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It's a late night party and everyone is hanging out together. Or maybe, they were and now it's just the point when the party is slowly winding down; Dimitri and Hyde are making out on the couch, Robin and Jack fallen asleep on one of the armchairs. At the table, the remaining six are discussing a possible collab; although discussing might be a bit too big of a word. Mist is talking to Guil - for once not wanting to kill him - about some possibilities of venue sharing, while Ange slowly ventures from his own chair onto the man's lap, obviously dozing off. It's kind of a new norm right now, although not the norm is Ange starting to kiss Guil on the neck. Eve pokes him, Beth clears their throat and even though Ange moves away, red as a beetroot, Guiltia gives him the softest, most loving look possible.
"I'm gonna go for a smoke" Saga says, his voice as neutral as possible. Nobody says a thing and he's grateful for that. Because the point is; he's fine. He's moved on, he doesn't want Guil anymore, he's at peace with what he has right now. And yet, there's a strain at his heart, the simplest of questions looming over him. Why not me?
It's silly and childish, really. Normally, he doesn't let himself think about it, but seeing someone else have something he's wanted for so long? It stings. The never-fading feeling of not being enough moves through his veins and so he lights a cigarette and breathes in, focusing on the burn in his lungs.
He closes his eyes for a moment, before focusing back on the Tokyo skyline. He's happy for Guil, he's happy for Ange, he's happy for himself, really; the family he's built stronger than whatever Eclipse had. It's better now.
The door opens behind him and Mist emerges from the inside, frown on his face, eyes worried.
"Are you okay? They really shouldn't have--"
"Calm down" Saga stops him, a small smile on his face. It's just such a Mist thing to do - blame everyone for whatever Saga is feeling. Care for him more than he cares for himself. Love him way more than what he's ever deserved. "It's fine. Want a smoke?"
Mist blinks, taken a little aback. Saga isn't sure if he's expected a breakdown and in all honesty, he's pretty sure a breakdown will catch up with him sooner or later. But not on this night, not just here.
"I shouldn't. My lungs are--" Mist stops himself and chuckles. Old habits die hard. "--yeah please" he says instead and grabs a cigarette from Saga. The flame lights his face for a brief moment and there's something eternally beautiful about him. Then he winces in the cutest possible way as smoke enters his lungs and Saga cannot help a smile.
"You seemed uncomfortable" he says finally. "And you know you're the strongest person I've ever met, but if you ever wanna talk--" the sentence hangs there for a moment, unfinished. Mist slowly moves his eyes from Saga onto the sky, barely visible from the city lights.
"We just weren't made for each other" Saga says quietly, after what feels like an hour of silence. "It's fine, you know. No matter how much you want to, you cannot make someone love you."
More silence follows.
They're a mirror, the two of them, Mist almost like Saga's own past, haunting him through the ages. It's ironic, almost, but not breaking this man's heart has became a goal all in itself.
"Of course not" Mist says, voice strained and Saga wonders if he's made a poor judgement in choosing his words. "But--"
"How would you feel if I got with someone?" he asks, suddenly. The terror on Mist's face is an answer in itself and Saga thinks he might have been a bit too cruel, again. He doesn't want to hurt him, but it's the best way he can ever explain the feeling of being left behind. Of not being good enough, of the bitterness eating him alive.
To his credit, Mist gathers himself quite quickly. He takes another drag of his cigarette then looks at Saga, more sure of himself than ever.
"Would you disband Lost Eden?"
"Of course not, what a ridiculous--"
"Then you're a better person then Guiltia is. Which means, of course, I'd stay by your side."
The statement hits Saga like a speeding train and breaks him in half. If he's better than Guil than Mist, for sure, must be better than he himself is.
A deep breath, a small smile. He loves this man, he surely does. Maybe one day he'll be able to show it in the way he deserves. In the way he wants.
"Don't worry, Mist. You're my number one through and through" he finally manages, throwing the cigarette butt off the balcony. "Let's go back, shall we?" He doesn't wait for Mist, gives him a moment to gather himself.
Yet when they sit back at the table, there's something brighter about him and Saga cannot help a smile, forming on his lips.