meal. Since he came home to Hoseok dancing to a song coming from the television left on in the living room while he’s in the kitchen looking for a snack.
Three months and four days.
Yoongi’s a mess. He barely eats, barely sleeps. He wouldn’t do any of that if it wasn’t for his friends and family forcing him to do it. He has no clue how he gets through work. It helps that his boss is sympathetic to him. That happens a lot with anyone Yoongi encounters. Be it from the situation or just based purely on his looks alone. He looks withered, a hollow shell of the man he once was. His collarbones look like they’ll burst through his skin if he shifts too much. Underneath the shirts that swallow him whole are ribs that jut out of the skin a little too far to be considered healthy.
His emotions aren’t any better. Smiling doesn’t seem to be a function his body can comprehend these days, only the corner of his lips being able to lift the tiniest bit is all he can manage. He doesn’t speak unless he has to and even then it’s very little. He doesn’t use his own voice for his tracks anymore, either, calling Namjoon over to do it for him. He feels exhausted, everything too difficult to even think about doing. He’s empty inside and the hole aches and twists uncomfortably, almost unbearable.
Opening his eyes, Yoongi looks at Hoseok, laying there on the sterile white bed. There’s tubes hanging out of his mouth, pumping life into him. The heart monitor beeps at a regular rhythm, the sound deafening to the ear. Hoseok remains frighteningly still on the bed, eyelids closed and fingers unmoving. The wounds on his face have healed, leaving discolored skin in their wake.
With a shuddering deep breath, Yoongi walks inside, setting his things on the chair by the door.
“Hey, Hoseok.” Yoongi whispers, taking his place on the seat by the bed. He grabs onto Hoseok’s limp hand, stomach lurching up to his throat as it does whenever he feels the lifeless limb. “Hi, baby.” He says again, tears welling up in his eyes as he is faced with the fact that his comatose boyfriend still has yet to wake up. Yoongi brings the hand to his lips and kisses it as if Hoseok were to break if he pressed too hard.
“How was your day? Did you dream about me?” Yoongi laughs softly, a humorless and strangled sound. “I dreamt about you last night. We were having breakfast at that restaurant you love. You remember, right? The one with heart shaped pancakes that I thought was embarrassing, but you loved it. And you were smiling at me the whole time in my dream. I couldn’t even eat, you were just too gorgeous.” Yoongi laughs again, his throat scratching roughly at the foreign action.
Yoongi digs out his comb from his bag and takes it through Hoseok’s hair. “Did you know, I still find you as impeccably handsome as I did the first day we met? It’s true. God, Hoseok, you’re flawless. I promise I’ll tell you that more when you’re awake. I’ll endure all the teasing I know I’ll get, from you and especially from Namjoon. But I’ll do it for you. You deserve to hear it everyday.” Yoongi smiles, the corners tipping up slightly.
He digs out the assortment of creams he’s taken to bringing everyday with him. First is the cream to reduce the appearance of scars. “I know you’ll hate your scars, so I’ll do this until they leave, okay?” He had said when he first brought the cream. Red angry divots have turned into pink lines. He applies it to every wound Hoseok had endured, on his hands, legs, arms, stomach, back, and face.
“The nurse already bathed you today, didn’t she?” Yoongi says quietly, catching a hint of the hospital shampoo wafting from Hoseok’s hair. “I wish she’d use my stuff on you, but hospital policy is policy. Bad enough she gets to see you naked.” Yoongi actually pouts at the thought and his mind starts to wander, practically seeing Hoseok’s reaction to his pout. Before he can start completely crying, Yoongi gets out the body lotion and tends to the application.
“Just so you know, you really owe me for all of this. Your skin is so smooth. Like a baby’s butt, you know.” Yoongi finishes as Hoseok’s feet before he tucks the tube away. He grabs the chapstick and uncaps it, leaning towards Hoseok’s face. “Hey, I’ve never told you this, but I actually have counted your eyelashes before. I woke up early one morning and you were just too breathtaking to bother with going back to sleep.”
He drags his thumbs over Hoseok’s cheek, the hips brushing over black eyelashes. Yoongi places a gentle kiss on Hoseok’s lips before applying the chapstick. “I still get butterflies when I kiss you, even now.” Yoongi admits, finding himself sharing more secrets today than before.
“Ready for your exercises? I know you hate them, but you have to. As soon as you wake up, you don’t have to do them anymore, okay?” Yoongi offers, met with the silence he once used to love but now hates.
He works Hoseok’s legs and arms, making sure they aren’t stiff. He knows Hoseok will definitely thank him for that.
The nurse comes in to exchange the IV’s fluid bag and informs him that Hoseok has been great today. Yoongi bites back a snide comment about the fact that there is nothing great about his boyfriend being comatose.
“Yoongi, I would like to speak with you for a moment.” Yoongi looks up from the book he had been reading to Hoseok. The doctor is in the doorway, a smile placed on his face that mocks Yoongi entirely too much. He reluctantly gets up, promising he’ll return to him shortly.
“It’s been three months, Yoongi, I think it’s time.” The doctor says, folding his arms across his chest. Yoongi pales as he hears the words come from his mouth, blood roaring through his ears as he attempts to suppress his anger.
“I cannot do that to him and you know that. I absolutely cannot give up on the life of someone I love. I need him to hear how much I love him.” Yoongi doesn’t care about how he looks right now, he hasn’t for the past three months since the accident happened. He knows for a fact he’s got tears running down his blood red face and he looks worn down all the hell, but he doesn’t care. “I refuse to sign the papers and let you kill him.” Yoongi turns away and goes back to Hoseok.
“Hoseok, baby, I need you to listen to me.” He says quickly, resting his arms on the bed as he looks at his boyfriend’s peaceful face. “I need you to wake up soon. Not just for me, but because these people here want to give up on you. I can’t keep them back forever, Hoseok, so I need you to fight this. I need you to fight your way through the fog and come back to me. I’m right here, waiting for you. So just open your eyes. I believe in you.” Yoongi’s voice falters and cracks as he speaks, ultimately dying down in the end as the desperation takes over his mind.
When he finds his voice once again, he lets everything out. “I miss you. I miss you so much, Hoseok, that I don’t even know what to do with myself. I feel like I’m dying without you. I never ever thought I could love someone as much as I love you. Your smile makes this ugly world bright and pure again. Your laugh paints rainbows in the polluted sky. Your golden heart turns my black one into something beautiful.” Yoongi is pouring his heart out, not caring who exactly hears him, if anyone is listening at all.
“I know you wouldn’t give up on me. You haven’t after all of these years. So how could I do the same, right? If you die, I die, Hoseok, and I know you don’t want that. So wake up, baby, wake up so I can tell you everything I feel about you. I'll tell you how I think your eyes are the only stars in this universe and that your stupid jokes are the reasons why I can get up and make it through another day. Wake up so you can spread your sunshine to the dreary outside world. Please.”
Yoongi is begging, scared of the idea of losing the one person that has been with him his entire life. One that was there when his parents insulted his career field, when he lost his brother to cancer, when he finally got hired at a production company. All of that. He can’t lose this person, he can’t lose Hoseok.
Yoongi takes a moment to calm down. When his vision finally clears, he notices teardrops on Hoseok’s face. He hadn’t realised he was that close to his face and immediately leans back. “Oh shit, I’m sorry, Hoseok. I didn’t mean to cry on you.” And then there is laughter bubbling it’s way out of Yoongi’s chest and practically ripping out of his throat. He laughs as he dabs at Hoseok’s cheeks. It’s almost a maniacal laugh, but he finds himself truly laughing and he’s sort of scared because there’s no real reasoning behind this laughter.
When he settles down, he smiles down at Hoseok. “I know you’ll wake up. You always said you felt uncomfortable being away from me for too long.” He gets up and packs away his things, deciding to call it a night. He has a lot to do tomorrow, so he needs to be well rested. Plus he knows Seokjin will kill him if he doesn’t go home and call him from the house line.
“Have a good night and sweet dreams, Hoseok. And remember, I love you.”
“He’s awake.”
Yoongi stares at the recording booth’s wall through the little window. His phone is pressed against his ear and Namjoon is next to him. There’s some new hotshot kid recording in the booth right now, but Yoongi can’t hear him anymore.
“He’s asking for you.”
Yoongi throws down his phone, searching the table next to him frantically for his keys until he gives up, having thrown practically anything and everything off of it. He gets up too fast, knocking the chair down in the process. He forgoes his coat and doesn’t say anything to Namjoon while he tears out of the room.
Opting that it’ll be faster to run what with all of the traffic, he starts sprinting down the street. In the back of his mind, he makes a note to thank his boss for locating their building relatively close to the hospital. He makes it there in record time, hiking up the four flights of stairs. He knows that when the adrenaline wears off, his body will hate him to death, but all he can really think about right now is Hoseok.
He’s awake.
Yoongi is panting when he reaches Hoseok’s room. Without a moments hesitation, he bursts into the room. The doctor and a nurse are there, doing all things standard procedure. He looks down to the bed to see Hoseok sitting up with his eyes open, looking slightly scared at the doctor.
Yoongi makes to speak, but a sob strangles the noise and everyone’s attention is on him. He lurches forward and scoops Hoseok up into his arms.
“Yoongi.” Hoseok gasps out, voice hoarse from having not used it for three months. “I’m so sorry.” He rasps out, crying immediately as he clings onto Yoongi, grappling at his shirt like a lifeline.
“No, baby, no, don’t apologize. You have nothing to be sorry about.” Yoongi whispers into Hoseok’s ear. “I love you, okay? You have to know this.” He cups Hoseok’s cheeks, pushing away the tears that are waterfalling from his eyes.
“I know. I love you, too.” Hoseok laughs, his smile stretching across his features and Yoongi feels the life seeping back into his body.
He surges forward, pressing his lips onto Hoseok’s, melting when Hoseok’s lips actually respond to his this time. Yoongi breaks out into a smile against those lips that he loves so much. Hoseok pulls back, watery eyes but beautiful smile still there. Yoongi starts laughing because this is it, his boyfriend has finally woken up from being comatose. He’s alive and well.
“Don’t you ever do that to me again.” Yoongi whispers, pulling him into another tight hug. “I need you to be alive and healthy.”
“I promise, baby. I heard you, Yoongi. I heard you when I was...out. You spoke to me so much. And all those promises, you better keep them.” Hoseok smiles so wide it hurts and Yoongi smiles, nodding quickly.
“I’m so happy you’re alive, Hoseok. I love you.” Yoongi smiles, nudging Hoseok’s nose with his own before kissing him again.
The doctor eventually had Yoongi and Hoseok peel away from each other. Yoongi kept smiling, watching Hoseok like he was some sort of a dream that would disappear if he ever looked away.
Yoongi never lost faith in Hoseok. He knew his love would come back for him. And he’s so happy.