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Kaworu was asleep next to him. That, in itself, wasn’t so strange. He seemed to appear at the moment he was getting lost in his mind, Shinji would never know how he managed to get the timing so exact. If it were anyone else it may have been unsettling, scaring him away. Something about Kaworu brought about a sense of safety, though. When he would crack open the door and slip inside the darkened room, neither of them spoke. He would simply settle into bed, close enough to offer comfort but not too far as to scare the trembling boy. Shinji couldn’t count the evenings now that he had fallen asleep less fitfully than before, Kaworu laying on the other half of the bed. He was grateful for it.
Tonight he had woken up abruptly, something clawing at his dreams. That was typical.. he was just glad it wasn’t one of those times he awoke with a shout. Disturbing the other felt wrong. Especially… even in the dark his eyes wandered to the pristine pale skin. Kaworu was laying on his back, head tilted slightly to the side. Shinji looked away quickly before eyes trailed back carefully. Kaworu was asleep, evidenced by the rhythmic rise and fall of his chest. A slight sigh escapes Shinji’s lips, relaxing slightly.
The luminance of the overhead lights gave enough definition for him to soak up. They were never fully out, only lowered to a comforting glow. Shinji couldn’t sleep in complete darkness, he felt as if all walls were closing in despite the lack of being able to see anything. The sensation was enough.
Kaworu’s face was relaxed, his hair tousled from sleep. Strands filtered over his closed eyes here and there- not enough to conceal much though. Blue eyes only sat trained on that face- how could he look so different than when he was conscious? The silver-haired boy was stunning- no one could debate that- but there was a certain contrast now while he slept. Shinji was captivated. An unsteady breath shuddered from his chest, sitting up on his elbow now. He thought he must look terribly disturbing, just staring like this. But… Kaworu was asleep. He gulped down the uncertainty.
His face… Shinji raised a tentative hand. This was never something he would get anywhere close to doing any other time. But…
A gentle finger extended, cautious and slow. As he got closer he shivered, scaring himself to the point the finger jumped away. Trying to follow the sure breaths from Kaworu, he stabilized his own breathing. Again, his hand gathered proximity before oh-so-softly touching Kaworu’s face. A sort of exhilarated thrill fluttered in his chest, a bird trying to burst free. Slightly braver, he dragged his finger lightly down the other’s cheek. His skin was so soft and smooth, it felt like porcelain. This was something Shinji had expected- not that he often thought of touching Kaworu’s face- but it surprised him all the same.
For a minute he just sat there, eyes focused on the sleeping expression and delicately petting Kaworu’s face. Shinji used one finger, too scared to wake Kaworu from his slumber. It became a practiced motion, the sensation felt like nothing he had ever experienced. All from the very light contact with another person. Not just a person… Kaworu-kun.
Unknown to Shinji, the sleeping boy had woken up enough to recognize touch. He was slow to stir at any time, let alone the middle of the night. His drowsy mind stirred gradually enough to have the sense to not move, remembering just where he had gone to sleep and who was likely stroking his cheek. Any sign of life would likely scare Shinji away, he was fragile in the way he jumped at a brush of fingers while playing piano, retreating back into that nearly-impenetrable shell of his. Everything with Shinji took care.
Still, Kaworu struggled to keep his composure. The sensation was blissful and it took everything in himself not to smile and reach into the touch. Such a rare moment, he would not allow his own feelings to interrupt. The very slight twitch of his mouth came involuntarily- followed with a mental curse for his slip-up.
Shinji noticed it, of course, jumping back to the far side of the bed. Frozen in panic, he could only try to prevent his ragged breaths from waking the other any more. *Please go back to sleep,* he pleaded to himself. Moments of nearly heart-stopping seconds passed before Shinji could exhale normally. It was just a twitch… Kaworu hadn’t moved otherwise. The shaking hand reached out again after waiting some time- just to be safe- and stroking that perfect skin. Kaworu could nearly explode, overjoyed that the other hadn’t been startled off permanently.
They stayed like that for some twenty minutes, Shinji taking in every curve and angle of Kaworu’s face while he tenderly stroked his skin. Sleep gnawed at the edges of his mind, eyes drooping blearily. The pull of slumber made his tense body weaken, head dipping down lower and lower. This effect was something he was familiar with- Kaworu’s presence seemed to bring it on better than any music from his headphones or medication he could take. Before he knew it he was slumped over, head resting on Kaworu’s upper chest. Had he been any less drowsy he would have been horrified at such a thing- in the fact he was burdening Kaworu in such a way.
Conversely, Kaworu was making every effort to physically stop his heart from pounding. It wasn’t easy- impossible really. Shinji stirred slightly, the beating waking him a bit. Normally such a thing would unnerve him, it felt too close- too intimate. But there was a naturally soothing feel to the metronome inside his chest. Was this how he played piano so flawlessly? Did his heart guide him like this? Shinji allowed himself to listen to it. He could feel his own thrumming restlessly, more flighty and erratic. Could Kaworu hear his too? Surely it would be the thing to cause him to wake up. Shinji grew more uncomfortable at the thought, shifting away to his own pillow. But he didn’t remove his eyes from Kaworu just yet.
His eyes were slipping in fatigue again, straining to keep the other in his sight. Shinji allowed himself one last glance- he could feel the pull of sleep about to draw him away. He had one last thought,
”I am lying next to a beautiful boy, and I am in love with him.”