Chapter Text
A long 10 years of hospitalization was hard for Todoroki Rei. Not so much the treatment itself (her mental state has greatly recovered over her stay here), but the empty feeling of every day blending together to feel exactly the same. Yesterday, today, tomorrow, it all feels the same to Rei. From the other residents, to the nurses, to the gardens, to the old walls with paint slightly coming off, Rei had memorized every inch of this place by now. Inevitable, considering she has stayed at the psychiatric hospital for nearly a decade. She would never say it out loud, but she could compare it to a prison. Her only reprieve from this rather depressing way of thinking was when her older children, Natsuo and Fuyumi, would come to visit her.
Last week, Natsuo said he needed to study for exams so he might not be able to visit for a while. As a result, it is just Fuyumi there today and likely in the near future.
"...And Shouto got second place at the UA Sports Festival!" Fuyumi glances at her watch and says: "It's this late already? Sorry, Mom. I have to go home and prepare dinner now."
Rei flashes her a small smile. "That's alright. Thank you, Fuyumi. I know I haven't been much of a mother, but I'm thankful that you still think of me as such."
Fuyumi hugs Rei at the next moment. "You'll always be my mom. I still dream of the day where all of us can eat at the same table again."
Rei feels some tears forming in her water ducts. "...That's a nice dream." Rei hugs Fuyumi a little tighter. But Rei knows it will stay a dream as long as Shouto doesn't forgive her. Not that he had any reason to, of course. Fuyumi had shown her some pictures of Shouto as he was growing up and the large scar over his left eye likely reminded him everyday of her being a failure of a mother. The look of fear in his face when she burned him forever haunts her nightmares. 'How frightening must I have looked at the time for my son to make a face like that?'
"Oh, before I forget! Shouto said he wanted to come with me to see you next week."
"What?" Rei's embrace loosens a bit. She has to know if her ears are just playing tricks on her and telling her what she wants to hear.
"Shouto's finally coming, Mom." Fuyumi smiles. "I think he's wanted to for a long time, but now he's finally ready."
The tears that had partially formed were now fully coming out and falling on Fuyumi's shoulder. "Thank you so much, Fuyumi. This is the best news that you could have given me."
"...Do you want me to stay longer?" Fuyumi says as she rubs Rei's back.
"No, no. The nurses will probably kick you out if you stay any longer than this. And sorry about your shirt."
A large wet spot could be seen on Fuyumi's shoulder. "Don't worry about it! I'll just change my clothes when I get home. Take care, Mom."
As Fuyumi waved goodbye and gently closed the door behind her, many thoughts formed in Rei's head. Next week could be her final chance at reconciling with her son. But more than that, this would be the first time she and Shouto would be face-to-face since the incident. Even if she never has a chance to see him again afterwards, she would make sure to tell him everything left unsaid during these long years. She would make sure everything goes right.
First Visit
Anxiety grew inside Rei as the long awaited Saturday finally arrived. Not having a cell phone means that she would be clueless if her children cancel their visitation plans without saying anything. Both Natsuo and Fuyumi would always try and tell her ahead of time if they knew they couldn't make it. It was very rare, but they occasionally had sudden emergencies that prevented them from coming. When this did happen, they would apologize profusely despite Rei saying that she is grateful any time that they visit.
Nevertheless, this is one week that she truly hopes Fuyumi comes as scheduled. She has been trying to prepare herself the entire week for the flood of emotions that she will endure if she sees Shouto's face. She stares out her window from her room's desk and only takes a break when she has to use the bathroom. She, of course, knows that even if she stares at the entrance to the hospital it won't make Shouto come faster, but she wants to catch a glimpse of him even a second sooner. She resumes her window watching and several minutes pass until she hears a knock on her door.
'Is that really him? Did I just miss him when I went to the bathroom?' She thinks, but shakes her head. At this moment, it doesn't matter as long as it's him. "It's open, come in!" She calls out, surprising herself at how much greater the volume of her voice is than usual. She takes it as a testament to her excitement at being able to finally see him again.
Shouto comes through the door first. Pictures showed a perspective, but could never replicate the real thing. His white and red hair are longer, his facial features sharper, his body leaner and slightly taller than she imagined from looking at his pictures.
"Hi, Mom." His deep voice stuns her for a second. He must either be going through or already finished puberty. 'Naturally. He is at that age now.'
"Hello, Shouto. And Fuyumi." As the latter approaches with a wide smile on her face. Fuyumi stops at the doorway.
"Hey, Mom! Don't mind me! I'm sure you two have a lot to talk about so I'll leave you alone. I actually have to head back to the school really soon, but I definitely wanted to bring Shouto no matter what since he asked for this visit!"
"Thank you so much, Fuyumi. Not just for bringing Shouto when you're so busy, but… for holding the family together while I've been here the whole time." There is so much more that she has said and wants to say to Fuyumi, but it won't escape her lips.
Fuyumi reads her struggle and saves her. "It's okay, don't mention it! Shouto, stay as long as you want. Let me know if you want me to pick you up."
"I think I'll be fine getting back, but thanks." Shouto replies.
"Okay, then. Have fun you two! Love you both!" Fuyumi says before going out of sight.
"I'm sorry for only seeing you now." Shouto says as his sister closes the door.
"It's okay, Shouto. I-I'm so happy that you came at all." She flashes him a smile. One that she's been practicing all week. "All this time, not a single day has passed by where I don't regret what I did." She steps closer towards him.
To have Shouto in front of her like this is something that she thought would only happen in dreams before last week. All the preparation in the world isn't worth much in the face of the real thing. She can see his face, hear his voice, and even smell the light cologne that he has on. Then, a single, nonsensical thought makes its way into her head and she executes it before she realizes what she's doing. She gets even closer towards him and raises her right hand to touch the left side of his face where the scar is. For a fraction of a second, Rei sees the same fear in his eyes as he had during the incident and instantly pulls her hand back. "I-I'm so sorry, Shouto. I wasn't thinking."
Before she can fully withdraw her hand, he gently grabs it and puts it back. "Sorry, reflex. It won't happen again."
'It's smooth.' She sadly thinks as her fingertips come into contact with the scar. "Oh, Shouto… You don't have to apologize at all to me. I'm the one who should apologize for everything. I-I've missed you so much." Rei moves her arms and slowly, hesitantly begins the motion to hug Shouto.
"I missed you, too." Her worries dissipate as he returns the action. When she feels his hand rub her back, she is sure that she is crying because her vision becomes blurry.
They stay like this for several minutes. She occasionally drops apologies every so often, mainly in the form of the short and simple; "I'm sorry." Every second felt like healing for all the missed moments over the years.
They finally separate after what feels like both a very long and very short time. Shouto breaks the silence first a few seconds later. "I never blamed you for what happened." Shouto says while scratching his scar. "But I was too scared to see you again. I confess that I held a fear that you would have had the same look in your eyes as back then. If that happened, I don't know if we could've seen each other again. Sorry, I was a coward."
Rei is about to remind Shouto that he doesn't have to apologize, but he continues. "But that's not the end of my apologies. I know you said I don't have to, but this is something that I have to say to you ahead of time and I would like to apologize for even considering this. Up until now I had only used my ice quirk because of him. With that, I managed to get into U.A. and achieve some success so far. But now I'm going to start learning to use my fire as well, also from him because Endeavor the hero is the most capable fire user. And I'm sorry for that, more than I can express with words. Sorry that I am selfishly requesting the help of the man that hurt us so much."
Rei is stunned at this sudden reveal. 'Up until now Shouto hadn't been using his fire quirk at all? But now he is going to and is going to be training under Enji?' Her only knowledge about the situation came from Fuyumi (Natsuo made it clear that he no longer wanted anything to do with his father and went to college to get away), who had only said that their relationship is testy. She takes a moment to process the information. "Shouto, it's okay. I… forgive you." In none of the various scenarios that she planned in her head has she been the one saying that. In spite of the awkwardness, she says it anyway after sensing that this is very important to Shouto. "I'm sure this will be a good opportunity. As you said, your father is strong and... though you may think otherwise, I still believe he's not evil. He was someone that everybody would consider a good man, long ago. I'm hoping that this chance can bring you two a little closer." She says, not sure how much of it is more meant for herself.
Shouto nods and his expression remains the same, but Rei can tell that he is not as optimistic as she is. She thinks now is a good time for a slight divergence in topic.
"It's news to me that you haven't been using your fire side. Did something happen that made you want to use it again?"
"...The U.A. Sports Festival. Fuyumi-nee told me that she told you a little about it and how it contains various competitions? The final competition is a series of one versus ones in a tournament. One of the matches pit me against someone that told me my powers are my own. I told him beforehand a little about our past, so that may have spurred him on. He kept telling me that both of my powers are my own while fighting. His power is super-strength that he couldn't control, and yet he still damaged his fingers to get that through to me. If it weren't for him I might not have worked up the courage to visit you."
"It sounds like you've made some good friends. What's his name?"
"His name is Midoriya. I… don't know if we're close enough to be called friends. But, I will always be grateful to him."
"As am I, since it's thanks to Midoriya-san that I could finally see my handsome son after all this time." She smiles once again. "If you ask him, I'm sure he'd be friends with you. Is there anyone else that you're close with?"
He ponders for a second. "I'm not sure. I think my classmates might not have the best impression of me. I've mostly kept to myself since the beginning and even overused my powers against them on occasion. I should probably fix that. If there's anyone else that I'm close with… the only other person that comes to mind is Yaoyorozu. She's the other recommended student aside from me."
'She?' Fuyumi filled Rei in previously about how Shouto has developed an awkward personality as a result of his training and isolation. But she didn't mention anything about his friends and especially that one of them is a girl. She'll have to question Fuyumi about whether she knows more about this friend of his. "It sounds like you want to change things other than your quirk usage. If you want to try to becomes friends with some of your classmates, perhaps you can be more outgoing with them from now on if you're comfortable with that. If you try to change and open yourself up a little more, they'll take notice and will get closer to you if you'll allow them. What's this Yaoyorozu-san like?"
"In terms of ability, she seems to at least be on par with me. Her ability is creation. She scored higher in Aizawa-sensei's preliminary test at the start of the year. Oh, Aizawa-sensei is our homeroom teacher. Her assessment in All Might's class was more detailed and easier to understand than mine. Because of that, I voted for her to be the class president, though I was the only one other than her to vote for her so she's vice-president now. We're assigned seats next to each other in class. The first part of the battle was an obstacle course, so I rushed ahead and tried to use ice to obstruct as many of my competitors as possible. More of them made it through unscathed than I thought, though, including her. She made my ice seem like it was barely an inconvenience. For the second part, I asked her to be a part of my team in the cavalry battle because she and the other members I picked, Kaminari and Iida, formed what I thought would be the perfect team. Well, I knew I especially wanted her. Her knowledge and flexibility of her quirk is at the top of the class. We made it through to the next stage, but it didn't go as well as I thought it would because my own ability was lacking."
'I wonder if he knows he sounds like a fan right now with the way he's praising her.' Rei giggles to herself. "Could you tell me more about the other members of your group?"
"Sure. Iida is the class president. The actual person that had the most votes was Midoriya, but he gave the position to Iida not long after being appointed since he thought he would be the better choice. His power is super speed. I was against him in the match before Midoriya, and he proved more difficult to face than I expected. As for Kaminari, he… has a good heart? Do you want to hear about more of my classmates?"
"Yes, please."
"Okay. In the finals, I faced Bakugou..."
…
He continues to talk about his classmates, then his teachers, and back to some of his classmates until it becomes time to leave.
"See you, Mom. I'll come next week, too. I can come by myself from now on, so Fuyumi-nee won't feel pressured to come with me."
"Goodbye. It means so, so much to me to see you again. It makes me very happy to know that you'll be coming again, but don't force yourself to see me if you have other things to do."
"I will, thanks." He closes his mouth and seems to ponder something. He closes his eyes and takes a deep breath before opening them again and stares straight into her own eyes. "…I love you, Mom."
Rei feels like tearing up again after hearing these words that might as well be the first time he says this. She holds the tears in, not wanting to delay her son any longer (even though deep down she wants to keep him in her sight as long as possible). "Thank you, Shouto. And I will always love you."
He nods and gives one last wave. "Bye, Mom." She waves back and he closes the door.
As she eyes him leaving from her window, Rei finally feels like time is moving for the first time since the incident.