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Mondays were always a little rough for Adam. He always seemed to enjoy his weekends a bit too much. But when a Voice season was on the live playoffs, Mondays were ten times worse. Add to the mix staying up ridiculously late watching a live awards show, and you've got zombie Adam.
Somehow he makes it to makeup and sits as they do their thing making him camera ready. Whatever. Adam just wants to get it over with so he can try and find the big guy. He puts on a front of jokes, but Adam knows Blake is likely disappointed at his lack of awards last night. And he wants to cheer his best friend up if he can.
He sighs a little to himself. He so wishes he could actually tell Blake how he feels, really feels, about him, but it's not in the cards. Blake is straight as an arrow and happily married. Adam will just have to suck it up and be the best friend he can be. Even if every joking kiss or hug for the benefit of the "bromance" shreds his heart a little more.
"Shelton on set yet?" He asks the crew.
"Yep. He's already prepped and in his trailer."
"Cool. Am I done then? I'm pretty enough." He smirked good naturedly hoping to take a little sting from his words. He just wanted out of there so he could locate Shelton and make fun of him until the big guy smiled a real smile for him.
Adam finally makes his way to Blakes trailer and lets himself in. They stopped knocking and shit like that years ago. "Hey Big Country. So got your ass handed to you last night I saw."
He smiled warmly, but the icey look he received had no business on Blake Shelton's face. What the hell.
"I'm sure you enjoyed watching me lose. Did you have anything else Levine or did you just walk all the way out here to make me fuckin feel worse."
Whoa what the fuck. "Hey man. Easy. I was just playing around. What's up with you?" All the anger seemed to seep out of him leaving the sadness the false emotion was hiding. Tears swam in the beautiful blue eyes he loved so much. And he pointed at the computer screen.
"She didn't mean nothin. Right Adam? Tell me it wasn't a snub. You gotta tell me."
Adam peered at the screen and saw tweet after tweet about Blake. Well- about Miranda, specifically not mentioning Blake. At all. Not once, in any FOUR of her ACM award acceptance speeches. He looked back at Blake and saw raw desperation. "Oh yeah buddy. You know how those things go. It's like a blur when you're up there. Don't go letting social media tell you anything about your marriage." He smiled and walked to his friend, patting him gingerly. He wanted to die when he was pulled into the large lap and given a bear hug. He both craved and hated the embrace in equal parts. Finally giving in to the warmth he let his arms come around Blake and turned his nose into his neck. Adam breathed in the musky scent that was only Blake and swallows by the lump forming in his throat. "I'm sorry Blake. I'm here." Truth started spilling out then. He couldn't help it. He was just so mad!
He could usually convince himself to stay silent. That Blake was better off without him. But that was slipping away as he feels the country singers pain and insecurity. Damnit Blake deserves devotion. Not half assed affection when his egotistical wife can stop thinking of herself long enough to remember his existence. He pulled back still sitting in Blake's lap and his hands come up to frame the handsome face.
"Blake." His eyes travel to the full lips as he licks his own subconsciously. "I-... You never should have to wonder." He feels the strong hands on his back and a shiver runs his spine. He meets the blue gaze and is momentarily lost. The last piece of truth out his mouth before he can censor himself. "You are so easy to love Cowboy. My Blake. I never want you to have to worry if you're loved. You are, every single day."
The gorgeous eyes widened in shock. But Adam didn't give a damn. He was done lying. Fucking done hiding. He closed more of the distance between them. "Just say the word Cowboy and I'll show you just how much."
He brought his lips to his friends. It was just a brush of lips. An almost kiss meant more as a promise. He left the dumbstruck Blake then to stew on that until the show.
Adam was certain he'd fucked up. That he had lost the best thing in his life on a moment of weakness. The show was just mission as usual. No one noticing a confused Blake or desperate heartbroken Adam. Two hours of questioning looks and pleading eyes.
A painful but silent conversation hiding in plain sight for all of America.
After Carson cut he nearly ran to his dressing room. Adam just couldn't bear another moment of rejection.
He sits down on the small couch hunching over. Why. Why couldn't he just let Blake hug him like always? Cheer him up a little and let it go. Why in the hell couldn't he just have acted normal? In the end it didn't matter. He'd lost Blake forever.
He heard the door open and didn't even look up. "Sorry Carson. I'm so not up for the after party tonight. Make some excuse for me will ya."
"I think we oughta talk, and I don't think the after party is the right spot for it neither." The southern drawl was trembling with uncertainty. Adam's head snaps up to look at the last person he expected to see. "You uh ran out of my trailer kinda fast there Levine. Why'd you run?"
"I uh... Fucking hell... I." Oh good. Well that should fix this smashingly Levine. Great job. He was such a loser. He heard the door shut and felt the couch dip beside him.
"How long Adam?"
He thought about asking what his friend meant, but knew it was hopeless. Ok truth it is then. "Um. A couple of years."
"Why now?"
He closed his eyes. Why now indeed. He wished he knew. That would be great information to have really. "I couldn't not." Really Adam? What the hell was wrong with him.
"Look at me buddy." Adam did and he saw his own mirrored pain. "Why now?" The question was repeated tenderly as a whisper. And the truth spilled out again at the earnest eyes of Blake.
"She doesn't deserve your devotion. I needed you to know... I needed you to know how love is supposed to feel."
There are a lot of ways that Blake could have responded to that confession. Several scenarios ran through Adams mind in fact. But he never would have expected to be lifted into the big lap, with long arms wrapped him and soft lips against his own. Adam melted. The kiss was intense overdue and passionate.
They fit together perfectly. Lips and tongue and teeth moving together. He turned in Blake's arms so that he could straddle his lap, knees beside each hip and deepened the kiss wanting to take as much as he could before the delicious mouth was removed. Firm hands pushed him back gently. "I love you too you absolute dickweed. Why for the love of God didn't you say something? All this time." Blake whimpered. And then his favorite taste and smell and feel were back assaulting his senses.
He laughed because he was too damn happy not to. "Let's go home Blake. We can figure out the logistics later."
"Logistics? What, like our wives?"
He nodded. "Exactly. Tonight I just want you. Everything else can get the fuck in line."
"I like the way you think Rock Star."