Chapter Text
Nuray relaxed into the warm, clean beat of the water on her shoulders, her bare head and horns, her lower back, and took a deep breath, letting the scent of the chamomile soap fill her senses. Though the fresher was a bit dingy and she had to kill a small spider in the corner before she got in the shower, she was glad for the hot water and chance to be clean. Out in the hall, she faintly heard the door slide open and what sounded like a growling laugh from Maul. Nuray smiled to herself. Seeing him this happy was a rare thing.
A few moments later the door to the fresher slid open with a slight hiss, and cool air blew onto Nuray’s exposed, coral skin.
“Please shut the door, dear,” she snapped, not unkindly. “How was the training session?”
“Illuminating. For both of us. Ezra has a natural affinity for the dark side, but rather like you, he prefers to use his anger and passion to increase his powers in order to help others, not himself.”
“Using our powers only for ourselves is the way of the Sith, not necessarily the Dark Side, Maul. You know that.”
The Zabrak grunted, and Nuray poked her still bubbly head out of the curtain. “You are giving him that choice; that is the mark of a true master.”
“My old master would not have given me that choice,” Maul murmured, and Nuray stuck her head back in the shower.
“You are not Darth Sidious, nor do you wish to be.”
“I know.”
“Don’t sound so defeated, dear. Ezra loves you.”
“I’m not—I’m thinking about the past.”
Crash.
“What was that?” Nuray asked, and Maul stood up from where he had been leaning against the wall.
“Ezra was probably using the Force and lost concentration. I will go and—“
The door to the fresher whooshed open again, though this time Ezra darted in, radiating fear and confusion.
“What is it, Ezra?” Nuray asked quickly. “Did something—“
“I need to speak to you, Nuray. Alone. Please.”
Nuray peered out from behind the shower curtain again and gave Ezra a long look before gesturing for Maul to leave. He did so without a word, but Nuray sensed his slight annoyance and anger.
“Kanan. Kanan and the others are in danger. I had a vision and I know they’re in trouble. Just because I’ve chosen to be with you and Maul doesn’t mean I don’t still care about them. I’m their only hope. Please let me go help them, Nuray. I know Maul might just brush it off and say I shouldn’t care about them anymore, but you understand. You want to use the Force to help people you care about.”
Nuray sighed, the water now feeling hot and irritating on her skin. She knew how Ezra felt, it wasn’t a mystery even to those who didn’t have the Force. He was scared, but also confident he could rescue his friends.
“Go,” Nuray muttered. “I will distract Maul.”
“Thank you, Nuray,” Ezra whispered, then disappeared out the door as Maul reentered.
“What did he say to you? Where is he going?”
Nuray turned off the water and grabbed her towel. “Nowhere of your concern.”
She stepped out of the shower and placed her hand over Maul’s, where he was going to open the door. “Please, Maul. Trust me.”
Reluctantly, the Zabrak let his hand drop to his side, and Nuray leaned up to kiss his cheek.
“I do trust you,” Maul murmured. “But I also hope that you trust me, as well.”
Nuray pierced him with a look that laid out everything she had endured in her past. “I have trusted you ever since we were stranded on that planet.”
Maul smiled faintly and slid his hands down Nuray’s bare shoulders and down to the small of her back, leaning in to brush his lips against her neck. Nuray purred and let her hand trail up Maul’s neck and to the horns on top of his head. He sucked in a small breath when she lightly scraped her finger down the side of one, and pulled her closer as he captured her lips with his.
Maul pulled back and knit his eyebrows together slightly.
“Where did Ezra go?” he asked quietly, and Nuray looked away.
“To Kanan. He and the others are in danger.”
“And you let him go?”
Maul pushed Nuray away and bared his teeth at her, but she didn’t flinch.
“It is his right. You are his teacher, Maul, not his handler! He knew you would not let him go, whether that is because you still think he shouldn’t help others or because you are afraid that if he goes back to them he will not come back to us.
“He will,” she added softly.
Maul didn’t respond and stalked out of the fresher, Nuray after him.
“If you follow him, I swear I will blow up your ship.”
Maul paused, his hand on the button to open the front door. “I won’t.”
He was gone.
Nuray put her clothes back on and then sank onto the bed. She knew she had done right. She could deal with Maul’s anger, she just hoped he wouldn’t unleash it on Ezra.
Neither of them returned after an hour. Nuray played Dejarik against the computer on the tiny holotable in the corner of the room, cursing each time she lost. If she and Maul had any credits she would have sliced the table in half with her lightsaber; the computer player was obviously rigged.
Another hour passed. Nuray scrolled through news on the holonet, then dug around in her pack of mostly junk to find her toothpaste. She didn’t remember the last time she used an actual toothbrush, only her finger.
Just as she was settling down to sleep, Ezra burst in the door. He was shaking, and his eyes darted around the room before landing on Nuray.
“He’s not here,” she said, and Ezra collapsed on the opposite side of the bed.
“They’re okay,” Ezra replied to Nuray’s silent questions, but he didn’t elaborate. “Can I sleep in here?”
Nuray nodded and laid her head back down on the flattened pillow. A small puff and she wrenched her head up and stared down at the pillow, now with a hole and fluff poking out of it.
“Are you kriffing kidding me.”
Ezra chuckled, but it faded quickly.
“Do you think he’s going to come back tonight?”
“No. When he gets upset he takes his time.”
Nuray turned over to look at Ezra. He was so young… but she was too. Too young to be fighting in her second war, and Ezra his first.
“You aren’t at any fault here, Ezra. I’ll talk to Maul. You know him.”
Ezra was silent for a moment, and Nuray could see him trying to stop the tears stinging his eyes.
“I miss them. I miss Zeb and Sabine and Hera. I miss Kanan.”
“And that droid?” Nuray asked, and Ezra laughed.
“Yea. And Chopper.” A sigh. “I feel… right… here. But—”
“I know. I get it. Go to them when you want. We trust you.”
“Even Maul?”
A pause. “I trust you. Give Maul a little more time.”
“Goodnight, Nuray. Thank you.”
“’Night, Ezra.”
--
The door to the room slid open early in the morning. Nuray’s eyes snapped open, but she didn’t move until she felt the presence of Maul through the Force. Ezra slept on, arms wrapped around his pillow and forehead creased with tension.
“Go sleep in Ezra’s room,” Nuray said, and Maul left silently.
Nuray didn’t move for a few minutes, propped up and staring at the door. She couldn’t sense what Maul was feeling; either he was asleep or was blocking her out on purpose, and she suspected the latter.
The floor was cold underneath her bare feet despite the carpet—if you could call it carpet—as Nuray padded to the door. It opened with a soft whoosh, but Ezra still didn’t wake up. Nuray’s eyes lingered on his dark hair until the door slid closed, and again she was still. Perhaps she should teach Ezra. Or both her and Maul. Despite hating his master’s guts and trying to dispel any remnant of him, Maul still acted like a Sith now and then. Nuray tried to call him out on it, but he left most times she did. She knew it kept him from destroying something—or someone, namely herself or Ezra—but he needed to talk about it, meditate on it, and deny those feelings rather than run away from them.
Nuray reached out with the Force again, gently this time, and found Maul’s wall blocking her out. She pushed against it a little, but it pushed back hard. She pulled away and instead walked down the hall towards Ezra’s room.
The door was locked, and her keycard didn’t work. Nuray knocked softly, but there was no response.
“Maul, I know you’re not asleep. Let me in.”
Still nothing.
Nuray took a deep breath. As much as she loved Maul, he got on her nerves a lot of the time. She unclipped her lightsaber from her belt, slashed at the lock panel, then used the Force to slide the door open.
Maul was sitting cross-legged on the bed, meditating. Nuray sat down and mirrored him, sinking into the Force. As much as she wanted him to open up to her, to just talk, she didn’t try and pry into his mind again. If he wanted her, he’d let her in.
Twenty minutes later, Nuray opened her eyes. Maul was staring at the blankets between them, but looked up when he realized she was done meditating.
“When did Ezra return?”
“A few hours ago.”
Silence.
“I was thinking maybe I should teach him for a while. We… we have a lot in common.”
Nuray couldn’t read the look in Maul’s eyes. Sadness, perhaps. Anger, too. Confusion.
“Am I a bad teacher?”
“Ezra needs—no. You’re not a bad teacher.”
When Maul didn’t respond, Nuray touched his folded hands.
“You’re not a bad teacher.”
“I don’t believe you.”
“You taught me, and I know what I’m doing.”
There was another beat of silence, and this time Nuray reached up to cup Maul’s face.
“You’re trying, Maul. And Ezra is trying.”
Maul stood up abruptly.
"Don't lie to me!"
His dual lightsabers lit up the room, bathing everything in red.
"Maul, dear, please. Calm down."
"I am the master, I will give the orders. Unless you'd rather I go? So you can teach Ezra your ways and not have to tell him not to listen to me behind my back? I think not."
"You know that I don't do that."
"I have heard you! "You don't have to do that, Ezra, I know better than Maul, don't trust everything he says..." Need I go on?"
Nuray narrowed her eyes. "That's not fair, and you know it. It's not my fault that I relate to him more than you do. I am neither Jedi nor Sith. He is the same. You, despite your attempts, seem to never change. You are Sith to your core."
Maul snarled at Nuray, "Take that back."
"Prove to me you are not, and I will."
"And you say I am not being fair?"
He leapt across the room, swiping a blade at her. She jumped to her feet, knocking into the wall with a thump.
"I'm not going to fight you, Maul. You've had enough fighting in your lifetime. Stop."
He attacked her again, and Nuray slipped into the Force, letting it guide her. She avoided each of his blows, but it was difficult in the tight space. Glowing gashes lined all of the walls, and Maul pressed his offense, pushing her into a corner.
"Maul, please!"
He slashed at her again, blade slicing through her shoulder.
"Argh, stop!"
Nuray force pushed him across the room and took up her lightsaber, igniting the blade.
It was white.
It's glow mixed with the red in the room, shocking both Nuray and Maul into silence.
"When did that happen?"
"Right now."
Nuray stared at her lightsaber, deactivated it, and plopped down on the bed. She closed her eyes and began taking it apart with the Force, stopping when she accessed her kyber crystal. There were fine, red lines running through it, evidence of her bleeding it. But it had healed. She had healed it.
The crystal was warm when it dropped into her hand, energy still pouring out of it. With her weapon taken apart, Nuray's muscles were tensed, ready to dodge an attack if Maul's anger had not subsided. She guided the crystal back into its place and reassembled her lightsaber, illuminated it, and pulled out its twin to check it's color as well.
Still red.
It was if they were she and Maul. Peace and anger. Or, rather, a clear head and a brainwashed one. Maul had been taught to hate, taught to unleash his anger, taught to exert power over anyone he met. He was trying to change, but those lessons were ingrained deep.
"Will they be blue next?" Maul asked. He meant it as a joke, but there was still an edge to his voice. "Will you take Ezra back to the Rebels and stay with them? Do you think they will accept you because your lightsaber is no longer the color of blood? Because your eyes stay violet, not yellow?"
Ezra burst into the room, eyes wide as he surveyed the damage to the walls and the floor, and then onto Nuray.
"What have you done? You've hurt her!"
Maul whirled around, standing over his apprentice, but Ezra did not flinch. He held out his hand, and Nuray felt her white lightsaber slip out of her grasp and land in Ezra's.
"If you want to remain my master, you need to change. I know it, Nuray knows it, and you know it, deep down, that you are acting like a Sith. I won't hesitate to ask Nuray to teach me."
Ezra relaxed and tossed the lightsaber hilt back to Nuray. "I'm going back to bed. In your room, apparently, since mine is destroyed. Where are we going to get the credits to pay for this? Where are you going to get the credits, Maul?"
The door closed on Ezra's form, somehow larger than the night before. Nuray was proud that he had gained confidence, though she wasn't sure how she felt about his tirade against Maul. Did he deserve it, in this moment? Yes. But when she reached out with the Force and found his walls gone, she didn't need to look far to feel how broken he was.
Was she ready to forgive him? He had attacked her, had gone farther than ever before this time. He'd never hurt her until now. Nuray decided he needed time to sort out his feelings and clipped her lightsabers to her belt. She approached Maul and pressed the button to deactivate his double blades, then took the weapon from his hand.
"I will be here when you are ready."
--
It was raining and cold when Nuray stepped outside the hostel. Dantooine had its perks; it was a backwater planet, but there were more and more rebel ships in the sky every time she went out. Maul was bound to notice soon, if he hadn't already, which could put them in danger.
Nuray pulled her hood up and walked faster, cursing every time she stepped in a puddle, and made it to the general store. There were hardly any credits in her pocket, but she hated stealing on Outer Rim planets. Everyone was struggling, and she didn't need to add to it.
"Just these," she said with a sigh, placing a bag of flapjack mix and Dantooine cane syrup on the counter.
"Have a few eggs, too. They go well in the flapjack batter," the clerk offered, pulling two round, yellow eggs from below the counter. "Just collected them this morning."
Nuray didn't ask what they were from. She placed the credits into the man's hand and left, wind and rain seeping through her cloak. She growled as she let herself back into the hostel and stomped upstairs; she'd just showered last night, and another would likely cost them extra, but she was freezing.
Ezra was on the datapad when she entered their room, and she set the groceries down on the table, careful with the mystery eggs.
"Has Maul come out yet?"
"Yes," Ezra nodded. "He came in, asked where you were, and then left. Do you want a towel?"
Nuray unclipped the cloak and let it drop to the floor; it landed heavily.
"It's fine. I'll go talk to Maul. You can make some of this if you want, or go out yourself. Please don't steal anything, though."
"Not even any--"
"No jogan fruit."
Ezra pouted.
As she had earlier, Nuray reached out with the Force before entering the room. It hit Maul's sleeping consciousness lightly, not enough to wake him. She debated her next move; as much as she wanted to crawl in bed with him and warm up, he had lost her trust. She had felt his anger, his sadness, his remorse, but she needed to set boundaries before they resumed their relationship. She was perfectly capable of defending herself, so she was not afraid of him, but she knew that she was lucky.
The building vibrated, a loud whoosh coming from above. A large ship was flying over the city, low enough that Nuray knew they were going to land. Only two groups had ships that big: the rebels or the Empire. They needed to leave.
"Ezra!" Nuray called, and the apprentice stuck his head out the door. "We need to leave. Pack your things, and take the food too. The traffic on this planet is increasing faster than I'd like it to."
Nuray opened the door to the other room and sighed as she remembered the state of the ceiling and walls. They didn't have enough credits to pay for repairs, and anyone who saw the damage would know the marks didn't come from a blaster or a knife.
"Wake up, Maul. It's time to leave."
He sat up with a start, sweating, eyes flashing between blue and yellow. Nuray sent calm through the Force, surrounding him and slowing his heartrate.
"It's alright, it's alright. But we need to go. Come on." She picked his shirt up off the ground and tossed it into his lap, then left to grab her backpack.
The room shook again; Nuray cursed. "Kriff, another? How many are coming?" She parted the curtains to look at the sky and caught the tail end of a Mon Calamari Star Cruiser. Rebels.
"If we get caught, we're sending you out to talk to them," Nuray said, and Ezra scoffed.
"Great. We know I'm so good at negotiations."
"Maybe someone from your squadron is there."
"After what happened last night? No. Kanan wasn't doing too well."
"Ezra, but I think that's the Ghost."
Ezra leapt to the window, catching the tail end of the ship that had been his home for almost two years.
Nuray slowly turned toward him, mind racing. Her whole life she'd had to doubt first, trust later. She could trust Ezra, right?
"Why are they here so soon, Ezra?"
He met her gaze, confused, but backed away at the question in her eyes.
"I didn't bring them here. I didn't say anything. They were trapped in a city on Lah'mu by Stormtroopers. I helped them get out. That's it."
"Did they put a tracker on your ship? Did they follow you?"
"I don't--I don't think so, I don't know--"
"Ezra."
"I'm sorry! I didn't do it on purpose! I couldn't focus when I got back to the ship, I put in the coordinates for Dantooine and cried all the way back, okay? Because I don't know what I want. I want to be here with you, but I feel trapped. I felt like family with Kanan and the others. You and Maul can't give me that."
His cheeks were streaked with tears again, and Nuray closed her eyes to hold back her own. She knew that she and Maul couldn't become what Ezra had before. But she didn't want to. The Republic had hurt her. The Empire had hurt her. She knew the Rebellion would end up the same.
Nuray didn't realize that Ezra had been replaced with Maul. He reached up to wipe her eyes, but hesitated before touching her skin. She turned away. She trusted her choices. It seemed like no one else did.
--
"Kriff, there's so many of them," Nuray muttered as she, Maul, and Ezra crouched against the wall of the bay. Their ship was in sight, but rebels surrounded the perimeter, monitoring who was leaving the planet and keeping an eye on their own ships.
"Are you sure you don't want to go talk to them, Ez?"
He glared at her.
"Why would they listen to me? They either don't know who I am, or know that I left the Ghost crew. That won't work. We need a distraction."
"They may be the distraction," Maul said, and they turned around to see a platoon of Stormtroopers hurrying toward the docking area.
"Just what we need, two groups shooting at us," Nuray said, but sank lower to the ground as the Stormtroopers passed, the Lieutenant shouting orders as they came into view of the rebels.
"Okay, now's our chance. Let's go."
The three took off toward their ship, opening the door, but Ezra stopped before he could run inside.
The Stormtroopers was overwhelming the small number of rebels at the bay, and Nuray knew exactly what Ezra was thinking.
"You can't. We'll be exposed. I hate the Empire more, too, but this isn't the time."
Ezra looked back. "You said you wouldn't make that choice for me. Go. I'll find my way back to you."
He took Nuray's hand and squeezed it, then looked up at Maul, who was standing in the doorway of the ship. Nuray felt something pass between them, but then Ezra was gone, pulling out his blaster and aiming at the nearest Stormtrooper.
Nuray felt Maul step down next to her. His mind had no barriers, and she could feel his internal struggle without even using the Force. He was screaming silently, and she saw Sidious' teachings battling against her own.
"What do you want to do?" she whispered, watching Ezra thrust his foot into a Stormtrooper's gut.
"I... I do not think I can leave him again."
Maul pulled out his own blaster and secured his hood around his head.
"I won't use my lightsabers unless necessary."
"Good. Don't let them see your face. Go."
Maul took a shot at a Stormtrooper before running into the battle. It hit the trooper in the head, and Nuray grinned to herself as she ran into the ship and sat down in the pilot's seat, flipping switches above her head and pressing the three buttons on the dashboard directly in front of her. The ship shuddered to life, and as soon as it settled down Nuray was back down by the door, hand on the blaster at her hip.
The firefight was closer to them, now, and it was down to a scant few rebels, Ezra, and Maul. Nuray watched as three Stormtroopers descended on Ezra and he drew his lightsaber. Its green color was not so vivid as usual. He ripped it through the chests of the troopers, and the color faded even further.
A Stormtrooper aimed for a preoccupied rebel, and Ezra reached out with the Force, freezing the trooper and his blaster midair. He held them in place as he stalked toward them, and plunged his blade through the trooper's chest. The blaster dropped to the ground, and Ezra's lightsaber was no longer green when he yanked it out of the plastoid armor. It flickered almost pink as the kyber crystal tried to discern the intent of its master.
A rebel shot the final Stormtrooper, and the fight was done. Bodies littered the ground. Ezra's lightsaber jumped to red, then back to white. He didn't seem to notice. Maul approached him, holding out his hands in surrender, but Ezra spun around, raising his blade. It stopped next to Maul's head, then dropped back to Ezra's side.
White. A flicker of red. Green. Back to white.
Ezra deactivated it before it could change again. The rebels that remained stared at him. He looked up at Maul, then over to Nuray.
"Are you a Jedi?"
"No, you kriffing idiot, his lightsaber was red. That's the Dark side."
"What happened when it had no color?"
"Ezra!"
All eyes went back toward the city. Kanan stood at the edge of the docking area, his own lightsaber glowing blue in his hand. Bandages were wrapped around his bicep and thigh, and he limped a little as he began to make his way toward Ezra.
Nuray couldn't move. Her body itched to run up to the cockpit and get them out of here, but this was the moment where Ezra chose.
He was still staring at Kanan. He took a step in his direction. He looked back at Maul.
"You don't have to stay with him, Ezra. You're not like him."
"No," Ezra said, holding out a hand to stop Kanan. "I'm not. But I'm not like you, either."
He held up his lightsaber again, hesitant to activate it. Nuray could see his hand shaking from the ship.
The blade burst from the hilt. It was red. Ezra stared at it for a long time. Then he looked at Kanan. The air shifted, the Force passing between them.
Maul placed a hand on Ezra's shoulder. They both watched Kanan turn and walk away, his lightsaber disappearing back into the hilt.
The rebels didn't move as Maul and Ezra walked onto the ship. They, too, only stood and watched as it lifted off the ground and shot toward the sky.