Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

“When are you coming home?” Jungkook asks, eyes on the clock that says it’s past midnight, “Tae, it has been two days since we last saw each other.”

Taehyung sighs, “Jungkook, please,” his voice conveys the irritation clearly, “I am at work. I can’t just walk out because my boyfriend wants to see me.”

Jungkook looks down at the table, where he has all the food and drink placed. He looks at the gift he got from all the savings he did for the past month. He sighs, blows out the candles.

“When will you be home?” he feels the warmth of the candle when he presses the lid back on it.

“I don’t know yet,” Taehyung gives a dismissive answer, “I am staying at Jin hyung’s tonight. Tomorrow I have another shoot. I will see you after that, babe. Bye. I need to go.”

Jungkook looks down at the screen. The photo of them stares back at him. It was clicked on their first anniversary. At a carnival. Taehyung on his back, arms looped around Jungkook’s neck.

Blinding smiles on their faces.

Jungkook feels his vision blurring as he locks the phone. He sits down on the chair with his face hidden in his palms.

“It’s our anniversary, Tae,” he whispers, “you don’t even remember that.”

.

.

They have moved to Los Angles nine months ago. It was all due to the K-media getting a whiff of their relationship.

A known model, Kim Taehyung, dating a man from his crew is the biggest news the media has found in years. The public reaction was just as juicy and interesting.

The hatred built up to a level where Taehyung was losing all his jobs and Jungkook was kicked out of his position in the crew the first day anyway.

They both were struggling to cope with their relationship and public life.

That’s when Yoongi, the chairman of the biggest modelling company in South Korea, has suggested for Taehyung to move to LA. Being Taehyung’s friend and like his older brother, Yoongi was worried about him and Jungkook.

He is the one who hooked Taehyung up with Seokjin, his college-time roommate and close friend.

Seokjin is a renowned model in LA and his boyfriend, Namjoon, is the Chairman of the hotel chain, Kim’s Cuisine.

The man has welcomed Taehyung and Jungkook with open arms. The only source of comfort for the two when they landed in a country, they knew no one from. A place where they were nothing but rookies.

It is Seokjin who hooked Taehyung up with companies and photoshoots. Judging by Taehyung was already a well-known face in South Korea, it didn’t take long for Taehyung’s career to get back on track.

Meanwhile, Jungkook took the job as a waiter in Namjoon’s restaurant. He works there as a part-timer and is studying for his degree in photography at the University of California.

It has been nine months since their lives changed drastically and Jungkook thinks he is still struggling to cope with this fast life.

.

He leans back against the chair and eyes the food. With tiredness clouding him, he eats a little of the food he prepared for their anniversary and packs it all up to keep in the fridge.

He slowly drags himself back into the bedroom and lies down on the left side of the bed where Taehyung’s scent still lingers.

Jungkook hates how tears build in his eyes as he recalls how the scent is so mute. Maybe because it has been ages since Taehyung last slept here.

Jungkook doesn’t dwell on it. He can’t think too much because when he does, the fear surfaces that… maybe Taehyung doesn’t want to sleep here again.

That may be the model doesn’t want to be back here ever again.

“You look tired.”

Namjoon’s comment makes Jungkook look up at the man who is leaning against the door of the kitchen where Jungkook is waiting to take the order from.

He shakes his head, pulls his shoulders up to stand tall, “no, sir. I am fine.”

Namjoon eyes him, an unreadable look on his face, “I told you to call me hyung, didn’t I?”

Jungkook hesitates, bites his lower lip and looks down, “I am just a waiter and you are the boss. How can…”

Namjoon sighs, “call me hyung, Jungkook.”

Jungkook looks over when the chef holds out the dish from the window and nods before taking it, “okay, hyung, excuse me.”

He almost runs to the table where a couple is sitting. He bows and places their orders before wishing them a happy meal and leaving.

Namjoon is still standing there when Jungkook comes back.

“Come to my office after your shift,” Namjoon orders, “do you have any work?”

Jungkook shakes his head, “no, sir,” he pauses when Namjoon clicks his tongue against his cheek with a sigh, “hyung. No. I have no work.”

Namjoon gives him a small, satisfied smile, “see you, Jungkook.”

Jungkook pulls out his phone and sees Taehyung’s messages. Some are his photos, with notes like, ‘good morning,’ ‘don’t overwork yourself,’ ‘I miss you.’

Some are from his work. The ones he is working with. Some are of places he wants Jungkook and him to visit.

Jungkook scrolls through the photos and chuckles to himself.

He can never afford those places. Not now. Maybe not ever.

He types out a reply when another photo comes.

He opens it to see Taehyung has sent him a photo of his shoot with the actor Park Yujin. Another Korean actor who is a well-known name in the industry.

Jungkook watches how Taehyung is almost blushing, the actor’s arm around his waist, they both are smiling at each other.

The caption reads, ‘Kookie! He said I am the most beautiful model he has ever worked with! Oh, my God!”

And Jungkook knows, he should be happy. He knows he should be ecstatic for Taehyung, because the boy is finally making progress and making connections with important people.

So, when all he can focus on is that arm around Taehyung’s waist and that bashful smile on Taehyung’s lips, Jungkook closes the app.

If he can’t be supportive, he will not drag Taehyung down at least.

Jungkook goes back to work, immersing himself in his duty for the day before he is reminded that he needs to visit Namjoon.

Jungkook slowly drags himself up to Namjoon’s office and knocks on the door. Namjoon waves him in and Jungkook sits on the chair when Namjoon points at it.

Namjoon looks through a few files before looking at him, “you didn’t tell me you are taking up three part-time jobs, Jungkook.”

Jungkook feels a shiver run down his spine, he grips the edge of the table, “sir,” he coughs when Namjoon looks at him pointedly, “hyung, I don’t lag. I swear, I work diligently. It’s not like I am not –”

Namjoon sighs, “that’s not what I mean, Jungkook. I mean, you are studying, then working this hard. Are you sure you can do all this?”

‘I need the money.’

Jungkook gulps, smiles and hopes it looks genuine, “of course, I can, hyung. It’s not permanent. Just till I graduate. Then I will get a job or something. I am fine.”

Namjoon watches him, a solemn expression on his face, “I am going to offer you a deal, Jungkook. You work full time here as the head waiter,” he holds his hand up when Jungkook opens his mouth, “no, Jungkook. I am not doing this because of any shit you might say. I am doing this because I have seen you and I am so proud of you and your work. You deserve it.”

Jungkook sits there, eyes on the man he has come to look up to in these past nine months, “hyung… that’s…”

Namjoon holds out the file, “read through it. Sign it, and get back to me by tomorrow. You get Sundays off.”

Jungkook bites back a sniffle as he takes the file and bows before he walks out of the office.

Not before Namjoon reminds him of the dinner that Saturday night at his and Jin’s place.

.

.

The phone call makes him jump. He picks it up in a daze.

“Where have you been?” Taehyung sounds upset, “I kept sending you messages. Why aren’t you replying?”

Jungkook looks down at the file in his hand, “I was in a meeting with Namjoon hyung.”

“Oh?” Taehyung breathes out, “what is it, kookie? Everything alright?”

Jungkook nods, hums, “I just got head waiter’s position.”

Taehyung lets out a long breath, “oh my God, congratulations! Kookie! I am so happy for you! When are you coming home? I am home already. Let me make you something till you get here!”

Jungkook chuckles, “you don’t know how to cook to save ass. You go to sleep. I will be there around midnight.”

Taehyung sighs, “that late?”

Jungkook nods, “yeah. The shift will end late. Sorry, angel. See you soon.”

Taehyung hums, “okay, baby. I will wait.”

Jungkook keeps the file in his bag before walking back to his work.

He comes home to Taehyung fast asleep on the couch. With a drama playing on the television.

Jungkook puts down his bag and goes kneel beside Taehyung. A soft smile curls his lips. Fingers slowly trace the lines of Taehyung’s jaw, going to his lips.

Jungkook hasn’t kissed those lips in days. He leans to press a chaste kiss on them before slowly picking Taehyung up in his arms. He carries Taehyung to their cramped bedroom and makes him lie down.

Taehyung whines, instinctively turning on his right to grasp the empty place beside him. 

Jungkook’s chest swells with so much love, he leans to kiss the boy’s temple before he straightens up to go and make them some food.

By the time he is done, it’s almost one in the morning.

Jungkook wakes Taehyung up with the plates decorated on the tray. He places it on the bed and sits cross-legged with Taehyung slowly sitting up.

“Hi, angel,” Jungkook whispers, reaching out to wipe Taehyung’s lips where he has a drooling stain, “sorry for waking you up.”

Taehyung blinks leisurely, a tired smile on his lips, “hi, baby.”

Jungkook holds out the tray between them, “I couldn’t do much. Just made some noodles and –”

“It’s okay, Kookie,” Taehyung squeezes Jungkook’s wrist, shrugs, “I went to dinner with Yujin hyung. I am not hungry.”

Jungkook pauses, “but you said you will cook…”

Taehyung nods, yawns, “for you, baby. I had so much of the desserts. I am still full.”

Jungkook looks down at the plates, his stomach grumbling, “oh,” he forces a smile on his lips, “then you go to sleep. I will finish it and join you.”

Taehyung shakes his head, yawn hidden behind his hand, “no. You eat. I will just wait.”

Jungkook can see how tired Taehyung is. He can see those bags under his eyes. He ruffles Taehyung’s hair before getting up with the tray.

“Get to sleep. I will finish it and join you,” he walks away, ignoring how Taehyung calls him back.

As he sits on the stool, finishing the food on the kitchen counter, Jungkook curses himself. Curses himself for the tears that build in his eyes. For the nauseating thought that he doesn’t remember the last time they went out to somewhere fancy.

He hates himself for the nagging thought that Taehyung had free time and he didn’t tell Jungkook, instead went out with Yujin.

Jungkook concentrates on the food, ignoring all those thoughts scattered around his brain.

Jungkook goes back to the bedroom after cleaning the dishes and the kitchen, to see Taehyung fast asleep.

Jungkook goes to bed, keeping as much distance as he can to not wake up the already tired boy beside him.

When he wakes up, Taehyung is gone. A chit is on the pillow instead.

‘Good morning, baby. I had to leave, got a call from work. I will call you.’

Jungkook reads the chit and opens his phone to see the messages from Taehyung.

‘The shoot got preponed. I can’t believe I am leaving without talking to you. Take care, okay? I will be back in a week. Missing you already, baby.’

Jungkook snorts, scrolling up to see the exact same message a few weeks ago.

The thought irks him that maybe, maybe Taehyung was so busy or worse, unbothered that he copied the whole thing and re-sent it.

Jungkook doesn’t respond.

“Do you like it?” Taehyung’s eyes are wide, smile wider, while he leans against the mirror and admires the diamond necklace, “my god, Kookie, I was so flustered. He just held it out like it meant nothing? I was so shocked. Apparently, it’s not that costly to him. I get it. But, look at it. It’s so pretty and large. I am sure it cost him some bucks!”

Jungkook looks at Taehyung, sees how the boy is busy admiring the necklace with that sweet and wide smile on his lips.

“Yeah, it’s really pretty,” he murmurs, “you look nice in it.”

Taehyung frowns, turns to look at Jungkook with a pout, “what do you mean just ‘nice,’ Kookie? Don’t I look gorgeous?”

Jungkook hums, going back to typing the assignment, “you are.”

There is a pause and then Taehyung is coming to sit beside him, “do you like the necklace?”

Jungkook hates how Taehyung is so fixated on that necklace. He nods, not moving his eyes from the screen and typing gibberish now.

Taehyung tugs at his arms, “you didn’t even look at me! Kookie –”

Jungkook sighs, looks at the model, “you look really pretty. Perfect.”

Taehyung smiles, wide, “and the necklace?”

Jungkook’s eyes drop on it and he nods, “is also very pretty.”

Taehyung leans closer, “what did you get me? For my first magazine shoot?”

Jungkook gulps. The small box burns through his skin where it is hidden in his pocket. He pushes at Taehyung playfully.

“Nothing,” he tries to sound playful, “it’s time you buy me gifts and all. I might resign and be your sugar baby. What can I get you? I don’t earn that much.”

Taehyung laughs, “yes, you can be my sugar baby. True. But you didn’t get me anything?”

Jungkook shakes his head, “nope. I got you nothing.”

Taehyung watches him, “you seriously got me nothing?”

Jungkook looks back at the laptop, “sorry, Tae. I was so busy and this totally blew out of my mind.”

Taehyung pulls back a little, eyes cast downwards, “I kept talking about it, Kookie. I mean… I only told hyung once and he remembered to show up and…” he shrugs, “I thought you will come to the party. I was waiting and now you…”

Jungkook grits his teeth, hands balling up on the keyboard, “sorry. For working shifts and not having the privilege of showing up everywhere without fearing of getting fired,” he looks down at his hands, “I am not him, Tae. So, maybe you should stop comparing us.”

Taehyung is silent for a few seconds and Jungkook holds his breath.

Then Taehyung gets up, “right. You are right. I should not compare. I am sorry.”

Jungkook feels the regret. His eyes shift to see the model rushing inside the bedroom, the door slamming closed behind him.

Jungkook curses, ready to get up and leave when he hears the phone ringing. He walks up to the door to hear Taehyung picking up the call and then talking to the person softly.

He opens the door to see the model on the bed, lying on his chest with a small smile on his lips as he talks.

Jungkook walks out, slowly closing the door behind himself.

.

He stores the box away in the wardrobe. Deep in his clothes. Where it might never see the sun again.

“The apartment is so big,” Taehyung is animated, blabbering since he walked in and sat down on the kitchen stool, “Kookie, we can fit our entire family there. I was so,” he chuckles, “it’s not like I haven’t seen big places. I mean, Yoongi hyung’s place is really huge. Jimin has his own penthouse. But this one outshines those. You know? He lives alone and the way he decorated it? Top-notch. He has taste and his class shows from those antique pieces he has. He wanted to see my place and so were my friends,” he sighs dreamily, “I was so ashamed to invite them here. The catch is, they all earn really well…”

Jungkook pauses, his hand stilling while cooking the broth. He looks up at the man who is busy describing the posh party he has been to.

“I can’t describe it but they smell of money,” Taehyung bites down on the carrot, munching on it, “this entire industry, Kookie. I am just… I have worked in Korea too but LA is really something else.”

Jungkook looks at the pot, the words are clogging his throat. He looks at the envelope. The invitation he printed out to surprise Taehyung with looks so cheap and kiddish now that he thinks about it.

A college fest where Jungkook’s photos will be displayed. It’s stupid.

Jungkook smiles at Taehyung, “tell me who were invited.”

Taehyung smiles enthusiastically, “well, first…”

Jungkook stores that envelope in his wardrobe too, putting it as far away as he can.

The gifts, invitations, galas, parties start to increase in number and their late-night talks, those movie dates, making out on the couch, them having time just for each other start to dwindle as time goes on.

.

Jungkook doesn’t remember what he said or what Taehyung replied for them to be where they are right now but they are glaring at each other, panting for breath as the words flow between them, carried on with screams and shouts.

“You are never home!” Jungkook shouts, throws his hands up, “feels like I am dating a bloody ghost of you!”

Taehyung snorts, a disbelieving laugh escaping his lips, “so what?! What, Jungkook? Am I supposed to cancel schedules to stay back and wait like a good boyfriend for you to come back home to?! You are always working too! Taking up so much work because you want to pay for your bills like taking my money repulses you!”

“It’s not like that!” Jungkook hisses, “but I am an adult. Why would I live off of you?! I work reasonable hours!”

“My work is not fixed,” Taehyung throws his hands up, “you know I am doing this for both of us! I am just starting here, Jungkook! I am just a rookie, if I say so! I can’t lag or show tantrums about working hours! What do you think will happen? Do you even understand how my line of work happens?!”

Jungkook stares at the man, “no, I don’t. I don’t know how your line of work happens. But I know no work should get to your head to a point where you behave like you are nowadays.”

“You don’t understand anything,” Taehyung grimaces, “you don’t understand how busy I am. I don’t have time for stupid shit like -”

Jungkook pauses, nods, “right. Of course. My birthday is stupid to you now. Sure.”

Taehyung’s eyes widen, his jaw dropping, “shit, it’s September-”

Jungkook storms out of their bedroom, Taehyung hot on his heels. He picks up the jacket and shrugs it on.

“Jungkook, listen to me,” Taehyung tries to grasp at his elbow, “baby, I totally forgot. I would never -”

Jungkook shrugs out of Taehyung’s grasp, walking out, “leave me alone, Tae. For a few hours, just leave me alone.”

Taehyung knows that tone. He pauses, watches Jungkook take the stairs instead of the lift.

He stands by the door, immobile, as Jungkook storms away.

It’s Jungkook’s first birthday since they met, that he spends alone.

“I am doing this for us,” Taehyung’s words echo in his mind while he sips the fine champagne and watches Taehyung dance with one of his colleagues.

They are attending a party Taehyung was invited to. Jungkook was reluctant to tag along but Taehyung has begged almost. He got Jungkook his suit and got his makeup and all done by himself.

Taehyung is looking over at him from time to time, an apologetic smile on his lips.

Jungkook shrugs, smiles in assurance before looking around the crowded place.

He finds Jin at a corner, coming his way and a relieved sigh escapes his lips.

“Hyung,” he nods with a smile, “how are you?”

Jin has a wide smile on his lips, “Jungkook! How long has it been since we last met? You never join Tae in these parties, do you?”

Jungkook shakes his head, “I am not made for these.”

Jin nods, taking a glass of wine from the waiter, “enjoying yourself?”

Jungkook wishes. His face probably gives him away because Jin gives him an understanding smile.

A pat on his shoulder and Jin points at the dancefloor, “want to dance?”

Jungkook hesitates, “are you sure? I mean…”

Jin shrugs, “I am a dork when it comes to dancing. It should be me asking you if you are okay dancing with me?”

Jungkook takes Jin’s hand, smiles at the man, “it’s okay. I am good at this. So I will cover you.”

Jin laughs, “Namjoon couldn’t come. So, I am glad you are here.”

Jungkook and Jin take the dancefloor. Their movements are slow and their conversation flowing.

Jungkook feels light, lighter than he was when he first walked in. He is talking to Jin when Jin’s eyes move over Jungkook’s shoulder and his smile stiffens for a second.

Then Jin is looking back at him with a practised smile.

Jungkook frowns, “are you okay, hyung?”

Jin winces, “huh? Of course! What happened? Nothing.”

Jungkook looks over his shoulder, “what were you looking at—”

He pauses.

Taehyung is dancing with Yujin. The actor’s arms are on Taehyung’s hips and Taehyung’s arms on Yujin’s shoulders.

“They are just good friends,” Jin murmurs, voice pleading, “there is nothing more. He is just overly friendly, that’s all.”

Jungkook watches how Taehyung’s smiles are wide, those eyes filled with adoration. He looks back at Jin who has a painful smile on his lips.

“Nothing is going on between them, you know?” Jin murmurs, “you have to know-”

Jungkook knows. He knows Taehyung would never. As long as he is with Jungkook, he would never do something like cheating. He knows.

He looks back at them and a sigh escapes him.

But he does not know how long Taehyung would be with him. That is a question he never entertained but nowadays he does.

Nowadays that thought bothers him that he is not so sure about how long Taehyung will stay.

He is not sure how long before Taehyung realizes he deserves better. Someone who is used to his lifestyle. Someone who would love him the way he deserves. Someone, he can show off and be proud of.

Someone to take care of him in the best way possible.

Jungkook looks back at Jin, a tired smile on his lips, “I know, hyung. I am not afraid of him cheating on me.”

Jin bites on his plush lip, eyes tender, “you are scared of him leaving you.”

The elder’s words hit him.

Thinking something and someone else voicing it out is a whole different feeling.

Jungkook pauses, haling their movements, “I-”

Jin nods, a slow bob on his head, “I know. I understand.”

Jungkook sucks in a breath when Jin hugs him, patting his back.

“Just hold on, yeah?” Jin whispers, “don’t let your mind fill with those thoughts. You are amazing, Jungkook. You are really amazing. Try not to think like this.”

Jungkook bites back a sob, nodding, “I will try.”

“I would hate myself if you two fall apart after coming here,” Jin chokes on the words, “I didn’t want this. This is just a rough time. It will get better.”

Jungkook knows.

He just hopes he is strong enough to hold on.

.

.

“Tae!” Yujin smiles, holding onto Taehyung’s elbow, “you can’t possibly leave this early. It’s only twelve!”

Taehyung looks at the man and back at Jungkook who is almost out of the threshold, “I-”

“Come on, darling,” Yujin gives Jungkook a look, nods, “if he has work, he can go? I will drop you off.”

Taehyung smiles, polite and urgent, “no, it’s okay. It’s really late. I should get going.”

Yujin sighs, “I told you I would introduce you to Mr. Smith, right? He was telling me how he is very interested in shooting with you. Come on, Tae. Where is your professionalism?”

Jungkook watches how Taehyung’s hesitance turns into resolve and he looks back at Jungkook with pleading eyes.

Before Taehyung can say anything, Jungkook shrugs, “you should stay. I will see you.”

“Call,” Taehyung grasps Jungkook’s hand, something keen to worry in his eyes, “I will wait. Please call when you reach home.”

Jungkook nods, shrugs out of Taehyung’s grasp before walking out of the party.

The last thing he sees, eyes over his shoulder, is Yujin’s arm around Taehyung’s waist while he pulls Taehyung back into that lavish, bright room.

Jungkook walks out into the dark night, a small rueful smile tugging at his lips.

.

He doesn’t call Taehyung. Because he doesn’t go home.

He crashes at Namjoon’s restaurant, sleeping the night off in the backroom.

“You are not making it easy for me,” Taehyung grips the edge of the countertop, “you are not making this easy for me at all, Jungkook,” he eyes the man who is moving around the kitchen, making them breakfast, “this is my first show in LA. How can you not come?”

Jungkook winces, an apologetic smile on his lips, “I have to work that night, Tae. I really wanted to come,” he wipes the counter before looking at the man with a hopeful smile, “how about I join you for the afterparty?”

Taehyung looks like he wants to protest, “we need to go shopping for it, Jungkook. You don’t have clothes to attend the afterparty.”

Jungkook sighs, “We just bought a few clothes last month, Tae. I think I can manage.”

“No,” Taehyung shakes his head, “no, you can’t. Those are not good enough for this party, Jungkook. I will be one of the models there and I don’t want my boyfriend to look –”

“Cheap?” Jungkook arches a brow, laughing it off when Taehyung gasps, “I am joking.”

“You never look cheap,” Taehyung frowns, looks down at the plate Jungkook places in front of him, “that is not what I am saying. I just want you to look like the stunning man you are.”

Jungkook turns away, the smile dimming, “I can’t afford to look like the stunning man you want to make out of me.”

Taehyung is quiet. Jungkook comes to sit beside him, digging into the breakfast. Taehyung munches his food slowly, his eyes skimming over Jungkook.

Jungkook is wearing sweatpants and his upper body is bare. Taehyung’s eyes move leisurely over it.

Jungkook is busy eating, his mind reeling with the thoughts of bills he needs to pay and the college’s exhibition that is in a day.

He flinches when he feels Taehyung’s hand on his bicep. His eyes flicker over to Taehyung who is smiling at him.

Jungkook watches, how Taehyung slowly hops off the stool to come and stand in front of Jungkook. His hands spread over Jungkook’s chest and fingernails scrapping against Jungkook’s skin.

Taehyung looks up at him through his lashes, a small smile on his lips, “Kookie…”

Jungkook leans for the kiss, both of them tasting of the eggs they just had. Jungkook groans in the kiss, slowly pulling Taehyung closer between his legs.

“It has been so long,” Taehyung murmurs, arms caging Jungkook in a hug, “please…”

Jungkook chuckles, “you are always busy, Tae. Not like I don’t want to.”

Taehyung pauses, “what do you mean by that?”

Jungkook blinks, pulling away a little to look at the man, “I mean,” he shrugs, “I mean you are busy. It’s not like I am lying. I am not blaming you, Tae. You are just busy and it’s okay –”

“Of course, it’s okay,” Taehyung frowns, “it’s not like I can sit here, all pretty, and wait for you to come home to fuck me, Jungkook. Why would you say it in that tone?! As if I am not supposed to be busy! We are adulting, Jungkook. We are supposed to get busy. If you can’t manage time with it, maybe it’s your fault!”

Jungkook curses, “I didn’t say it like that, Tae! I said we don’t do it because we are busy!”

“No, don’t change the words, you said I am busy,” Taehyung snorts, “as if it’s my fault that I am working my ass off to get a footing in this city!”

Jungkook frowns, “what the fuck do you mean?! I am working my ass off too, Tae! Are you fucking saying I am not working enough? I have taken up three part-time jobs to go with something that was your decision. Coming here and settling down. I am doing as much as I can while pursuing my degree!”

“Well, maybe some people’s ‘enough’ is not really ‘enough’ for me!” Taehyung shouts, “maybe your dream of a future doesn’t match mine! I want to do better, Jungkook! I want to be in a better place! I want to fulfil my dreams and lately, it feels like you don’t want me to!”

“I want you to fulfil your dreams, Tae!” Jungkook shoves out of the stool, ignoring how it topples over, “I just think you are being an absolute bitch about doing so!”

“No, you are the bitch here!” Taehyung slams his hand down on the countertop, “I am doing this for us! This is for our future. I am thinking about both of us while you are just being a jealous cunt because I am doing far better than you!”

The silence is deafening. 

Taehyung’s eyes are wide and jaw slack. He grips the edge of the counter and shakes his head. Nothing comes out of his mouth and Jungkook is grateful.

He nods, turns on his heels and gets inside the bedroom.

Taehyung is hot on his heels, “Jungkook, I didn’t –”

Jungkook gets out of the sweatpants, wearing his clothes before he shrugs on the jacket. All this while he ignores Taehyung and his blabbers.

“You can’t leave without us sorting this out!” Taehyung grabs his elbow when Jungkook is about to leave the flat, following him out of the bedroom, “I am doing this for us, Jungkook. We –”

“If this goes on, there will be no ‘us,’ Taehyung,” Jungkook murmurs, opening the door.

“Is that a threat?” Taehyung hisses out, eyes glossy.

Jungkook looks at the model over his shoulder, “no,” his voice echoes the pain he feels, “an observation.”

Taehyung doesn’t try to stop him and Jungkook doesn’t wait for him too.

Jungkook is busy describing his work to one of his professors when the call comes. He ignores it in favour to talk through the discussion and when the professors move on to the next exhibition, Jungkook pulls out his phone.

It is Taehyung.

Jungkook dials and waits till the model picks up.

“You didn’t tell me there is an exhibition going on in your university,” Taehyung goes straight to the point, “you didn’t mention it at all.”

Jungkook eyes the people around him, a sigh escaping him when he sees a few couples loitering around, “when was the last time we talked, Tae? Properly? We are not since that day.”

Taehyung is quiet for a few seconds, “You didn’t ask me to come to the exhibition.”

“You know now,” Jungkook digs his toes in his boots, “you can come now.”

Taehyung snorts, “you didn’t ask me.”

“Why do I have to?” Jungkook shrugs, “you are my boyfriend. You don’t need a bloody invitation. Just drop by.”

The pause is heavy.

“How come you never ‘just drop by,’ to my work?” Taehyung wonders, “how come I have to beg you to attend the galas and parties and shows?”

Jungkook lets out a curse, “because those are different, Tae. Those are not a fucking college fest. You can’t compare –”

Taehyung chuckles, “but you can give excuses for not telling me. Right,” he sounds tired, “I just called to tell you I will be leaving for a shoot tonight. It’ll take around a week. Overseas. I will not be home when you get there –”

“When was the last time I went home to you?” Jungkook closes his eyes, “I am used to it now. All the best, Tae.”

He cuts the call, feeling like they are on a seesaw, going up and down with the motion of it all. Both of them are terrified of losing the balance or making the smooth transaction come to a screeching halt. Even when they feel the seesaw breaking between them, ready to snap and drop them any time now.

Both of them are too used to each other, too scared of letting go and too scared to ask the questions they both want the answers to.

Jungkook knows one needs to step off the seesaw and he knows it should be him because… he is tired. He is so tired.

But… he looks down at the wallpaper on his phone and his eyes water.

Their smiles make him cry. Standing in the middle of a fest, merriments all around him, Jungkook cries for a love he knows is slowly dying.

The conversations are stale nowadays. 

The distance between them when they go to bed increases every day. The words are monotonous when they talk. Their eyes are on each other when they talk on the phone, laugh at something the caller says. Both have questions stuck in their throats. Both have doubts breathing down their napes. Both are too prideful to break it all and reach out.

Both are fighting their inner turmoil, where they both want to sit the other down and apologize. For everything, for whatever happened. Both are dying to be in each other’s arms, bury their insecurities, fears and worries in each other and cry the doubts away.

The fear is there. In both of them. The fear of something falling apart. They feel it. With each passing day, they are drifting apart. 

They both try to grasp the sand-like-time in their fists and watch how miserably they fail at it.

With time they start coming home late, spending less time in the flat. The more they stay, the more the urge flairs its head to just snap and break it all off for good. At once.

The urge is so strong and so scary that they both start to stay outside more. Busy. Too busy to think. Too busy to notice the crack between them. Too busy to let their hearts acknowledge the sorrow and fear of their dying relationship.

Too scared to acknowledge their dying relationship. Too scared to ask what went wrong. Too scared to be the first one to do something reckless and lose the other.

Too prideful to be the first one to bend. Too prideful to accept and apologise. Too prideful to let go of something they both left their families and country for.

Each other… their love.

So, they dance around each other. Make it a promise to make it work. Forcefully. With everything they have.

It’s Taehyung’s birthday and Jungkook is not sure what to gift him. He has never really thought about it before. He would buy or make whatever he wanted to give the other and Taehyung would accept it with a bright smile and stars in his eyes.

Taehyung would flaunt it.

Now though… Jungkook is not sure.

“Why is he throwing the party?” Jungkook can’t help but ask, sitting on their shared bed, “I mean, that place is really expensive.”

Taehyung is painting his nails, eyes fixed on the toes, “well, he is a friend and he really wanted to gift me something. I couldn’t accept those lavish gifts. Car, Jungkook, he wanted to get me a car! Too expensive for this apartment building. I wouldn’t want that. The next was some jewellery. I can’t accept that either. So, he said he would throw the party. His friend owns that place, it’s not that expensive for him and I was kind of,” Taehyung hesitates, eyes flickering over to Jungkook and then back down at his toes, “we can’t possibly bring so many people here, no? Too small of a place.”

Jungkook looks down at his hands, nodding, “a lot of people are coming, then?”

Taehyung hums, “yeah, I invited all my colleagues and friends. Yujin hyung invited almost the whole industry,” he chuckles fondly, “said I should be the star for the night. Everyone should know whose birthday it is. He wants me to make an impact, you know? The important people should know my name. I couldn’t decline his offer. He is throwing the party after all.”

Jungkook thinks of their past birthdays. It was always him, Taehyung, Hoseok, Jimin and Yoongi.

The five of them, in their rented apartments or dorms. A few takeouts and beers. The music was loud till the neighbours shouted at them and bursting crackers on the terrace.

A kiss and sharing their gifts before taking it to bed. With each other. Just the two of them.

Jungkook sighs, this is not South Korea. 

LA demands changes and Jungkook is now used to it. Used to giving away too much of himself.

He nods, “sure.”

Taehyung risks a glance at him, long and tentative, “I bought you a suit for the occasion.”

Jungkook wants to say something to protest. He wants to say he can buy one himself. He wants to ask why can’t he wear the one he has in the wardrobe.

But fighting is tiresome and he fears how easily he is giving up nowadays.

He nods, “okay.”

Taehyung’s face morphs into something like pain, as if he understands that too. Jungkook is giving up.

He grips the bottle of nail polish tightly, eyes fixed on Jungkook, “okay?”

Jungkook shrugs, gets up to get ready for his college, “yeah. Let me know the address. I will show up.”

Taehyung stares, “what do you mean you will show up?”

Jungkook pauses, turns over his shoulder to look at Taehyung, “I mean… to the party?”

Taehyung frowns, “we will go together. Why would I tell you the address and you will show up?”

For a second Jungkook is quiet, then he forces a smile out on his lips, “he is not giving you a lift? I mean, he probably booked some Limo or something.”

Taehyung nods, dumbfounded, “he did. But we both can fit in there?”

Jungkook shakes his head, “I don’t fit in there, Tae,” he feels his eyes prickling, “I don’t really fit with you anymore.”

There is a silence they both are too used to by now. Jungkook watches how the brush of the nail polish almost falls from Taehyung’s hand before he pushes it into the bottle and closes it.

“You will always fit with me,” Taehyung urges, he doesn’t say it, he urges, “you and me, we will always fit together.”

Jungkook turns away, “see you after the shift, Taehyung.”

Taehyung follows him inside the bathroom, arms coming around Jungkook’s torso to hug him from behind.

Taehyung buries his face against Jungkook’s back, hands clutching at Jungkook like his life depends on it, “shower together?”

Jungkook looks down at where Taehyung is holding him. There is a Chanel bracelet around his wrist, too expensive and it reminds him of the funky bracelet Hoseok made for Taehyung that he used to wear. Now he doesn’t. It’s not something of a big deal and Jungkook knows Hoseok would laugh if Jungkook said it to him but it feels like a metaphor only Jungkook gets.

Taehyung is changing and Jungkook knows he is no one to stop Taehyung. He doesn’t want to.

But he is changing so fast, Jungkook can’t keep up.

Maybe one day he will see how Jungkook is like that bracelet by Hoseok, too cheap to hold onto and he will upgrade to something better. Someone better…

He holds Taehyung’s wrists and uncrosses them, stepping out of his grip, “your nail polish will smudge, Taehyung.”

Jungkook closes the shower curtain behind himself and turns on the shower. He can see the shadow against the curtain and when it moves, Taehyung slowly walks out of the bathroom, Jungkook breaks down.

He hopes the stream of the water is loud enough to hide his sobs and he hopes his eyes are not puffy or red when he rubs them forcefully, drying the tears before stepping out of the bathroom.

His worries are for nothing when he sees Taehyung has left the flat. 

.

.

The suit is gorgeous. Jungkook doesn’t have any eloquent words for it. He watches himself, all black suit and body-hugging shirt underneath.

He eyes the earrings and chain he wore. All of those are his and he knows they are not really branded or anything fancy. 

His perfume, which he likes to use the same old brand of, is not that strong. Maybe a scent can be cheap too and he smells like that. 

His hair is not styled to perfection by any makeup artist because Jungkook refused to take help from Taehyung’s friends. 

For the same reason, his makeup is just what he could manage. Nothing fancy or much.

He looks at himself and thinks about the people who would attend the party. He knows he will look like a sore thumb, sticking out and sticking to Taehyung.

The star of the party.

Taehyung is dressed by designers and makeup artists. He is looking just gorgeous, ethereal if Jungkook is honest.

He is wearing a golden body-chain underneath the blazer. It has four chains, going down his chest and around his hips to connect at the waist chain. The choker it is connected to has a ruby shining on it. Like a teardrop of blood, hanging from the thick gold plate around Taehyung’s neck and begging everyone’s eyes on Taehyung’s smooth, tan chest.

The white blazer over it has only one button. It leaves almost nothing to the imagination. The neck is too deep because the button is exactly over his naval. The body chain shines under the lights.

Taehyung is wearing makeup. His hair is fluffy. Eyes smoky, lips tinted and glossy. 

The Chanel earrings gleam against those brownish locks of hair. The bracelet is new, diamond-studded on it. 

The rings are on almost all of Taehyung’s fingers. 

The cameraman is clicking a few photos for social media. Taehyung smiles, practised and so perfect.

Jungkook watches from a side, blinded by the spotlights on the man standing in the middle of the room.

Everyone is focused on him, their attention glued to Taehyung’s needs and moves.

Taehyung’s eyes flicker over, narrowing to find someone beyond the blinding lights.

A small smile blooms on his lips, hopeful, tentative and mesmerizing. Jungkook’s breath catches in his chest when Taehyung nods at him, asking him silently to come forward.

Jungkook shakes his head, burying himself more into the darkness and hoping the ones who turn to follow Taehyung’s eyes, would look back at Taehyung and stop looking at him.

Taehyung’s smile falters, his eyes losing the gleam a little. He waves, pats the couch, the empty place beside him.

Jungkook waves back, shaking his head. 

He is not sure if he belongs on that couch tonight. Not when Taehyung is looking like the star he is and he is dressed in his cheap clothes.

Taehyung gets up, walking out of the circle of lights and coming into the darkness. Those eyes follow him as he comes to stand in front of Jungkook.

“It’s my birthday,” Taehyung whispers, voice holding plea, “let’s click some photos of us?”

Jungkook looks over Taehyung’s shoulders at the cameraman, already frowning at him.

The makeup artists are finally noticing him. Their expressions show the distaste at his clothes and appearance. 

Jungkook curls in on himself, shaking his head, “It’s okay, Taehyung,” he tries to smile at the man, “we can click photos on our phones after this. Take your time. I,” he looks down at himself and chuckles, “I don’t really look that good. Expensive, you know?” he tries to make his tone playful, “let’s not ruin your day –”

“You look stunning, dear,” Taehyung chokes out, the model’s eyes glistening, “you are the most stunning person in this room.”

Jungkook pauses, his eyes searching Taehyung’s honest ones and at that moment he knows.

Their relationship is falling apart, but their love will always stay. Under all this chaos, their love is like a silent flow of emotion, a thread that connects them.

Jungkook’s heart breaks when he realizes that love might not be enough to hold them together but it will be there. It is there. Still. Maybe it will stay forever.

He never thought he would agree to this but… maybe love is not enough.

He doesn’t protest when Taehyung grabs his wrist and drags him to the light. They sit side by side, clicking photos under the blinding lights.

Taehyung holds Jungkook in his arms, around Jungkook’s neck, their foreheads pressed together. Jungkook’s arms are around his waist, holding him close.

“I love you,” Taehyung breathes those words out against Jungkook’s cheek, lips tickling him there, “I love you.”

Jungkook shudders, breath caught in his chest, “I know,” he grasps Taehyung closer, “I love you too.”

Taehyung’s eyelashes are the prettiest thing Jungkook has ever seen, they flutter, reflect the lights when the man looks at him.

Then Jungkook’s eyes follow the trail. Slowly gliding down to the slope of Taehyung’s nose to his lips.

Those part, jut out in anticipation.

Jungkook can’t help himself. 

He leans for a kiss, the cameras are still going off and Jungkook is too desperate for a moment of privacy.

He turns them, back to the cameras and Taehyung shielded from everyone’s views.

Their kiss is searing, breath-taking as always. Jungkook kisses like he was dying without it.

Taehyung is just as desperate.

The kiss is so deep Taehyung is almost bending backwards, his nails digging into Jungkook’s shoulders. Jungkook’s hands are tight on Taehyung’s waist.

“Fuck,” Jungkook pulls back, steps away, “sorry,” he wipes the corner of Taehyung’s lips, “I messed up your makeup.”

Taehyung’s eyes are disoriented. He looks at Jungkook with flushed cheeks and a small smile.

“It’s okay,” he shrugs, “I don’t mind.”

But the makeup artists do and soon Jungkook is back to his place while Taehyung gets his makeup fixed.

But their eyes are glued to each other. Taehyung looks over everyone at Jungkook and Jungkook has his eyes for only Taehyung.

They leave for the party on the Limousine. Both of them sitting close to each other. Jungkook looks outside, breath caught in his chest when Taehyung’s fingers curl around his, holding him tightly.

Jungkook looks at the venue as they enter.

Yujin is standing right by the entry, his smile so wide it makes Jungkook nauseous.

As soon as they get out of the car, Yujin is heading over to them with his arms open for Taehyung.

Taehyung laughs, hugging him back, “thank you for everything, hyung. You are doing so much for me and –”

“Nonsense,” Yujin waves him off, eyes roaming over Taehyung with appreciation clear in his eyes, “everything is worth it if you look this stunning and this happy.”

Taehyung blushes, eyes roaming over Yujin as well, “you look handsome, hyung.”

Yujin smirks, “of course, I do. We are matching.”

They are.

Jungkook watches, eyes going from Yujin to Taehyung and how perfectly their costumes match.

The colours, the wrist-bands, those rings… a ring is just similar to Taehyung’s and Jungkook can’t look away from it.

Yujin gestures towards the red carpet, a small area, booked for the paparazzi.

When Jungkook follows Taehyung, Yujin halts, smiles at him.

“I think you should get inside,” Yujin smiles at Jungkook, “I and Taehyung will be there shortly. Let us give a few photos to the media and then we will be done.”

Jungkook’s eyes move from Yujin to Taehyung and Taehyung hesitates, looking at the cameras and back at Jungkook.

Yujin smiles, squeezes Taehyung’s hip, “come on, Tae, you know how important this is, right? Let’s give them a few photos and then you can join him. It’s not that deep,” he laughs, “right?”

Taehyung bites his lips, looks at Jungkook with a pleading expression, “I will see you inside, kookie?”

Jungkook nods, steps around them without another word and walks inside.

When he is by the stairs, he looks down at where Taehyung is.

Taehyung is smiling at the cameras and Yujin is right beside him, his arm around Taehyung’s waist.

Then Yujin is leaning closer and whispering something in Taehyung’s ear that makes Taehyung blush. He giggles and swats at Yujin playfully before leaning in to answer the man.

Jungkook walks away.

.

.

The party is about Taehyung and Jungkook knows he shouldn’t feel how he is feeling right now. 

He stands as far away from the circle of people as he can, eyes on Taehyung who is surrounded by them. Yujin is right beside him, all the other friends and colleagues are there too.

Taehyung is talking animatedly about his costume and the jewellery. He is explaining something to one of his friends and they all are having a discussion over the brands they are wearing.

Champagne is served on trays; Taehyung has one in his hand and Jungkook knows Taehyung doesn’t like that brand.

But then Yujin points at it and Taehyung is nodding, taking a sip and mouthing how good it is.

Jungkook’s lips curl, he looks down at his glass before drinking it.

The shouts and cheers grow when it’s time for cutting the cake. The others surround Taehyung in a tightly knitted circle and Jungkook stands out of it.

He watches Taehyung clap, eyes bright and wide when he sees the three-layered cake. 

He giggles and tells Yujin how extravagant he is. Jungkook watches how Taehyung closes his eyes, hands clasped together in prayer. He opens his eyes to find Jungkook, Jungkook tries to smile, gesturing for Taehyung to go on.

Taehyung blows out the candles, cutting the cake and then he is looking for Jungkook again.

The crowd around him point at Yujin, laughs and teasing remarks are passed. Taehyung holds the piece of cake, eyes troubled and smile stiff. He looks back at Jungkook who is outside of that circle Taehyung is at the centre of.

“Come on, feed him,” Laila, one of Taehyung’s model friends say, smirking, “you want to!”

Others laugh, nodding along.

“He threw the party just for this moment!” Jessica giggles, swatting at Yujin’s back, “come on. He has waited enough.”

“I think he might cry if you don’t feed him the first bite, Tae,” Jackson snorts, winking at Yujin who is cursing him.

The crowd grows wild and Taehyung’s eyes are still on Jungkook. Jungkook nods, smile stiff but on his face.

Taehyung’s shoulders drop, the expression on the model’s face unreadable. Then he turns and feeds Yujin the first bite of the cake, smiling when Yujin feeds him too.

Then everyone is sharing it, talking among themselves and Jungkook finds himself walking out of the room.

He gets to the adjoining corridor, inhaling deeply. The winter breeze is chilly and Jungkook closes his eyes against it. He lets the icy caress of nature steel his decision.

In the darkness, standing under the moonlight, he decides to step off the seesaw.

.

“I was searching for you,” Taehyung comes a few minutes later, breathing escalated as if he ran, “where did you disappear? I thought you left.”

“I am,” Jungkook bites the bullet, the pain palpable in his voice, “I think I should,” he forces himself to look Taehyung in the eyes, “I am thinking of leaving, Tae.”

Taehyung stills, eyes searching Jungkook’s face, “you…” he has a piece of cake in his hand, the icing smeared on his fingers, “the party is not even halfway –”

Jungkook watches the man he loves with his everything and thinks about leaving him on his birthday.

Thinks if it is going to hurt just as much.

He knows it will.

They are, if not anything, each other’s habits. Something they both grew into.

He knows, their love is still there. Maybe dwindling from a thread but it’s there. It will still hurt.

So…

He smiles, shakes his head, “got a headache. I think I would just go home and rest, Tae. You can come back when the party is done?”

Taehyung steps closer, “I got you a piece of cake,” a hopeful but tentative smile on his lips, “the last one.”

Jungkook smiles, takes the cake and holds out a small chunk for Taehyung, “happy birthday, angel.”

Taehyung’s eyes fill with tears, a wobbly smile on his lips, “it has been ages since you last called me that.”

Jungkook pauses, the piece crumbling in his hand, he tries to smile, “have it.”

Taehyung takes the cake in his mouth, eyes fluttering close for a second before he holds out the remaining for Jungkook.

Jungkook eats it, eyes stuck on Taehyung’s face. As if to memorize every inch of it. As if to keep it in his mind for as long as he can.

There is a clock, the bell ringing through the corridor. Announcing the time.

It’s zero O’clock.

Jungkook pulls Taehyung closer with a grip on his wrist. He turns them to press Taehyung up against the pillar of the corridor and then his mouth is on Taehyung’s.

Taehyung gasps into the kiss, arms going around Jungkook. The kiss is deep since the start, their tongues swirling around each other. Both of them taste the sweetness of the cake in each other’s mouths.

Jungkook doesn’t let Taehyung pull back. He kisses Taehyung again and again. Their breaths caught in their chests. Both of them are desperate to get a little more of each other.

Taehyung shudders when Jungkook trails kisses down his throat, leaving a tingling sensation behind.

His head is thrown back against the pillar, chest heaving with laboured breathing.

Jungkook kisses him on his mouth again, the cream on their fingers smearing against their skin.

Taehyung whines when Jungkook licks it off Taehyung’s fingers. Each at a time before they are kissing again.

“Happy birthday, my love,” Jungkook murmurs, presses one last kiss against Taehyung’s ear, “I will meet you at the flat.”

Taehyung’s fingers are tight on his shirt, eyes vulnerable, “it’s my birthday.”

Jungkook stands there, confused, “yeah…?”

Taehyung shakes his head, “don’t leave me alone on my birthday, gguk.”

Jungkook watches Taehyung, helpless, “Tae…” he sucks in a breath when a few people walk out of the party hall, their boisterous giggles and words filling the empty corridor.

Taehyung fixes himself quickly and Jungkook follows. 

Those people are shiny. That’s the only word that comes to Jungkook’s mind when he watches them, and he smiles.

“Your friends are shiny,” he mumbles, “they reflect.”

Taehyung’s eyes are on him, “they are not my friends,” his expression dulls, “just colleagues.”

Jungkook hums, squeezes Taehyung’s hands in his, “I was joking.”

Taehyung looks back at those people, a sigh escaping him, “can we,” he looks out, “can we be here a little longer?”

Jungkook hums, “if you want, sure.”

Taehyung tugs Jungkook towards him when some of those people start to walk towards the end of the corridor where they are standing.

Jungkook holds his breath when they are almost chest to chest.

Taehyung hides them behind the pillar, eyes on Jungkook.

Jungkook leans for a kiss and Taehyung tilts his head back to accept it. Tears are spilling out of Taehyung’s eyes. The kiss is tender but the desperation is still there.

“How long,” Taehyung murmurs, throat bobbing, “how long do I have you?”

Those words, the question makes Jungkook freeze. His eyes snap open to see the man leaning against the pillar.

Taehyung’s eyes are sad. Unbearably sad. 

Jungkook’s heart breaks, his hands tighten on Taehyung’s waist, “Tae…”

Taehyung sniffles, tries to smile through it, “I suffocate you,” he closes his eyes, nods, “I understand. I get it,” he heaves a sob, “I see how you are nowadays. How we are –”

“I don’t fit in,” Jungkook voices those words with the insecurities gnawing at him, “I am not,” he gestures behind them, “not for this. Not made for this.”

Taehyung’s fingers tighten on his shirt, “you don’t have to,” he urges almost, eyes large, tears gleaming in them, “you don’t have to. You are made for me.”

Jungkook shakes his head, “you know what I mean…”

Taehyung’s voice breaks, his fingers tugging Jungkook closer, “we –”

“Taehyung!” Yujin’s voice echoes in the corridor and Jungkook flinches.

He pulls away as if burnt and ignores how Taehyung’s face crumbles. Jungkook steps away, wiping his eyes furiously, straightening himself.

Taehyung wipes his eyes too, blinking back the tears and standing up properly.

They both turn to see Yujin coming down the corridor and his eyes find Taehyung.

“You are here, darling, I was looking for you!” Yujin comes to stand between Jungkook and Taehyung, as if he didn’t even see Jungkook, “you okay?”

Taehyung looks over Yujin’s shoulder at Jungkook, “I was…”

Yujin cups Taehyung’s face, “oh, darling, were you crying? Why…”

Taehyung startles, pulling away, his eyes still on Jungkook, “it’s nothing. You…”

Jungkook takes a step back, takes another, watches how Taehyung’s eyes widen, then he is turning on his feet and walking down the corridor towards the lift.

There is a commotion and then Jungkook is stumbling. Taehyung’s arms wrap around his torso, face buried in Jungkook’s back. Jungkook closes his eyes, feels how tightly Taehyung presses himself against his back.

“Stay,” Taehyung urges, pleads, “stay, please.”

Jungkook knows, can hear it.

Taehyung is not talking about the party. He is not talking about staying at the party.

He looks over his shoulder, “I want to,” he lets his hands clasp Taehyung’s hands on his torso, “you know I want to.”

Taehyung looks up, tears spilling from his eyes, smudging his liner, “this can’t be it.”

Jungkook’s face breaks, he pulls away, “then how come it is?”

Taehyung stills, his arms going slack. Jungkook steps away.

His eyes take in one last look of Taehyung before he gets into the lift and Taehyung steps forward to follow but Yujin comes to hold his hand.

“Darling, they are waiting,” Yujin sighs, “you can’t leave right now. That’s very unprofessional of you.”

Taehyung wrenches his wrist free, shakes his head, “I can’t. I –”

Yujin sighs, “you can sort it out later. He is not going anywhere. This is about your career. You can’t let anything come between you and your success, Taehyung. Not even him.”

Taehyung pauses, eyes shifting from Jungkook to Yujin.

That’s the last thing Jungkook sees before the door of the lift closes.

“Hyung, can you get me a place to stay?”

Namjoon pauses, eyes flicking over to where Jungkook stands by the door with a coffee mug in hand.

Namjoon ushers him in and leans back on his chair, “what?”

Jungkook places the mug on the table, the tray held tightly in his hands, “a place to stay.”

Namjoon arches a brow, “you two are shifting?”

Jungkook looks at the steaming mug of coffee, shakes his head, “for me.”

The silence is heavy.

Namjoon’s gaze is heavier.

Jungkook takes a deep breath and matches Namjoon’s eyes, “I am moving out.”

Namjoon stares, “out of the apartment you two got? You are moving out of the place you share with Taehyung?”

Jungkook bites his lip, nods, “yes.”

“So,” Namjoon leans forward, “clear it for me.”

Jungkook hasn’t said it to anyone. Hasn’t voiced it yet. Not to himself. Not to anyone.

But now he thinks it’s the time. He looks up and nods.

“I am moving out,” Jungkook gulps, nail scraping against the edge of the table, “It’s…” he can’t bring himself to say it, “not working anymore.”

Namjoon’s eyes are sad. Those eyes make something churn in Jungkook, and his own eyes pool with tears.

“Any rash decision can be avoided if you two sit down and talk, Jungkook,” Namjoon urges, leans on his elbows, “I am sure there is a way –”

Jungkook shakes his head, “there is not,” he inhales deeply, preparing himself, “there is no other way.”

Namjoon has a solemn expression on his face, “Jungkook,” he stirs the coffee in his mug, “all I can tell you is, don’t rush it. Just,” he looks down at the coffee, “me and Jin, we faced trouble blending in here too but we overcame it with time and I am sure if you want —”

Jungkook shakes his head, “he is,” he can’t match Namjoon’s eyes, “he is better off without me. We are constantly fighting or trying to run from each other so we don’t have to acknowledge the elephant in the room. We are,” his voice cracks, “we are already broken, hyung. It’s time I acknowledge it and set us free.”

Namjoon eyes him for a few seconds. His gaze is heavy on Jungkook and Jungkook waits. 

Then Namjoon is taking a small sip of the coffee and nodding, “you can move to our guest room,” he holds up a hand, “you will pay, because I know you won’t want to stay for free. But the rent will be minimal, so you can save up for the future. It’s okay.”

Gratitude fills Jungkook and so does hesitance. He looks at the man sitting in the chair and bows.

“I will do anything you need in your house,” Jungkook assures, pleads, “any help you or Jin hyung need, I will do it.”

Namjoon nods, “you don’t have to but I know how you are, Jungkook. You can help us out whenever. It’s okay. When are you moving out?”

Jungkook gulps, shrugging, “as soon as I can. In a day or two.”

Namjoon’s face stays solemn, he nods, “sure. I will have the guestroom ready.”

Jungkook bows again before he walks out of the office.

After the shift, he goes to college, finishes up the classes before heading home.

When he gets there Taehyung opens the door for him. His eyes are wide and on Jungkook. Jungkook knows that gaze.

Taehyung is scared. 

Those eyes follow Jungkook and Jungkook walks inside the bedroom to sit on the bed.

He pats the place beside him and Taehyung grasps the doorknob, shaking his head.

“What?” Jungkook chuckles, forces it out of him, “come here?”

Taehyung shakes his head, face crumbling, “I don’t want to hear it. Let’s not,” his fingers are white on the doorknob, “let’s not talk about it —”

“I am moving out,” Jungkook whispers, the words bursting out of his lips, “tomorrow.”

The room is silent. Taehyung’s eyes are on him and Jungkook’s eyes are glued on Taehyung.

The door makes a creaking sound when Taehyung almost falls on it, losing balance, making Jungkook stand up to catch him.

Taehyung steadies himself, gripping the door and looking at the doorknob, “sorry, I—” he shakes his head, “I will make dinner. You must be hungry and tired. Get showered. I will get us something to eat.”

Jungkook watches Taehyung almost scurry away. He follows the man.

“Taehyung—”

Taehyung shakes his head, “take a shower, Jungkook. You are tired.”

Jungkook rounds the counter to reach Taehyung, “Tae—”

“You are tired,” Taehyung pushes his hand away, searching for something frantically, “you are so tired. Just take a shower—”

“Tae, listen to me,” Jungkook tries to take a hold of Taehyung’s elbow and fails when Taehyung flinches, pulling away, “Taehyung—”

“Take a shower, you are tired,” Taehyung chants almost, as if to make himself believe that than telling Jungkook, “you must be ti—”

“I am not fucking tired!” Jungkook screams, halting Taehyung, “I am perfectly fine and I am telling you I am moving out tomorrow.”

Taehyung’s eyes are large and those long eyelashes gleam with moisture clinging to them.

His lips quiver, “you mean it?”

Jungkook feels those words in his heart, “I mean it.”

The silence is eerie. Between them. Around them.

Taehyung’s tears are silent, too, rolling out of his eyes and falling down his cheeks.

“We are moving—”

Jungkook shakes his head, tears pooling in his eyes, “I am. Only me.”

“Where would I go?” Taehyung wonders, hugs himself as if it’s suddenly cold around him, “where am I going to go? How will we work it out if—”

Jungkook’s guts flip, twist, “we are not working out,” the words cut deep, leaving a scar each, “we are better off on our own.”

Taehyung stills. His breath caught in his chest. He watches Jungkook and Jungkook watches him back.

Jungkook nods, tries to smile, “it’s better.”

Taehyung sucks in a breath, “for whom?”

Jungkook looks away, “for both of us. We are not compatible anymore.”

“Is this about my career?” Taehyung whispers, frowns, “Is this about how I am always busy? I will take a week off,” he reaches, grabs Jungkook’s arm, “I will—”

“No,” Jungkook hates that Taehyung thinks about compromising his dreams, “no, it is not that. You don’t have to do anything. I just,” he can’t say it, even when those questions are carving his insides, he can’t voice them, “I am tired of this,” he says instead, “tired of us. I can’t do this anymore.”

Taehyung lets go as if burnt, his eyes searching Jungkook’s face, “tired of us?”

Jungkook hears how those words carry betrayal, hurt, agony. 

He nods.

“I can’t,” he closes his eyes, turning away, “I am sorry.”

“You can’t just fucking walk out on me by saying that!” Taehyung screams, grabs Jungkook’s elbow, “you can’t fucking—”

Jungkook doesn’t face Taehyung, “I have to, Tae. I can’t anymore.”

Taehyung lets out a disbelieving snort, “I can’t believe Yujin was right. Oh, god, you are jealous of my success!”

Jungkook feels the air whooshing out of him. His eyes stay focused on the tiles while he hears Taehyung raging behind him.

“I can’t believe you are insecure of me, me, who did everything for us! I can’t believe you proved him right by doing this! He was right,” Taehyung grabs Jungkook’s elbow and turns him, “he was right in saying I deserve better. You are nothing but a jealous, insecure mess! You are selfish, you are always thinking about yourself. You can’t take it that I am climbing the ladder when you are not—”

“He said these?” Jungkook chokes out, “to you?”

Taehyung nods, eyes wild, “he did! I can’t believe he was right! I can’t believe you would do this when I worked my ass off to secure a place for us in this city—”

“I just wanted a place for us, anywhere,” Jungkook whimpers, “look, how you are close to winning the world, and we have no place to be together in that world,” he wipes his eyes, nods to himself, “maybe he is right. Maybe I am jealous,” Jungkook gives Taehyung a small smile, “he is right. I am wrong. You shouldn’t,” he lets those tears fall freely now, “you shouldn’t be with a wrong person, Tae.”

Jungkook doesn’t wait for Taehyung’s answer as he storms out of the apartment.

Jin gives a small smile when Jungkook walks into the apartment. He walks with Jungkook to the guestroom.

“I and Namjoon will be down the corridor,” he points at the door, “you will be here,” he opens the door of the guestroom, “if you need anything, you can tell me.”

Jungkook hesitates, eyes flitting over the room that is vast enough to fit two bedrooms of the apartment he has with Taehyung in it.

He looks at Jin, “are you sure about this, hyung? I mean, I can apply for a dorm and —”

Jin gives him a soft smile, patting his back, “this room stays empty, Kookie. You can easily take it for as long as you want. Years even. I don’t mind. Neither does Namjoon.”

Jungkook bites his lower lip, “I will pay for my food,” he hurries to grab Jin’s hands in his, “please, let me. I can’t load for free. I will feel like an imposter. Please.”

Jin has a tender look in his eyes when he nods, “fine. Pay for your food. Nothing else. Joonie said about the rent but I don’t want you to pay that. Keep it. This room was empty anyway, gathering dust. Stay as long as you want. We got you, kookie.”

The words make Jungkook falter, his eyes watering. He hates how sensitive he is being right now, but those words are more than the kindness he got since he landed here, and he feels them in his bones.

“I got you.”

He sniffles, nods, “thank you. I—”

Jin pulls him in a hug, squeezing him tightly in his arms, “we got you. You are not alone here, kookie. I got you.”

Jungkook breaks down then. Standing on the threshold of the guestroom, in Jin’s arms, he lets himself go.

The pain of leaving the only person he ever loved. The thought of being so alone in a new place, new city, hell, new country, and getting away from the only person he loved, all those insecurities and fears… Jungkook sobs thinking about it all.

Jin doesn’t rush him, rubs his back soothingly while Jungkook cries.

“I am sorry,” Jin’s voice is heavy, clogged, “I got him the contacts and now… I didn’t think…”

“No,” Jungkook pulls away, shaking his head, “no, you don’t get to say sorry, hyung. It’s not your fault.”

Jin wipes Jungkook’s eyes, “you will find your ground, okay? You will be fine, kookie. I promise, things will work out.”

Jungkook has no hopes. But he nods, smiles at Jin.

“Thank you,” he walks inside the guest room, placing the bag on the floor, “thank you, hyung.”

Jin waves him off, “I will see you, Kookie. Settle down. See you for dinner.”

Jungkook nods, watches Jin walking away.

He sighs.

Looking around the room, he tries to think about what’s next. He tries to think where he will go from here.

The thought is terrifying. That, from now on, he is on his own and has no one to lean on.

Taehyung is not with him anymore. He will never be again.

The thought scares the shit out of Jungkook.

It breaks his heart into more pieces than he can count.

Jungkook blinks back tears, hiding his face in his palms. The tears drop on his palms, smearing against his cheeks. 

Jungkook sobs, shoulders shaking, curled up in himself.

The more he thinks about it, the more it haunts him that he really broke up with Taehyung.

That, the person he left his home with, is not with him anymore.

Jungkook lies down on the bed, curled up on his side. The pain courses through his veins, clutching at his muscles.

He aches for a love that is not his anymore.

Jungkook wants to laugh. 

To think, he went against everyone and came here with Taehyung. 

His family, his friends, his secured job, a secured future. He left it all with Taehyung.

Just for Taehyung to leave him. 

It’s not Taehyung’s fault. Jungkook knows that it’s not Taehyung’s fault.

It’s this city. The fast-paced life in this city. The fast-paced life of Taehyung’s line of work. 

Jungkook had no place there.

He could not run as fast as Taehyung needed. He can’t cope with the life this city demands.

So…

He pulls out his phone, dialling the number with trembling hands.

The phone rings.

On the last ring, the call is answered.

“Kookie?”

Jungkook bites back a whimper, “Jimin ssi.”

Jimin’s voice is filled with remorse, “I heard.”

The two words and the dam breaks. Jungkook cries holding the phone and Jimin listens to him, silently being there for Jungkook.

“I couldn’t anymore,” Jungkook gasps for air between sobs, “I tried, hyung. I really—”

“It’s not your fault, Kookie,” Jimin sounds just as much in pain, “neither is he at fault. It’s just—”

“We are not meant to be anymore,” Jungkook chuckles, face crumbling with fresh tears, “right?”

The other side is quiet.

Then Jimin lets out a soft breath, “the situation is wrong, Kookie. Not you or him. You both,” his voice cracks, “you both love each other so much.”

Breakups hurt, Jungkook knows. 

But he didn't know when two people are in love, so much love, and yet they have to part ways... it doesn't hurt, it breaks a person. 

He is that person today. 

Taehyung is that person today.

“I want him to be happy,” Jungkook clutches the phone against his ear, “and I was not making him happy anymore. That’s,” he tries to sound light, “that’s unacceptable. He should always be happy.”

Jimin doesn’t answer right away. Jungkook can hear Jimin on the other side. Quiet. But there.

He waits.

“You made him the happiest,” Jimin murmurs, “he made you the happiest too. I hope you two realize that soon, Kookie,” someone calls Jimin, and he shouts back something.

Jungkook frowns, “where are you?”

Jimin chuckles, “at a friend’s place.”

“I should call you later then, I—”

“Nonsense,” Jimin waves him off, “It’s okay, Kookie. Just talk as long as you want. He can wait.”

Jungkook rolls on the bed, looking up at the ceiling, “did he call you?”

Jimin is quiet.

“You don’t have to tell me,” Jungkook hurries, “I mean, he is your best friend. I don’t need to invade—”

“He called me as soon as you left,” Jimin whispers, “called me in panic. Blabbering about how I should stop you. How he would do anything for me if I stop you.”

Jungkook bites on his lip, trying not to make any sound. To not disturb Jimin.

Jimin lets out a shaky breath, going silent.

Jungkook gulps, “I might go back,” he closes his eyes, “after the graduation. I might go back.”

“Think it through, kookie,” Jimin pleads almost, “you two, both of you, take some time and think—”

“There is nothing to think,” Jungkook chuckles, “we broke up, hyung,” he ignores the pang in his chest, “why can’t you accept it? I did.”

There is silence for a few seconds. Then Jimin gives a hollow chuckle too.

“It’s hard to believe when two people are so in love, and they decide to break it all off, Kookie,” he sighs, “I will go now. Take some rest. Will call you later.”

Jungkook cuts the call.

He looks up at the ceiling, tears rolling out his eyes to get lost in his hairline.

He blinks, his vision blurring, “he doesn’t love me anymore, hyung,” he breathes out a chuckle, “he will realize it soon.”

And Jungkook doesn’t want to be there when Taehyung realizes he deserves better. 

So, this is better. Breaking it all off before it comes crumbling down right in front of his eyes.

Jungkook closes his eyes, dreaming of a warm smile.

Lying under the roof, in a cosy bed, Jungkook feels homeless, and he knows, this feeling will never go away.

Because to him, that home was Taehyung.

And now, Taehyung is gone.